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Suboxone Jump - I'm Taking My Life Back
  1. #271
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    And I will add this. Like Beef, I have been playing golf for a long time. But when I was using, I stopped playing and lost complete interest. Now I find myself itching to get the clubs back out.

    I do think that there's something to be said about hobbies floating in and out of life. And while I believe for me that some of it may be associated with drug use, most of it is the plateau effect. Meaning I think we can sometimes only get so much joy out of something until it starts becoming more of a chore.

    Love that you and the son went hiking.

    As a former infantryman, I know for a fact that 5 miles through wood line is no small feat. That is pretty darn cool! And good on you for doing that. I've been finding that I'm becoming less interested in my "stuff" and have been gravitating toward my sons interets. Sounds like you might be doing the same.

    Keep us posted on the new stuff you are trying.

    FYI, my kid and I are taking a SCUBA diving trip in August and I'm
    Stoked to the max about that (no pun intended)

  2. #272
    Walkley822 is offline Member
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    I just want to say that you, Max, and 10 sound like you’re wonderful fathers and they’re very lucky to have you as their dads.

  3. #273
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    You guys are awesome. Thank you for the kind words.

    I just went by Beef's house and read what his life has been like with K and their pregnancy.

    He's done so much for all of us, I hope everyone reading this will zip on over to his thread and pump him up with love, affection, and optimism.

    If anyone deserves those, it's Beef.

    BTW, if you are reading this and you don't know which is his thread, it's called "Day 11 of No Suboxone. Looking for info".

  4. #274
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Max - I second everything you just said. Let’s show Beef some love.

    Beef - your mailbox is safe for now. :-)

  5. #275
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day forty-something update...

    Hmmm...things are going well. I’m still struggling a little bit on the emotional side of things, but it’s all manageable. Fortunately my wife is able to sense when my brain is feeling overwhelmed...or empty...so she tries to make things easier on me. So thankful to have her.

    My son on the other hand...he’s great at cheering me up and putting a smile on my face.

    We are all just little specks in this universe...we are all so small, and that’s why it’s amazing to think about just how big an impact we can have on each other.

    Love is balanced on a razor blade...work hard to keep it upright and you’ll be rewarded.

    Okay, I’m gonna slip and fall off of this soapbox if I stay here any longer.
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  6. #276
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10-

    With posts like that I hope you find your center Chi and remain on top of that blade.

    I respect you so much for the strength you continue to show us and the infinite love you display for 10 jr.

    One day you may let your young warrior in on your struggles, but I am privileged to know them now. You sir are a gift for us all.

    Keep staying clean. If you promise them so do I .

  7. #277
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Max- I know Lvg would say not to think too far into the future...but....

    I promise to stay clean...we got this in the bag. I just know it.
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  8. #278
    Zacho78 is offline New Member
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    Default Suboxone

    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    One thing is clear...I must not want this as bad as I wanted to quit Suboxone. The risks and rewards are entirely different.
    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Hey Jane - Suboxone is bittersweet for me because I was able to utilize it to pull my life back together. Got a good job, started a family, got my degree, etc. I can only be thankful that my life didn’t end up differently...

    Suboxone is great for some of us...but I really don’t think it should be used as a long term pain reliever or maintenance drug. It just does way too much damage to your body.
    Hi.. this is my first ever post, not sure how to use this yet, but did you stop using?.. I have an optunity for work but won’t have access to a chemist .what are withdrawal like?.. how did you go getting Employment, ie did you have to tell them you were on suboxone?.. can you maybe give me some pointers on how to use this, like make a post like you have, kind regards Zach

  9. #279
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Zach! Yes I’m around 50 days clean right now. It’s be best for you to start your own thread. It’s fairly simple, when you are on the Sub forums page there’s a button at the top of the page that gives you the option to create a new thread.

    As for your other questions...no I didn’t need to tell my employer about the Suboxone use. Suboxone won’t show up on “regular” drug tests...employers typically use a 5 or 7 panel test, and Suboxone (buprenorphine) is not part of the tests.

  10. #280
    Walkley822 is offline Member
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    50 days clean!! Holy smokes!!! How are feeling at 50 DAYS CLEAN?
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  11. #281
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10?

    You gonna answer that?

    Since I'm one day behind you..I'll take the mike from your hand and say I feel awesome!

    Let's get that 60 mark

  12. #282
    10years39days is offline Member
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    50 is real! Feeling great overall, but I’m not gonna lie...I’ve been in a funk for the past few days or so. It’s been tough to shake this empty feeling. I’m havent lost hope...not even close...but I’m definitely struggling a bit. This too shall pass.

    Proud of you, Max! Yeah let’s get that 60 goodness.

    Not sure about you...but when I came to this site I made a decision. I knew that my life was gonna change. I feel like Babe Ruth...standing at home plate calling his shot.

    I’m calling the shots. Drops mic...and then picks it back up and hands it over to Max.

  13. #283
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Congratulations on 50 big ones. Keep racking up those clean days. They do keep getting easier. The funks will pass. But you know that. So happy for you!! You're doing such a great job!!

    Just clip clopping through with Armando to track some mud on your carpet and let you know we're here.

    Have a great day buddy!!!

    *What are we gonna watch now that football's done?????*

  14. #284
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Beef - To combat this funk, I’ll probably watch the Super Bowl on repeat for the next 6 months...I simply can’t go wrong by watching Tom Brady fail 1080 times in a row. I’ll probably wear headphones the entire time and listen to Pharrell’s “Happy” on repeat as well.

    Oh that and the NBA of course.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-11-2018 at 10:15 AM.
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  15. #285
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    Normally I'd chime in with watch college BBall!

    But my CATS are terrible and Im bummed about it.

    But since I'm a sucker for punishment I watch em anyway.

    Spring training is right around the corner and like every year, I think my Red Legs have the tools to win a World Series.

    Then about mid May, all hope is dashed.
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  16. #286
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 55 - quick update. Still learning how to cope with my new mind/body. Like I said in my last post, this isn’t easy...but I keep remembering my Day 1...and Day 3...and the days right before my jump. That was the hardest thing that I’ve ever willfully participated in. If I can make it through acute withdrawals, then I can make it through anything.

    Even on my dark days (while clean), I still wouldn’t trade it for another day on drugs. I never want to experience another Day 1...or Day 3...or another taper schedule.

    This clean feeling is the most valuable item in my possession. I won’t let it go.

  17. #287
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Congratulations on 55 buddy. I gotta ask though. When you get to 60 are we baking 2 cakes??? If so I gotta make a trip to the Pacific NW to get in on that!!!

    Proud of you!
    Beef
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  18. #288
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Beef - I swear on all that is Holy that if you come out to Oregon I will bake you a cake...and you can eat it too.

    Red Velvet, right?

  19. #289
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10-

    How's the salmon fishing out there?
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  20. #290
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 60!! What?!? Feels like Day 1 was just yesterday. I wonder if that feeling will ever go away...for now I will embrace that feeling, because I don’t want to forget what Day 1 felt like.

    Physical Symptom Update: Still getting some phantom chills. Some days they are spontaneous...and other days they are more predictable. Each day is different right now. Fatigue is still a thing, but like the chills it’s manageable.

    Emotional Symptom Update: I feel like the emptiness is starting to dissipate. It’s tough to analyze these types of symptoms because at some point you have to realize that “life” has symptoms. We don’t just breathe, drink, eat, and sleep our way through life. Not even close. Life is full of worries, anxieties, distractions, lies, relationships, and doubt.

    Unicorns are mythical because they simply don’t exist. I’m not saying that life is full of despair, defeat, and dishonesty.. I’m not saying that at all. No, I’m saying that we have to be honest and realistic with ourselves. We have to put ourselves in a position of strength so that we can overcome life’s obstacles. We have to become greater than our weaker selves. Weakness leads to injury, illness, apathy, denial, and so much more.

    Find your strength for today...and tomorrow will thank you for it.

    Y’all be safe.
    -10
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  21. #291
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Max - Steelhead fishing is hot right now. Salmon here in a month or so. I caught a 24” steelie last weekend. Mmmm...so tasty.

  22. #292
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Wow...it's almost been three months since my jump from Suboxone. Here's a quick update for those of you who are wondering what is happening with my symptoms:

    Physical Symptom Update: Chills are basically gone. Sneezing is still wacky and completely unpredictable. It really does serve as a reminder that my body is still healing. Afternoon fatigue is a struggle, but it's hard to say if this is a symptom of the cleansing process or if it's a symptom of life in general. My body feels everything now...and it's such a good thing.

    Emotional Symptom Update: This is the hard part. I can barely even describe it, but it's as though I'm having a hard time finding my "normal" self over the past few weeks. But truthfully, how am I even supposed to know what normal is anymore? I had been taking Suboxone for over 10 years.

    The good news is that I'm doing well, overall, and I'm cognizant of the changes. I just need to keep my head up and press forward.

    Take care, y'all.

  23. #293
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    10!!! Hey buddy. Great update. Yeah, finding the new normal is something we all need to find out. Takes some time but you'll get there. Yeah fatigue comes and goes. But it's a lot better than the first week right?? So happy for you!!

    Keep itup. It keeps getting better!!
    Congratulations on almost 3 months!!
    Beef

  24. #294
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Default Day 100 - Cakes for Everyone

    Day 100 - this has been such an amazing journey. I literally feel like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I wanted to say thank you again to everyone who helped me through this process...you know exactly who you are. This will probably be my last post for a while. I do feel guilty about not getting on the forum each day, week, etc. There's no excuse, it's really just a personal decision and I wish I could be as consistent as others on here.

    Physical Update: The only real symptom is afternoon fatigue and random explosive sneezing. My wife and I have a friendly bet about how many months it will take until I can go 72 hours without sneezing. I have this feeling that she's going to win the bet on the day of my funeral. I took Suboxone for 10 years...if daily sneezing is my punishment then I will take it in stride!

    Emotional Update: Spring is here, and I notice that my mental state is waking up a little bit. Every now and again I go into full "dark mode" for a little bit...but then I snap out of it. Other than that, focus and attention have been an issue, but I deal with it. Everything is good, and I'm finding more joy in my life than I ever imagined possible.

    Take care everyone,
    -10

  25. #295
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    So inspiring!

    Really excited for you and can't wait to read more amazing posts 10!

    Keep up the excellent work!

  26. #296
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Just riding by with my boy Armando and Lucille on my shoulder. Figured we should show you some love and do a few donuts in your front lawn, since the mailbox is off limits. (Not making that mistake again!)

    Hope all is well my friend
    Beef
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  27. #297
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey everyone, I'm back from "vacation". Why is there a big figure-eight in my front lawn? Now I get to spend the weekend re-seeding my lawn and installing retractable spike strips in the soil. Try it again, Beef...

  28. #298
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Here's a little update at 4.5 months clean. First off, let me say that being clean is the best. Even when I have a hard day, which is few and far between, it's SO MUCH better than the alternative of being controlled by Suboxone. Before taking the jump, I was so concerned that I wouldn't be able to function as a normal human being. For those of you out there who are wanting to get clean...please listen: You can, and will, live a normal life after getting clean. The drugs will lie to you...your inner addict will lie to you. Life is better on the other side. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy...because it's not. That first few weeks is super tough. But keep in mind that it won't kill you...and it will make you stronger.

    Physical Aspects: Sneezing is really the only lingering, attributable, chronic symptom, and it varies day by day. Some days it's two sneezes, and other days it's ten sneezes. As you probably know...these aren't normal sneezes...they are beast-mode sneezes. Every now and again I'll get a phantom "chill" and it's gone after a few seconds. It's not even irritating because it's so short lived. None of this is surprising. Still dealing with afternoon fatigue, but I don't really think of that as a symptom anymore...it's just me...and probably quitting caffeine plays a big role in it.

    Emotional Aspects: Alright, here's a curve-ball. A few weeks ago, I noticed that my anxiety and depression was getting a little bit wonky, so I did a little test and stopped using the DLPA for a few days. Surprisingly, by stopping it made things better...significantly better. I was shocked. My anxiety dropped down to a more appropriate/normal level, and my little bouts of dark depression flat-out disappeared. I am not sure why or how this is happening, but it is. I wish I had a clue...but I don't. Not sure if I want to test out the DLPA again to try to find a sweet spot. For now I'm going to abstain. Hey, if it ain't broke...

    Overall things are going really well. I want to keep on documenting this progress. It's important that people who are considering getting clean can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  29. #299
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Default Five Month Update

    Well, actually it’s closer to 5.5 months. Guys, life has been pretty amazing over the past few weeks (since my last post). I really feel like I’ve passed over the hump, and I know that the worst is officially behind me. It’s such a good feeling.

    Physical Update: Once again, the sneezes will prevail. Other than that, I’m symptom free from a physical standpoint.

    Emotional Update: Currently this is where I’m thriving the most. My progress over the past month or so has been incredible. Sure, i still get the occasional curveball...but I just do my best to make adjustments and try not to strike out.

    This has been such a transformative year. Lots of growth...physically, mentally, and spiritually.

    I know who I am today...and I know who I want to be tomorrow.

  30. #300
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Default 6 Months Already!?!?

    Like, whoa. I can't believe it's already been six months. I looked down at the calendar and realized time is flying by just a little too fast these days. I'm so happy to be where I'm at right now.

    Thanks again to Beef, Lvg, Randy, and my buddy Max (I sure hope you all are doing well). Max and I started this journey around the same time. Beef was the first person that I communicated with on this forum, so I gravitate toward him...similar to the way that his baseball bat gravitates toward my mailbox. And Lvg...the North star full of wisdom and guidance.

    Speaking of wisdom, I'm a bit disappointed that the infamous Catrina never popped in to share her wisdom. Much love, Cat. You've helped so many people.

    Absolutely nothing has changed since my last post. I'm really just cruising along...watching the past fade away in the rear-view mirror. It feels so good! This is exactly what I wanted...and I wanted it bad enough to make it happen.

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