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Suboxone withdrawal Daily Diary - need support!
  1. #151
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hey Rhodesy!! Its so nice to get your responses and know someone doesn't mind reading my babbling and venting and whining...and also to have someone be happy for my small accomplishments thru this and to have support from someone who understands me and what I'm going thru! It means more to me than u know!! I am doing better today!! I ended up taking 2 tsps of my sons liquid ibuprofen (like I'm a kid) last night and it didn't help much but I slept like a baby last night and actually slept too much! Lol! But cutting that thick high grass and just being outside was truly what I needed!! And I felt normal yesterday for the fist time in SO long!! My back is feeling better today!! Thankfully!! I'm feeling OK today!! No WD symptoms yet..but know they can creep in. Hope your day is going great!! And I PROMISE no relapse for me!! Pinky promise!! Now u pinky promise me the same!! :-)
    Alright, I pinky promise. Lol. Glad to hear you're doing better today. Being outside and getting exercise helps so much. It's really the one thing that has helped me through this the most. Just being in the sun and being active. That's good you got some sleep too. Keep getting exercise and you should get into a normal sleep pattern which I think is important. Glad to hear your back pain is better today too. Back pain is really frustrating to deal with. I had a good day today too. I was able to get out of the house and forced myself to do different things. It actually felt good too. I thought doing stuff alone might be kind of depressing but it really wasn't. It's better than sitting in the house all day. Anyway, keep up the fight. You're doing great!

  2. #152
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Struggling36........ Rhodesy. Hows it going? Just stopping by and day hello. I'm on day 38. I'm 98%there in my mind. Craving are very rare now. Reality seems like i remember it 8 years ago. I'm eating like crazy! But i need the weight . Im 5"10 and dropped to 147 under the pills. Everyone asked if i was sick since i looked skinny. Lol. I Amaya told them i work out. Lol. But not im at 165lbs. Feel healthier and look decent. Getting less of compliments. Ended up chopping my long hair into a very short hair. Got back to working out 5 days ago and building muscle again. Interesting thing though. ... now I'm so for doing any trip anywhere. Before i dreaded going anywhere .and if i did, i wanted to get it over with asap! I'm heading to LA tomorrow fir a road trip. Partner wants to go, and im up for it. That woyld have been impossible if i was on the pills. So anyone wondering about how you will feel at 38 days, this is me . It's not bad at all. Got my confidence back and all. I feel normal and feel like my old self. Incredible really. So its possible to get your old self again. It's just a long journey of time. Painful really. I cringe at the first 2 weeks. My mental state was hellish.

    struggling36, stick with Rhodesy. He can guide you well since he knows the withdrawal stages now. Good luck and dont forger, stay CLEAN! Dont fall for this meds again. Otherwise you will be on day one again. The mental strain going through this over and over is brutal. Keep your son in mind everytime you get urges. My daughter was a key role in giving me will power.

    anywho... ill stop by in 2 days again.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-07-2015 at 06:22 PM.

  3. #153
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Sorry for the typos. I tried to fix but site won't let me. My swype kb on my phone just butchers my words. Anyways. .. good luck both of you.

  4. #154
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 33

    33! Thirty-three is the number of vertebrae in the spine, the age of Jesus when he was crucified, the number of innings in the longest baseball game in history, a great song by the Smashing Pumpkins, and also happens to be the number of days that I've been off suboxone! Thank you, thank you. No applause are necessary. I really do feel great though. I feel like I'm just starting to move into the next phase in my life. I think the first thirty days were there to get me sane and stable, to let my mind fully heal. I think the next thirty days are going to be a period of adjusting to life and putting myself out there. Getting ready for something really great to happen. I know great opportunities are in my future but I know I have to be ready to take advantage of those opportunities. I have to be confident, ready to handle stress, ready to work hard and deal with ups and downs. I think that's the worst part of addiction. It blocks our growth and doesn't allow us to reap the rewards we'd be receiving if we weren't using.

    I was able to get out of the house today. I forced myself to go out in public and do things I'm not used to doing. It was nice. It was a lot nicer than I thought it was going to be. I was a little worried doing things by myself might be depressing but it really wasn't. It felt good to get out of the house. I'm going to keep doing things that are out of my comfort zone. I think that will help me a lot. The worst thing you can do is to retreat and not do things out of fear. You're just not going to have everything you want in life if you do that. There's that old quote "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". I think that's true. It's good to have goals but life is full of surprises. Those surprises won't happen if you cut yourself off from the world though. That's the great thing about life. You have a choice in what life you want to live. For us fortunate to live in the free world anyway. You can choose (sometimes it's subconsciously) to shut yourself off from the world. You'll give yourself a million excuses. All of them will be rooted in fears. The fear of the unknown. The fear of rejection. The fear of being hurt again, of being let down. You're stronger than you think. A great life full of great people and great surprises is waiting for you. You have to put yourself out there though. All those great people and experiences aren't going to find you if you're planted on your couch cushions. Go out into the world with an open heart and an open mind. Good things will happen. God bless.
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  5. #155
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Struggling36........ Rhodesy. Hows it going? Just stopping by and day hello. I'm on day 38. I'm 98%there in my mind. Craving are very rare now. Reality seems like i remember it 8 years ago. I'm eating like crazy! But i need the weight . Im 5"10 and dropped to 147 under the pills. Everyone asked if i was sick since i looked skinny. Lol. I Amaya told them i work out. Lol. But not im at 165lbs. Feel healthier and look decent. Getting less of compliments. Ended up chopping my long hair into a very short hair. Got back to working out 5 days ago and building muscle again. Interesting thing though. ... now I'm so for doing any trip anywhere. Before i dreaded going anywhere .and if i did, i wanted to get it over with asap! I'm heading to LA tomorrow fir a road trip. Partner wants to go, and im up for it. That woyld have been impossible if i was on the pills. So anyone wondering about how you will feel at 38 days, this is me . It's not bad at all. Got my confidence back and all. I feel normal and feel like my old self. Incredible really. So its possible to get your old self again. It's just a long journey of time. Painful really. I cringe at the first 2 weeks. My mental state was hellish.

    struggling36, stick with Rhodesy. He can guide you well since he knows the withdrawal stages now. Good luck and dont forger, stay CLEAN! Dont fall for this meds again. Otherwise you will be on day one again. The mental strain going through this over and over is brutal. Keep your son in mind everytime you get urges. My daughter was a key role in giving me will power.

    anywho... ill stop by in 2 days again.
    Great to hear from you crazyfrog. Keep it up. That's awesome you're taking a trip. Getting back to living life and enjoying the little things is the best thing about this whole process for me. There's so many little things that I enjoy now that I never enjoyed on suboxone. Those pills really keep you down. It's incredible how much so. Congrats on 38 days!

  6. #156
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hi there again Rhodesy... and hello crazyfrog!! It seems like the 2 of u really helped each other thru this journey!! Can't thank u both enough for posting your experiences ..the good the bad and the ugly...and now going into the great!! I know I'm getting there! Yesterday was definitely my best since day 1! Cutting grass, being outside soaking up some sun, listening to the radio, (by the way threw that bottle away after just a few sips), it was a fight but I did cut it! It was a mental/physical fight in the beginning and the end! After cutting the last strip...I dropped on the lawn! Right there where I stood! Lol! But it felt great ..and itchy! Lol! Today, I slept too late but still felt good to sleep so sound. I think one bad part for me is having days like yesterday and having the want to have everyday be the same! And it won't be that way.. I know that cause today is different. Like I said my son loves his computer games and I couldn't play that stuff if I tried! Lol! Its just hard to get him to want to leave the house. That's a struggle for me cause I want to get out...even just to take a ride and listen to music! I'm doing OK though, put another bathing suit on, turned radio up in patio and laid out in the sun trying to get more color to me! Sick of the house but sun going down soon...:-( and I'm a Lil more relaxed today than I would like to be. Need to get more vitamins. Whats the best thing u all took for boost of energy...ginseng? B-6? Thanks again for all your kind encouraging words! I'm staying tough!!

  7. #157
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hi there again Rhodesy... and hello crazyfrog!! It seems like the 2 of u really helped each other thru this journey!! Can't thank u both enough for posting your experiences ..the good the bad and the ugly...and now going into the great!! I know I'm getting there! Yesterday was definitely my best since day 1! Cutting grass, being outside soaking up some sun, listening to the radio, (by the way threw that bottle away after just a few sips), it was a fight but I did cut it! It was a mental/physical fight in the beginning and the end! After cutting the last strip...I dropped on the lawn! Right there where I stood! Lol! But it felt great ..and itchy! Lol! Today, I slept too late but still felt good to sleep so sound. I think one bad part for me is having days like yesterday and having the want to have everyday be the same! And it won't be that way.. I know that cause today is different. Like I said my son loves his computer games and I couldn't play that stuff if I tried! Lol! Its just hard to get him to want to leave the house. That's a struggle for me cause I want to get out...even just to take a ride and listen to music! I'm doing OK though, put another bathing suit on, turned radio up in patio and laid out in the sun trying to get more color to me! Sick of the house but sun going down soon...:-( and I'm a Lil more relaxed today than I would like to be. Need to get more vitamins. Whats the best thing u all took for boost of energy...ginseng? B-6? Thanks again for all your kind encouraging words! I'm staying tough!!
    Glad to hear you're hanging in there. I know what you mean about wanting every day to feel great and when they don't it's a bit of a letdown. Getting used to the ups and downs from life is a struggle at first. You'll get there though. I take a multivitamin and korean ginseng. Korean ginseng has been a life saver for me. Huge. It gives you natural energy without the jitters or comedown. L-Tyrosine is another one people swear by. I haven't tried it but I've heard people say it has been like a miracle pill for them. It's cheap too. Under ten bucks.

  8. #158
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hey there again Rhodesy! I look forward to your responses and posts!! Just curious...the Korean Ginseng u take..is that something Walmart carries or do I need to go to like GNC or something to find it?? I do need a Lil something to give me more of a mental motivation boost...cause I tend to get inside my own head too much sometimes and I know its that stupid addict mentality of thinking for so long that I needed a pill or sub in me to accomplish anything!! I know I have to make MYSELF want to do things, make myself get off the couch, etc. It was nice laying out again today!! I LOVE just listening to music and once again several of my favorite songs came on! Makes it even better! Lol! So Rhodesy... what kinds of new things have u been trying?? Its so good your getting out the house and experiencing new things! That's what life is about! And I read your other post and you are so good about encouraging others and saying all the right things to motivate and inspire others...like me...to get up, stay strong and to keep pushing ourselves!! Thank u so much for staying in touch with me...u better not go anywhere! Do I need to make u pinky promise to stay??? Lol! :-)) And u said u were thinking about moving..any idea where u would want to go??

  9. #159
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    And I am sorry for not putting this in other post.....CONGRATS TO U RHODESY ON 33 DAYS AND TO U CRAZYFROG ON 38 DAYS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!! :-). And we all thought for so long it was impossible...but the past is the past...can't change it and no point dwelling on it...TIME TO ENJOY THE sober present and our sober FUTURES!!!!
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  10. #160
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hey there again Rhodesy! I look forward to your responses and posts!! Just curious...the Korean Ginseng u take..is that something Walmart carries or do I need to go to like GNC or something to find it?? I do need a Lil something to give me more of a mental motivation boost...cause I tend to get inside my own head too much sometimes and I know its that stupid addict mentality of thinking for so long that I needed a pill or sub in me to accomplish anything!! I know I have to make MYSELF want to do things, make myself get off the couch, etc. It was nice laying out again today!! I LOVE just listening to music and once again several of my favorite songs came on! Makes it even better! Lol! So Rhodesy... what kinds of new things have u been trying?? Its so good your getting out the house and experiencing new things! That's what life is about! And I read your other post and you are so good about encouraging others and saying all the right things to motivate and inspire others...like me...to get up, stay strong and to keep pushing ourselves!! Thank u so much for staying in touch with me...u better not go anywhere! Do I need to make u pinky promise to stay??? Lol! :-)) And u said u were thinking about moving..any idea where u would want to go??
    You can probably get the ginseng at walmart. I highly recommend it. It just gives you that extra bit of stamina you need to get through your day. It does for me anyway. That's good you're getting sun. That seems to help me the most. We had bad weather here for most of last week and it really effected me. Not being able to get out in the sun really effects my mood and state of mind. That's the biggest reason I want to move. I want to be in a warmer climate. The winters here are so long and brutal. It's so cold and miserable for so many months that it's really easy to be depressed and discouraged. It's hard to leave the house on most days because it's so cold and dark out. It really starts to effect me in January. When it's pitch black and 5 degrees outside every morning when you leave for work. And then on your way home from work it's pitch black. Very depressing. As soon as I'm able to I'm leaving.

    Thanks for the positive feedback too. It means a lot. Yesterday I went to an art gallery and went places I don't normally go. I'm going to try something new every weekend. And don't worry I'm not going to go anywhere. For a recovering addict I'm a very trustworthy person. I always keep my word. I'll be here to offer you support and listen to you vent for as long as you need it. I know great things are in store for you. You have to be sober though. God wants to bless you. He's been waiting for years to bless you. He just needs you to be ready to receive those blessings, and I know you will be soon. Hope you're having a good day.

  11. #161
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 34

    I'm doing well on this Monday. Bad start to the week weather wise but the next couple of days are supposed to be nice and sunny. I stayed busy today. I found out this past weekend that I won't be starting work until next Monday so I've got another week to do what I want to do. I'm trying to get as much done as I can because I know that once I start working I'll be pretty busy. I'm not going to let myself use work as an excuse not to do anything outside of work though. Life is too short to not keep progressing and getting as much done as possible. I know that good things are headed my way. I just need to stay positive and trust in God. And keep working hard as well. I think letting yourself get sedentary is a really bad idea. I think it's a road to relapse honestly. You have to stay active and keep your mind stimulated.

    I think we all need to remember that life happens at it's own pace. Sometimes a million things seem to happen at once and other times it seems like life becomes stale from nothing happening at all. I believe things happen when they're supposed to though. They happen when you're ready for them. I don't think God puts you through anything that's too difficult for you to handle. Everything you go through gives you new insight and knowledge for the rest of your journey. I also don't think great things happen in your life until you're ready for them. You have to stay strong and confident in the knowledge that everything is temporary and there's a new chapter to your life that's better than you could've imagined. Enjoying life's surprises is something I find comfort in. There's so much beauty and magic in all facets of life. Be grateful that for all the little blessings in your life. Be thankful that you're healthy, that you get to exist in a world where your choices make a difference. The impact of having a positive attitude and being filled with gratitude is immeasurable. Smile. You're alive. God bless.
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  12. #162
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hey Rhodesy!! Today has been a little rough for me! Woke up feeling ancy and it hasn't gotten better. Just nonstop irritated feeling...but doing my best to get thru it! Sucks having great days then going back to this feeling...but I know this too will pass!! I never once let myself think I'm totally fine and over all the bad stuff...cause I knew if I did it would just be harder when and if those symptoms popped its ugly face back up from time to time. Its been a dreary on and off rainy day. Its cleared up but we need some groceries really bad and the "husband" knows we need money for that and he hasn't brought Any yet! So he's adding to my frustration!! BUT again...doing my darndest not to let that take over me!! I can't lie I haven't done much today and wishing I felt as good as I did 2 days ago but I know I have to stop dwelling on that!! The way u described where u live with the darkness and the cold definitely sounds like misery!! I hate the cold. With my thyroid problems I'm very sensitive to the cold! So I could never live there. Louisiana really doesn't have much of a winter and if we see snow its a miracle! Lol! I hope u keep enjoying your new sober life! I know I'm getting there...pretty sure I'm on like day 24 now. Physical part a lot better but the mental with this ancy/ anxiety feeling is the pits. I can't keep still for long...but Dont really want to do anything. Going to get that ginseng as soon as I get some money and get to the store!! Hoping it also does wonders for me! Any boost would be great...especially today...I need a big boost! Lol! Hope your having a great day!!

  13. #163
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hey Rhodesy!! Today has been a little rough for me! Woke up feeling ancy and it hasn't gotten better. Just nonstop irritated feeling...but doing my best to get thru it! Sucks having great days then going back to this feeling...but I know this too will pass!! I never once let myself think I'm totally fine and over all the bad stuff...cause I knew if I did it would just be harder when and if those symptoms popped its ugly face back up from time to time. Its been a dreary on and off rainy day. Its cleared up but we need some groceries really bad and the "husband" knows we need money for that and he hasn't brought Any yet! So he's adding to my frustration!! BUT again...doing my darndest not to let that take over me!! I can't lie I haven't done much today and wishing I felt as good as I did 2 days ago but I know I have to stop dwelling on that!! The way u described where u live with the darkness and the cold definitely sounds like misery!! I hate the cold. With my thyroid problems I'm very sensitive to the cold! So I could never live there. Louisiana really doesn't have much of a winter and if we see snow its a miracle! Lol! I hope u keep enjoying your new sober life! I know I'm getting there...pretty sure I'm on like day 24 now. Physical part a lot better but the mental with this ancy/ anxiety feeling is the pits. I can't keep still for long...but Dont really want to do anything. Going to get that ginseng as soon as I get some money and get to the store!! Hoping it also does wonders for me! Any boost would be great...especially today...I need a big boost! Lol! Hope your having a great day!!
    I had a day like that a few days ago. I got very irritable and could not shake it. Thankfully it only lasted that one day though. I'm sure you will feel a lot better tomorrow. Hang in there. I think getting more exercise would help you a lot. Just going for a long walk or a jog would do wonders. It has for me. It's tough to force yourself to do it sometimes but you're so glad you did afterward. It gives you more energy, makes you feel better when you're at rest and allows you to sleep more soundly. I know for me personally the worst thing I can do is be sedentary and not eat healthy. If i go a week or two without exercise and eat sugar and processed foods it has a really negative effect on my mood. Stay strong. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

  14. #164
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hey Rhodesy!! Thank u so much for all the kind encouraging words!! I do have a question! How do u take the Korean Ginseng...how many and when and how often? I bought a small bottle this afternoon and took 2...but was wondering how u take it. I'm feeling better and not so irritable anymore...thankfully!! Hate that darn feeling, it can easily bring u down and make u miserable...if u let it!! I just kept doing my best not to think about it and kept stretching and that seemed to help. I even came in my bedroom and started drawing for a while because that relaxes me. Unfortunately the irritability kind of got to me and made me have shaky hands...not horrible but enough to make me mess up so I quit cause I was just getting more aggravated. I got up and went in the backyard in the sun and just took some deep breaths and tried putting my mind in a better place. I would LOVE to go walking or even take a ride more than once a day but can't leave my Lil boy home alone. But I was able to go to the store and get out for a short time cause his dad was here with him. He sure didn't hurt his wallet with the small amount of money he gave me...but its better than none I guess. I notice IF I let small things get to me...especially when it involves the husband, I can go into overload mode so quick! So I have been doing my best to stay in a good mindset no matter what! So I got what I could as far as food for my son and got the small bottle of Korean ginseng and a bottle of gummie multivitamins that both my son and I could take. Vitamins are vitamins and I just take 2 of them. I've been eating better...can't say the healthiest but have to eat what I have. It sucks to depend on someone else for money...especially since I've always been a very independent person and worked since I was 15. I've just had too many medical issues from my thyroid problem going into overdrive the last 3 years and have truly been unable to work. I have Hashimoto Thyroiditis...yea I know that sounds crazy and u probably never heard of it...most people haven't, unless they also have been diagnosed with it. Anyway, it had gotten really bad and that's why the surgeon immediately decided my whole thyroid gland needed to be removed after seeing all my blood test results from the last few years. Surgery was in Nov last year and I've been on 4 different strengths of my thyroid med since surgery and they still can't get any thyroid levels to come close to where they should and need to be. Plus depression hitting me hard lately...those bad memories from 15 years ago when I lost my parents have resurfaced plus losing my grandpa and 7 week old nephew!! Those memories are too vivid and once they come its not easy to deal with at all! I'm not craving anything and have no desire to take anything...its not putting me in a bad place to do any of that...its just the loss and grief I've really never dealt with that's hitting me hard I guess!! Just a lot weighing on my mind/heart lately. But I'm staying strong and positive...I know I'll get thru this!! I think back on all that and it makes me realize how much I've been thru already and the strength I found inside myself I didn't know existed. Addiction won't beat me!! I won't let it! That ship has sailed into a black hole!! Lol! Hope your having a great night!!

  15. #165
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    If its a dry sunny day tomorrow I will drag my son out the house and go to the park that's only like a block away and go walking! They have a cemented walking path around the park and I'm able to see my son the entire time I'm walking. I know exercise...just walking would make me feel so much better! I have my weights from kick boxing around here somewhere...going to look for them. I can do what I did in kickboxing...most of it, at home on my own...had my own stand up punching bag but bottom got warped out in the shed in the heat. So when u hit it...instead of going away from u it comes back at u. Hurt my wrist a few times hitting it in very stressful times. And not trying to hurt myself...I already have enough to deal with! Lol!

  16. #166
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Struggling36, hang in there. I usually take the ginseng in the morning. If i feel like i really need the energy I'll take two. If not then I take just one. Sorry to hear all those awful memories are coming back up. I know that emotion and memory are linked in the brain so when one bad memory pops up it tends to make you think of all the other bad moments in your life. Staying positive is important. You are doing great. You're a strong woman and a good mother, and great things are on their way for you. Everything is temporary. Continue to have faith. Hope you're having a better day.

  17. #167
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Thanks Rhodesy!! Can't say thank u enough for all your kind words and encouragement!! I had a very emotional night last night and cried like a little baby in the shower so my son wouldn't see me that way! But think that's what I needed...feeling a little better today but its been a very gloomy rainy day!! So I'm stuck inside and days like this make it even harder for me to get motivated. I know I need to make myself do things but I feel like I'm in a slump. Going to make myself do some funky housework and hopefully tomorrow will be a bright sunny day and we can get out the house!! I have to get myself in a better mindset!!
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  18. #168
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hi Rhodesy . . Glad you are good. Same for me. .. losing the day counts really. Everyday is like a unexpected new day. I get a little down briefly every other day but it lasts very shortly.

    Struggling36 . ... you are doing good. Give it more time. At least a month to see real changes. You'll get there if you don't relapse. Good luck.
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  19. #169
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Thanks Rhodesy!! Can't say thank u enough for all your kind words and encouragement!! I had a very emotional night last night and cried like a little baby in the shower so my son wouldn't see me that way! But think that's what I needed...feeling a little better today but its been a very gloomy rainy day!! So I'm stuck inside and days like this make it even harder for me to get motivated. I know I need to make myself do things but I feel like I'm in a slump. Going to make myself do some funky housework and hopefully tomorrow will be a bright sunny day and we can get out the house!! I have to get myself in a better mindset!!
    I hope you feel better soon. I know forcing myself to be active has helped me a lot. It's incredible how much a long walk or jog can change your mindset. Hopefully you'll be able to get out of the house tomorrow. I also had some crying episodes in the first couple of weeks. I was severely depressed the first ten days especially. That's when it seemed to hit me the hardest. I was in such an emotional hole I didn't see how I was going to get out of it. Thankfully our journey unfolds in ways we can't see. I felt emotionally and mentally stripped down to nothing. I was beaten down so that I could be built back up. The farther you fall the greater the rising up will be. When things finally start breaking your way and you're able to feel true happiness it's going to feel so much better and more special because of everything you've gone through. Try and stay positive. You have a son who loves you and will be there for you for the rest of your life. Take comfort in that.

  20. #170
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Hi Rhodesy . . Glad you are good. Same for me. .. losing the day counts really. Everyday is like a unexpected new day. I get a little down briefly every other day but it lasts very shortly.

    Struggling36 . ... you are doing good. Give it more time. At least a month to see real changes. You'll get there if you don't relapse. Good luck.
    Glad to hear you're doing good. Keep it up man.

  21. #171
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    Day 35

    I wrote and read and worked around the house all day. Tried to stay busy and not get sucked into to sitting on the couch and watching TV. It was another rainy and gloomy day today. I'm really getting sick of those. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny. That will be nice. I'll be able to go for a jog.

    It's funny how you get used to things after a while. The mind and body have a great way of adapting, especially when you're sober. The mind is a powerful thing. When you're using it's potential is blocked though. The things that bother you, that sit in the back of your head and eat at you, never really go away while using. They're kept in check but never properly dealt with. When you're sober you're able to truly work through them (if you're wiling) and resolve them once and for all. Whether it's issues with your parents/family, anxieties, insecurities, or emotional wounds that have never healed you can finally now start to work through them and find resolution. You're either getting better or you're getting worse. Being stagnant isn't an option. Refusing to take part in your growth will put you on a path to relapse. We're fighters, survivors. We've been to the deepest and darkest corners of our minds. We've slogged through fields of despair and suffering and came out standing tall. We've seen how far we can fall. Now it's time to see how high we can climb. It's a gift that we're even alive. It takes the perfect confluence of events for us to even exist. Your ancestors had to meet and fall in love thousands of times over for you to even exist. Realize the tremendous opportunity that being alive truly is. You're a fighter and a survivor. Now it's time to act like one. Great things are waiting for you just over the horizon.
    Struggling36 and Iluv2smile like this.

  22. #172
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Amen!

    All those things we put off when using..
    Seeming so big..
    But clean and sober we can walk right through them..
    Not alway perfectly but through them just the same...

    You are so right about the brain..

    It is amazing..

    When I was using I had a routine..
    So I had to change that routine and
    Set up some new ones..

    Our bodies have memories too..
    I could tell the difference when I changed the furniture around in my bedroom..

    The way it is now
    I have alway been clean..
    Before
    Not so much!

    New
    Playmates
    Playgrounds
    And
    Playthings

    So true!

    You guys are doing great!
    Inspiring many !
    Take care
    Bette
    Rhodesy likes this.

  23. #173
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 36

    Hope everybody's doing well today. I'm doing good myself. Today was a nice sunny day out so that helped. I love being able to get out in the sun for a couple hours. It really elevates my mood. I have been really active today. I didn't get good sleep last night but I got up fairly early and just forced myself to stay busy all day. It wasn't a slog though. I've had quite a bit of energy and have felt pretty good all day. Starting too finally feel tired now. Hopefully that means I'll sleep good tonight.

    Today my neighbor passed away. She was only 62. She seemed very isolated. Didn't have a lot of company. It's just another reminder of how short life is. It can be over a lot sooner than we think. That's why it's imperative to do what you love and do what's best for you. Staying sober tops that list. When you use the days go by quicker and you look back at huge chunks of time and wonder what happened. Your growth is stunted while you're using so you're constantly spinning your wheels and not progressing. Life is about paying attention and connecting to the world around you. Living in the moment. The past is the past. The world is a beautiful and magical place. Learning to just pay attention to what's in front of you and enjoy it for the beautiful thing that it is is important. Whether it's a song or the way someone smiles at you or the way your pet looks at you, it all holds a quality that can be very satisfying if you let it. Connecting to the present allows you to forget about the past too, if only for that moment. We need to keep growing. To do that we need to embrace the present and enjoy the beautiful world around us.

  24. #174
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Congrats Rhodesy . 36 days is rather big. I'll be honest. .. i thought for sure you were going to elapsed on the 3rd week due to your post of maybe seeking professional help. Usually they will hand you another substitute drug that makes everything worse. But you held on . .. be proud. Looks like you are s committed as i am. Most of the purple people that joined us in this thread are gone. Chances are they got a hold of more pills unfortunately. Remember sweetbecky? She dissappeared. I hope she is fine.

    Any who. .. L.A was fun! I actually enjoyed it. We drove through the Mojave desert where the joshua trees are. But I pulled over and walked about 500 yards into the landscape to sit down and just see. Most peaceful thing I've ever done. So serene and quiet. Not one sound came or from that place. It was relaxing. 104f degrees but i loved it. Made me happy I enjoyed that experience naturally. So. .. once down L.A... the had the Inside Out red carpet premier right on Hollywood blvd. I was 3 yards away from Torri Spelling, Johnny Knoxville and Mario Lopez. Can you believe that. .... !lol. Anyways. .. keep going forward. It is getting so much better for me.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-11-2015 at 05:00 PM.

  25. #175
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazyfrog View Post
    Congrats Rhodesy . 36 days is rather big. I'll be honest. .. i thought for sure you were going to elapsed on the 3rd week due to your post of maybe seeking professional help. Usually they will hand you another substitute drug that makes everything worse. But you held on . .. be proud. Looks like you are s committed as i am. Most of the purple people that joined us in this thread are gone. Chances are they got a hold of more pills unfortunately. Remember sweetbecky? She dissappeared. I hope she is fine.

    Any who. .. L.A was fun! I actually enjoyed it. We drove through the Mojave desert where the joshua trees are. But I pulled over and walked about 500 yards into the landscape to sit down and just see. Most peaceful thing I've ever done. So serene and quiet. Not one sound came or from that place. It was relaxing. 104f degrees but i loved it. Made me happy I enjoyed that experience naturally. So. .. once down L.A... the had the Inside Out red carpet premier right on Hollywood blvd. I was 3 yards away from Torri Spelling, Johnny Knoxville and Mario Lopez. Can you believe that. .... !lol. Anyways. .. keep going forward. It is getting so much better for me.
    That's awesome man. I have always wanted to go to LA. I am seriously thinking about moving out west. Particularly California. Anyway, great to hear you're doing well. Keep up the fight. Going back on pills is the last thing on my mind. I view them as what they really are now, poison. No desire to do them. I'm not getting overconfident though. I know I need to be diligent and disciplined in my sobriety. An urge to use can happen at anytime. I feel like I have the power to overcome those urges now though.

  26. #176
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 37

    I got very little sleep last night so I'm a bit tired and not going to type for very long. Hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight. I got talking to a friend later into the night than I should have and then two or three hours after I had fallen asleep a thunderstorm rolled through and was extremely loud. Woke me right up and made it difficult to go back to sleep. It must have been right overhead because it sounded like I woke up in the middle of a war zone. Anyway, I'm doing well. I have been really tired all day so I've felt a bit drained mentally but I've been able to stay really active all day. I went out into the sun for a while, went jogging, etc. I managed to lift today too. I'm doing well. Keep progressing every day. I really have no desire to do any mind-altering substances. I just am trying to better myself and move on in life. Time to experience new things.

    I am going to do my last daily diary entry on Sunday. That will be forty, which I think will give an accurate depiction of what coming off suboxone is like and all the ups and downs you go through. I was in such a mental and emotional hole I honestly didn't think I'd ever be able to climb out of it. If I can overcome the nightmare I went through and be where I am now mentally you can too. I'll keep checking in and letting everyone know how I'm doing. For anybody reading through this thread and wondering if it's worth it, it absolutely is! You will feel so much better once you are clean. Trust me. That magical life you've been waiting for isn't going to come while you're using. You can do this. You're stronger than you think and this whole process is better than you think. When you come out the other side you'll be so glad you decided to take the plunge. God bless.

  27. #177
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hey there Rhodesy! I haven't posted cause I feel like I'm fighting a new daily battle that has nothing to do with addiction!! Its all concerning the people in my life who seem to love messing with my head and heart!! Next week is the divorce hearing court date and the lawyer I found won't return any of my calls!! Plus the ex has left me and my son with barely any food or drink in this house the last 3 days. I've been practically living on toast or grilled cheese sandwich!! I even tried returning some things to Walmart last night and Lady told me I hit my limit of returns which is "3" for the year!! Really!!?? So wasted my time and plus the manager wouldn't override it!! I was in such a bad state of mind and just really pi**ed off that I actually had a nosebleed!! I never have those...but have a handful of times and usually it was when I was really ticked off. So u can imagine how I was last night!! I'm just sick of feeling like every time I try to do the right thing there's always somebody there trying to knock me right back down. I'm just tired of fighting. I just want to feel happy and like me again!! I hate watching my son go thru all this stupidity Also!! That's the worst!! But I'm happy to say I'm not and have not craved a sub or anything else!! Thats not even in my head!! Guess I need to find a punching bag to beat on like I had in kickboxing. I feel like I'm ready to explode... I Dont know how much more I can take!! I really Dont!! Ughhh!! So frustrated!! Dont know what to do anymore BUT I'm staying clean...I know that much!!

  28. #178
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hey there Rhodesy! I haven't posted cause I feel like I'm fighting a new daily battle that has nothing to do with addiction!! Its all concerning the people in my life who seem to love messing with my head and heart!! Next week is the divorce hearing court date and the lawyer I found won't return any of my calls!! Plus the ex has left me and my son with barely any food or drink in this house the last 3 days. I've been practically living on toast or grilled cheese sandwich!! I even tried returning some things to Walmart last night and Lady told me I hit my limit of returns which is "3" for the year!! Really!!?? So wasted my time and plus the manager wouldn't override it!! I was in such a bad state of mind and just really pi**ed off that I actually had a nosebleed!! I never have those...but have a handful of times and usually it was when I was really ticked off. So u can imagine how I was last night!! I'm just sick of feeling like every time I try to do the right thing there's always somebody there trying to knock me right back down. I'm just tired of fighting. I just want to feel happy and like me again!! I hate watching my son go thru all this stupidity Also!! That's the worst!! But I'm happy to say I'm not and have not craved a sub or anything else!! Thats not even in my head!! Guess I need to find a punching bag to beat on like I had in kickboxing. I feel like I'm ready to explode... I Dont know how much more I can take!! I really Dont!! Ughhh!! So frustrated!! Dont know what to do anymore BUT I'm staying clean...I know that much!!
    Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. I'll pray for you. I am glad to hear that you're not using though. Hopefully everything works out for the best. If you feel like venting you know where to come. Stay strong and hang in there.
    Struggling36 likes this.

  29. #179
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Having trouble sleeping tonight. Its almost 2am and as bad as I want to go to sleep I can't seem to keep my darn eyes closed. Thanks for the prayers...I can use a lot of them! No such thing as praying too much!! Hanging in...staying as strong as I can be! Addiction won't get me back in its grip!! That I promise!!

  30. #180
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Having trouble sleeping tonight. Its almost 2am and as bad as I want to go to sleep I can't seem to keep my darn eyes closed. Thanks for the prayers...I can use a lot of them! No such thing as praying too much!! Hanging in...staying as strong as I can be! Addiction won't get me back in its grip!! That I promise!!
    I couldn't sleep last night either! Hopefully you were able to get some rest. I even took a melatonin but it didn't work like it usually does when I take it. I was so tired though that I only took half a pill thinking that'd be enough. I was wrong. I was able to fall asleep but for some reason woke up like four hours after I had fallen asleep wide awake. Wide awake. Mind racing. It was awful. I laid in bed for an hour or so and then finally got up. I'm going to stay active today though and hopefully expend a lot of energy. I'm in need of a good night's sleep.
    Struggling36 likes this.

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