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Started sub induction and still feeling bad. Plz help
  1. #91
    Autumnhopes is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Agh..... the fear is so real eyy. I take L-tyrosine 2500mg in morning and a protein shake with other vitamins like vit b-100, vit D 4000mg (great for depression) but i dono just feels like something is missing and it doesnt help to know im on my own with my 3 little ones from friday morning...... they r off school for summer and i must do this taper to be clean before i start working in september. I dont want to be dependent on anything. I want to be the real me, the one who was full of energy and life before this all crashed on me; or i crashed on it lol
    K i gotta study, as i find myself procrastinating here n there, finding things to do..... struggle is >>>>>>.
    I started a juice cleanse with a gentle colon vleanse like 6 days ago and i find that i have struggle first 2 days with my sppetite and headaches but its been gone since. I struggle to eat at all which contributes to my anxiety and feeling off* need to remind myself to eat here n there to just stay strong; feel so weak too. I def like to overload my plate ALL THE TIME. but i still manage to survive n do well. Thank for the positivity. I will kick the butt off that exam tomorrow snd will become an RN. THen i will conquer the beast and see you all on the other side. Keep rocking it yourself!!!
    Btw r u going to a clinic? Do you have you weekly carries? How does it work shere you are?
    Julz
    I'm in New York, in the US. But I've gone to pain management for years due to bulging cervical discs & severe almost everyday migraines. They prescribed migraine meds & ive had several injections (Facet joint, Epidural & Radiofrenquency) to burn the nerves in my neck so I don't feel so much pain. It's been quite torturous... but the Percocet later dilaudid & at times morphine helped.. yea so I thought. Fast forward 3 years & enough is enough.. I got suboxone from my last time trying to detox. But now I'm serious about it. I don't have a lot of tablets left but several kind members here in this site have helped plan out a taper schedule for me. If you look at my thread. I'm going to follow it & stick with it!! I'm determined now & I have many like you Julz, lving nightmare, Catrina, weanqueen, Randy, Ricky and so many others that I've been inspired by their stories & thankful you all keep posting!!

  2. #92
    Starz3 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!!!
    Ive always wanted to work in the US but dur to having a large family and my parents being close its not a possibility for the near future. I havent found a meeting yet. Dono why.... i keep finding excuses not to go but i know im ready. Soon? I did rehab with detox 2 years ago too haha. Were so alike! I loved it and did meetings after but then relapsed, got pregnant snd went the methadone toute to preserve my pregnancy (had 3 >>>>>>>>s during use due to inanility to stop using).
    I guess i carry a lot of guilt and shame from the past and it goes back to being a child and molested few times and being overweight and teased by brother snd mom. I have a complex case i need to work on but yeah i take selfies and delete all the time. Im never pleased with the 'look' i see but thats where my challenge comes in. Looking in the mirror and' fake it till you make it' attitude saying 'am am beautiful and i love myself'. Like i said b4 i have neglected self care which lead to the slide...... i need a substitute...... a hobby, a proper face to face support group. Im leaving to the cottage for the summer with my 3 kids so it will b challenging going to meetings but i will do my best.
    I do believe that we are doing the best with what we have in the moment. ALWAYS.
    Sending you love and support on this beautiful sunny day. (Hope its sunny where you are too)
    Tomorrow is a big day. I will rock it
    You WILL rock it!! I'll be thinking of you! And will include you in my prayers tonight!! I work 2nd shift so probably won't be up to wish you good luck so I am wishing you good luck now!! I'll check on you tmrw when I get up!! Have to get back to work! Hugsx

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    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Rice crispy, I agree get up get out go to a meeting, bring your kids they become part of the family... Na will give you the tools you need to deal with the guilty and shame. Be proud of yourself.. I am. Stay Strong for Today..
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    Today's the big day!!! I'm out here thinking of you! Your first day as an RN! I know from your posts that you will be a kind, compassionate one, too~you'll be a real asset to the health care community. Yay, Julz~let us know how it went when you're done!! X
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    Autumnhopes is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Today's the big day!!! I'm out here thinking of you! Your first day as an RN! I know from your posts that you will be a kind, compassionate one, too~you'll be a real asset to the health care community. Yay, Julz~let us know how it went when you're done!! X

    Couldn't have said it better!! So true.. U go Julz! Today is the first big day of many!! Thinking of you.

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    Starz3 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Autumnhopes View Post
    Couldn't have said it better!! So true.. U go Julz! Today is the first big day of many!! Thinking of you.
    How is it going Julz??
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    How is it going Julz??
    Hey stars!
    I duno, im struggling a bit. Down to 0.5. Having cravings badly....... its hard. I have my 3 kids out of school now and its hard being a mom when i feel so bad. Body aches, mood swings, all the good stuff....
    I duno ppl say that under 2mg you get you mojo back and your sexual drive but its not true for me. I feel so bad that sex is the farthest from my mind nowadays. Its hard because my hubbie has been so understanding and supportive and it just seems like its not getting any better. Not feeling good
    Julz
    How r u stars???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!
    I duno, im struggling a bit. Down to 0.5. Having cravings badly....... its hard. I have my 3 kids out of school now and its hard being a mom when i feel so bad. Body aches, mood swings, all the good stuff....
    I duno ppl say that under 2mg you get you mojo back and your sexual drive but its not true for me. I feel so bad that sex is the farthest from my mind nowadays. Its hard because my hubbie has been so understanding and supportive and it just seems like its not getting any better. Not feeling good
    Julz
    How r u stars???
    I think both of us need to look for an NA group. I know you have the kids and it's hard for you. How about an online meeting? I think as addicts we need to get out of our own heads and out of our own way! How old are your kids again? Are you taking supplements? L tyrosine? How are you eating? Do you have anything you can do with the kids that you enjoy too? Do you feel comfortable talking to your husband when you're having cravings? Sorry for all the questions. I just want you to have tools to use when you're having cravings! I'm doing okay. We're getting ready to go to the cabin next week and I have so much to do~I've had a sore throat and just not feeling the best but I'll push through. I know the l tyrosine helps me a lot. And vitamins. I'm here for you julz! Hang in there okay? Find other people who are going through the same thing as you are~that you can actually call and go have coffee with~or can come to you!? Hey~how did your exam go??
    Do you get your results soon or have you already? I know you're struggling but look at all you've accomplished and how much you have to be clean and sober for! It sounds like you just need more tools to help you. We can't keep doing the same things and expect different results right?? Do the hard thing and push through so you can be the person you're meant to be~whatever it takes!! X

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    Hey cat!
    Wow im in tears now. Thank you for sharing. I definitely feelas low as possible and it affects everyone around me, my kids n hubbie most. I actually used to do that quite often, buy tbe order for the guy behind me or leave random 'love & inspiring' sticky notes on peoples cars in my university and the hospitals i practiced in. I think the thing that scares me most is that now i have the responsibility over peoples lives and i dont feel myself. I feel like a low empty shell and how can i spread love and healing when i dont feel okay'? I know it will go away but what draws me back to using is the instant rockstar, i can do/be anyone i need instantly feeling'. Its terrible. I hate it. The. Hemical imbalance is soooo off right now its soul draining.
    Thank you for the inspiring wprds cat. I appreciate it do much!
    Love and light!!!!
    Julz
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-06-2018 at 05:08 AM.
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  10. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey cat!
    Wow im in tears now. Thank you for sharing. I definitely feelas low as possible and it affects everyone around me, my kids n hubbie most. I actually used to do that quite often, buy tbe order for the guy behind me or leave random 'love & inspiring' sticky notes on peoples cars in my university and the hospitals i practiced in. I think the thing that scares me most is that now i have the responsibility over peoples lives and i dont feel myself. I feel like a low empty shell and how can i spread love and healing when i dont feel okay'? I know it will go away but what draws me back to using is the instant rockstar, i can do/be anyone i need instantly feeling'. Its terrible. I hate it. The. Hemical imbalance is soooo off right now its soul draining.
    Thank you for the inspiring wprds cat. I appreciate it do much!
    Love and light!!!!
    Julz
    Hi Julz,

    I understand. Truly, I do. What have you learned from this journey? I know that while I once may have been quick to judgement, I certainly am not anymore. I am far more compassionate than I ever was. These are exactly the things that are going to make you a great nurse! When that pill addict shows up in the ER, you won't judge them. It's easy for medical professionals to do just that mostly because although they've learned what they need to know about all of this, they have no practical experience (or at least most don't),. You're going to be a very special nurse, Julz. You have lived enough to know that good people make poor choices sometimes.

    I remember when my daughter first graduated, she was terrified. Her first job was on a med/surg floor and the entire first week she worked, she came home and cried. He graduated, passed the Boards but with no experience making decisions on her own for people who needed her, she was overwhelmed. She worked nights at first and was terrified of calling the doctor on call to question a conflict in a med order. She knew that if she followed the instructions left for her, something was off. She had to learn to trust her judgement and she did as soon as the doctors began to thank her for catching something. She moved from there after about a year to a Level 1 Trauma Center in the ER. She was hesitant to do that but a very wise nurse told her that the best way to learn is to dive in and do it. So she did. After just a few months, they pushed her ahead of the pack and trained her and she became Trauma Certified. Believe me, she can run with the best of them now. She trusts her instincts and common sense. You too will get there and you're not alone in your insecurity. I can only imagine how scary this must be. By the way, my daughter graduated when her son was 7 and her baby was only 4 months old. That 10 years ago.. She has moved out of the ER and into Special Procedures and is doing her graduate work so she'll be an NP in about 18 months. You remind me of her. It's not easy to have children and do the intense work it takes to become an RN. Recognize how motivated you are by having done this. My daughter has come a long way and is a wonderful nurse. You will be too. You'll see.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hi Julz,

    I understand. Truly, I do. What have you learned from this journey? I know that while I once may have been quick to judgement, I certainly am not anymore. I am far more compassionate than I ever was. These are exactly the things that are going to make you a great nurse! When that pill addict shows up in the ER, you won't judge them. It's easy for medical professionals to do just that mostly because although they've learned what they need to know about all of this, they have no practical experience (or at least most don't),. You're going to be a very special nurse, Julz. You have lived enough to know that good people make poor choices sometimes.

    I remember when my daughter first graduated, she was terrified. Her first job was on a med/surg floor and the entire first week she worked, she came home and cried. He graduated, passed the Boards but with no experience making decisions on her own for people who needed her, she was overwhelmed. She worked nights at first and was terrified of calling the doctor on call to question a conflict in a med order. She knew that if she followed the instructions left for her, something was off. She had to learn to trust her judgement and she did as soon as the doctors began to thank her for catching something. She moved from there after about a year to a Level 1 Trauma Center in the ER. She was hesitant to do that but a very wise nurse told her that the best way to learn is to dive in and do it. So she did. After just a few months, they pushed her ahead of the pack and trained her and she became Trauma Certified. Believe me, she can run with the best of them now. She trusts her instincts and common sense. You too will get there and you're not alone in your insecurity. I can only imagine how scary this must be. By the way, my daughter graduated when her son was 7 and her baby was only 4 months old. That 10 years ago.. She has moved out of the ER and into Special Procedures and is doing her graduate work so she'll be an NP in about 18 months. You remind me of her. It's not easy to have children and do the intense work it takes to become an RN. Recognize how motivated you are by having done this. My daughter has come a long way and is a wonderful nurse. You will be too. You'll see.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Hey cat thank you so much for your post. I am going forward and saying no to temptation. Ill be honest now that i got The letter that says I am a registered nurse I feel different; I feel like I meant to heal other people and I need to heal myself first.
    I am day three and 0.375 feeling pretty crummy sneezing like crazy running not sleeping well at all. Two nights ago I slept with those sleeping pills just tea and melatonin and last night it was pretty bad I could not sleep I had bodyaches it would not go away. It's hard but I know that it's possible and I'm going through from my kids for my future patients for everyone especially for myself.
    I am staying at a cottage with my three kids away from Temptation.
    I WILL DO THIS THIS TIME!!!!
    It possible as long asi stay away from everything. I need to find myself and find my inner peace first before anything. Nothing is impossible. I did a 4 year program of registered nurse program with 2 kids, a raging addictionand having another child. I CAN DO THIS!!!!
    Julz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    I think both of us need to look for an NA group. I know you have the kids and it's hard for you. How about an online meeting? I think as addicts we need to get out of our own heads and out of our own way! How old are your kids again? Are you taking supplements? L tyrosine? How are you eating? Do you have anything you can do with the kids that you enjoy too? Do you feel comfortable talking to your husband when you're having cravings? Sorry for all the questions. I just want you to have tools to use when you're having cravings! I'm doing okay. We're getting ready to go to the cabin next week and I have so much to do~I've had a sore throat and just not feeling the best but I'll push through. I know the l tyrosine helps me a lot. And vitamins. I'm here for you julz! Hang in there okay? Find other people who are going through the same thing as you are~that you can actually call and go have coffee with~or can come to you!? Hey~how did your exam go??
    Do you get your results soon or have you already? I know you're struggling but look at all you've accomplished and how much you have to be clean and sober for! It sounds like you just need more tools to help you. We can't keep doing the same things and expect different results right?? Do the hard thing and push through so you can be the person you're meant to be~whatever it takes!! X
    Hey stars!
    Sorry I didn't reply earlier I was a little bit busy with feeling like >>>>. I do take L tyrosine daily and some other supplements and I don't know if it helps. I take gabapentin for the bodyaches which sometimes helps last night it did not. I can talk to my husband well I have a cravings, I just tend to shut down or just go for the by the drugs instead of talking to him. I am in a good place in my head right now and I know that I can do this and they will. I will get down to 0.1 to 5 and I will jump in the next two weeks. From there I will have a Month and half to get back to the real me. I hope you are doing ok too

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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 07-09-2017 at 03:39 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!
    Sorry I didn't reply earlier I was a little bit busy with feeling like >>>>. I do take L tyrosine daily and some other supplements and I don't know if it helps. I take gabapentin for the bodyaches which sometimes helps last night it did not. I can talk to my husband well I have a cravings, I just tend to shut down or just go for the by the drugs instead of talking to him. I am in a good place in my head right now and I know that I can do this and they will. I will get down to 0.1 to 5 and I will jump in the next two weeks. From there I will have a Month and half to get back to the real me. I hope you are doing ok too
    Hey! How are you?? Back from the lake now. Are you doing ok??

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    I really enjoyed your thread Julz & agree w Cat that you're going to be such a compassionate & non-judgmental nurse! What a gift!! A gift to everyone that is your patient.. to be healed by someone who has been through such a crisis & come out a loving person. That's the best we can be. I look forward to being healing to others in my way..
    We take care of ourselves & get ourselves on the right path so we can really give much of ourselves to others. I love it.
    Autumn

    btw, someone mentioned online NA meetings...Is that a possibility?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Hey! How are you?? Back from the lake now. Are you doing ok??
    Julz!!!! Are you out there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Julz!!!! Are you out there?
    Hey guys! I fell off the map for a bit because life was super hectic. I went up to 12 mg on sub because i needed stability and didnt think i can get it on my own. I went down to 1 mg and today is day one off 1mg. Unfortunately i do not have the time to taper slowly and properly. As you know i had an issue with my license; i found out it was my best friend who wrote an entire letter about how im a drug addict and how my son was born and needed help in the NICU to fight his symptoms and if i could do that to my own baby what could i do to a patient'. Its been hard but i know im DONE. I have an independent psych/addiction assessment nov 13 to determine the outcome of my license so i NEED to be clean and feelin good by then, hence my decision to fight he demon now. Ive been meditating and got reiki 2 certification and have been feeling pretty good. Life always will have bumps and challenges, its how we look at them and how we respond to them that makes all the difference. I hope everyone is doing good and looking forward to talking again and shring my LONG journey.
    Julz
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    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Rice crispy glad your back.. wow that's a big drop I know you know all of that you been here for awhile. Keep posting let us know your plans.. Stay Strong for Today..

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    whooa man what a rough night. I started having cold/hot sweats yesterday evening and fell asleep with sleeping pills (doxipen) muscle relaxants (baclofen) and clonidine. Slept for like 4 hrs then was up tossing and turning. Sweating then being freezing cold. The muscle aches are BRUTAL. Wtf. Today is day 2 off 1mg suboxone. I will NOT give up. My lower back is hurting badly. Feels like its super inflamed. I keep taking 200 mg celebrex daily but it does not seem to help. Did a hot shower but our water heater is broken so one hot shower for 7 min every 5 hrs :/ What can i do to help???? I will be focusing on playing video games today. Thank god i dont work yet. Getting the kids ready for school then vegging out all day. I wish i didnt get super charged anxiety from ganga otherwise i would use it all day every day. I just gotta get through it
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    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey guys! I fell off the map for a bit because life was super hectic. I went up to 12 mg on sub because i needed stability and didnt think i can get it on my own. I went down to 1 mg and today is day one off 1mg. Unfortunately i do not have the time to taper slowly and properly. As you know i had an issue with my license; i found out it was my best friend who wrote an entire letter about how im a drug addict and how my son was born and needed help in the NICU to fight his symptoms and if i could do that to my own baby what could i do to a patient'. Its been hard but i know im DONE. I have an independent psych/addiction assessment nov 13 to determine the outcome of my license so i NEED to be clean and feelin good by then, hence my decision to fight he demon now. Ive been meditating and got reiki 2 certification and have been feeling pretty good. Life always will have bumps and challenges, its how we look at them and how we respond to them that makes all the difference. I hope everyone is doing good and looking forward to talking again and shring my LONG journey.
    Julz
    Hi Julz,

    It's good to hear from you. Sounds like you've had quite a ride these past weeks. UGH. Today is Day 2 having jumped from 1mg? We both know that that's a lot and that you're probably in for a bit of time not feeling well. How quickly did you drop from 12 down to 1?

    I don't think I have anything to share with you that you don't already know but I'm here and can listen/read whenever you need to post and just need a pick me up.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hi Julz,

    It's good to hear from you. Sounds like you've had quite a ride these past weeks. UGH. Today is Day 2 having jumped from 1mg? We both know that that's a lot and that you're probably in for a bit of time not feeling well. How quickly did you drop from 12 down to 1?

    I don't think I have anything to share with you that you don't already know but I'm here and can listen/read whenever you need to post and just need a pick me up.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Hey cat!
    So i was at 4 and stable, then I drop to 3 mg after four days to 2 mg after three days to 1.5 then 3 days to 1 then on the fourth day which was on last Monday I went to zero. I wish I had time to drop properly but I need to be feeling good from my assessment with the doctor on the 13th. Last night was pretty rough today my muscles are just vibrating an aching badly. Feeling achy and bad
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    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey cat!
    So i was at 4 and stable, then I drop to 3 mg after four days to 2 mg after three days to 1.5 then 3 days to 1 then on the fourth day which was on last Monday I went to zero. I wish I had time to drop properly but I need to be feeling good from my assessment with the doctor on the 13th. Last night was pretty rough today my muscles are just vibrating an aching badly. Feeling achy and bad
    Yikes! That was aggressive! I do understand, however that you've found yourself in a place that has to be the end of the line and you sound ready to fight back hard. I'm quite sure that you're feeling terrible at this point and I'm sorry! Three weeks out from your assessment? I sure hope that you're at least feeling well enough by that point to make a good appearance. Nothing to do now but fight and fight hard and pray for the best.

    I sure do wish I had one last suggestion that you don't already know about and share it with you to make you feel better more quickly or that might be effective to treat your symptoms. I'm sure by now you know the drill and every single thing that we can try including the items on the Thomas Recipe, etc. That's about the best we can do, right? Sigh.

    Keep posting. We're all here and pulling with all our might that this isn't as bad as it might be and you begin to feel better quickly. Don't disappear again. We're here and ready and willing to help you however we can. Whatever that might be. Sometimes it just feels good to see someone has posted to us and we can unload to a group that gets it.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Yikes! That was aggressive! I do understand, however that you've found yourself in a place that has to be the end of the line and you sound ready to fight back hard. I'm quite sure that you're feeling terrible at this point and I'm sorry! Three weeks out from your assessment? I sure hope that you're at least feeling well enough by that point to make a good appearance. Nothing to do now but fight and fight hard and pray for the best.

    I sure do wish I had one last suggestion that you don't already know about and share it with you to make you feel better more quickly or that might be effective to treat your symptoms. I'm sure by now you know the drill and every single thing that we can try including the items on the Thomas Recipe, etc. That's about the best we can do, right? Sigh.

    Keep posting. We're all here and pulling with all our might that this isn't as bad as it might be and you begin to feel better quickly. Don't disappear again. We're here and ready and willing to help you however we can. Whatever that might be. Sometimes it just feels good to see someone has posted to us and we can unload to a group that gets it.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Its getting so much worse now. My whole body is vibrating with pins and needles. I try to breathe and not focus on it but pgysically im hurting bad. This sucks

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    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Julz. I just finished your thread. Congrats on coming this far. It is quite an ordeal when the subs get their hooks in you. I was on 16mg/day for 4.5 years. Tapered myself down to 1mg/day and made the jump 37 days ago. As you know it's a hefty amount to jump from. I struggled for two weeks had all the good classic w/d symptoms. I know you want a timeline but as you know everyone is different. It is a horrible terrible daily roller coaster. But if I can do it anyone can. I've been taking a multivitamin, dl phenalynine. Pretty sure I spelled that wrong but whatever, we're not in school. B-12, b complex, and calm support. I didn't think they were helping at all. But after taking them for a week I started to think more clearly and got some of my coordination back. Everything they have told is true. You will have good days and bad days. The good days will start to come more frequent and the bad days will be around less often. It just takes time and I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. But you can do this!!!!! I'm still dealing with slight depression, fatigue, some body chills, dam sneezing, but I did sleep through the night last night for the first time since I jumped. Give the supplements a try, they do help. It sounds like you have a great support system like I do. Use them!!! I wouldn't have come this far without my fiancee. She is amazing. Keep us updated on your progress and stay strong. You can do this!!! Clean is way better!!!!

    Beef

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Hey Julz. I just finished your thread. Congrats on coming this far. It is quite an ordeal when the subs get their hooks in you. I was on 16mg/day for 4.5 years. Tapered myself down to 1mg/day and made the jump 37 days ago. As you know it's a hefty amount to jump from. I struggled for two weeks had all the good classic w/d symptoms. I know you want a timeline but as you know everyone is different. It is a horrible terrible daily roller coaster. But if I can do it anyone can. I've been taking a multivitamin, dl phenalynine. Pretty sure I spelled that wrong but whatever, we're not in school. B-12, b complex, and calm support. I didn't think they were helping at all. But after taking them for a week I started to think more clearly and got some of my coordination back. Everything they have told is true. You will have good days and bad days. The good days will start to come more frequent and the bad days will be around less often. It just takes time and I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. But you can do this!!!!! I'm still dealing with slight depression, fatigue, some body chills, dam sneezing, but I did sleep through the night last night for the first time since I jumped. Give the supplements a try, they do help. It sounds like you have a great support system like I do. Use them!!! I wouldn't have come this far without my fiancee. She is amazing. Keep us updated on your progress and stay strong. You can do this!!! Clean is way better!!!!

    Beef
    Hey beef! Thanks for the support bud! Congrats on your new recovery. It seems like a never ending burning flesh from hell feeling, but i know its gonna get worse b4 it gets better..... i have 3 little kids so its soooo hard to just chill and lay down. At the moment i got 3 loads of laundry beside the bed and need to make dinner. I feel like a rock. Gravity is not my friend. The muscle aches and vibrating bones are whats killing me at the moment. My hubbie is so super supportive. My kids deserve a better, clean me and so do my future patients. I got my reiki level 2 certification 2 sundays ago and hold weekly reiki shares with other practitioners. Hopefully it helps. At the moment i think only prayer and god can save me because as much meds as i have at my disposal they aint helping me. Im SOL and will keep posting to relieve some pain and anguish.
    Julz

  26. #116
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Ok take a breath...you can do this.. just think about your children ..on your way to a healthy happy Mom.. just think like you have a bad flu yes awful but you'll be ok. Check back later tonight after work.. Stay Strong for Today...
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  27. #117
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    You can do this. I know you're pain. For the last month I felt like the biggest P.O.S. and like I was letting my family down. Just getting up out of bed and vgetting some water felt like a marathon. And I had crazy rls and insomnia, and depression followed that. I'd start crying at the drop of a hat. I'm sure it was a funny sight with me being 6'8" 300 and sobbing like a 2 year old. All I can tell you is it gets better with time. I never thought I'd get there. I'm not out of the woods yet as subs are crazy strong but I'm having more good days than bad for sure. Sounds like you have exactly the right mindset to do this and I'm confident that you will. Take it a day at a time. Drink tons of water!!! Whenever you feel up to it take a walk. If even only to the mailbox and back. I know right now that seems like an impossibility and you'd rather beat your head against the wall. I know that's what I thought when everyone told me. But it does help, tremendously!! All I wanted to do for the last 30 days is curl up into a big ball of depression on my couch or in my bed. Some days started out bad, but I was forced to get up and move around at work and after an hour or so I'd notice that I didn't feel so terrible anymore. Just take it slow. This is a long, terrifying, grueling, amazing, rewarding process. I'm so glad I found this site when I was feeling awful on my day 11. It and these amazing people saved me. I am truly greatful and almost positive that I wouldn't have made it this far without them. Good luck and keep posting if only to get it out of your system!!! We're with you!!!!

    Beef
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  28. #118
    Join Date
    May 2016
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    You can do this. I know you're pain. For the last month I felt like the biggest P.O.S. and like I was letting my family down. Just getting up out of bed and vgetting some water felt like a marathon. And I had crazy rls and insomnia, and depression followed that. I'd start crying at the drop of a hat. I'm sure it was a funny sight with me being 6'8" 300 and sobbing like a 2 year old. All I can tell you is it gets better with time. I never thought I'd get there. I'm not out of the woods yet as subs are crazy strong but I'm having more good days than bad for sure. Sounds like you have exactly the right mindset to do this and I'm confident that you will. Take it a day at a time. Drink tons of water!!! Whenever you feel up to it take a walk. If even only to the mailbox and back. I know right now that seems like an impossibility and you'd rather beat your head against the wall. I know that's what I thought when everyone told me. But it does help, tremendously!! All I wanted to do for the last 30 days is curl up into a big ball of depression on my couch or in my bed. Some days started out bad, but I was forced to get up and move around at work and after an hour or so I'd notice that I didn't feel so terrible anymore. Just take it slow. This is a long, terrifying, grueling, amazing, rewarding process. I'm so glad I found this site when I was feeling awful on my day 11. It and these amazing people saved me. I am truly greatful and almost positive that I wouldn't have made it this far without them. Good luck and keep posting if only to get it out of your system!!! We're with you!!!!

    Beef
    Thx guys! I just wanna stab my arms and legs. They r on FIRE right now. I was watching tv today and started bawlling my eyes out and when my hubbie came home i started crying again. Tears are running down now for whatever reason. It sucks. Everything sucks. I went for a walk to the park with my neighbour and i was out of breath and felt so heavy and tired. Physically and soul tired. Will try to go watch tv to take my mind off this stuff.
    Again thx for the support
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  29. #119
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    May 2016
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    Day 3 730am. Im alive. Last night i took my sleeping meds which started to put me out but my arms started tingling and getting numb in a 'i gotta shake it off every 10 seconds'. I kept twisting and turning for 30 min then suddenly i got super horny and very sensitive so me n my hubbie had a great time. Needless to say i slept ok. 1030-3 then up but back to sleep in 15 min then up at 4 then 5 then 6 and now 7. Laying here i dont feel too bad so i just dont wanna get up. I made a mistake yesterday like ive done it b4 and asked my buddy if he could score some oxy to 'just weather out one day and then to tough it out again. Within minutes i regretted what i did and cancelled my request. I asked my friend to say no to me even if I beg him to do so. Feeling pretty proud

  30. #120
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    May 2016
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    Day 3 730am. Im alive. Last night i took my sleeping meds which started to put me out but my arms started tingling and getting numb in a 'i gotta shake it off every 10 seconds'. I kept twisting and turning for 30 min then suddenly i got super sensual so me n my hubbie had a great time. Needless to say i slept ok. 1030-3 then up but back to sleep in 15 min then up at 4 then 5 then 6 and now 7. Laying here i dont feel too bad so i just dont wanna get up. I made a mistake yesterday like ive done it b4 and asked my buddy if he could score some oxy to 'just weather out one day and then to tough it out again. Within minutes i regretted what i did and cancelled my request. I asked my friend to say no to me even if I beg him to do so. Feeling pretty proud
    Julz

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