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Tapering off 6 years on Subs and freaking out!
  1. #91
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    I know, I know. I should have already done it a few months ago. I do need to get on it. Hopefully I can get something worked out in a couple days. It would be a miracle if I could get that medication and it helped me through this.

    Well, off to bed in a few. Work calls early tomorrow. Nighty night!

  2. #92
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Day 6- .13

    Last night was slightly better. Got a little sleep.

    Then today I had to work super early, so it was hours before dose time. Before I knew it it was almost 6 hours past my normal dose time and I still felt OK. It's so weird. So I'm thinking tomorrow I will push it as long as I can before dosing. IDK if I will make an entire skip but it will be something. There are only gonna be a couple windows of time for me to sit silently with a dose of sub under my tongue while at work and I'm gonna be there from open to close so we'll see how that goes.

    I wish I could understand why the nights are so impossible when waking hours is no big deal?!

  3. #93
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    I dunno. What time do you usually dose? I know early on, you were dosing later in the day. Sounds like maybe you're dosing earlier now? If you can push it a little later, so long as it's not too close to bed time that will help??? Maybe early afternoon? Down time makes everything harder. Busy at work and you can get through it. Goes to show you just how much mental plays a part. Not saying your symptoms aren't real, just saying trying to lay still in bed make it all the more difficult.

    Almost done and all this wondering and trying to figure things out will be over. I can't wait for you to get to this side of things.

    Peace,

    Cat

  4. #94
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Girl, me too. I am so over trying to be smarter than my addiction and this taper. I wish I was a little stronger with this and could say to heck with it! And maybe I can but I'm too much of a baby.

    Today did give me some hope though that it won't be so bad during the day, at work, with family etc and my biggest obstacle will be overnight. I really felt the first real, personal victory over it.

    The next couple weeks I will probably work a lot of 12-14 hour days, and maybe that will be the best during the jump, that I just don't have a minute to slow down. And then maybe I will sleep just a tiny bit better. I guess I'm gonna find out soon. Not too many doses left at this point! And I hope I can make it all day and night without one tomorrow.

  5. #95
    Mitchwalker21 is offline New Member
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    Hey I didn't see an update today and wanted to know how you did today,

  6. #96
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    Girl, me too. I am so over trying to be smarter than my addiction and this taper. I wish I was a little stronger with this and could say to heck with it! And maybe I can but I'm too much of a baby.

    Today did give me some hope though that it won't be so bad during the day, at work, with family etc and my biggest obstacle will be overnight. I really felt the first real, personal victory over it.

    The next couple weeks I will probably work a lot of 12-14 hour days, and maybe that will be the best during the jump, that I just don't have a minute to slow down. And then maybe I will sleep just a tiny bit better. I guess I'm gonna find out soon. Not too many doses left at this point! And I hope I can make it all day and night without one tomorrow.
    I hope so too. I do think your long work days are going to help. We shall see, right? You are nearly at the point of no return in a very good way. Thanks for checking in and have a good day.

    Peace,

  7. #97
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    How are you doing? Its amazing to read all this and know I'm not alone, I jumped off at 4.Mg's I'm on day 7 and I'm pretty sure I hit my worst withdrawals on day 3-5..Although I didn't sleep well last night I'm still up moving or trying to anyway.. It can be scary to let go of something we are used to, I understand that all to well, but honestly if someone gave me a bottle full of strips I'd throw them out cause I never wanna do this again, but I'm here its possible a d my jump was almost handicapped lol so you should do well..Things mess with the mind and as they say the mind is a powerful object ..Mind over matter gal you sound to have well a busy life which is great to help keep your mind occupied.
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  8. #98
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hey how you doing? Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. I'm sure work is keeping you hopping but you know I need to know....how are you doing? Hope you're feeling better at night because I'm sure you're all tuckered out.

    Hope to see an update today. I care about how you're doing so you've got a commitment to keep me updated. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.

    Peace,

    Cat

  9. #99
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Hi guys, I'm still here, still chugging along. Thanks for checking in on me!

    Cat, I wouldn't dream of not giving you an update at this point. Just been busy as heck. 2 16 hour days in a row. I just haven't had time to do anything.

    So I didn't end up skipping yesterday as I planned. I was so busy and stressed and had one chance that I'd be able to dose, so I just did it. Still not sleeping well. It's not as bad as a few days ago but really difficult for the first few hours. That hasn't helped when I'm only gonna get maybe 5 hours!

    Anyway, I haven't dosed today. It's the one day I actually got to come home at 5:00. My hubby had to go out of state for the night so I'm planning on skipping today. This way if I'm feeling too bad I don't have to try and pretend otherwise. Wish me luck!!

    I'm dropping to .10 tomorrow. Hoping that a skip today will help out what is coming in a few days!!


    DawnMarie, congrats on all your success too!!! That was brave to jump from .4. I hope I am as strong! You are definitely not alone. So many of our stories are so similar. Just different backgrounds. It is so nice to have such a support group!

    Mitch, thanks for thinking of me! I'm gonna win this battle, there's no doubt.

    So hopefully I can still get some sleep tonight. It's back to work in the AM for at least 6 more double shifts. Lord help me. I'll check back in later!

  10. #100
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Perfect time to try and skip with your husband gone. At least you won't be afraid to fidget if that happens. Feeling OK so far? It would be so great if you manage to get through the night without much trouble. Try to be motivated by knowing if you can manage tonight, some of the residual sub will dissipate. Then with a reduction to .10. WOW you are getting closer. Try to relax tonight and enjoy the quiet.

    Wishing some peace tonight.

    Cat

  11. #101
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Thanks! Right now it's been almost 32 hours since my last dose. I still feel manageable. Just run down, but I know the lack of sleep is part of that. I tried to lay on the couch and watch a movie and hopefully just fall asleep. Then the legs started. Darn it! So I got back up. It's mostly fine if I'm sitting, or even if I lay down and play on my phone or something. But if I close my eyes it starts in. Stupid stupid stupid!

    I keep wanting to take it. So I've been giving myself goals. Finish the laundry that's drying and then take it. Take a shower, dry your hair and then take it. Etc. it's worked so far... I'm gonna do everything in my power to get through the night. I need this.
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  12. #102
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    That's exactly what I did!!! I set small goals. Wait 15 minutes. Do the dishes. Repeat. I've compared it to dieting (UGH!). I can deal with losing 5 pounds. If I want to lose 20, I'm done before I start. Great minds and all that chit.....

    Be sure to let me know how your night goes.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  13. #103
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Yes, goals definitely work. And I know if I complete this skip it will be a huge victory towards my jump. I think it was a blessing that hubby left for the night. If he were here I know if feel so anxious about it that I would have taken it hours ago. Silly mind games! If only I could get him out of the house for a week I'd be a new woman when he returned! Lol!

    In any case I'm proving to myself today that I AM stronger than this drug. And I like that.
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  14. #104
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    How did you do last night? Hoping you got some sleep. Is hubby's birthday soon? You can buy him a week's vacation somewhere. Just tell him he needs his space. Ha! Ya know. Keep him on his toes so that he appreciates you. Is it too late to play hard to get? Probably.

    Peace,

    Cat

  15. #105
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    OK, so I made it all night until about 5 AM. Most of it was extreme tossing and turning until I just couldn't take it anymore! So I finally got up and maybe .02 mg. it was literally the teeniest bit of dust but it helped me sleep a little for a couple hours. Please tell me I didn't ruin my whole skip by doing this!

    On another note hubby's birthday is actually next week! How funny you would say that. Unfortunately he would never go for a week long trip without me. But it is a good idea!

  16. #106
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    By the way, I still haven't taken the rest of my dose which would equal .10 mg. Trying to wait until about 3 PM.

  17. #107
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    You didn't ruin a thing! You did great. How long did you go between doses? Like around 40 hrs, right? Go ahead and take the remainder of what your regular dose would be later today. Yesterday most definitely counts as a skip day and then a little. You done good, girly girl. Best part is you know you can.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  18. #108
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    By the way, I still haven't taken the rest of my dose which would equal .10 mg. Trying to wait until about 3 PM.

    You're doing AWESOME!!!
    Keep pushing through. You've got this!!!

    Randy

  19. #109
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Thanks Cat and Randy! I felt like a failure when I took that tiny bit. But I have a long day/night at work and was border lining on getting zero sleep! I'm glad it didn't ruin it. I really needed yesterday to drop the concentration in my blood. I can't believe I made it that far!

    Yay me!!
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  20. #110
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    Thanks Cat and Randy! I felt like a failure when I took that tiny bit. But I have a long day/night at work and was border lining on getting zero sleep! I'm glad it didn't ruin it. I really needed yesterday to drop the concentration in my blood. I can't believe I made it that far!

    Yay me!!
    YAY for you is right. This has got to be such a confidence booster. Have you thought about finding yourself a primary care? Had to bring that up. It's the Mom in me. Get on that, will ya?

    Peace,

    Cat

  21. #111
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    I definitely plan on calling for a Primary Care, Cat. I just have ZERO time at the moment.

    So... I still haven't taken anything else. I'm just wondering, it's been since 3 pm on Friday. Other than the speck I took at 5 am this morning. Should I be having some kind of symptoms at 49 hours?? I don't even know what to think. At such a low dose, is it gonna take days to start? I was up all night with RLS pretty bad but I've been fine since I got up. I'm wondering, if nothing else happens, if I should just take a tiny speck if I can't sleep at night for a few more nights?

    Ideas?

  22. #112
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    I definitely plan on calling for a Primary Care, Cat. I just have ZERO time at the moment.

    So... I still haven't taken anything else. I'm just wondering, it's been since 3 pm on Friday. Other than the speck I took at 5 am this morning. Should I be having some kind of symptoms at 49 hours?? I don't even know what to think. At such a low dose, is it gonna take days to start? I was up all night with RLS pretty bad but I've been fine since I got up. I'm wondering, if nothing else happens, if I should just take a tiny speck if I can't sleep at night for a few more nights?

    Ideas?
    Absolutely. Why not? See what happens tonight and if you're OK then skip it entirely. There's no doubt that you still have subs in your system. If you do end up taking a dose tonight, try to figure out the amount you're taking. At this point, it has to be near impossible. One, two, three microdots...lol. Maybe this is your last drop. Wouldn't that be great?

    Fingers AND eyes crossed for you.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  23. #113
    Mitchwalker21 is offline New Member
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    You are doing absolutely amazing..... Personally to taper as low as you have over such a long period, in my opinion is much more of an accomplishment then I have done... I could not handle the anxiety and lack of sleep over that period of time but for you that was the better option then the fear of going completely without.... That's why it is absolutely VITAL to figure out a plan ahead of time, commit to it, knowing failure isn't an option... I wish I would have been diligent about doing research before hand but when I decided I want going to be a prisoner to suboxone anymore, I taper over a few days and jumped but I was fully committed.... First week was a living Hell on earth but it was because I didn't taper correctly. You got this!!!!! I have zero doubts that when you make the jump you will be successful! I'm now 11 days clean and I'm not back to normal but I'd say 80%. But I would live the rest of my life at 80% and be clean then 1 more day as a slave to that drug. You are all amazing. Together we can do anything!

  24. #114
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitchwalker21 View Post
    You are doing absolutely amazing..... Personally to taper as low as you have over such a long period, in my opinion is much more of an accomplishment then I have done... I could not handle the anxiety and lack of sleep over that period of time but for you that was the better option then the fear of going completely without.... That's why it is absolutely VITAL to figure out a plan ahead of time, commit to it, knowing failure isn't an option... I wish I would have been diligent about doing research before hand but when I decided I want going to be a prisoner to suboxone anymore, I taper over a few days and jumped but I was fully committed.... First week was a living Hell on earth but it was because I didn't taper correctly. You got this!!!!! I have zero doubts that when you make the jump you will be successful! I'm now 11 days clean and I'm not back to normal but I'd say 80%. But I would live the rest of my life at 80% and be clean then 1 more day as a slave to that drug. You are all amazing. Together we can do anything!
    Ya there is no way I could've just jumped off from a higher dose. I'm WAY too big a baby for that kind of pain! I applaud you for your success Mitch. 11 days is wonderful!!!


    Cat, as always, I appreciate your encouragement more than you know. It means so much!

    So here it is, almost 10 pm. I still haven't taken anything. I'm just getting more confused. I had a specific plan. None of this was part of it. I never in a million years expected to skip yesterday. And beyond that to go all day today without as well. I wish I could know that I could sleep tonight without taking anything. But I don't. Last night was brutal. The RLS felt like it was touching every nerve in my body.

    So I don't know how this finishes and that has me anxious. I can try to sleep and if not I can take another tiny dose. I can try that for a few days and be almost to nothing. Idk if that will help in the end or if I'm still gonna have to go through the RLS. Or for all I know, tomorrow the withdrawals are really gonna kick in.

    I just don't like not having a plan anymore.

    The dose I took this morning was part of my pre-measured .10. I took not even 1/4 of it so I figure it was about .02. If tonight is the same, I will repeat the same tiny dose. But if I start really feeling it, do I resume with .10 doses for a few more days? Uggh idk what to do.

    And I'm tired. Not helping.

  25. #115
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    So all my anxiety ended up blowing up in my face a couple nights ago. The night after my skip day I had the worst night ever again. So I resumed my .10 mg a day. Idk why I thought I could just drop off like that. Anyway, tomorrow is the last day at .10. I have 4 days of .08 I can do and then I'm out.

    My RLS gets AWFUL at night. It feels like it's my entire body. I don't foresee that getting any better so tomorrow I have a couple hours when I can go into an urgent care center. I truly hope I can get them to prescribe gababentin. I have a $100 co-pay. I'm gonna be upset if I can't get something to help me.

    Back to work.
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  26. #116
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    So all my anxiety ended up blowing up in my face a couple nights ago. The night after my skip day I had the worst night ever again. So I resumed my .10 mg a day. Idk why I thought I could just drop off like that. Anyway, tomorrow is the last day at .10. I have 4 days of .08 I can do and then I'm out.

    My RLS gets AWFUL at night. It feels like it's my entire body. I don't foresee that getting any better so tomorrow I have a couple hours when I can go into an urgent care center. I truly hope I can get them to prescribe gababentin. I have a $100 co-pay. I'm gonna be upset if I can't get something to help me.

    Back to work.
    How in the world did I miss your follow up post the other day????? I'm so sorry I left you hanging. For what it's worth now, I think that you did the right thing. Let me know how you do at the Urgent Care. I really hope they give you something. While you have the time, call and choose your primary and then call and make an appointment. I'm telling ya, it will make a difference when you go to the walk-in. At least you can explain that you just recently got insurance, have chosen your primary, when your appointment with him/her is but need something now.Hopefully, they'll give you enough to last until you can get into see someone. If you don't make that call, your next stressor will be running out of whatever you have for your legs. Get ahead of it now.

    I'm sure you don't want to spill your guts there with your story but be prepared with your "story". Another reason to be ready with a doctor's appointment is so that the walk-in is assured that you're going to let someone determine if this is secondary to something more serious going on. Typically they're pretty conservative. I'd be sure to tell them that this isn't a new thing for you and that it's bothered you from time to time for years. Blame your new job, working long hours and needing to sleep. That's almost always a good sell. "I just need to be able to sleep and my legs are driving me nuts!"

    Now for the plan. Gotta have a plan. I think that if you get through the nights with calm legs, even if you're not sleeping great you'll be fine with the rest of it. Working and staying busy will get you through the days. The anticipation of "what's going to happen tonight?" is making things worse. Just the thought of running out of sub and having a night like you had has got to be totally freaking you out. Getting something for your legs is now your number one priority. You're close enough to being done with the subs that one way or the other, it's going to take care of itself.

    So that's the new plan. You ARE going to get something for your legs and you WILL be comfortable at night. You will dose, skip, dose, skip until you're out and you're going to be just fine. Your sleep might be somewhat interrupted but take it from me, it's doable if you're at least comfortable.

    I'll watch for you. No idea how I missed you Sunday night.

    Peace,

    Cat

  27. #117
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    So, weird things happen sometimes. I was talking to one of my employees about my restless leg syndrome. We're all worn out from working a million hours so we have these conversations. Do she tells me how her sister makes these homeopathic remedies and she has all these magnesium oils, sprays, butters etc for HER RLS and then brings a bunch of it for me to try. Now I ended up not having time to go to the doctor but I had all these concoctions at home. So last night, when all heck broke loose, I sprayed this magnesium oil stuff on my legs and went back to bed. I NEVER thought it would work. Next thing I knew it was morning. WTF?! This stuff worked. I am blown away. But it worked.

    So I had a long as heck, late night and I'm going to bed, and hoping it wasn't a fluke and this stuff works again. Update tomorrow!

    Cat, no need to apologize about not posting. Honestly that whole rant was not worth replying anyway. I'm sure I'm not the first person to think they've beat the system after a successful skip day!!
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  28. #118
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gonnawin View Post
    So, weird things happen sometimes. I was talking to one of my employees about my restless leg syndrome. We're all worn out from working a million hours so we have these conversations. Do she tells me how her sister makes these homeopathic remedies and she has all these magnesium oils, sprays, butters etc for HER RLS and then brings a bunch of it for me to try. Now I ended up not having time to go to the doctor but I had all these concoctions at home. So last night, when all heck broke loose, I sprayed this magnesium oil stuff on my legs and went back to bed. I NEVER thought it would work. Next thing I knew it was morning. WTF?! This stuff worked. I am blown away. But it worked.

    So I had a long as heck, late night and I'm going to bed, and hoping it wasn't a fluke and this stuff works again. Update tomorrow!

    Cat, no need to apologize about not posting. Honestly that whole rant was not worth replying anyway. I'm sure I'm not the first person to think they've beat the system after a successful skip day!!
    Ha! That's great! We become so used to needing something that needs to be filled at the pharmacy, that we stop believing that there's anything else that will work. That is wonderful. I'm anxious to see your update today and am hoping last night went well too. This is going to be so much more manageable if you can be comfortable at night. A part of it just might be that you're finally adjusting to the low sub dose. Who cares? You're really going to be done with this soon. YAY

    Peace,

    Cat

  29. #119
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    I know, that's exactly right! What do u mean I can treat something with a topical mineral!? Haha! So it did work again last night. Not AS well, I had to get up and re-apply it. But I still slept. I'll take what I can.
    I'm trying to skip today. Then my last set of doses are .08. And then it's done! At the latest it will be the 12th or 13th.
    I do think my body is adjusted to this micro dose. I had been splitting them because I was always feeling bad halfway through but since the last day I skipped I've been dosing once a day and honestly I haven't even been thinking about it at all through the day. That is a big deal for me!
    So by the time I'm done there really shouldn't be very much residual sub left in my system and hopefully the road is a lot more smooth. Like you said, either way it is what it is!

    ALMOST TO THE FINISH LINE!!

  30. #120
    jeepdude is offline New Member
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    I just finished reading all of your posts. My heart goes out to you. You seem very strong and motivated. Your doing such a great job. Yay you !! I wish I was down that far. That is something to be so proud of. I know how this stuff effects the mind body and spirit. And your handling it very well. Keep it up. Stay strong and positive you can do this !!!

    Real quick cat I've seen some of your post all over these forums. And I wanted to drop a quick line and thank you so much for all your kind words and support. I have learned a lot and gathered so much strength from you. You have no idea. you have given me hope. I'm currently taking 8mg sub daily 5 years. I'm preparing to taper and make a jump. People like you are few and far between. your a big part of making this place what it is. Thanks again.

    Peace
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