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Suboxone Jump - I'm Taking My Life Back
  1. #181
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    I agree with all that amazing advice. You know your body best and the info shared is a recipe for success.

    Good on you David for tapering. I never had the discipline to taper but it is clearly an extremely effective strategy. Good luck and keep posting your progress!

  2. #182
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 29 - today was a great day! I actually got some work done today at the office. Felt like I was really able to focus and just be myself.

    My only gripe for today is the chills. They are still lingering, but just like yesterday they come in short little spurts. Very similar to watching a movie or listening to a song that gives you the chills. Very short lived, but also very strong. They don't really bother me at this point.

    Still having some fatigue I'm the afternoon and then I get a second wind after dinner.

    I've been eating really well lately. I probably eat 50% more food than I did two weeks ago. I'm a thin, tall (not Beef tall) guy so food is super critical right now.

    Even more critical...me versus cake. Tomorrow at sundown. Be there or be square.

  3. #183
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Whoa - had an actual craving tonight. It wasn't strong, but it was random enough to scare me. Like, if my wife hadn't been around then its hard to say how it would've played out.

    Maybe it was more of a habit/muscle memory thing. Tell me what you think...here's how it went down:

    I was packing my work bag for the morning, and I was sort of in autopilot just doing my thang...and I totally went to the cabinet to grab my dose for tomorrow. Of course its not there...but its like my mind went right back to pre-jump for a second.

    So once I realized what I did, I thought for a split second "I hope she (my wife) hasn't thrown them out yet"...and then it was followed by a quick thought process consisting of, "what if I need them? Should we just hold on to them for awhile?"

    Then I fully realized what I was thinking and the craving was gone almost as quick as it came. My wife, let's call her "K"... for obvious reasons... has been holding onto my 12 month+ stockpile since I started tapering below 1mg.

    Its a scary thought, but I think we need to flush them. Thoughts?

  4. #184
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Whoa - had an actual craving tonight. It wasn't strong, but it was random enough to scare me. Like, if my wife hadn't been around then its hard to say how it would've played out.

    Maybe it was more of a habit/muscle memory thing. Tell me what you think...here's how it went down:

    I was packing my work bag for the morning, and I was sort of in autopilot just doing my thang...and I totally went to the cabinet to grab my dose for tomorrow. Of course its not there...but its like my mind went right back to pre-jump for a second.

    So once I realized what I did, I thought for a split second "I hope she (my wife) hasn't thrown them out yet"...and then it was followed by a quick thought process consisting of, "what if I need them? Should we just hold on to them for awhile?"

    Then I fully realized what I was thinking and the craving was gone almost as quick as it came. My wife, let's call her "K"... for obvious reasons... has been holding onto my 12 month+ stockpile since I started tapering below 1mg.

    Its a scary thought, but I think we need to flush them. Thoughts?


    Oh hell yeah, get rid of what you have, and the sooner the better. You said it yourself....if the wife hadn't;t been there????

    That's usually rule Number 1 right after us telling you that you have to want this bad enough. Rule Number 2 is to get rid of your stash and cut off all methods of obtaining more. I know how difficult it is to do it, but it's just plain dangerous to have stuff available. With a month clean, it's still in a dangerous time for all addicts. I would have gotten rid of it long ago. Didn't know you had any or I would have said something.

    Randy
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  5. #185
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Yes yes. Definitely flush those bad boys!!! You don't need them. You're a month in and doing amazing. It only gets better and you don't need those running your life again! Get that cake ready!!
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  6. #186
    Walkley822 is offline Member
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    You’re doing amazing. Get rid of them and don’t look back. I think it will be a new freedom and a load off your shoulders.
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  7. #187
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Clean Day 30!!!!!...and then another " ! " for good measure.

    Fortunately I have enough resolve to want this bad enough. Last night I had a craving and I'll admit that it could have been bad if my wife wasn't around. There's no way to know for sure. But, with that, I'm just now realizing how dangerous it was that my wife agreed to hide the Suboxone during this process. This was all determined prior to the jump, and to be clear I have no idea where they're at. But let's be honest...I could turn the house upside down in 30 minutes and find them. It's just a matter of whether or not the crazy addict wants them bad enough. Fortunately he doesn't (not yesterday...and not today)...but tomorrow could be different.

    I talked with K this morning as she was heading off to work and we agree that we would do a "flushing" ceremony tonight. I'm going to ask that she handles them, and I will do the flushing. These are the old school 2mg tablets, so it'll take a while to get all of them out of the blister packs.

    All things considered, I'm glad it went down this way. Now I get to formally say "goodbye" to Suboxone and eat my cake too.

  8. #188
    Wavision is offline Member
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    Great decision. Once I make the jump I plan on flushing whatever I have left over immediately. All it takes while feeling miserable is telling yourself it's just one little piece, it won't hurt and boom, you're right back at it.

    Hope you have a splendid flushing ceremony.

  9. #189
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    Oh hell yeah, get rid of what you have, and the sooner the better. You said it yourself....if the wife hadn't;t been there????

    That's usually rule Number 1 right after us telling you that you have to want this bad enough. Rule Number 2 is to get rid of your stash and cut off all methods of obtaining more. I know how difficult it is to do it, but it's just plain dangerous to have stuff available. With a month clean, it's still in a dangerous time for all addicts. I would have gotten rid of it long ago. Didn't know you had any or I would have said something.

    Randy
    Thanks, Randy. My wife has them locked away somewhere. I've mentioned that a few times in the thread, but that's beside the point.

    She's had them in her possession long before the jump, but I think the reason why we didn't toss them is because when I made the jump, I wasn't necessarily planning to jump. I was planning on day skipping. But as it turned out, my first day of "day skipping" turned into my first day clean.

    I remember the first day that I left the house without my dose under my tongue...it was so liberating. I wanted to feel that again, and again, and again. I still enjoy that feeling.

    Fortunately, once the stash is flushed I have no other immediate way of acquiring Suboxone. I've had a surplus of this stuff for about 3 years, because up until my final taper I was taking 2mg while being prescribed 8mg a day. My pain clinic went out of business around a year ago. It's helpful that I don't have any friends or family that are addicts (at least not that I know of).

    The risk is still there...and I won't forget that.
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  10. #190
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ditto on that! Say goodbye to the fallen soldiers. I had maybe one craving at about 3 weeks. Depression hit me like a Mack truck and I thought "I can just call my Dr. and he will call in a few of my sub friends to the pharmacy and I'll feel all better" but then I realized what I was thinking and I just moved on. I had come way too far and suffered too long to just throw it all away. Congratulations. You're strong my friend!!

    Have a great day!!
    Opportunistic Beef

  11. #191
    10years39days is offline Member
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    I'm loving this new, improved, advanced version of Beef.

  12. #192
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Not to mention...so incredibly opportunistic.
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  13. #193
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Look at you. You'll be a diamond member with an asterisk in no time.

    **Beef sighs as there are already multiple asterisks by his name**

  14. #194
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Big guys that swing bats are asterisk magnets.

  15. #195
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Man..... This guy's on fire today.
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  16. #196
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Attention: The cake is exiting the oven. I repeat, the cake is exiting the oven.

    My sweet wife took my out to a nice dinner with the kiddo tonight. We got home a little bit late, which delayed the cake party. This cake is mine to destroy.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  17. #197
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 30 treated me well. In just the past few hours I created and killed a cake...flushed the Subs...and conquered some noobs in PUBG tonight. ‘Twas a nice chicken dinner.

    Just a few chills today and fatigue this evening...but that’s it! I’m super tired as my body digests like a pound or two of cake. But I’m feeling good...
    Beefaroni7272 and Randy35 like this.

  18. #198
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey 10. Just wanted to pop in and say I'm proud of you! I think I'm gonna have to grab a cake on the way home. All this talk of cake has made me crave one. I'm thinking Red Velvet tonight and maybe a gallon of milk to wash it down......... Yeah that sounds good.

    Gonna make some Louisiana style gumbo tomorrow. Can't wait, haven't made it in years and K and the kid have never had it. So I'm excited for them.

    Hope you have an amazing day.
    Beef
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  19. #199
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 31 - wow today was great. I’ll start with the best parts. Woke up at 6am without an alarm...took me only a few minutes to get out of bed. Got up, ate some breakfast, caught up on my Netflix addiction.

    My son woke up around 7am...he was like, “what are you doing?”. I replied, “your dad is a morning person now...gonna have to deal with it”. We both smiled.

    By 8:30am I was showered and ready to take on the weekend...and so far it’s been productive.

    Late afternoon fatigue is still a thing I’m learning to deal with. I’m completely off of caffeine, so I don’t want to go that route for energy.

    Chills did their normal thing today. Waves of little chills, that’s all. Only sneezed twice today so far. That’s a new record. Normally I sneeze at least 10 times...and up to 20 probably. What can I say I’m blessed...a lot.

    Thanks, Beef, I appreciate your support as always. I hope you were able to kill a cake today. Mmmh red velvet.

  20. #200
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    Congratulations on one month clean from sub. Things only get better. Now that you have flushed the evil subs (even though they saved me) you will feel like you are now in control and the subs will no longer control you. Best feeling in the world. I will never let another drug control my life. I like you was lucky that I had my spouses support. Everything comes back. Taste, smell, music, laughing.......enjoy every clean day!!!
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  21. #201
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Need Support View Post
    Congratulations on one month clean from sub. Things only get better. Now that you have flushed the evil subs (even though they saved me) you will feel like you are now in control and the subs will no longer control you. Best feeling in the world. I will never let another drug control my life. I like you was lucky that I had my spouses support. Everything comes back. Taste, smell, music, laughing.......enjoy every clean day!!!
    Thank you! I’m so happy right now. This whole thing has been a dream come true. I’ve still got a lot of work to do, so it’s important that I don’t get too complacent. Fighting this thing every day.

    Happy for you! Honestly the subs saved me too. I would’ve died eventually if I continued taking 20+ Percocet a day. Eventually it would’ve been 25, 30...who knows.

    It’s hard to say this without grimacing, but I have almost zero regret about being on the Suboxone for 10 years. It gave me an opportunity to grow up, mature, and abandon all of the reckless behaviors that were ruining my life.

    Plus, today is all that matters. More specifically this moment, right now is all that matters.

  22. #202
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10-

    Just catching up to your last day.
    Wow! You and Beef had the opportunity to relapse and slammed the door on it.
    LOVE THAT!

    Sounds like the subs actually worked for you the way they should have. Helped to get you on that path and now they can move on. I cannot stress to you how amazing it is you have no one addicted who is close to you.

    I have the exact same thing in my environment and the couple of "friends" I had who are use, I axed them out of my life. Really inspired to see you make the positive choice you made for you and your loved ones.

    Oh and I love me some gumbo. How did yours turn out?
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  23. #203
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey Max! I think Beef was making the gumbo, but yeah that sounds really good. I’ve always wanted to try authentic gumbo but we don’t have anything like that in the NW.

    Man I just want to say that I’m SO PROUD of you! Keep living this dream man. Every time I hear the Macklemore song “Glorious”, I think of you.

    You deserve and earned the right to feel Glorious.

  24. #204
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Oh yeah gumbo at Beef's tonight!!! Everyone's welcome!! Making a HUGE pot. I love me some leftovers! You can go to food network dot com and look up authentic gumbo recipes. They're all pretty money. And you can get the ingredients at any grocery store. We'll worth experimenting!!

    Hope you have a great day 10!!

    Beef
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  25. #205
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 32 - slept awesome last night. Woke up early...full of energy. Don’t have many plans for the day, but I’m think some yard work is in order.

    We have some family coming over for dinner tonight. Beef you might as well send the Guinness rep’s over once you’re done...because my wife makes the best Enchiladas Verdes in the world.

    My mouth is watering. That’s such a weird statement...say it like 10 times. Super weird.
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  26. #206
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Got through 3 times and messed it up real bad! Lol
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  27. #207
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    10-

    I don't know if I am familiar with that song but I'm gonna check it out.

    Beef- the gumbo ...oh the glorious gumbo.

    Trust me it's not unusual for me to make a few trips to ATL each year. If I am driving by the Dalton GA exit and I happen to get a wif of gumbo, I'm gonna track u down and raid your food!
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  28. #208
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 32 - evening update. Oh wow the enchiladas were fantastic...seriously guys I ate way too much.

    It was fun hanging out with family tonight. It’s interesting because I used to be very quiet and closed off...for the most part. Now I’m just so much more “present” when other people are around.

    Only had one problem today, and it’s an odd one. When we finished with dinner, my son started talking about my cake. When my brother-in-law’s girlfriend asked why I baked the cake, my son said, “oh because my dad didn’t take his medicine for 30 days”. Boom...silence.

    First off...I have NO clue how my son even knew this. I’m assuming my wife explained something to him, but I wasn’t aware of it.

    Second off...I have NO clue what the in-laws interpreted from that relatively ambiguous bit of information. They sensed the tension, and quickly changed the subject.

    Do you think I should bite the bullet and offer a real, adult explanation? Or just let it fizzle out?

    I would just hate for them to interpret it in a negative way. Because for me, this is obviously a positive thing.

    Input is welcome.

  29. #209
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Okay so I talked with K and it turns out that she did say something to our little guy. She forgot to tell me. I guess he was wondering why I wanted to bake a cake and she said (to him), “because Dad wasn’t feeling well and now he’s feeling better because he hasn’t taken a medicine for 30 days”. That’s all.

    We talked about it and we are good, obviously. She knows how I feel about it, and that I’m not upset.

    But this is a sensitive subject that carries a stigma. It’s similar to someone “coming out” of the closet. I’ve got a lot of skeletons in my closet and when I’m ready, my extended family will know about it.

    Not sure how to press forward now, because the cat is out of the bag. But that’s life! It ain’t always fair or easy.

  30. #210
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Okay so I talked with K and it turns out that she did say something to our little guy. She forgot to tell me. I guess he was wondering why I wanted to bake a cake and she said (to him), “because Dad wasn’t feeling well and now he’s feeling better because he hasn’t taken a medicine for 30 days”. That’s all.

    We talked about it and we are good, obviously. She knows how I feel about it, and that I’m not upset.

    But this is a sensitive subject that carries a stigma. It’s similar to someone “coming out” of the closet. I’ve got a lot of skeletons in my closet and when I’m ready, my extended family will know about it.

    Not sure how to press forward now, because the cat is out of the bag. But that’s life! It ain’t always fair or easy.


    Hello Friend -

    Those little ones always speak the truth don't they. I can imagine how you felt in that moment. If it were me I might just say that I was taking some medication for.....my sore back, my headaches, the wrist I sprained the other day, my aching knees, etc, etc, etc. Just fill in the blank with any excuse you can think of, and say the meds you were taking could possibly produce some type of wd's if you didn't stop taking them slowly. Mention your son overheard your other half and you talking about it and he asked questions being the inquisitive boy that he is. Laugh, and leave it at that.

    Randy
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