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The struggle to quit opiates
  1. #1
    TheyCallMeHands is offline New Member
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    Default The struggle to quit opiates

    Hey all, this is my first post on any forums. I just wanted to tell my story so far and see if I can help anybody else who may be going through similar struggles. I am 24, and I have been addicted to opiates for almost two years now. I have 'tried' several times to stop my habit, but, like many others, was unable to control myself while tapering and also unable to c/t for more than a few days. I have miraculously kept everybody in my life in the dark up to this point, but I am constantly spending every dollar I get on this habit, barely keeping my head above water. I live with my girlfriend of 5 years and have an awesome mother that lives in the same city as me. They are my support systems (without knowing it). I have gotten to the point that I will do up to 5 30mg's(I call them 'things') a day if I can find a way to afford it. My life is a constant cycle of high highs and low lows--going from having money and 'things' for most of the week, to experiencing w/d's for a couple of days a week. It is exhausting, and I am growing increasingly tired of the whole deal. The way that I see it, I have two big problems with quitting, 1) the pain and anxiety is obviously very difficult to bare, and 2) I know that a small part of me enjoys this lifestyle because of how I feel when I have things. The biggest factors to me wanting to quit this time is that I am tired of always being out of money and also don't believe I can keep up the charade for much longer. I know how tough it can get, and I hope that I am strong enough to actually quit this time. It has been 10 hours since I have last consumed a 'thing'. I will try my best to keep this thread updated on my progress.
    Thanks for reading,
    Hands

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeHands View Post
    Hey all, this is my first post on any forums. I just wanted to tell my story so far and see if I can help anybody else who may be going through similar struggles. I am 24, and I have been addicted to opiates for almost two years now. I have 'tried' several times to stop my habit, but, like many others, was unable to control myself while tapering and also unable to c/t for more than a few days. I have miraculously kept everybody in my life in the dark up to this point, but I am constantly spending every dollar I get on this habit, barely keeping my head above water. I live with my girlfriend of 5 years and have an awesome mother that lives in the same city as me. They are my support systems (without knowing it). I have gotten to the point that I will do up to 5 30mg's(I call them 'things') a day if I can find a way to afford it. My life is a constant cycle of high highs and low lows--going from having money and 'things' for most of the week, to experiencing w/d's for a couple of days a week. It is exhausting, and I am growing increasingly tired of the whole deal. The way that I see it, I have two big problems with quitting, 1) the pain and anxiety is obviously very difficult to bare, and 2) I know that a small part of me enjoys this lifestyle because of how I feel when I have things. The biggest factors to me wanting to quit this time is that I am tired of always being out of money and also don't believe I can keep up the charade for much longer. I know how tough it can get, and I hope that I am strong enough to actually quit this time. It has been 10 hours since I have last consumed a 'thing'. I will try my best to keep this thread updated on my progress.
    Thanks for reading,
    Hands

    Welcome!

    You have found the right place to begin your own journey. Don't dread this but instead get excited! Anytime addicted to any substance is way too long. I'll skip the spiel for now about your age and getting this under control.....yadda yadda......more later though, promise.

    You've tried to taper and it didn't work. Join the club. It takes a tremendous amount of self discipline to be able to taper. Not this gal. Gobble, gobble. Just a real brief intro here so you'll know that I might know what I'm talking about. I was actively addicted to opiates of all kinds for the better part of twenty years. For at least half of that time, and probably more, I took more per day than you are right now. I'm also much older than you. I cold turkeyed detoxed countless times until my last Day 1 almost eight years ago. There you have it. This is hard, but it's not impossible.

    Cold turkey detox is uncomfortable and you already know that. The good news is that it's very predictable both in terms of what symptoms you're going to experience and the length of time the symptoms last. Among the first symptoms to appear are aches, tummy rumbling, anxiety, and sweats. Once those start, the rest of the typical symptoms will quickly follow and escalate. Most often by around the 18 hr mark from your last dose of your "things" you'll begin to have your symptoms peak. They should stay constant in terms of severity for the next four days or so, or a total of around five days. Restless legs and/or arms is a pretty common symptom. Not everyone gets it, but I'm afraid that most do. That's what to expect. Now, what do you do?

    Hunker down. Find and read The Thomas Recipe. It's a list of vitamins and supplements that might help some of the detox symptoms. Everything (except the benzos) are over the counter, inexpensive and easy to find. If you're short on cash and had to choose, be sure to get the Immodium and lots and lots of fluids to drink. Try to find the liquid form of Immodium because it seems to work best. Use it as the package instructs and don't be afraid of it. Use it, just don't use it when you don't need it. The Recipe also calls for benzos for the first 3 or 4 days of your detox. Unless you're already taking them, DON'T START NOW!! They are one nasty habit that you don't want to pick up now and it happens fast. Drink, drink, drink! Constantly. It's very easy to become dehydrated during detox and some of those symptoms mimic detox symptoms so it makes everything worse. You should have something open and with you every single minute and be sipping from it. Hot baths, and lots of them, for the RLS and overall aches. I also used two heating pads set on low on or around my legs that helped soothe both the RLS and aches. It's not perfect, nothing is, but anything that helps even a little helps even a little.

    By around Day 5, some of your symptoms like the RLS and aches should stop fairly abruptly. You'll be left fatigued, weak, and feeling like you're just getting over the flu. You'll probably still need that Immodium bottle for a bit longer but keep taking it as you need it. Sleep. Blessed sleep is among the very last things to return. Prepare yourself for it and then do not allow it to frustrate you. Almost without exception, as much as we wish we could sleep through detox, it ain't gonna happen. Get Netflix ready or anything that might take your mind off things. Hide the clocks!!! They will be your enemy. It's hard to not watch the clock and for what? That time isn't going to pass any quicker whether you watch it or not. All it does is make time crawl and send your anxiety off the charts.

    Finally, for now, stay close to this Forum. Post constantly, ask questions, leave comments for other. Interact! You've found an amazing group of people who just want to help you so let them. You have to keep coming back though or you'll miss your journey.

    Peace,

    Cat

  3. #3
    TheyCallMeHands is offline New Member
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    Hey Cat,
    Thank you very much for your response. It really helps to know that I can share what I am going through with somebody. I have been through withdrawals for up to about the 4 day mark. I usually run out of money and am forced to go through several days of c/t, because I binged too much and didn't space out my usage enough to last until my next payday. I say that to explain that in a way, I know what to expect for the next week or so. While the next week worries me tremendously, in a way I am more afraid of the time that comes after the acute w/d's. I know that even if I am able to make it through the hellish flu-like symptoms, I still have to look forward to possibly several months of low-energy and depression. To me, these will be some of the biggest temptations to use again.. I know all about RLS and insomnia. Those are the two worst symptoms in the world to me. Most of the time, I feel like the RLS is why I experience insomnia.. I have not tried taking hot baths or showers, so I will definitely be giving those a shot. I have found that lying on the ground on my stomach brings temporary relief though. The heating pads I'm afraid may make my girlfriend suspicious as to what I am actually going through though. So I may have to skip that. It is imperative that she doesn't find out what a POS I have been. I am fortunate to have a very strong stomach (I guess?) because I never really have bad stomach issues while withdrawing. However, I feel like the RLS makes up for that in my case. True hell. Also, the lack of energy is real. All I am able to make myself do is sit on the couch and squirm around all day and night. Other than those symptoms, the insomnia, and my body's frequent, drastic changes in temperature are probably the worst things to deal with for me.. Anyway, it has been roughly 30 hours, and I don't feel as awful as I know I will soon.. This is going to suck, but it will be nice to finally get past the acute symptoms.. If only I can stay strong after that.
    Thanks for reading my rambling,
    Hands

  4. #4
    TheyCallMeHands is offline New Member
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    About 60 hours in. Feel like >>it. Part of me really wants to try to get more things. I'm tired of all of this i just want to be done with it. Can't get myself to do anything. My girlfriend wants to go out and do something fun and I just told her I'm sick. She asked what feels bad and I just said my head is killing me and that I just want to stay home. It sucks that I can't do anything fun with her unless I'm high. I'm so ready to be over all of this. I have been sitting on the couch watching tv constantly readjusting myself and going from using a blanket to sticking my legs out of the blanket to throwing the blanket off the couch altogether because my body keeps getting really cold and really hot. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. This is torture knowing that I'm going to feel like this for what seems like forever and also knowing I won't be able to sleep until maybe like 6:00 a.m. and even then only for like two or three hours. I am a pretty heavy smoker, but cigarettes taste like f>>>>>> poison right now. I can't finish half of one without gagging so I just have to throw it out. I don't know how else to pass the time though.. My girlfriend is about to go shop for a little bit while I sit here and be completely useless so I am going to try to take a bath to help my legs from aching. I'm miserable

  5. #5
    Iamashamed is offline Member
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    Default You and I have a lot in common

    It’s time for me to finally detox AGAIN. Would you like to detox with me? Check on each other every day and motivate to stay the course. This group is amazing and I’ve dakles them. I’m ready now. When should we start?

  6. #6
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey hands and ashamed. First off congratulations. Thes are the first steps to the rest of your life free of these awful things. I know the c/t withdrawals well due to no money. I was addicted to those same "things" for 2-3 years can't tell you with any degree of certainty because I was semi comatose. At my worst I was taking 240-300 mg/day. It was bad. I moved to GA and got on suboxone instead of oxy. At first I thought it was a miracle drug. I didn't know anything about subs and my doctor treated it like a long term solution. For 5 years he had me on a ridiculously high dose of subs and I'm sure if he would have had his way I'd be on them for the rest of my life. So I started tapering myself down and made the jump 28 days ago. It has been very rough. Subs have a longer half life than most drugs and i didn't taper myself down as much as I should have so I was in for a rough ride. First 2weeks were pure h.e.l.l. every w/d symptom was alive and kicking my butt. Maybe got 5 hours of sleep for the first week. RLS was brutal. Just tossed and turned every night. I found this site around day 10 and just started reading everyone else's threads. I just wanted to find something to occupy my mind. It really helped. Reading everyone's trials and successes gave me hope. And it made me even more determined to see it through to the end and take my life back. I'm not out of the woods and i still have a lot of work to do but these wonderful people on this site have helped me get through the worst of it. Post as much as you want or need to. Everyone is here to support you.Judgement free zone here. We have all been through similar situations. Ask as many questions as you need to. Someone will be by to help you out. If I can do it anyone can. Just keep reminding yourself why you are doing this. it will get better with time. This too shall pass. (Cat, lvg, ming). And another favorite of mine from Ricky is one pill is too many and a thousand will never be enough. Time is the greatest healer. Stay strong for today. You guys can do this!!! Have a great night!!!

    Beef
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  7. #7
    TheyCallMeHands is offline New Member
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    IamAshamed, I would really like that. It would help to know I'm going through this with somebody. Some one to vent to and complain about how >>>>>> I am feeling who is also feeling the same way at the same time.

    And beef, I followed your thread pretty closely. Congrats on all of your progress so far and thanks for the nice words. I hope I am able to tough it out as well as you have.

  8. #8
    Rockbottombounce is offline Junior Member
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    Day 1 starts today for me
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  9. #9
    Rockbottombounce is offline Junior Member
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    And another thing one of the hardest but most liberating things was telling my gf what was going on. I have a really serious problem with painkillers and trying to juggle my habit and keeping it a secret was what was driving me crazy. That I couldn't even try to stop because my gf would finally see what I've become. Be honest, don't let her find out on her own. It will bring much relief to your mind and in turn may help this process.
    Autumnhopes and Beefaroni7272 like this.

  10. #10
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Same thing happened to me. I told my fiance about a week before I jumped. Told her everything. Start to finish. She has been nothing but supportive. Helped me through the whole process. With a hint of sarcasm and ball busting. Just be honnest, I doubt she will give you any problems with trying to better yourself. Take it slowly, you can do this.

    Beef
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  11. #11
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    And congrats on day 1!!!! First step. One at a time!!!

  12. #12
    Alew2022 is offline New Member
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    Hi I am new to this forum, well any forum but I have been reading people’s posts about succes with detox from opiates. I am currently going though that process now with fentanyl w/d. It’s horrible if I knew this when I started I would have run a mile before starting it.
    Mine is for chronic thoracic back pain and other injuries which my pain docs have now said that’s it for procedures we can’t do anything else to help you. This was after my last procedure failed and I dreaded that happening as I had pinned all my last hope of getting my life back to be with my young family more. Even though it failed and increased the overall pain levels I still decided to detox from fentanyl. It is an awful drug which I thought at first was a miricle but due to being on opioids for the past 18 years I have a very high tolerance to them and so the fentanyl quickly needed increasing right up to 125mg every 48hrs with oxy for break through as well as many more drugs I have to take daily to cope with the unreal pain levels. The detox has been hell!!! I am tapering the dosage down every two weeks by 12mg a time. Now after how very many months I am down to 25mg. I have nothing replacing it apart from the meds mentioned above and so the W/d’s are terrible the worst being insomnia. Cold sweats body temp changes constantly, sweating, stomach problems, nausea to name but a few but I am determined to not stop. It’s been extremely hard and I really feel forcanyone who has or is going through this I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. There hZ been numerous times I have reached for another patch even gone so far as opening them and tacking the backing off before realising what and who I am doing this for and it is worth the hell to be with my young son and partner more than being a zombie and >>it farther. My partner is also now expecting our second son so my motivation has kicked up a gear.
    All I want to say to anyone doing this now or thinking about doing it is it will be hard and there will be so many times where you just want to quit but you have to find that strength within yourself to continue on. My strength come from wanting to be more of a farther and partner than I am now. I hate who I became in fentanyl it changed my whole personality I realise now just how nasty I had become and how horrible I was to people especially after it stopped working and the pain got worse. Everyone has a reason for wanting to get off these things and that’s what you must not loose sight of. If you keep that focus and are determined to stick it out it can be done.
    I have detoxed of 8 different opioids at one time or another and none are as bad as this but it’s doable if you really want it o happen.
    I’m sorry if the post is a bit jumbled up I’ve never posted in any forums before but after reading all the stories of people’s experiences on here it has really helped me and I thank you all for that. It is nice to know you are not alone in this fight and that helps allot.
    If anyone has gone through the fentanyl withdrawal and has any advise if things that might help me a bit I would really appreciate it. I’m getting down to the low doses now and the wd’s have doubled in strength. Some days I just want to sleep but can’t stay still did go rls and increased pain long enough to do it. I really wish it was over but it’s not and I have to continue to fight to get to the end.
    If I can help anyone with anything I will and if anyone can offer me anything advise for my next drop downs then I would be grateful!!
    As I said it’s horrible to go through but not impossible and I hope everyone makes it to the end.
    Sorry about the messy post still learning.
    Good luck to everyone in the fight
    Andy

  13. #13
    TheyCallMeHands is offline New Member
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    I would just like to give an update on my situation. I ended up relapsing pretty hard for about three weeks. After that huge setback, I made the decision again to stop letting my life be controlled by these little blue things. I have very much wanted to quit for a long time, and I feel like every setback I have only serves to strengthen my resolve at this point. I am as determined as ever to make the lasting effort to quit! I decided to use suboxone to help me taper. I would like to say that I do not advise this method for anybody, as suboxone can be a dangerous substance. I am no expert, but I have a decent understanding of how they effect me. So one day, I made myself spend my money on 8 mg suboxone strips instead of blue things. Every morning, I would take about 1/6 of the strip (just enough to prevent the painful w/d symptoms) to get through the day. The only struggles after that was a) motivating myself and b) not spending my money on 'things' once I got paid. The motivation problem was handled by throwing myself into my work. I am happy to say that I am one of the final two candidates in a life-changing job where I will be making more money than I ever have. So, recently, this has been all of the motivation I need to stay off of the drugs. The second problem was a little bit tougher to deal with. I had fallen behind on my bills due to my addiction, so the first couple of paychecks I received, I immediately went and paid off my overdue bills to prevent myself the temptation of buying 'things'. I am very happy to say that I have not taken a 'thing' for almost a full month now, and I have not taken any suboxone for three days. The taper has worked so far! Today, I woke up feeling pretty great. I have made it so far into quitting, that I do not want to go back. I want to continue being sober, I want to get this new job, and I want to turn my life around. Best of luck to everyone in all stages of your addiction struggles. We are in this together. Thank you for reading my rant.

  14. #14
    Sara221 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeHands View Post
    I would just like to give an update on my situation. I ended up relapsing pretty hard for about three weeks. After that huge setback, I made the decision again to stop letting my life be controlled by these little blue things. I have very much wanted to quit for a long time, and I feel like every setback I have only serves to strengthen my resolve at this point. I am as determined as ever to make the lasting effort to quit! I decided to use suboxone to help me taper. I would like to say that I do not advise this method for anybody, as suboxone can be a dangerous substance. I am no expert, but I have a decent understanding of how they effect me. So one day, I made myself spend my money on 8 mg suboxone strips instead of blue things. Every morning, I would take about 1/6 of the strip (just enough to prevent the painful w/d symptoms) to get through the day. The only struggles after that was a) motivating myself and b) not spending my money on 'things' once I got paid. The motivation problem was handled by throwing myself into my work. I am happy to say that I am one of the final two candidates in a life-changing job where I will be making more money than I ever have. So, recently, this has been all of the motivation I need to stay off of the drugs. The second problem was a little bit tougher to deal with. I had fallen behind on my bills due to my addiction, so the first couple of paychecks I received, I immediately went and paid off my overdue bills to prevent myself the temptation of buying 'things'. I am very happy to say that I have not taken a 'thing' for almost a full month now, and I have not taken any suboxone for three days. The taper has worked so far! Today, I woke up feeling pretty great. I have made it so far into quitting, that I do not want to go back. I want to continue being sober, I want to get this new job, and I want to turn my life around. Best of luck to everyone in all stages of your addiction struggles. We are in this together. Thank you for reading my rant.

    I've been reading your thread, your story. I must say....I feel very sad, disheartened you decided to quit opiates with another drug, suboxone when I'm sure you've read the side effects and w/drawl symptoms of this drug, too. it's a vicious cycle. you're so young....as addicts you can't control your drug use, it is what it is, one has to be honest. I feel, IDK, upset that this is what you decided to do. Story after story on here of people just finally getting fed up with these drugs, unless one is truly in pain, cancer, surgeries, etc...they do nothing by harm your body. Again, you're so young. Also, people get the flu everyday get sick, very sick, feel awful, they can handle it, they're not going to die, you're not going to die...you feel awful but it will get better. You can handle that, no? You're just continuing down the same path and w/drawl from this drug will be worse. Doctors don't really help they just add another drug, etc... Anyway, I feel sad now...I hope you'll find strength to just do this and realize you're never going to end this unless you just end this...and be honest with yourself. Again, it's just the flu....it feels bad but don't people go thru this everyday, the real flu and push thru it. Take care!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-12-2017 at 02:13 PM.

  15. #15
    Oxynz is offline Junior Member
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    Hello, I have also read your thread, its 8pm at night here in new zealand and I'm about 80hours into withdrawal, unbelievable but I have been feeling break through bits of relief and I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually in reach now, I have to get through the night but just keep thinking how I can continue to put another hour at a time on my recovery, I am so positive underneath the fear haha but I know that no matter how hard 4 or 5 days out of my life are that it's worth it compared to the misery I've been through for all the time I've been addicted to opiates. When your going through hell...keep going!!!!

  16. #16
    Sara221 is offline New Member
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    yes.....these are nasty drugs...they're beneficial and useful for those of us with horrible chronic pain, I frankly don't understand why someone would take these if not in pain. I don't get a high from them but I don't take enought to get high, I guess, just enough so I can function until my next surgery. it's a spiral of nothing but a mess...so stay strong...you'll feel so much better, imagine and focus on that, please!

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