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Tapering off of zubsolv
  1. #121
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fran421 View Post
    It seems that Every time I take a dose the next day I don't dose my head pounds. Then the next day it eases up but I almost don't want to take it in 3 more days because I know the next day it will hurt so bad. It's almost like teasing my brain. I don't know.
    Hi Fran,

    Just a thought. You've done some skip days and you have your dose down low enough that you could be done anytime you want to be done. If you think that dosing at this point may be doing you more harm than good, you would only have one more skip day before your final jump so you really could be done right now if you want to be. There are people who don't bother with the skip days at all. Make no mistake, they do help but you've done two of the three skip days so if you want to, JUMP! You can do that anytime now whenever you feel ready. Just a thought.

    Peace,

    Cat

  2. #122
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thanks Cat. I have to tell you I was also thinking that I wanted to do that. I'm thinking if I just jump now I could go through the most of the extreme physical stuff for next two weeks and then work through the rest. But this will allow me to get it over already. I will admit the headaches have been more extreme than any of my other symptoms. Yesterday nothing I took could really ease the pain in my head. It would start in the front and then go to the lower part of my head. I survived and this morning I have no headaches now but if it comes I know it's only for maybe two weeks I hope. This is the challenge of my life. Child birth lasts only a few hours then the pain is over. My knee surgery took a lot of work but after surgery most of pain was over. When I stopped using Percocet it took for days of pain but I never had a headache like this. I will never abuse any pain medicine again. I never want to go through this again I'm done. I'm 52 years old I don't have another start over in me. I want piece structure a life without feeling like an addict. I know I will always be an addict but I no longer want to live like one.

  3. #123
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Today is my son's 19th birthday and the biggest gift I can give him is being clean. Before I started the taper I went through 2 months of just taking subs but before that I used Percocet with the subs. Don't take for a couple days use Percocet then take subs to ease withdrawal it was a painful and expensive ritual. Today I could buy my son a tv for his birthday. Before that I was spending at least 50 dollars a day on Percocet even though my subs were covered by insurance and when I didn't have money I would trade it vicious. I had to fake piss tests at the doctors. I would ask my son for his pee so I could pass. My son was so used to doing it every two weeks he didn't argue with me. What he must have thought about I don't but he told the other day "damn how long has it been since you asked me mom your doing good. That felt good. I don't want that life anymore. I cut off all the people I bought pills from and when they call to inform of what they have. I tell them don't call me anymore I'm not interested. I stay away from that side of town. It feels good not to humiliated myself bartering for drugs and sometimes going through disappointment when nobody had anything. I'm so happy that I don't have to live like that anymore.
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  4. #124
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    I knew it! Today hasn't been that bad at all. Well I'm just grateful for today I'm not going to be too concerned about tomorrow even though I have an all day meeting tomorrow. I would appreciate not being in pain.

  5. #125
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    Fran -

    So happy for you. So happy for your son. Happy birthday to him! You sound so good. Hold that feeling in the palm of your hand, like a little fairy, and never let it go. Re-read your above post, any time you get down. It's heartwarming.

    Hope

  6. #126
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thanks for the support. I am grateful. This morning woke up well. I'm grateful for the 6 hours sleep and ready for my meeting. Took ibuprofen this morning just to make sure no symptoms sneak up on me. Have a great day everyone.

  7. #127
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    This is almost too good to be true I have no symptoms right now. I'm so grateful and feel blessed because Sunday I thought I would die. I am able to participate in the meeting with no worries. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but today I'm grateful.

  8. #128
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Happy birthday to your boy! I'm glad you're not suffering. But as low as you tapered I wasn't worried. Some pesky symptoms here and there. You're doing great!! Congratulations!! Take it one at a time. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Just enjoy the good days!!

    It keeps getting better!!
    Beef
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  9. #129
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thank you Beef. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. If you asked me a year ago I would have said he'll no. I don't exactly know how it happened. All I know is one day I was so depressed about what direction my life was going. I was humiliated by something one of the people I bought pills from was comparing me to them and I said I'm better than that and then I checked myself and said no I'm not and I didn't want to be that person anymore. I have a good job and I'm lying making everybody think I'm this great mom but at home I'm asking my kid to pre for me. I stopped cheating w/o the pills and steady starting taking the subs responsibly then after awhile tapering down. They came hand in hand that's why I knew I had to stop both.
    Today has been good and it helps to have good days to balance out the bad. When I have a bad day I will have to remember the good days will come back. Thank you to all of you who have been helping me. I don't think I would have gotten this far without your help, encouragement, and information. Day 3 almost done. How amazing is that.
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  10. #130
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Well woke up this morning with a headache. It seems to be my most persistent w/d issue. I have taken the ibuprofen tab and rotated with Tylenol. Hopefully it will provide some relief. I don't seem to have any other symptoms except the sweating and the burning sensation in my arms. I can take those on even the bathroom issue but the headaches oh man. Well tomorrow may be a better day.
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  11. #131
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Hi Fran. First, GREAT job. You’re doing awesome.

    Headaches were always a problem with me also. I’m not sure if they were caused by stress, not eating much or just part of it. They seemed too start to fade after the first week of being clean. I’m not sure which helped me but I added a little salt to a couple of bottles of water throughout the day, took a warm bath to relax & put a cold towel on my head. It didn’t make them go away but it helped. I also used 800mg ibuprofen about 3 times a day with meals. I hope you find some relief soon! Again you’re doing awesome!
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  12. #132
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thanks OKC. I will try out your suggestions. I'm doing the same as you did with the ibuprofen 3 x a day. It will help until tomorrow. Thanks again.

  13. #133
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Day 5, woke up well no headache, slept well. I feel grateful and trying to stay in the day and not worry about what's going to happen tomorrow. Well time to get ready for work.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  14. #134
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    You're doing amazing!!!!

  15. #135
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thanks Beef. I can't believe I'm doing it. I feel amazing. This feels great and I smile all the time now. I never used to smile a lot before. This is great for my self confidence too. Have a great day.

  16. #136
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    I don't want to forget this feeling. I don't want to forget the pain it took to get here. I'm afraid if I forget it will be too easy to repeat the process. I don't have another do over in me. Some friends of mine that I grew up with are planning a trip to Orlando. In the past I avoided them like the plague. I didn't want them to know the drug addict I had become. Not only that but my habit was too expensive to go. This time I said yes, my head isn't buried in the ground like an ostrich. I feel like I deserve to be happy now. I don't have to be ashamed. I don't think I'm ready to share my experience with them but I will enjoy seeing them again. I won't have to count subs and crave pills. I know they drink casually but I don't need it. Just having a clear head and being alive is the new drug for me. I just hope it lasts.

  17. #137
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Good morning day 6. Well last night I tossed and turned a bit but eventually fell asleep. This morning I'm good. Another blessed night and morning. Once again the skeptic in me hopes it lasts. Iast night I had two friends over who know about my struggle, I never laughed so hard. I was alive!

  18. #138
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Good morning day 7,
    Well last after I left worked my second job driving I didn't feel bad actually I was listening to music, smiling, striking up conversations. Then I came home and passed out ago I around 9pm. I slept straight through. I woke up 530am and now I'm having coffee. Either my w/d has an extended shelf which means I suffer later but I'm not going to think that way. I feel like I suffered enough over the years and I could use a break. I just don't want to forget. I love life like this. I haven't gotten at 530am on a Saturday in a long time. Feels good the house is quiet and I'm having coffee.
    Have a great day
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  19. #139
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Me too. Early morning is my favorite time of the day now. I always wake up before 5am now like clockwork. Feels good not to be comatose anymore. Lol. Congratulations on one week!!

    It keeps getting better!!

  20. #140
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thank you Beef. Day 7 almost over. I went to the market and I'm walking down the aisles and everything is so clear, the sky is clear. I never appreciate these things before. I wanted to numb my feelings. I didn't want to feel. How sick is that. Now I have to learn how to deal with my feelings so I don't have to feel like I need to be numb. I know I don't want to be numb anymore but what happens when my feelings get hurt, when I'm insecure, when I'm grieving. My birthday-polar also caused me to self medicate. When those feelings came I just wanted to make it stop and hide within myself. It's not a choice today I must learn to deal with my emotions. Who knows maybe now my meds will work because I'm not mixing them with narcotic opiates. I can do this, I will do this, I want to do this!

  21. #141
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Went to church and brunch with an old friend today it was great. I shared my story and she was so happy for me. She said she noticed a change. I wasn't slurring my speech and seemed alert. I wouldn't have before. I just got up this morning and accepted her invitation. Day 8_ and it's getting better each day. I realized I don't even look to take a pill in the morning I just get up. The only pills I take are ibuprofen and Tylenol. It's all good. For anyone reading this, it's all worth it. Push beyond the pain because the pleasure comes afterward.
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  22. #142
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Day 9-At a recovery conference. Finally feel like one of the others. Life is good. Had a time of falling asleep but I did and no headache today. Life's still good.
    Fran

  23. #143
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Oh and I think the vitamins are working. I don't feel tired or lethargic.
    Fran

  24. #144
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Okay I made it through the conference and I didn't need Tylenol or ibuprofen. I don't feel tired. The way I tapered off of this suboxone really worked. I haven't had any bathrooms issues like I did when I was tapering either. It works if you work it!
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  25. #145
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    Well it's 12:49 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep not because I can't sleep but because all of the loss I experienced, my father dying in one of America's most horrific tragedy's, my grandmother afterward from the loss of her son and my brother flying at 42 from leukemia. I live in Ohio but grew up in Brooklyn New York where my family lives. The loss has hit me like a ton of bricks. For the past 17 years I have been hiding this grief. First with alcohol then with pills and now everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I can't stop crying it's all so tragic. I can't help but not want to feel it. I couldn't handle it then and I don't know how to handle it now. I tried therapy but as soon as we get to the meat of the problems I back off. I don't want drugs I just want to stop grieving. It's too much to hold in anymore. Almost all of my emotional support is dead. My father went to work one day kissed his wife of 36 years good bye and never came home again. My grandmother delusional about his loss died at 100 years old. My brother who missed his father God leukemia and died 2 years ago. Too much. I don't know if this is the depression or just grief but it hurts more than withdrawal. Facing yourself and your pain is too much.
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  26. #146
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    I’m sorry you had a rough night fran. All of the problems we faced before we would just cover up with pills. Now once we stop using all of those experiences come back and we have to find a way to deal with them. I know how upset I was when I relized all the people I had let down or done wrong so I can’t begin to imagine how you feel... maybe you could give the therapist another try now that you’re sober and have a clear head? Or someone in your life that you feel comfortable with to let those feelings out to? I hope you find something that works for you.. one thing I do know is going back to the drugs won’t help with the feelings one bit. It just covers them up for a while longer..

    You’ve come a long way in the past 10 days. Look at the accomplishment you had yesterday with the conference. You’re going to have tons more of those. Look how many people have read your story on here. Even if they’re not posting back to you they’re reading, and you’ve shown them that this is possible. Keep it up!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-05-2018 at 11:52 AM.

  27. #147
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fran421 View Post
    Well it's 12:49 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep not because I can't sleep but because all of the loss I experienced, my father dying in one of America's most horrific tragedy's, my grandmother afterward from the loss of her son and my brother flying at 42 from leukemia. I live in Ohio but grew up in Brooklyn New York where my family lives. The loss has hit me like a ton of bricks. For the past 17 years I have been hiding this grief. First with alcohol then with pills and now everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I can't stop crying it's all so tragic. I can't help but not want to feel it. I couldn't handle it then and I don't know how to handle it now. I tried therapy but as soon as we get to the meat of the problems I back off. I don't want drugs I just want to stop grieving. It's too much to hold in anymore. Almost all of my emotional support is dead. My father went to work one day kissed his wife of 36 years good bye and never came home again. My grandmother delusional about his loss died at 100 years old. My brother who missed his father God leukemia and died 2 years ago. Too much. I don't know if this is the depression or just grief but it hurts more than withdrawal. Facing yourself and your pain is too much.
    Hi Fran,

    I haven't checked in with you for a bit so here I am! It stinks for sure to have to wrestle with all of this grief. It's inevitable, however. When these awful things happened in your life, you didn't process them, grief appropriately and allow yourself to heal. That's what's gotta happen now. No way around it except to walk straight through it fearlessly. Let the flood gates open. Crying is therapeutic and you can't heal until you feel every lousy part of it. When the tears subside, you'll begin to feel renewed. All your loved ones will continue to reside in your heart and you will be able to remember them fondly. It's OK to be angry about losing so many of the people you loved so allow yourself to feel every single bit of it. The worst thing you could do right now is to try and avoid these feelings because the only way it'll get better is to feel the wrath of the sadness so that you can prepare yourself to let it go. And you will. When you're ready.

    Peace,

    Cat

  28. #148
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Thank you Cat. I do have to learn how to face this pain sober. I didn't expect it to affect me so much all at one time. I need to move forward and try to remember the good and not just the pain. It's a whole new experience dealing with this without a drink or drug. I still have 10 days and didn't need ibuprofen at all today. That's something they all would be proud of. Maybe they helped me do this. Two years ago before my brother died he told me to cut the chit out. He knew I was taking subs and pills and said "I'm dying I want to live, do you want to die too, leave the chit alone." I guess I finally listened.
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  29. #149
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Day 11 - all good. No more physical symptoms, not yet anyway. Happy about that. I am happy for 11 days clean.
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  30. #150
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    Well I feel better tonight. My bipolar meds are probably working better without the opiates in me. I feel better which is great. I got a little tingly sensation in my arms but it went away. I think I may be out of most of the physical stuff. I hope I don't go through a lot of the mental stuff cause I'm in a good place right now. I sleep good at least 6 1/2 to 7 hours which is great for me cause I have suffered from chronic insomnia in the past. My meds help me sleep. Even though I'm not taking opiates anymore I still take medication for my mental health but it's just like taking my blood pressure medication it's something I have to have and I have learned to live with that. I read that opiates are a narcotic and they can cause your mental health meds to not really work well which is probably why the dark cloud is lifting from me and other than the crying spell I had the other night I have been quite happy. I have been smiling so much my co worker thought I had a new man in my life "I wish". So being clean is good.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

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