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Suboxone withdrawal Daily Diary - need support!
  1. #181
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 38

    Another day in my life. Exercise, sun, food, reading. That pretty much sums it up. I've got just a couple more days to relax before I go back to work so I'm trying to do that. I didn't sleep good again last night. I don't know what happened but I'm going off very little sleep. Hopefully I can get in a good sleep pattern soon.

    I hope that everybody who has read my posts knows that beating your addiction is absolutely possible. Your mind will tell you lies to keep you on the drug. It think it needs that drug for survival. You'll have thoughts that you'll never be happy again, that the effects of the long term use of the drug are permanent, that you're just not ready to quit yet, and so on. These are all lies. The truth is you will be much happier and way better off if you'd just quit now. You go through such a massive mental change once you quit that you will barely even remember why you didn't want to quit in the first place. You'll just be happy that you can actually experience life again. You'll be able to talk to an old friend and watch the sun set and enjoy it on a much deeper level. You will finally be able to connect to the world around you again. The immediate withdrawals are intense and often scary but you will slowly transform into a new and improved person. Be honest, you're not truly happy on these pills anyway. True happiness can easily be achieved however. You just have to quit taking those pills and embrace life. God bless.
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  2. #182
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hi! Just me again! Lol! Having trouble sleeping again! This is ridiculous isn't it!! On day 28 and yet still some crazy WD symptoms poke up its ugly face!! I too have been feeling like I now have a mental monkey on my back and it really sucks!! BUT today I went and picked up my 13 year old niece and she is spending the night. I had some free movie tickets so the 3 of us went to see Jurassic Park BUT our luck it was sold out. The next showing wasn't for another 2 hours so we just decided to go see Pitch Perfect 2! I really liked that movie! Its a bunch of ocapella groups and I love love music! It had its funny parts too so laughter and music are food for the soul!! On the way home we blared the radio and had a blast! It felt great but now I can't seem to shut these darn eyes again!! Think I fell asleep for a little bit but woke up just wanting to kick off those darn covers and mind was racing again!! Funny how pills and subs numbed us SO darn much from reality!! But I know I can deal with just about anything...not to say its been easy or will be with everything going on in my life lately ..BUT every small accomplishment and every day without all that stuff is all sooooo much better than being numb and fixated on that junk!! Glad to hear u had a good day!! Need and want to get more exercise into my life...that's a goal I have to work towards a little harder!! No excuses...don't have time for excuses anymore!! Thanks so much for posting your journey for me and sooooo many others!! I can't tell u how much it means to me to get your responses and to be able to read your daily journey!!!! You are very inspirational to me and I'm sure countless others!!! So don't u run off on me!! Lol!! Hope u are getting some extra needed sleep tonight!!

  3. #183
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hi! Just me again! Lol! Having trouble sleeping again! This is ridiculous isn't it!! On day 28 and yet still some crazy WD symptoms poke up its ugly face!! I too have been feeling like I now have a mental monkey on my back and it really sucks!! BUT today I went and picked up my 13 year old niece and she is spending the night. I had some free movie tickets so the 3 of us went to see Jurassic Park BUT our luck it was sold out. The next showing wasn't for another 2 hours so we just decided to go see Pitch Perfect 2! I really liked that movie! Its a bunch of ocapella groups and I love love music! It had its funny parts too so laughter and music are food for the soul!! On the way home we blared the radio and had a blast! It felt great but now I can't seem to shut these darn eyes again!! Think I fell asleep for a little bit but woke up just wanting to kick off those darn covers and mind was racing again!! Funny how pills and subs numbed us SO darn much from reality!! But I know I can deal with just about anything...not to say its been easy or will be with everything going on in my life lately ..BUT every small accomplishment and every day without all that stuff is all sooooo much better than being numb and fixated on that junk!! Glad to hear u had a good day!! Need and want to get more exercise into my life...that's a goal I have to work towards a little harder!! No excuses...don't have time for excuses anymore!! Thanks so much for posting your journey for me and sooooo many others!! I can't tell u how much it means to me to get your responses and to be able to read your daily journey!!!! You are very inspirational to me and I'm sure countless others!!! So don't u run off on me!! Lol!! Hope u are getting some extra needed sleep tonight!!
    Thanks for the update. Glad you were able to enjoy yourself for a little while. I'm going to do my last diary entry tomorrow but I will still check in every day if you want to keep posting and venting. I know it helps. Hope you sleep better tonight! I was finally able to get good sleep last night. Took me a while to fall asleep but I finally did and was able to snooze for a good 7 hours which is a lot more than I've been getting.

  4. #184
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 39

    I finally got good sleep last night. Much better than I've been getting anyway. It took me a while to fall asleep but when I finally did I sleep like a baby. When I got up the sun was out and my mood had changed dramatically. A good night's rest and the sun are enough to really make you feel good. I felt great today and was able to really enjoy myself doing a number of different things. It's strange how you can have a few days in a row where you feel great and then have a day or more where your mood goes way down again. The past couple of days my RLS flared up late at night and I felt fog brain again. I think a lot of that is the lack of sleep but it's still really frustrating. You would figure that almost forty days into this thing you'd be free and clear of the ugly symptoms. I hope they go away completely at some point. I really don't want to have to live like this forever. It's not that it's constant either. It just seems to pop up here and there usually after a lack of sleep the night or prior nights before. I'm just going to keep working and hopefully the bad symptoms will disappear eventually. I just have to put my faith in God and believe that everything is going to work out.

    I was able to get great exercise today. Tomorrow I'm planning on going hiking. The last couple of weeks I've noticed I have a lot more stamina and energy to get through my workouts. I've been lifting 2 out of every 3 days pretty consistently and it is finally paying off in big ways. I feel like I'm able to make bigger gains and definitely have more energy since getting off suboxone. I would urge everybody to work out in some capacity. It really has helped me tremendously. For someone like me who doesn't have a lot of outlets I think it's an even bigger need but everybody's life would improve with daily exercise. It makes me feel so much better in general. When you feel strong and look good you're happiness level goes way up. It gives you a lot more confidence. Hope everybody's doing well. Keep up the fight! God bless.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-13-2015 at 08:51 PM.
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  5. #185
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Day 40

    This will be my last diary entry. Thanks for all the support and words of encouragement. Getting to hear from other people going through a similar situation has helped me immensely. Just being able to vent on a daily basis has been a huge help as well. I have a lot going on in the next couple weeks though so I think this really is the perfect time to end it. I will still check in on a daily or semi-daily basis so feel free to leave posts with the knowledge that I will read them and respond. If anybody is still questioning whether they should kick this poison I hope all my posts have shown you that no matter what situation you are in there's a way out. I urge everybody to go to AA or NA and to reach out for help. Stay off medications as best you can and don't be scared to be vulnerable. Most of the time there are people who truly want to help. You just have to ask.

    The thing I want to get across more than anything is that once you are sober you can finally start to repair and grow as a person. Using causes you to be stagnant and life becomes a malnourished shadow of what it could and should be. It takes time. Life moves at it's own pace. If you stay sober, however, you will eventually experience magic in your life. You will feel better than you ever felt on pills. The little things you will be able to appreciate on a much deeper level. You'll have your mind back. You'll be a strong and confident person again. If you're dubious then please go back and read my earlier posts. I was in such a dark place I honestly thought I was messed up for life. I never thought I'd feel happiness or be a confident person again. Now I'm that and more. I'm in such a better place than when I was on suboxone.

    The final point that I really want to express is the importance of eating healthy and getting daily exercise. I feel like this is what really saved me. I have been jogging almost every day and lifting two out of every three days. The result has been incredible honestly. I have so much more energy and stamina than when I was using. I dread my workouts on some days but always feel a hundred times better after I do them. I actually look forward to them on most days. And eating healthy is just as important. I won't get all preachy on you but the average American diet is atrocious. I have a friend who literally consumes nothing but pizza, soda, and microwaveable meals. And he's always complaining about stomach and bowel problems. I wonder why. I used to be the same way. About a year ago I finally decided to live off whole foods, mainly vegetables, rice, fish, and legumes. I cut out sweets, bread, and processed food and within a month I noticed a massive difference. People don't realize how much of a negative impact their eating habits have on them. Treat your body like a temple and the rewards will be numerous.

    Stay sober, treat your body right, do what you love and helps others as much as you can and you will live a long and happy life. Nothing is perfect and even the most fulfilled and blessed lives have seasons of extreme pain and hurt. If you stay sober though, you will have the tools to get through it. Everything is temporary. This too shall pass. Your strength and your fortitude will surprise even yourself. Prove all your doubters wrong. The ones that think you're a loser, that you're just a junkie, an over medicated burnout who never realized his/her potential. The truth is that it's never too late to shut every single one of those people up, to turn all those insults into positives. The truth is that your life is going to be filled with amazing moments and experiences. Amazing people are going to come into your life. That job you always wanted will finally be yours. All the past relationships you thought were dead will suddenly be revived and be stronger than ever. Work will be more fulfilling. Play will be better than you've experienced in years. There's just one caveat...you have to stay sober. You're giving up nothing but negatives that have weighed you down for far too long and gaining a new and fulfilling life. The decision's pretty easy. You're fighter. You're a survivor. Go and fight for that beautiful life you deserve. God bless.
    Struggling36 and Iluv2smile like this.

  6. #186
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hello everyone. Good job Rhodesy . You made it to day 40. Good for you. Well worth the painful journey. Now never pick up these meds. Stay clean and life is way better. I'm on day 46 and I'm my old self again. All my relationships are way better! I feel 98% normal. Cravings are non existent now, and if i get one. ... i don't really want to get the meds like i used too . So that's good. I'm at 166lbs and climbing. Been going out alot and enjoying everything. I'm getting ready to do a start up company and have a tremendous amount of drive . .. hehe, didn't know i had it in me. Like yourself, I wish to move on and not post any more. Ready to move on. And yeah. . Anyone who is quiting opiates , you have to endure 1 month to really be in the clean. Not 1 or 3 weeks. 1 month period. Do good luck everyone, ill take a peek once in a while here.

  7. #187
    Struggling36 is offline Member
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    Hey Rhodesy!! All I can say about your final post is WOW!! You are truly an inspiration and someone to admire!! You are helping more people than u realize with your daily journal and your genuine words of encouragement!! I want to THANK U for every kind encouraging word u have said to me here...it means so much to have someone in a similar yet different situation...but mostly someone who truly understands what I've been going thru!! I am better physically and mentally I'm getting there! Been having some back pain and a horrible headache today and last 2 days!! Misery! Pain in my eye/temple/ear and jaw pain along with it plus whatever side of my head the headache picks for the day...that whole half of my head hurts along with it!! Hard to do much feeling this way and not sure if its sinus related...cause I really never had sinus problems before OR if its just all the stress I've been under lately with everything going on!! But these hurdles I WILL jump over also and keep moving forward!! I Dont have any cravings or a want for anything even thru dealing with this horrible headache or whatever u want to call it and the darn irritating back pain!! So that is awesome!! And feels great not to think about it or want it!! I've just been either soaking in some hot water or standing in a hot shower and letting the water run over this darn head of mine and it really helps with the headache for a while!! I have been taking a multivitamin and the Korean ginseng and drinking water plus I even made myself exercise a little today!! I have got to get this child out the house somehow and make him walk with me or something! Lol!! Divorce hearing Thursday but finally talked to lawyer and he said we will just ask for a continuance (another court date) because he has to represent someone for a trial that day...of course with the same judge and at the same time as we have to be there...SO I'm guessing I'll be there hours sitting thru a darn trial just to wait to ask for a later court date...lucky me! Lol! And pray the judge grants it!! But I've realized no matter how hard I may think my life is or how irritated I can get with issues I'm dealing with...there's always someone out there who's having a harder time than I am and I should be very thankful to be clean and sober today...and I am TRULY GRATEFUL for that!! We all have our own set of faults, flaws, mistakes made, our own past, regrets, guilt, problems and current daily life issues...but I DONT need pills or suboxone to face all of it anymore! We are all human and we can't live in the past or let it define who we are today...everyone is capable of change...I am happy to say I'm actually proud of myself for the first time in a long time and whatever comes my way...I'll just do my best to get thru it, stay strong and know that if I can beat addiction anything is possible!!! God Bless those still suffering...just know u can do it..u just have to want it!! Its no picnic in the beginning but neither is chasing it everyday either right!!?? Be strong!!
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  8. #188
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Struggling36 View Post
    Hey Rhodesy!! All I can say about your final post is WOW!! You are truly an inspiration and someone to admire!! You are helping more people than u realize with your daily journal and your genuine words of encouragement!! I want to THANK U for every kind encouraging word u have said to me here...it means so much to have someone in a similar yet different situation...but mostly someone who truly understands what I've been going thru!! I am better physically and mentally I'm getting there! Been having some back pain and a horrible headache today and last 2 days!! Misery! Pain in my eye/temple/ear and jaw pain along with it plus whatever side of my head the headache picks for the day...that whole half of my head hurts along with it!! Hard to do much feeling this way and not sure if its sinus related...cause I really never had sinus problems before OR if its just all the stress I've been under lately with everything going on!! But these hurdles I WILL jump over also and keep moving forward!! I Dont have any cravings or a want for anything even thru dealing with this horrible headache or whatever u want to call it and the darn irritating back pain!! So that is awesome!! And feels great not to think about it or want it!! I've just been either soaking in some hot water or standing in a hot shower and letting the water run over this darn head of mine and it really helps with the headache for a while!! I have been taking a multivitamin and the Korean ginseng and drinking water plus I even made myself exercise a little today!! I have got to get this child out the house somehow and make him walk with me or something! Lol!! Divorce hearing Thursday but finally talked to lawyer and he said we will just ask for a continuance (another court date) because he has to represent someone for a trial that day...of course with the same judge and at the same time as we have to be there...SO I'm guessing I'll be there hours sitting thru a darn trial just to wait to ask for a later court date...lucky me! Lol! And pray the judge grants it!! But I've realized no matter how hard I may think my life is or how irritated I can get with issues I'm dealing with...there's always someone out there who's having a harder time than I am and I should be very thankful to be clean and sober today...and I am TRULY GRATEFUL for that!! We all have our own set of faults, flaws, mistakes made, our own past, regrets, guilt, problems and current daily life issues...but I DONT need pills or suboxone to face all of it anymore! We are all human and we can't live in the past or let it define who we are today...everyone is capable of change...I am happy to say I'm actually proud of myself for the first time in a long time and whatever comes my way...I'll just do my best to get thru it, stay strong and know that if I can beat addiction anything is possible!!! God Bless those still suffering...just know u can do it..u just have to want it!! Its no picnic in the beginning but neither is chasing it everyday either right!!?? Be strong!!
    Glad to hear you're being positive through all your troubles. I'm proud of you. You've been do what needs to be done and doing it sober. You're a role model for those around you, now and in the future. You're strength is felt by your son and he'll have a deeper respect for you because of it. Keep up the fight. God is on your side. He's been waiting to bless you for a long time. Keep me posted. Hope you keep progressing. Remember that sometimes we need to go through something difficult to achieve something truly special.
    Struggling36 likes this.

  9. #189
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Still sober! In case anybody was wondering.
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  10. #190
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Congratulations man, this make what? 48 days clean or so for you. I'll feel truly blessed when I can say that. I'm coming off a severe Oxycodone/Vicodin addiction and it has been a little hell. I'm on day 5 of my battle and overcoming. I'm a guy also. I've always felt like I was a pretty tough guy and can handle the mental side of w/d's. My biggest issues right now is the extreme RLS which rides up into my arms also, and the Chills/Goosebumps feeling all the time. Although that seems to be alternating on which side of my body wants to feel cold day to day. I was wondering if you ever felt those and if so how long did they last for you? I should mention that a few years ago I went 265 days clean quitting cold turkey off strictly Vicodin with basically no w/d symptoms that I knew of. Wasn't even sure I was addicted though???

  11. #191
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by getmylifebackagain View Post
    Congratulations man, this make what? 48 days clean or so for you. I'll feel truly blessed when I can say that. I'm coming off a severe Oxycodone/Vicodin addiction and it has been a little hell. I'm on day 5 of my battle and overcoming. I'm a guy also. I've always felt like I was a pretty tough guy and can handle the mental side of w/d's. My biggest issues right now is the extreme RLS which rides up into my arms also, and the Chills/Goosebumps feeling all the time. Although that seems to be alternating on which side of my body wants to feel cold day to day. I was wondering if you ever felt those and if so how long did they last for you? I should mention that a few years ago I went 265 days clean quitting cold turkey off strictly Vicodin with basically no w/d symptoms that I knew of. Wasn't even sure I was addicted though???
    I did and those should be gone very soon. Hang in there. You're doing well.

  12. #192
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Hey all. Good job Rhodesy, still clean i see. Im on day 69. Never in a million years did i think i would get off the meds. Well here i am. Still clean. All symptoms totally gone. My mind is normal now. I haven't gotten a craving at all in over 2 weeks really. I don't think of the pills any more and have dailt natural highs. Life is normal now. Meh... i can't believe it's actually possible to get back to normal life after years of abuse . In way more sociable amd have a tremendous amount of confidence. Life is rather good i must say. I asked myself if i woyld take a script if offered one, and literally i cringe at the fact of going through this mental recovery. So that's a great sign. I gained 25 lbs and been working out, I'm told i look great now and look rather buff. Lol. I don't see it but coming from being a all time low of 148lbs to 172lbs i guess you can see it.

    So hopefully this post is a ray of hope for people entering the first 2 weeks of being clean. I tell you it won't be easy. The mind enters a survival mode that can break you down rather severely. But like i said in the past, its all about time and patience. Timw is key. Good luck. No way in hell will i get on these pills again, life is so much better and the happiness is so much more gratifying. Ill pop in again in a few days.
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  13. #193
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    80 days clean. Feel very normal. No symptoms . If your read this Rhodesy, how you doing yourself?
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  14. #194
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Also. ... way more happier with life than on the pills. Pills only gave me a surge of happiness when i took them. Any other time, i had no emotions. Now. ..... i have happiness through out the day constantly. Brain has regulated it's self. It no fun when the chemistry is unbalanced. Good luck.
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  15. #195
    nattie2530 is offline New Member
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    I am just starting my journey to quit suboxone! I am terrified and have no support or someone to to share w me how to do this alone! I am committed to this and wanna jump in an never look back!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-07-2015 at 07:53 PM.

  16. #196
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by nattie2530 View Post
    I am just starting my journey to quit suboxone! I am terrified and have no support or someone to to share w me how to do this alone! I am committed to this and wanna jump in an never look back!
    Hi nattie, yeah... its rough going through this. Im 99 days clean and feel normal. I'd you really want to stop the cycle, you have to really want to quit. Not being forced to quit. If you are in that stage, then it's 2 weeks of body hell. Then 1 to 2 months of mental hell. I got better after 30 days. But the magic started to happen after 2 months. Started feeling normal all the time. Now that I'm at 99 days, i sorta laugh at the while journey. And instantly remember the mental pain. That's what is keeping me clean. It was rough! I did mines cold turkey, only otc med i took on the first 2 weeks was loperamide. Helped a lot. So keep in mind, its time that holds the key. Nothing else. Its brutal but if you make it..... you will be laughing like i am. Good luck.

  17. #197
    Feelingyucky is offline New Member
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    Default I feel your pain

    Hi. I ran across your thread and can totally empathize. I'm on day 7,cold turkey of a year taking between 16 and 24 mmg. Laying awake,legs jumping,and my stomach feels like its been pumped fill of air. It's a horrible feeling! I will not quit,though! I want my life back. Stay strong ,brother!

  18. #198
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Yeah..... its mental torture. I can deal with the body issues easily really, its the mind problems that always get me. I hate the emotional stage. You get real teary eyed and your heart skips a beat, you feel like it sinks to the bottom of your stomach and get this over over whelming emotional distress feeling. Lol.God i miss those!

  19. #199
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Rhodesy? Just wondering how you been.

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