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Suboxone withdrawal Daily Diary - need support!
  1. #91
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Rhodesy.... yeah. Read more and it varies between users. Some have felt better in 2 weeks and to some others, 4 weeks. The extremes were 6 weeks. It's a very long acting opioid. On average. .. most took 30 days to feel 100%. If that's the case for you, next week exist some nice surprises in your moods. I'll be here if you want to talk.
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  2. #92
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 18

    It's getting better and better every day. I am continuing to progress. I did get a bad RLS flare up last night which caused me to get little sleep. I had some sugar last night for the first time in a while though. That must have had something to do with it. The weather today was not great but I forced myself to get out and walk for a while anyway. I'm really getting myself back but the lethargy and fatigue continues to be a problem. It is getting better though. I'm fighting through it. I'm sure I'll be back to normal physically in short order.

    I'm going to start going to sleep at 11 instead of midnight. I tend to wake when the sun comes up. If I could start getting even one more hour of sleep throughout the night I think i'd feel a lot better. I don't do well with lack of sleep. Never have. I had moments today where I felt really good. Starting to get my strength back. I can tell my dopamine levels are still shot though. I still get RLS at night, have a hard time focusing, etc. Tell tale signs of a dopamine deficiency. I'm not going to panic yet though. If I'm not feeling significantly better a week or two from now I'll start to worry but not right now. I'm still just riding this thing out, letting my brain heal. I'm making progress every day. That's the most important thing. God bless.
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  3. #93
    Mayflower14 is offline Banned
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    We've been juicing raw veggies for years, and I try to go to the gym routinely, but my job and kiddos provide me with daily exercise by themselves! A good diet is key, though. Too much unhealthy food available to us., TOO affordable.. The govt would prefer to poison us with over-processed foods and sugar. I avoid sugar for the most part, occasional treats, and I pretty much stick to water now. No soda. Liquor-yes. But I've cut my drinking WAAAYYYY down. Just can't give up everything all at once! Gotta have 1 guilty pleasure!! But the diet and exercise probably made this a whole lot easier!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-23-2015 at 06:21 PM.

  4. #94
    Mayflower14 is offline Banned
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    We've been juicing raw veggies for years, and I try to go to the gym routinely, but my job and kiddos provide me with daily exercise by themselves! A good diet is key, though. Too much unhealthy food available to us., TOO affordable.. The govt would prefer to poison us with over-processed foods and sugar. I avoid sugar for the most part, occasional treats, and I pretty much stick to water now. No soda. Liquor-yes. But I've cut my drinking WAAAYYYY down. Just can't give up everything all at once! Gotta have 1 guilty pleasure!! But the diet and exercise probably made this a whole lot easier!!

  5. #95
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi ms may..

    You sound like you are doing great..
    You just keep showing up..

    I know you are still drinking and consider myself blessed to be done with that too.
    If you can go a few weeks without any mind altering substance you may notice a significant Change..
    I know it is hard
    But you can always go back..

    Give youself a break.
    Take care ..
    Will check back later..
    Bette

  6. #96
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhodesy View Post
    Day 18

    It's getting better and better every day. I am continuing to progress. I did get a bad RLS flare up last night which caused me to get little sleep. I had some sugar last night for the first time in a while though. That must have had something to do with it. The weather today was not great but I forced myself to get out and walk for a while anyway. I'm really getting myself back but the lethargy and fatigue continues to be a problem. It is getting better though. I'm fighting through it. I'm sure I'll be back to normal physically in short order.

    I'm going to start going to sleep at 11 instead of midnight. I tend to wake when the sun comes up. If I could start getting even one more hour of sleep throughout the night I think i'd feel a lot better. I don't do well with lack of sleep. Never have. I had moments today where I felt really good. Starting to get my strength back. I can tell my dopamine levels are still shot though. I still get RLS at night, have a hard time focusing, etc. Tell tale signs of a dopamine deficiency. I'm not going to panic yet though. If I'm not feeling significantly better a week or two from now I'll start to worry but not right now. I'm still just riding this thing out, letting my brain heal. I'm making progress every day. That's the most important thing. God bless.
    Rhodesy . . Your dopamine is NOT shot. Everyone who has recovered will tell you you get your normal levels back after a few weeks. Only cases I've seen where the mind stops almost severely is on very heavy >>>>>> users that have been abusing for decades. You should be fine. You probably get hopeless since it's still erratic but you are on the right track. Glad to hear you had moments of happiness, that's a very good sign you are healing.
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  7. #97
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mayflower14 View Post
    We've been juicing raw veggies for years, and I try to go to the gym routinely, but my job and kiddos provide me with daily exercise by themselves! A good diet is key, though. Too much unhealthy food available to us., TOO affordable.. The govt would prefer to poison us with over-processed foods and sugar. I avoid sugar for the most part, occasional treats, and I pretty much stick to water now. No soda. Liquor-yes. But I've cut my drinking WAAAYYYY down. Just can't give up everything all at once! Gotta have 1 guilty pleasure!! But the diet and exercise probably made this a whole lot easier!!
    hehe, yup. My guilty pleasure is a good honey cigar once or twice a week.

  8. #98
    Mayflower14 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iluv2smile View Post
    Hi ms may..

    You sound like you are doing great..
    You just keep showing up..

    I know you are still drinking and consider myself blessed to be done with that too.
    If you can go a few weeks without any mind altering substance you may notice a significant Change..
    I know it is hard
    But you can always go back..

    Give youself a break.
    Take care ..
    Will check back later..
    Bette
    Hi Bette! Thanks for the shout out..
    I've really cut it down...way down. Kinda hard when the husband plays music in bars... But instead of doing a bunch of shots and drinks, I now get a tall bourbon and coke and sip it the entire time... No doubles either! Big change, for me anyway.

  9. #99
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 19

    Today's been a good day so far. I went and visited some relative's graves and got some sun. It felt good to get out. I had a really nasty RLS flare up last night. Really hoping that goes away soon because it's starting to become frustrating. My dopamine levels just aren't back to normal levels yet. Hoping that'll happen soon. I worked out my legs hard yesterday too. That probably made it worse. I want to keep my legs strong though.

    I am finally getting my strength back. I was so weak and exhausted the first week of this whole thing but every day it's been getting a little better. It's crazy how exhausted I feel all the time though. It's like an overwhelming mental fatigue. It comes and goes in severity but it can creep up rather quickly. Like I said though, it really does seem to be lessening every day. I figure if I keep eating right and staying active and sticking with a good sleep pattern I should start to bounce back pretty soon. I'm going to go for a walk and take it easy the rest of the night. I'll update again tomorrow. God bless.

  10. #100
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    UOTE=Rhodesy;473802]Day 19Today's been a good day so far. I went and visited some relative's graves and got some sun. It felt good to get out. I had a really nasty RLS flare up last night. Really hoping that goes away soon because it's starting to become frustrating. My dopamine levels just aren't back to normal levels yet. Hoping that'll happen soon. I worked out my legs hard yesterday too. That probably made it worse. I want to keep my legs strong though.

    I am finally getting my strength back. I was so weak and exhausted the first week of this whole thing but every day it's been getting a little better. It's crazy how exhausted I feel all the time though. It's like an overwhelming mental fatigue. It comes and goes in severity but it can creep up rather quickly. Like I said though, it really does seem to be lessening every day. I figure if I keep eating right and staying active and sticking with a good sleep pattern I should start to bounce back pretty soon. I'm going to go for a walk and take it easy the rest of the night. I'll update again tomorrow. God bless.
    [/QUOTE]
    wow! Day 19! Good job. .. you held on.
    Do you realize you are about 10 days away from hiring that magic spot? Ha! Almost there! 30 days is the suboxone recover time on average. Viks seem to be 3 weeks from my experience. So keep holding on!

    I have been saying "keep holding on" to everyone. Mainly because i visualize everyone on a high mountain, right in the vertical edge. Either you hold on the the rocks and skin cracks tightly or let go and fall all the way back down. Where you will set up camp and wait for the next climb. Some climb again and done just don't. Hey eaten by bears. Lol. That's my visual mental will thought. It's been working, im glad most in here haven't dissappeared and still post. Usually when peeps stop posting and never past again, they fell [relapse].
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  11. #101
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    crazyfrog, thanks for all the words of encouragement. It's meant a lot to me to have somebody going through a similar experience and giving me positive reinforcement along the way. I'm doing a lot better today. I lifted and jogged and didn't get lethargic really at all. Continuing to progress! I'll post later. Keep up the fight!

  12. #102
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhodesy View Post
    crazyfrog, thanks for all the words of encouragement. It's meant a lot to me to have somebody going through a similar experience and giving me positive reinforcement along the way. I'm doing a lot better today. I lifted and jogged and didn't get lethargic really at all. Continuing to progress! I'll post later. Keep up the fight!
    Thats awesome! I expected a 1 week delay in your recover compared to my hydro. Excellent! You are so close! Day 25 for me amd the only new thing that i can add is, im caring less and less about thepills Hehe... im actually forgetting about using them. That's big, that should keep me clean. Expect that for yourself too.
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  13. #103
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 20

    Day 20 folks! And the best news is that it's continuing to get better and better every day. There's been myriad things that have plagued me since this whole process started. The really major ones lessened significantly after 10 days or so. There's been some that have dissipated over the past week and some that have lingered and refused to go away. The last bit of stubborn symptoms are finally lessening though. I'm still not where I hope to be but I'm definitely making major strides. The fatigue and extreme lethargy is fading more and more every day. The symptoms that have frustrated me the most have been mental. It seems to be getting better though. My memory is improving and I'm able to recall things more quickly. I'm able to focus on things more and more every day.

    I'm a lot stronger than I was even a few days ago too. I urge anybody who's on day 15 or 16 of suboxone withdrawal to really stick with it. I have had a lot of cynical thoughts on my long term sobriety prognosis. I felt unlike myself totally and was sick of dealing with the foggy head and fatigue and all the other symptoms. I promise you it gets better. I still have a ways to go but I have a feeling next week I'll feel even better than I did today, which would be amazing because I feel pretty good today. The only thing that's continuing to linger and bother me is the night time RLS. I had a bad occurrence of it last night and did not get a great night's sleep. Woke up 5 or 6 different times throughout the night. I did eat some junk food last night though which I never do. I rarely eat sugary foods so when I do it's kind of a shock to the system anyway. That probably exacerbated my RLS. Hopefully that whole thing goes away soon though. I know that RLS is a sign of depleted dopamine levels. They give people (non addicts) with bad RLS medication that raises their dopamine levels. Requip is a medication that directly raises your dopamine levels and is given to people with RLS. It's also given to people with Parkinson's (Parkinson's is caused by a severe dopamine deficiency). This is a long way of saying that my bouts of nightly RLS is a clear sign that my dopamine levels still aren't up to where they should be. Here's to hoping they get there soon! Pray for me. Thanks. God bless.

  14. #104
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hi Rhodesy, good to hear you are better. Agree on the mental part. By far thats the most hellish wd symptom. I would love to have extreme rls with crippling body ache rather than the mental anguish that follows after the first 2 to 3 weeks. I think it's the mental part that really makes everyone relapse over and over. But it makes complete sense. The meds play with your mind chemistry. And prolong use actually makes slight physical changes. But the mind is a incredible machine, it has its way of surviving and heals it's self withh lots of time . Time is key along with the will to allow time to pass. Looks like you ate on track Rhodesy, its most likely a month recovery for you due to it being suboxone. I got lucky, hydro only took me 3 weeks to hit the to of the hill. I'm having a real good day today, feel great.

  15. #105
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Hi Rhodesy, good to hear you are better. Agree on the mental part. By far thats the most hellish wd symptom. I would love to have extreme rls with crippling body ache rather than the mental anguish that follows after the first 2 to 3 weeks. I think it's the mental part that really makes everyone relapse over and over. But it makes complete sense. The meds play with your mind chemistry. And prolong use actually makes slight physical changes. But the mind is a incredible machine, it has its way of surviving and heals it's self withh lots of time . Time is key along with the will to allow time to pass. Looks like you ate on track Rhodesy, its most likely a month recovery for you due to it being suboxone. I got lucky, hydro only took me 3 weeks to hit the to of the hill. I'm having a real good day today, feel great.
    Glad to hear you're doing well. Staying positive I think helps a lot. Keep it up man.

  16. #106
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 21

    Three weeks without suboxone. Three weeks into recovery. Three weeks of finding myself. Still continuing to progress every day. It's starting to feel like summer and a lot of memories and feelings are coming back to me. I'm excited to get on with my life sober and fully present. Looking forward to meeting new people and finding new opportunities. I know it's going to happen for me soon. I've got a lot more of a positive outlook now then I've had really throughout this entire process. I just know if I work hard and put myself out there and stay positive I'll at least be doing something. I'll have and be involved with something of value. Something meaningful.

    I did have another bout of RLS last night. I'm hoping and praying that goes away soon. I feel like I can't fully break the chains and move on until the RLS has subsided and I'm getting solid sleep. Neither has happened so far but they keep getting better every day. I think a week from now I'll notice a major difference. I know most people who get off suboxone say the 30 day mark is a huge turning point. Hopefully that happens for me! It's such a slow process that you don't even notice some of the major changes until you really think back and remember how bad it was the week or few days prior. There's a lot that really keeps you down the first couple of weeks. You don't feel like yourself. You feel like you ruined yourself for life. That you're always going to have diminished mental capacity. I promise you it gets better. I've always loved reading and knowledge and science and learning new things. Being on suboxone suppressed a lot of that and then the withdrawal process diminished those things so dramatically that it scared me. I had a hard time reading for more than 10 minutes for the first two weeks. I was worried I was never going to get back to normal. But, thank God, I feel so much better today than I did even a few days ago. I really am improving every day mentally. Getting back to my old self. It really is a tremendously long waiting game, but for those who have the patience and the fortitude to wait it out it is absolutely worth it. You've been using for so long you've forgotten how good life truly can be. It's so much better than you think it is. It just takes time. Not everything is smooth sailing. Life is a series of ups and downs. Trust me though, you want to be fully present for both the former and the latter. You don't want to miss out on life. And that's exactly what will happen as long as you're medicated. Keep up the fight. God bless.

  17. #107
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Good job Rhodesy, those rls are terrible for sure. You ate almost down to 1 week to hit the 1 month proud. No way can you turn back. Absolutely no way. You gone this far, it would be foolish to get on any meds now. More time Rhodesy . ... thats all you need.

    Day 26 turned out to be a real good day. One of those pure stay dopamine flow days. Is true what they say, once you are off for a lengthy time, natural high beats the pill high.

    I'm doing what you are thinking Rhodesy, a change in my life style. I'm going for a new job interview tomorrow. I'm tired of my current employer. Long story but the pills kept me from progressing in the I.T field. And my fault routine needs to change, lots of stuff trigge cravings but luckily they are small. I think starting over with a new company will keep me very occupied and clean. Sometimes ill dwell in my thoughts and wonder if I'll start gobbling up hydro again. In some events I amd solid on never again using. But on a few rare occasions there's that voice in my head, that says I'll use again when i get better. Scary but it's all in the mind. And the more days go bye, the more i feel like not using. Keep going forward.
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  18. #108
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 22

    Another day, another new reason to live sober. My mind is getting better and better every day. Life is filled with so much magic that you really miss out on while on suboxone. Suboxone does a great job of getting you off full agonist opoids and getting stable. It can be a life saver for those with hardcore opiate addictions, but it gets you back to zero, no higher. To really get the most out of life you have to do it without suboxone. It's still hard at times for me but I'm continuing to improve. Each night is better than the one prior. Last night I had only mild RLS that did not last throughout the night. Very thankful for that.

    I am being patient but also very much want to move on with the next chapter of my life. That seems to be the predominant thought over the past week or so. I just can't wait to get on with my life. Feels really good to finally feel like myself again though. My strength is fully back now. My stamina is getting better and better. I'm able to do a heavy work out and jog and feel energized afterward, not exhausted. Sun, healthy food, and lots of exercise has been huge for me. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for those three things. I'd be a lot worse off. I know that. Keep up the fight. God bless.

  19. #109
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hey Rhodesy . .. glad you feel better. I'm doing way better myself. Not thinking at all about using. My good days are almost back to back now. No symptoms are left really. Only problems i have is trying to change companies. Did the interview yesterday, got a real shirt hair cut and dressed business like. Everyone said i liked like a different person. Lol. Healthier. Interview was interesting but i don't think is for me. So that bummed me out but i copped with it rather well. 28 days for me, i think 5 or so more days and i should be 100%. At the moment i feel like I'm 90%.

    Btw.. for anyone wondering. ....... yeah i feel normal and my almost old self . So its possible to recover really. It's all in the mind in the forest 3 weeks. Freaking looooog road for sure. ........ dont want to do that again. :/

  20. #110
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Hey Rhodesy . .. glad you feel better. I'm doing way better myself. Not thinking at all about using. My good days are almost back to back now. No symptoms are left really. Only problems i have is trying to change companies. Did the interview yesterday, got a real shirt hair cut and dressed business like. Everyone said i liked like a different person. Lol. Healthier. Interview was interesting but i don't think is for me. So that bummed me out but i copped with it rather well. 28 days for me, i think 5 or so more days and i should be 100%. At the moment i feel like I'm 90%.

    Btw.. for anyone wondering. ....... yeah i feel normal and my almost old self . So its possible to recover really. It's all in the mind in the forest 3 weeks. Freaking looooog road for sure. ........ dont want to do that again. :/
    Glad you're doing well. Hang in there. You'll get the job you want. Keep up the fight!

  21. #111
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 23

    Today was interesting. Last night I really did not feel great. I went shopping and had to run errands and when I came back home I just wanted to decompress and couldn't. On suboxone, it was guaranteed relaxation and the ability to enjoy myself. Now that I'm off it, it has to happen more naturally. Outside forces are a factor now. My emotional state changes depending on a number of things. It's no longer as simple as take suboxone, relax and enjoy yourself. So that stressed me out a bit last night. I really just wanted to be able to relax and enjoy a show but I just couldn't. RLS kicked in a little bit. It was overall just uncomfortable and depressing. I did not sleep well either. Finally got up at like 6am and made an effort to stay positive. I watched a Bob Marley doc on Netflix while I was eating breakfast and it put me in such a better mood. I love his music anyway, but the doc was so interesting and uplifting.

    I decided I wanted to really work out the rest of the day and expel a lot of energy. Being active and out in the sun is the only thing that is guaranteed to make me feel at least a little better. I lifted and jogged for a few hours in total. Felt pretty good all day. At around 4 I started to feel really tired. I was able to fight through it though and am hanging in there until I go to sleep. I am going to try and relax. Hopefully tonight I can. I'm continuing to improve though. I think once I start sleeping through the night I'll start to feel a lot better. When the RLS goes for good I'm going to be really happy too. I'm hoping that happens really soon. I love that I keep getting better mentally though. Every day I feel a little bit better. A little more clear. I'm ready to enjoy life and work hard and move on to experience the next phase. God bless.

  22. #112
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Good post. At least you are able to induce a slightly more good state of mind with music! That's a great sign. Your mind it fixing itself. Closing those extra endorphin receptors. Once those shut down, your current level of natural endorphins should bring that good feeling.

    Today was interesting for me as well. Been feeling rather well for the last 4 days until today around 1pm. Daughter got off school (last day ) and we drove to get something to eat. As i was driving a sudden thought came in, having her wirh me and driving in the middle of the day triggered memories of when i was using. A sudden wave wave of depression set in and i got a good amount of anxiety. Lolol. I felt like i was on week 1 mentally! It was awful! Lasted for about 1 hour. Then suddenly it left. Clearly it is paws. But the good news is im having way more time being normal and happy than depressed and sad. So its the opposite now. I give it another week i think before i completely level out.

    Rhodesy, when ever those bad moods hit, keep doing what you are doing. Get active. It does help. And if you come close to cracking,back and don't see a doctor. You are so far in being clean that is not worth getting put on another mind altering drug to get you happy. Suboxone takes way more time, give that time a chance and keep going.

  23. #113
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Rhodesy..... ever since I started this journey with you, almost everyone else who joined and we're counting hours have dissipated. About 90% are no longer posting. You know what that means. . Usually it's relapse. You are the only one from the originals that have stuck strong. These pills .... vicious little things.

  24. #114
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Rhodesy..... ever since I started this journey with you, almost everyone else who joined and we're counting hours have dissipated. About 90% are no longer posting. You know what that means. . Usually it's relapse. You are the only one from the originals that have stuck strong. These pills .... vicious little things.
    Absolutely. It's tough. You have to really really want it. For yourself and not for others. I want so badly to have a life that any urge to use or go back on suboxone is quickly reasoned with and pushed aside. It's still a battle at times but it's certainly not constant. I just know that if I want anything in life that's meaningful I have to stay sober.

  25. #115
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 24

    Life is starting to feel like life again, with all it's glorious moments and uneventful spots of boredom and everything in between. I'm not where I want to be mentally yet, but I'm getting really close. I'm starting to be able to process my emotions better and deal with life's challenges one at a time. I've been blessed enough to be in a stress free environment for this whole process which I believe has helped tremendously. I have to go back to work a week from Monday. I'm a little stressed out about that because my job is hard work but I know getting back to work can be a good thing too. I'm using my loathing for my job as a motivator to get into something better. I'm considering taking classes. I still need to think and pray on it. I definitely want to be able to do something that I can make a career out of and not be miserable doing it. Life is too short to be miserable the whole time.

    I think I'm going to stop doing the daily diary entries once I hit 40. I'll keep it up long enough for you all to get a feel of what the first 40 days are like and what kind of strides you can make in that time. I'll still check in, just not every day with the diary entries.

    I was on suboxone for almost 8 years. I relied on it for any moments of joy or happiness. I used it to mask any emotional deficiencies or turmoil. Coming out of the fog and working my way through life without the aid of this drug has been one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. It's also been incredibly rewarding though. I know now that life is so much better without suboxone. I just wish I would've bitten the bullet sooner. The longer you are on it the harder it is to come off. It's never too late though. There's a meaningful life out there for you. You just have to stop using and make the first step. All the other steps you can worry about later. God bless.
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  26. #116
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hey Rhodesy , glad you have stick it through. Feel the same way about posting. I'm 3 how away from being 1 month clean. 30 days! Lol. What a ride! The mental pain really effed me! Lolol. But my mind is 90% healed. Very stable. But yeah. ... i noticed in not thinking too much about this whole process and have begone to move on with life. Im missing or skipping a day in posting, mainly seems im starting to forget about it. That's a good thingi guess. Like yourself, my I.T job is not where it should be and not too happy with it. I'm making the move to progress now and trying to enter the real estate market as a visual artist. I have the skills and finally now i have the drive. So im building my portfolio to do walk ins and look for employment there. My I.T routeen triggers my thoughts too much, along with other people inside on meds don't help. I see you are entering that stage, if you are even considering being a motivator speaker, your endorphin levels are elevated. And wait for more days to go by! You will be jumping up and down and actually>pursuing >this career move! Also, the introvert problem subsides! In so much more social and confident. It's incredible how down low i was kept with those pills.

    Rhodesy . ... do that move! Take courses,! Just give yourself more time to strengthen your mind and then make the jump! There's nothing better in life than enjoying the work you do.
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  27. #117
    pullagnm is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhodesy View Post
    Day 24

    I was on suboxone for almost 8 years. I relied on it for any moments of joy or happiness. I used it to mask any emotional deficiencies or turmoil. Coming out of the fog and working my way through life without the aid of this drug has been one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. It's also been incredibly rewarding though. I know now that life is so much better without suboxone. I just wish I would've bitten the bullet sooner. The longer you are on it the harder it is to come off. It's never too late though. There's a meaningful life out there for you. You just have to stop using and make the first step. All the other steps you can worry about later. God bless.
    Rhodesy/crazyfrog, I just want to say thank you for posting your daily diary. I've been reading daily. I've been on suboxone for 3yrs now, coming off of 500 milligrams of oxytocin daily use. All prescribed by my doctor. The pills killed me as a person,and I'm just coming out of a deep depression since starting suboxone. This stuff is crippling.

    I know I need to get off of suboxone, if I want to live. I don't know what keeps me from doing it, fear.

    I just wanted to say thanks, your post's mean something, you are making a difference in people's lives by it.
    Iluv2smile and Rhodesy like this.

  28. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by pullagnm View Post
    Rhodesy/crazyfrog, I just want to say thank you for posting your daily diary. I've been reading daily. I've been on suboxone for 3yrs now, coming off of 500 milligrams of oxytocin daily use. All prescribed by my doctor. The pills killed me as a person,and I'm just coming out of a deep depression since starting suboxone. This stuff is crippling.

    I know I need to get off of suboxone, if I want to live. I don't know what keeps me from doing it, fear.

    I just wanted to say thanks, your post's mean something, you are making a difference in people's lives by it.
    Thanks. That means a lot. I know exactly how you feel not wanting to get off suboxone. The unknown is scary. Your mind tricks you into thinking you won't be happy without suboxone. You absolutely will be better off though. It's a process and you have to stay diligent to stay sober but you absolutely will be happier. That's one thing I know for sure. I thought I was happy at various times on suboxone and then other times I would wish for more. The times I thought I was happy was nothing compared to the moments of happiness I feel now. I can actually fully enjoy and experience aspects of life that were rendered meaningless while on suboxone. Things like being out in the sun, socializing, helping others, reading, exercising, eating good food, and so much more. These things are sooo much better without suboxone! You have a clear mind and can fully appreciate these things on an emotional and intellectual level. It's hard to fully explain without experiencing it. You want a life where you're present. Where you can grow as a person. It's painful to me that it took eight years for me to figure this out. You've got a life ahead of you just waiting to be lived! God bless.

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    Day 25

    Today was really nice, in a this is life sort of way. I got some good sleep last night. Slept til like 9 this morning. It felt really good to wake up feeling well rested. I worked out my legs and read for a while before going out into the sun. I jogged and then mowed my lawn so I was outside for a good 3 hours. It felt really good too. Just to get the exercise and soak up the sun. I felt fulfilled in a way. It was nice.

    Once I came inside I cooked and have just been watching tv since. I'm really feeling like my normal self again. I know that every day is not going to be like this. There will be bad days. Days where I'm stressed or have anxiety or whatever. I just need to know those days are coming but those days are also temporary. Once I start to move on with my life and move in to the next phase of my life things are going to happen. Great things and horrible things. I need to be mentally prepared for anything that comes my way. I think that's important. I certainly am ready for good things to come my way though. I think being positive and believing that something great is on the way helps a lot. It's really easy to be negative but does not help at all. I think it's most detrimental thing you can do to yourself honestly. There's a lot to love about life.

    Just for anybody wondering I am still experiencing RLS. It starts to set in around ten or eleven o'clock now and I am able to fall asleep fine with it. Some nights are worse than others. As soon as I get up in the morning it goes completely away. I'm hoping it completely goes away soon. While not as uncomfortable and depressing as it was even a week ago it's still a major annoyance. I'm going to go enjoy the warm evening. Keep up the fight.

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    Day 26

    Today was the first rainy day that I didn't mind. Maybe that's progress. The aspects of life that were depressing to me a week or two ago are now just parts of life to me. There's not this negative emotion attached to them anymore. I can look at something intellectually and realize it's insignificance. I'm starting to enjoy the little things in life more and more. I've finally begun to get back my sense of curiosity and wonder that I thought was gone forever. I consider that an immeasurably enormous blessing.

    I did lift today and did core exercises. I worked my upper body harder than I have for quite some time. It felt really good too. The stronger I feel the better I feel. Exercise can be a drag at times and motivating yourself to do it 4 or 5 days a week is tough at times, but it makes you feel so much better. I couldn't imagine where I'd be if it wasn't for my daily runs and being able to lift. I would be a lot worse off. Music has really helped me too. The first couple weeks it really did not help at all. I was defunct of any positive emotional response. Slowly I started to have a really positive reaction to music though. Music is such a great eraser of negative thoughts and conduit to positive emotion. Finding new music and listening to nostalgic songs from your past are both helpful I think. They have been for me anyway.

    One thing that seemed like a curse when this withdrawal process started has turned into a huge blessing. Time seemed to move at a crawl during the first two weeks of this process. It certainly moves quicker now but I find myself being able to live more in the moment. It's hard to explain but it's nice. When I was on suboxone time seemed to move rather quickly. I'd sit down and play video games and before I knew it 4 hours had gone by. I never could live in the moment for very long. Now I can kind of enjoy moments as they come and appreciate them more. If you're on day 7 or 8 don't freak out about the clock moving at a snail's pace. It gets better. When you come out of the fog you'll appreciate that life can slow down at different times.

    Hang in there. I don't think I could have been in a deeper hole the first week of withdrawal. I feel so much better today though. With the help of God, staying positive (trying to), eating healthy and exercising almost daily I've been transformed into a different person. Immediately after withdrawal I was scared, depressed, filled with doubt and fear that I had ruined myself for life, and unable to see any kind of light. Today I'm confident, hopeful, inspired, and happy in the knowledge that life is full of so many possibilities. Life is magical. You can't see any of that the first couple weeks clean. Just because you can't see the light doesn't mean it isn't there. That's what's so great about life. It still has the ability to surprise you. After going through this ordeal you're going to be ready for something great to come your way. It's going to feel all the better because of that too. God bless.

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