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Suboxone Jump - I'm Taking My Life Back
  1. #151
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10-
    If I could hug you right now I sure would. You have been reading my thread and you know i went through that exact same thing. Depression grabbed me and kept pouring sadness over my head. And it lasted for a few days. I had to rationalize this is just part of the process and I had to reach down and ask if I had another Day One in me. This time around I knew the answer to that was no!

    I am so glad you aren't temped to put that poison in yout body. You are one mentally tough person and like me, you won't give up!

    Keep posting and if that means posting real things, hard things, upsetting things, do it. You are an inspiration to so many people right now and they all need to know that not every day will be full of roses. Life does happen but having the support of your loved ones and the full support of this forum, you will get through this
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-16-2018 at 07:58 AM.

  2. #152
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Max is100% correct. This is all part of the process. Don't let it get you down. I know you feel all doom and gloom right now but it will pass. You 're doing great. Your body is healing itself and it takes time. Keep your head up and keep rolling right through this!!

    We're so proud of you!!

    Beef
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  3. #153
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey 10 This is all part of process...just know it's a feeling and This too Shall Pass... I promise you. Hang in there stay active do something nice for yourself today you deserve it. The mental part of this is Formidable.. Have you looked into face to face support it will give you the tools to help you through all this. It will also give you a support system one Addict identitying with another. Will also hold you accountable. Take it one day at a time... Ohhhh btw Congratulations my friend...
    Proud of You...

  4. #154
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 27 - morning update.

    Hey guys, I really appreciate the support. Last night was probably the most difficult from an emotional standpoint. Even though I didn't sleep much, I woke up this morning feeling 50% better...and I've been slowly getting better as the day progresses. As far as physical symptoms, today is a good day.

    Without dwelling on it too much, I just want to say that last night was a bit frightening. I really thought I was losing my mind for a second there.

    I wonder if "the beast" was making a last ditch effort to get me to cave in. I don't see how things could possibly get worse than that...and I survived...so that is a positive note to end on.

    As for face-to-face support, its something that I'm.considering but I haven't pulled the trigger on yet. I see myself going to meetings at some point in the near future, but not yet.

    I'm still pinching myself on a daily basis, and learning to have trust and confidence in my sobriety.

  5. #155
    Wavision is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Day 27 - morning update.

    Hey guys, I really appreciate the support. Last night was probably the most difficult from an emotional standpoint. Even though I didn't sleep much, I woke up this morning feeling 50% better...and I've been slowly getting better as the day progresses. As far as physical symptoms, today is a good day.

    Without dwelling on it too much, I just want to say that last night was a bit frightening. I really thought I was losing my mind for a second there.

    I wonder if "the beast" was making a last ditch effort to get me to cave in. I don't see how things could possibly get worse than that...and I survived...so that is a positive note to end on.

    As for face-to-face support, its something that I'm.considering but I haven't pulled the trigger on yet. I see myself going to meetings at some point in the near future, but not yet.

    I'm still pinching myself on a daily basis, and learning to have trust and confidence in my sobriety.
    Keep on plowing through. You've made it so far. Great job on getting through last night. I haven't made it anywhere near where you are yet, and am still in the tapering stages. Last night and today have been off for me mentally as well. I'm sure nowhere near as bad as you since I'm still at 1.5mg a day and you have been totally off, but you are def not alone.

    Keep up the great work and all this will be lifted in no time. Good luck, you got this.

  6. #156
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Wavision - I hear you about tapering. It isn't easy, and I would say that the mental part of tapering is treacherous in the sense that you are still battling against Suboxone. The beast is telling you that you need more...and your good sense is telling you that you don't...but your body throws a bit of a temper tantrum because it's acting on its own.

    At this point in my journey, I am not craving Suboxone but my body/mind is still adjusting. It makes it hard to decipher what is what...and its easy to overanalyze the symptoms.

    Thanks for your support! I'll be here when you make your jump!

  7. #157
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Please never regret sharing how you feel here.

    I know those feelings all too well. This is the danger zone, so to speak, when it can be easy to say to heck with it and go back to what you think will make it all better. I have been there and am there way too many times. Life gets ahold of us, at times, and shakes us to feel the way we do. I know for me, exercise is the only way out. It produces natural endorphins. I have taken 3 weeks off from work, finally, to taper and straighten myself out. A routine, and, most importantly, projects. Pleasure projects and projects that need to get done.

    It is so easy to want to pull a blanket over our heads and lay on the couch. I think I have watched every SVSU episode out there. It just made me more depressed. You really have to pull hard. Some on here take an antidepressant. They swear by them. I, myself, did not have much luck with one I tried, but am told not one size fits all. Sometimes you just have to jump in and try them if you cannot get out of that fog.

    I have been on here 3 years and not ashamed to admit it. My manta has always been never quit quitting. It's obvious I live by those words.

    Please keep talking on here. It helps a lot of us and more who never post. It's a struggle, but you have seen people here who come out on the other side and it's a bright side. You are in a little funk right now, but I feel positive you will come out of it.

    Try to get some sleep. I tried, but I swear I heard something like someone was trying to break in. I think I was dreaming. Now here I sit. I would not have got to reply to your post had I not had that dream. Sweet dreams.

    Hope
    Hope - I want you (and others) to know how much your support means to me. I couldn't do this without your kind words and wisdom.

    Thank you.
    -10

  8. #158
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Serious Question:

    I've noticed that so many veterans of this website have been around for a while. They are on the forum daily, in some cases after years of being clean. This is not a judgement, I hope that you know that. You guys are my heroes.

    But my question is, for the veterans, why do you do it? Is it to pay it forward? Is it to remind yourself of your own struggles? Is it community service? Self therapy? What drives you to do this?

    I've thought about this a lot. I want to be on this forum as long as possible...and I have been wondering how long that will be. As an addict, should I always keep this forum in the back of my mind?

    Does it follow the idea that we are only clean for today, and that we must forever remain on both offense and defense to keep the whole thing balanced?

    I'm sure appreciative of you guys. What keeps you from looking away?

    Hey 10Years -

    Interesting question. And a very good one. I'll give you my take on it and hope it's what you're looking for.

    I guess I consider myself a veteran of the forum with almost 4 years as a member. I spent nearly 2 years before joining just reading and lurking to further my knowledge. Once clean I could have easily taken off and been done with the forum. Some do and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that in my opinion. The forum helped them through detox, they get clean, and now they can really live life to the fullest. But for me personally it becomes more than that, much more.

    I stick around for all the reasons you mentioned. First of all we learn in NA that we must pay back what was freely given to us. That's one reason I'm still here, to pay back, to pay it forward. Also as you mentioned, it reminds me of the struggle I went through to get to where I am today. All the stories, all the posts, and all the threads have a direct connection to my life. I was the worst of the worst. I was in so deep with my addiction. I was a monster on drugs. Not a person you would want to associate with. And it wasn't the real me, it was the drugs driving my life to no-wheres-ville. I was very nearly dead on more than one occasion. I stick around as a constant reminder that life is just one pill away. Day one all over again. If you knew me on drugs and now with several years clean you would honestly believe I was 2 separate persons. You would NEVER believe I was the same person.

    Self therapy? Absolutely. It truly helps me to know I've helped another on their way. They may not make it, but I know I did my best to get them to make the turn to a better life. To know that someone is really saying they want to get clean and something I've suggested has helped it's real good therapy for me.

    But honestly I just love the people here. Could you ever imagine a bunch of crazy drug addicts being be such great people? They become more than members, they become real friends. And addicts are some of the STRONGEST people alive for what they go through. No one could understand unless they've been through it themselves.

    I wish I had more time to be here. But with a very full and busy life, demanding job, and marriage this summer my life will become even more crazy. And I wouldn't have it any other way. There may come a day when I no longer have the time to be here. But for now that day will hopefully be a ways down the road.

    Randy

  9. #159
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Well said, Randy. Thanks for giving us a better understanding of why you, and others like you, devote so much time to people who need help.

    Do you find it is easier to help people online or in-person? Which is more gratifying?
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  10. #160
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Well said, Randy. Thanks for giving us a better understanding of why you, and others like you, devote so much time to people who need help.

    Do you find it is easier to help people online or in-person? Which is more gratifying?


    Definitely in person because I can literally SEE the results. I can see their facial expressions and tone when they talk. Makes helping much easier.

    Randyu

  11. #161
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 27 - evening update. So today and this evening has been much better than yesterday. What happened last night was inexplicable, and I'm hoping it was just an anomaly.

    Today I've been upbeat and positive, and I'm ready to put one more clean day in the books.

    30 days is coming up quick! I know I shouldn't be looking too far ahead...but seriously I'm gonna bake a big ol' cake...with that crazy confetti frosting that kids love...and then I'm gonna proceed to stuff my face with the aforementioned cake. Then while my mouth is full of cake I'm going to sing "We are the Champions", by Queen.

    And then I might puke a little and do it over again. I'm pumped for this milestone. I will get my cake...

  12. #162
    Anonymous Guest

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    10 - you are doing wonderful. Keep posting and keep up the good work. Every day you put behind you is a true milestone.

    After 3 years, I finally have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. While the support on here is invaluable, I do now admit I need a face to face. I am off for 3 weeks from work (sort of). I still have to go in to do the books, but I am not around all the day to day stress. I have done this working and not working. I know a lot of people can't take off from work. I really shouldn't but it's my life we are talking about.

    Upbeat and positive. Two words that are SO important through all of this. It's when we aren't is when we fet scared and sometimes go back to the dark side. Just keep what you are doing and be mindful at all times.

    So happy for you.

    Hope

  13. #163
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Ohhh hope Proud of You it took me a long time to admit I could not do this alone..

  14. #164
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 28 - technically 4 weeks, but not widely accepted as a month. No cake yet for me.

    Today is going really well! Last night was a huge improvement, and I got around 7 hours of sleep. Woke up with some energy!

    Still fighting some intermittent chills throughout the day, but at this point they are so short-lived and sporadic that I'm able to ignore them. The chills used to be constant...now they are just little "flashes" that come and go.

    Still sweating just a little bit at night, nothing crazy though. The improvement is palpable on all fronts.

    Hope y'all have a great day!
    -10

  15. #165
    RightTurn33 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Day 28 - technically 4 weeks, but not widely accepted as a month. No cake yet for me.

    Today is going really well! Last night was a huge improvement, and I got around 7 hours of sleep. Woke up with some energy!

    Still fighting some intermittent chills throughout the day, but at this point they are so short-lived and sporadic that I'm able to ignore them. The chills used to be constant...now they are just little "flashes" that come and go.

    Still sweating just a little bit at night, nothing crazy though. The improvement is palpable on all fronts.

    Hope y'all have a great day!
    -10
    You are an inspiration - very proud of you and happy for your success. It's great to hear that your secondary recovery phase is going well. I know the psychological and physical symptom setbacks are devastating to deal with - I'm still battling them myself, but am seeing improvements. You've got this. Enjoy the cake!

  16. #166
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey 10. Congratulations on 4 weeks! Quite a feat, and you're winning this battle and not letting anything hold thou back. I say make that cake buddy. You gotta celebrate the small victories, enjoy the day my friend. I couldn't be happier for you!!

    Beef
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  17. #167
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Drive by.

    *Beef hangs his body out the window and swings his Louisville slugger and hits 10's mailbox into 1000 pieces.*

    Get outta bed you bum!! How was the cake? You deserve it!! Hope you have a great day!

    Beef

  18. #168
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Drive by.

    *Beef hangs his body out the window and swings his Louisville slugger and hits 10's mailbox into 1000 pieces.*

    Get outta bed you bum!! How was the cake? You deserve it!! Hope you have a great day!

    Beef
    Hey Beef - I'm pretty sure your bat is broken because my mailbox is like Fort Knox. When were starting the process of buying our house one of the first things that came out of my mouth was, "That mailbox is a beast".

    Hey man, I woke up nice and early and ate breakfast with the kiddo...I was up...lol. I heard something loud out front, but it was just Beef crying because his beloved bat was broken.

    Today is going great! Busy, but great!
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  19. #169
    10years39days is offline Member
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    As for the cake, I told my wife that I want to bake it...so she said that she's gonna find an easy bake oven or something and let me at it. Regardless, the cake will be baked and consumed on Friday night after work. This. is. happening.
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  20. #170
    10years39days is offline Member
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    I wonder if I can post a link to Dropbox so I can show y'all the cake.
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  21. #171
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    Beef that is a great description! I can see your giant frame now cracking that slugger only to get a stinger from girth of 10's mailbox.

    Hope you have fun baking that cake! I am going to do the same thing except Saturday markes 30 for me.

    I have thoroughly needed this site and have gotten so much positive vibes from it that it's now part of my daily ritual.

    Oh and as for the cake, it's gonna be chocolate with chocolate pudding for this guy.

  22. #172
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Chocolate on chocolate...classic, Max. I'm going with that confetti cake stuff. Haven't had it in years. Plus I am not that good with baking so mine definitely needs to come out of a box.

    My wife offered to bake me a cheesecake from scratch...which is awesome...but the cake is a symbol...lol...I created this mess so I need to destroy it. With my mouth.
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  23. #173
    Wavision is offline Member
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    Hey 10, glad to see you're doing good.

    I'm now getting my list of supplements and other things like hylands for when I make the jump. I'm going to get the DLPA amino acids you recommended as well as hylands restful legs, which you also recommended.

    Have you take the hylands? If yes, maybe you can answer this....

    Looking at the packaging for hylands restful legs, it says to dissolve 2-3 pills under your tongue every 4 hours 6 times a day.

    Is that really how you have to take that stuff? That much a day??

    Just trying to guage how much of it I need to get.

    Please let me know. Thanks
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  24. #174
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wavision View Post
    Hey 10, glad to see you're doing good.

    I'm now getting my list of supplements and other things like hylands for when I make the jump. I'm going to get the DLPA amino acids you recommended as well as hylands restful legs, which you also recommended.

    Have you take the hylands? If yes, maybe you can answer this....

    Looking at the packaging for hylands restful legs, it says to dissolve 2-3 pills under your tongue every 4 hours 6 times a day.

    Is that really how you have to take that stuff? That much a day??

    Just trying to guage how much of it I need to get.

    Please let me know. Thanks

    I wasn't certain of the dosage and the amount you mention sure sounds like a lot of this supplement to take daily. I just asked my dad and he confirmed that is the correct amount, but he takes far less than that will good results. I also looked online and it says the same thing as far as the dosage goes. I myself wouldn't take that much at first. I would try 2 tabs and give it an hour. If more is needed try another 2 and see how it goes. Know what I mean? But of course it's totally up to you.

    Added: When I developed the dreaded RLS I tried Magnesium, Potassium, and ate some bananas. It did help....a little. Cat always suggest putting heating pads on both legs with the setting on low. What worked the best for RLS for me personally was to completely "tire" my legs out before bedtime. I either jogged outdoors or inside on my treadmill if we had rain or other nasty weather. I ran or walked until my legs were soooo tired and that helped more than anything else....for me.

    Randy
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  25. #175
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    I agree with Randy. Once I finally got out of the bed and moving. I'd walk a mile or so before bedtime then take a looooonnnngggg hot shower, take 2 valerian root pills, and wash it down with a strong cup of sleepy time tea. And I'd take a calcium, magnesium, and zinc supplement, and eat 2 bananas a day. Seemed to work for me.

    Beef

    DLPA is amazing!!! I still take it today!

  26. #176
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Wavision - everything Randy and Beef said is good advice. I know this sounds like hyperbole, but I promise that your body will be happiest with natural foods and natural supplements.

    Your eyes will change, your skin and pores will change, your sinuses will change (first bad, then good), and you GI tract will start performing better.

    Try to be as natural as possible. I decided to cut out caffeine around day 10 or 15 I think. It wasn't bad in comparison to the WD.

    Do whatever works for you. My only "cheat" was taking Ondansetron. But I've stopped that for a while now.
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  27. #177
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Oh and yes DLPA is absolutely amazing. It's a staple in my house now.
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  28. #178
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Oh and yes DLPA is absolutely amazing. It's a staple in my house now.

    Yup, I 2nd and 3rd the use of DLPA. One of the better supplements you can take.

  29. #179
    Wavision is offline Member
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    Ok, sounds good. Thanks for the input from everyone.

  30. #180
    David256 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Wavision - I hear you about tapering. It isn't easy, and I would say that the mental part of tapering is treacherous in the sense that you are still battling against Suboxone. The beast is telling you that you need more...and your good sense is telling you that you don't...but your body throws a bit of a temper tantrum because it's acting on its own.

    At this point in my journey, I am not craving Suboxone but my body/mind is still adjusting. It makes it hard to decipher what is what...and its easy to overanalyze the symptoms.

    Thanks for your support! I'll be here when you make your jump!
    So great to hear this 10. You summarized what I’m feeling also. Good sense is the guiding light, but our-my biophysical response is like gravity pulling back to reality. Saturday 1/13 was the day I made the decision to start researching! monitoring and cutting up the sub as directed. This is day 5 for me and I’m doing it! We all can. Getting ready to go from 1.5mg to 1.25mg soon.
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