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TightRope, Trying Again...(27th try).....Day 5 >Hydorcodone
  1. #31
    TightRope is offline Junior Member
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    Cat,
    Thank you very much. I really like alot of what your wrote. 27 times detoxing might be an estimate, that's what it feels like though. I never been to rehab, yet. Now is not the time. I was kinda hoping this relaps detox would be a little eaiser becaus I was not using so long ~5 weeks. I really like your quote at the bottom.
    I am going on close to 10 years of useing Vicoden/Norco. Off and on with my detox trys. I can't beleive it has been that long i and so ashamed and sad.

    Recently I have had so much stress and negativity in my life ever little thing is going wrong, I'm stuck in a bad depressive episode. Nothing is going right, bad timing is my normal function. The dentist told me after the root canal I need 2 crowns and may need oral surgery on another tooth causing pain when I eat. I don't know why that hit me so hard, so low, so depressing! It crushed me!!! I used my last bit of money for the root canal core and now I need to spend more? (I do care properley for my teeth) Work is horrible, my home life is bad and my ex-wife is maintaining her mainc, crazy, controling, yelling at me and my son. I worry about my 10 year old boy all the time and it hurts deep and causes me the weeps!
    Using the drugs helps to numb this depressive pain and it creates a fog of functionality for me so I can function and do things, but I know its not the real me doing these things, i'm in a drug fog.
    I was very naive of how big of a drug additc I am when I had my Kleen run. My cravings were off the charts!!!

    I grew up around my dad doing drugs, he dailey drank beer and smoked weed, mom only drank a little. In front of me and my sister! it was the 1970's, we were never abused, very loving, I guess my dad just spent a lot of money on drugs.? My dad's drug use esclated when I was in my early teens, he started doing herion. Things got ugly. He Got kick out of the house a couple times and I remember he came back and went cold turkey alone at least 3 times that I know from herion. He was finally clean and living with us at home, then he past away from lung cancer (Winstons in the box) when I was 18. I'm not trying to get any sympathy or tell my sob story excuse of why i relapsed again (who knows without the tooth pain things may be different) What really scares me now, with this depression, is that i'm afaid I'm turining into my dad with the pills and the intense cravings. I WOULD NEVER DO THE NEEDLE! But arn't the pills close, close enough? This is very troubling to me, i'm depressed, using, I don't care, and i'm afraid of being like my dad...
    I need to talk to my sponser, but we have had some family trouble latley, my sponser dosent need this now.
    I think I may need some professional help....
    Sorry for all the family stuff, it's just in my head now and I am scared.

    Let's end this on a positive note:
    I'm going to try and make some lemonaid. Yesterday I ranout of vicodins at 4:00 PM, both my dealers could not score last nite or today.
    I am thinking of going for it against all odds. But the main thing holding me back is, yes Murphys Law of Bad Timing. Tomorrow is not a normal day at work, the spotlight is on me all day I can't be detoxing, freaking, with restless leg. I do have some xanax.......
    Any opinion on my detox this time, using only 5 weeks, should it be less severe? Today was pure hell.

    Thanks to everyone out there, I hope you can learn from my lessons that I learned the hard way......

    "Mind what you have learned, Save You it Can."-Yoda -------------Walk'in the Tightrope

  2. #32
    TightRope is offline Junior Member
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    Hello,
    My thought of going against the odds and detoxing didn't work, Suprise!
    Who was I kidding? After all of those tries I should have known.
    I've been trying to ween now, it's rough.
    Sorry for my last post being so long and off-base. I guess I had to let it out.
    I'm up against a lot and it's up to me I know.
    I need some strength and confidence to kick it a little bit harder...
    -Walking the Tightrope.

  3. #33
    InPainEveryDay is offline New Member
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    Hey tightrope, thanks for sharing your story. I read every single entry lol. I'm struggling thru a few things myself. I've also been on Norcos for many years, but because of an actual medical condition I am struggling so much w this bc I honestly don't want to take the medications, but when I don't, I have incredible pain. (I'm an amputee)

    This creates a terrible depression for me as I've realized this is my life and I am stuck... Taking meds I don't wanna take, making my body more and more addicted, with no end in sight. I need more and more as my tolerance grows. Occasionally I am taking more than my prescription. I do try to have one "clean week" every single month, where I don't take anything. But getting thru that week every single month is becoming harder and harder. The cravings and withdraws are so exhausting. I feel like I'm pissing my life away.

    Anyway, I just wanted to jump on and wish you luck and offer a friendly ear. If you need to talk I am here. Hey, atleast your addiction CAN end... You have a CHOICE. Be happy you aren't me!

  4. #34
    TightRope is offline Junior Member
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    Hello,
    Wow, my heart really goes out to you, IPED. I hope there is a way out for you, don't stop trying. Modern medicine is incredible.

    I have good news today, I have felt the Force return to me and today is day 4 Kleen! Yes! If your going to keep trying to quit, you gotta change it up each time. So I did and it worked. So far.
    That relapse really set me back, bad. So now I am poor but Kleen. I'm looking forward to long time Kleen. 28th detox is a good even number for me, 30 is too much, 'No Too Mauch'. Lol

    If you not trying to quit, what are you doing?

    As I've said before, 'my heart goes out to others, who are there to make amends.
    -SRV, Tightrope.

  5. #35
    TightRope is offline Junior Member
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    Yess!
    One week Kleen......7 Days!
    And just finished 3 day audit at work, I kicked ass and took names! All Good!!!
    Nice to be Kleen again. Hockey is over now, but I'm going to into game and start workingout.
    I know this is the hard part again...for the Demons Haunt me with Great Fury!
    Getting ready to get a MM Card to Deal With It along with workout.
    I been here before, I aint Junk'in no more.
    I'm close to losing too many close friends to this Evil Pill Addiction. Life is too short.

    I want to hollar out to those peeps hitting keys, I just got my gateway going again.
    My last post was the first time from my smartphone! (21Century Buck Rogers, yes im middle age)

    This may sound far out,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    But if you can feel 'it' (MoJo) come around as the earth orbits and spins through Space,
    with accurate paitents and some luck, 'it' comes around to you.
    If you are ready for it, harrness 'it' for a CosmicPlasmaticForce.
    This is just my opinion, or a Seventh day Vent to the keys.
    There are Forces in Life influncing Ups and Downs to Deal With.
    This is The Force harrnesed by a Jedi....... (that Medicinal Marjuana is the wip)

    I have minded what I have learned,
    and save me it shall.

    Force Be With You

    -Tightrope

  6. #36
    TightRope is offline Junior Member
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    Summer-Time!
    Bring on the Heat, remember the 2 PolarVortxes? (in my State)
    I done went MIA in springtime, GateWay broke down again too, got it backthough.
    "I ran into some trouble, It turned into a struggle."-CB

    Now I'm pulling a 'pink could', {climb along if you live in'a...} Ready to lie to myself again.
    I been cheatin since detoxing, here and there; WTF! Even though DeToX was Pure Helllllllll!!!
    I don't want anymore Xanax either (danging with sharp hooks). Refills are too easy to get.
    My Cravings are off the chart though; Exponential!
    A full realization of This Addiction is Humbling; This Addictive Behavior of us Humans.
    Maybe i was in a subliminal denyal, all this while....as a Human trial?

    "The wicked barbs of Addiction, have set deep into my Soul....."-TightRope

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