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Tomorrow is Day one of withdrawals
  1. #1
    Anonymous Guest

    Default Tomorrow is Day one of withdrawals

    My last day was today and I took a total of 65mg today split up twice throughout the day. (Short back story- Foot issues and foot surgery, 3 months of 20-30mg hydrocodone twice a day, not my prescribed dose) I had finished what I had from the prescription but I convinced myself that since tomorrow is day one I should get a few more today for this last time. What used to feel good for 3-4 hours lasted only 20 min- maybe an hour but it could be my mind playing tricks on me cause I found myself really irritable about things that normally wouldn't bother me. Maybe any good feelings Have been a placebo effect for awhile now. It was more bad than good. Everything happens for a reason and with as unpleasant my normal 30mg dose was compared to what it used to be I realized how pointless it is to continue.

    I might be singing a different tune once the mood swings and stomach cramps kick in but it will be worth it once the worst part has passed. Anytime I have not had any I would start to feel flu-ish, body aches and stomach pain. One night I was unable to sleep because I spent the night running to the bathroom every 20 min for a good 4 hours- crying over how miserable it all was.

    My situation is a low dose and short time period compared to others but my actions were one of a complete addict, counting pills, counting hours...spending money on this instead of paying bills, always planning and thinking of how to not go without. I was trying to minimize my problem in my first forum post a few days ago because of foot pain but it rarely was about physical pain and more so avoiding mental pain. These pills have dictated every aspect of my life for 3 months.

    I want to write out my experience and post each day hoping it can help others the way other people's posts on here have already helped me prepare. And to hold myself accountable to get through this. I want this, I want my life back!

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hi Tidal,

    Congratulations for making the very good decision to make tomorrow your Day 1. You are on a relatively low dose compared to where some of the rest of us are or have been. The detox symptoms, however are no less unpleasant.

    The timeline is very predictable too. You won't be sorry to get this done now because what you are describing about how this same dose doesn't work the same way it used to is exactly what tolerance is all about and why so many of us have to keep increasing our daily dosage just to keep from being sick let alone having any other effect. It doesn't take long at all before we find ourselves taking enough to put down a small horse. Our tolerance builds very rapidly and detox gets even more scary than it already is.

    Don't go into your Day 1 afraid. You know what to expect so just embrace it. I know how odd that sounds but consider the bathroom issues as purging the poison. A cleansing of sorts. The aches a symbol that your brain receptors are being stripped of the opiates so that they can heal and begin to refire on their own. Try to keep both your mind and body busy. Hot baths and heating pads will help with those aches and restless legs (if you get them, not everyone does). Days 2-4 will be the worst of it and you will feel markedly better around Day 5. Some people feel better sooner and I hope you're one of them. By Day 2, what you feel shouldn't get any worse, they just won't get better for another day or two. It may seem like forever while you're going through it but in the scheme of things, it's a small price to pay for freedom.

    Keep posting with your updates. There are so many good threads here, you can spend hours just reading. I know I did just that and I'd lose myself in the stories. They're inspiring and will help you keep your eyes off the clock. You can do this! Be courageous and document your story here. There will be someone else who will stumble across your thread and will find the courage to take their life back too.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Ming23 likes this.

  3. #3
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    Cat your message was so supportive I got teary eyed! Thank you for your reply! You put some of my fears at ease to help keep me motivated to get through this.

    I woke up feeling fairly fine and slept for most the morning but it hit me later this afternoon at the 26 hour mark- feels exactly like the flu only with anxiety. Took 3 baths- like others have said they are life savers, my body is so achy and I took a small dose of ibuprofen, that helped for about 2 hours. Hour 30 I took Imodium, as soon as my stomach starting feeling funny I decided I wasn't about to go through that aspect again if I have the means to stop it.

    I'm so thankful for Hulu, found a sitcom I have never watched before and I have 3 seasons to distract myself with.

    I haven't had any strong desire towards taking pills, I've realized that if I gave in I'm giving over my life and at this point if I turned back I'd be dependent on buying off the street and waste hundreds of dollars a week at the dose I've worked up to.

    Advice I'd give at this point: prepare your meals ahead of time as much as possible, as healthy as possible- the fatigue and sudden appetite I haven't had in months....cooking feels like an overwhelming task. I did stock up on smoothie ingedrediants but too fatigued to make one, at least today.

    I don't know what to expect tomorrow, I hope to use mind over matter and try some yoga- my body has never felt so stiff, I'm moving like I'm 90 but I'm only 30.

    If I had the real flu I would stay in bed and rest but since this is different I don't know if I should take it easy for the acute phase or force some physical activity.....like taking a walk? Maybe tomorrow when it's suppose to be worse it won't be an option.

    I took some benydral, something Ive used in the past to get through bouts of insomnia. I feel drowsy but not sure if it's going to result in sleep.

  4. #4
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tidalwaves357 View Post
    Cat your message was so supportive I got teary eyed! Thank you for your reply! You put some of my fears at ease to help keep me motivated to get through this.

    I woke up feeling fairly fine and slept for most the morning but it hit me later this afternoon at the 26 hour mark- feels exactly like the flu only with anxiety. Took 3 baths- like others have said they are life savers, my body is so achy and I took a small dose of ibuprofen, that helped for about 2 hours. Hour 30 I took Imodium, as soon as my stomach starting feeling funny I decided I wasn't about to go through that aspect again if I have the means to stop it.

    I'm so thankful for Hulu, found a sitcom I have never watched before and I have 3 seasons to distract myself with.

    I haven't had any strong desire towards taking pills, I've realized that if I gave in I'm giving over my life and at this point if I turned back I'd be dependent on buying off the street and waste hundreds of dollars a week at the dose I've worked up to.

    Advice I'd give at this point: prepare your meals ahead of time as much as possible, as healthy as possible- the fatigue and sudden appetite I haven't had in months....cooking feels like an overwhelming task. I did stock up on smoothie ingedrediants but too fatigued to make one, at least today.

    I don't know what to expect tomorrow, I hope to use mind over matter and try some yoga- my body has never felt so stiff, I'm moving like I'm 90 but I'm only 30.

    If I had the real flu I would stay in bed and rest but since this is different I don't know if I should take it easy for the acute phase or force some physical activity.....like taking a walk? Maybe tomorrow when it's suppose to be worse it won't be an option.

    I took some benydral, something Ive used in the past to get through bouts of insomnia. I feel drowsy but not sure if it's going to result in sleep.
    Hello Tidal, you are well on your way and just a couple of more days and worst of the withdrawals will be behind you! Cat is definitely amazing, she has helped many and has a great way with words! Any exercise at all would absolutely help to get your brain to produce some of its own endorphins again! I hope you can get some sleep? Keep on keeping on, you got this! I wish you well. Take care... God bless us all!
    Ming23 likes this.

  5. #5
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    Thank you ricky71! I will be getting some exercise today!!!
    A complete surprise to me but I woke up this morning feeling fine, some anxiety but I took my prescribed dose of klonopin.

    ***Which I must add Do Not let a doctor put you on that type of medicine for more than a week or 2 and for emergency only- be your own advocate and do the research- withdrawal from that absolutely requires medical supervision for anything over 2 months of daily use and it's hell on earth, your brain turns on itself and its one nonstop panic attack, I spent 3 days thinking my brain was broken and perminately damaged and my family put me in inpatient treatment. I had a doctor that let me stay on Xanax for over 10 years and in the end the treatment center let me stay on a low dose of klonopin because they really didn't know what to do with me since there is very little research and data on use of my duration. Just thought I should get that out there because I know benzos like klonopin Ativan Xanax and such are used in the Thomas recipe.

    So I woke up skeptical, had 9 hours of sleep thanks to an over the counter sleep aid- it's liquid and basically NyQuil without the other medicines added. This morning I made a healthy smoothie, talked on the phone to my closest friend for 10 min. About to go take my vitamins and then shower.

    I'm wondering if something is going to change- I know my mood is very sensitive so I have to get right into exercise while my body is cooperating.

    There is no doubt I was addicted and had built up to a tolerance that no sane doctor would prescribe in that short of a time.

    It is possible (but I will update if anything changes) to only have a rough 24 hour period of painful withdrawal. So anyone that is in the place of upping their dose in order to feel an effect yet are too scared of withdrawals...well there is hope you can stop cold turkey and find a better way to manage pain without having a week of hell.

    Cravings=None but if I had them sitting right in front of me I would 90% take them but seeking them out feels completely different, I had a dream last night where I was switching lives with people (like in game of thrones with the "masks") and I had said to the other person we can't keep doing this forever or we will never be ourselves again. My son was with me and very frightened. It's very vivid in my mind and perfectly sums up my feelings on getting pain relievers ever again.

  6. #6
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    I have to add that as the day is going on I'm not feeling 100%. It's like as soon as I posted I started feeling a little off, stomach queasy but nothing like what I was feeling before taking Imodium last night. Maybe since I woke up not feeling like I had expected to, it gave me confidence that was the end of it and now my body is responding to me trying to move forward as usual but in fact I still need to take it easy. I was in bed all day yesterday so I'm thinking of moving to the couch and not pushing myself to hard. Baby steps I guess.
    Ming23 likes this.

  7. #7
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Tidalwaves
    Hang in there. Do what Cat says. She's quite experienced. Give yourself the week. We never know how we'll react but a week is a good estimate. You have a build up of drugs in your system. As they leave, we experience chemical changes in the brain/body. There can be some readjustment as we get free. But the good news is that you can be free sooner than later.
    Determination will be your friend, your rock, as it were. No matter what u may feel, make that commitment to see this through. You will not regret the choice!
    You can do this! Save your own life...

  8. #8
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    Unfortunately I was not prepared for the depression that hit me hard this evening and I am now in a place where I have to start over. I took a slightly lower dose than before I quit for the 48 hours, overdose scares me so much. A lot of shame and soul searching. I'm not done fighting even though I have to start over. I went through my journal and thought back to where I was before I became addicted. I used to walk 2 hours a day- an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. I was losing weight and I was depressed before but the walking pulled me out of it. Now that my foot issues are healing and the pain in my foot wasn't bad the last 2 days. I pulled out my treadmill and now I know where my real battle is and the struggle that I need to focus on when it comes to withdrawal.

    I hate the feeling of having failed, I don't want to feel this way again. I know I'm stronger than this! I can say that this is a learning process. I also left out that it's my time of the month so my hormones combined with withdrawal made it more difficult mentally. I don't think I'm a lost cause because I want the me that I used to be back! Having learned what withdrawal does to me personally I feel I have gained a few tools to help me fight this better. I can't sit in bed and try to sleep through it. I have to work through the pain developing my good habits during withdrawal.

  9. #9
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tidalwaves357 View Post
    Unfortunately I was not prepared for the depression that hit me hard this evening and I am now in a place where I have to start over. I took a slightly lower dose than before I quit for the 48 hours, overdose scares me so much. A lot of shame and soul searching. I'm not done fighting even though I have to start over. I went through my journal and thought back to where I was before I became addicted. I used to walk 2 hours a day- an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. I was losing weight and I was depressed before but the walking pulled me out of it. Now that my foot issues are healing and the pain in my foot wasn't bad the last 2 days. I pulled out my treadmill and now I know where my real battle is and the struggle that I need to focus on when it comes to withdrawal.

    I hate the feeling of having failed, I don't want to feel this way again. I know I'm stronger than this! I can say that this is a learning process. I also left out that it's my time of the month so my hormones combined with withdrawal made it more difficult mentally. I don't think I'm a lost cause because I want the me that I used to be back! Having learned what withdrawal does to me personally I feel I have gained a few tools to help me fight this better. I can't sit in bed and try to sleep through it. I have to work through the pain developing my good habits during withdrawal.
    Tidal, don't beat yourself up, it happens! Get back "on the horse" as they say! Depression and anxiety can definitely be a very hard part of the withdrawal process, not everybody experiences the depression but I sure did! The depression and anxiety were the worst for me when I got off oxycodone last fall but I can tell you that it does get better once your brain starts to function normally on its own without the drugs, it takes time. Don't give up, I know you can do it! We're here for you, keep posting... Take care and remember "fail" means "first attempt in learning"!!! God bless us all!

  10. #10
    Anonymous Guest

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    Thank you Ricky and that is exactly the case- my first attempt in learning!
    I'm in the midst of my 2nd day again. This time I'm coming in with more strength knowing that this pain I'm in is inevitable, I can only push It off for so long- one day I will have to go through this and this is it. The aches and pains in my body keep interfering in having a positive mind set. But I just have today and tomorrow and I expect to see the rewards of sticking it out by the 4th or 5th day. The pills were doing nothing but holding me off from getting sick and I can't live my life like that. I'm moving around doing stuff, forcing my weighted down body to move and taking periods of rest. I hope to be back on here in a few days with a success story!

  11. #11
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tidalwaves357 View Post
    Thank you Ricky and that is exactly the case- my first attempt in learning!
    I'm in the midst of my 2nd day again. This time I'm coming in with more strength knowing that this pain I'm in is inevitable, I can only push It off for so long- one day I will have to go through this and this is it. The aches and pains in my body keep interfering in having a positive mind set. But I just have today and tomorrow and I expect to see the rewards of sticking it out by the 4th or 5th day. The pills were doing nothing but holding me off from getting sick and I can't live my life like that. I'm moving around doing stuff, forcing my weighted down body to move and taking periods of rest. I hope to be back on here in a few days with a success story!
    Tidal. Been there and done that. You will never quit if you have connections to the pills. I had no will power. I would quit and then depression hits hard the next day and i would work hard and pay anything for a new script. And i was good at it. Then the party stopped. Dr said no more and wants we off. Gave me one final script and that was that. Then i had no more money to find another doc and i was just exhausted in the dr visits. I just woke up hating the world and my mind clicked. I wanted off! I suffered for the first 2 weeks severely with deep depression. But i knew it was temp. So i fought tbrough it and here i am 11 months clean. Very very very very happy now.

  12. #12
    Anonymous Guest

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    Sadly there will always be acess to the pills, it's insane how widely available they are. Last time I tried to quit, I was doing good on day 3( doing good as in staying on track) the pills literally showed up at my front door, never asked for them- a friend who didn't know I was quitting thought he was helping he handed them to me and before I could wrap my brain around it the person left cuz my sons school bus was pulling up and I'm standing there with the "cure" to my suffering. The whole interaction lasted less than a minute and I set them down and paced my house until I gave in with in 10 minutes. I'm now forced into quitting because everyone is out for the next 2 weeks. I told this friend that I'm quittin so no more encounters like that. It's the depression that is the hardest, I lay in bed crying all day. The weather is horrible and I'm highly affected by lack of sun light and limited options on what to do to keep busy. My body is aching all over and the sleep medicine isn't working. My son has off school tomorrow and I'm thinking this is going to be a horrible day for withdrawals but maybe it's a good thing- I will be forced to push through and act happy. I need to get a handle on the depression so that I don't get more when they are available. I'm usually very health conscious and love being fit and healthy. I have never been more unhealthy than I am now and I'm overwhelmed by the hard work ahead of me. I would go to rehab but I can't put my family through that, I've already been through rehab for prescribed benzos from a bad doctor. My son is older and I can't disappear for 5 days. I can't afford it on my own. I need a change of environment but it's hard to even get out of bed and I made myself so broke and the horrible weather makes me feel trapped in my house.

  13. #13
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    So grateful to wake up to some sunshine, I had a very bad night tossing and turning, so tired but my arms were restless. I even took a bath at midnight to relieve the aches. I told myself I'm going to have a good day today no matter how I feel physically but I'm in tears over the little things like I decided to do yard work but every tool/machine I go to use breaks down. I'm bored out of my mind. My stomach hurts but I have no appetite today or energy to cook. I'm sick of cleaning the house- my entire life is laundry and dishes and housework. I wish I could leave my house but my son has friends over so I'm kind of stuck trying to find something to do here. I'm not really seeing the big picture, I don't think my life was better before pills. I think a forced withdrawal is actually harder than when I had the will power, I thought it would be the opposite.
    Ming23 likes this.

  14. #14
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    I'm so happy to say I woke up on day 3 and I feel fine, laughed at something that normally would have stressed me out, left my house and had a small conversation with the cashier so my anxiety feels back to normal (under control). Took me 3 times to quit and I never let myself get to day 3. My back is a little achy but that was how it was before I ever took pills.

    I know the battle isn't over, I still have to resist temptation and I'm sure there will still be some mood swings but the despair has lifted and I still plan on reading other people's stories on here whenever I feel like just one pill won't hurt. It's true that the pleasurable feeling doesn't last long after a few months of playing around and you will pay for it in the end- the past two days were hell, and hell for my family.

    If I go back I will lose my family because I eat up all our money and my husband can only take so much of me being sick every few days. I was becoming desensitized, I'm usually a very empathetic person, attentive wife and doting mom and I slowly started backing away from my family and activities if I didn't have enough pills, I didn't want to waste the euphoria on certain activities where I wouldn't feel them as strongly. I caught this before I went too far down the rabbit hole.

    The stories on here helped me realize how bad I could get, people who lose years of their life and I was right on track for that, on day one i was trying to think of how I could hurt myself so that I could get some. I have to stop looking at the pills as a mood booster, if I ever really hurt myself I wouldn't have been able to explain why 5mg doesn't work and ask for 20 or 30mg at a time. Because of this I had surgery and had to feel the pain and pay someone....the legal ramifications never occurred to me when I wanted some. How scary that I was putting my family at risk, not just me. I feel bad for those that truely are in pain and people like me make it so much harder for them to get the help they need.

    I know I can't get too confident or I'll be right back here with another starting over story. But day 3 has brought me some hope, maybe I'm stronger than I thought and I have to exercise today, it would be nice to feel some natural endorphins to remind me of how I used to treat my depression and how well that worked.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-14-2016 at 12:01 PM.

  15. #15
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hang tough, you can do this! The depression and everything else will get better as time goes on! I pasted a link below for you to read. The first two posts talk about "paws", I wouldn't concern yourself with that too much because from what I understand it's not that common! The third post down is where some interesting things are said on how opiates affect the brain, I think it's a great read and explains alot? I wish you the very best and remember things will get better, I promise, you just got to stay the course! Take care... God bless us all!


    https://www.drugs.com/forum/need-tal...ain-65986.html

  16. #16
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    I wanted to add some of the most inspiring advice I've read on here that I hope helps others as I know it's going to help me over the next few days plus some things I plan to do. Have a plan: what are you going to do when your doctor hands you a prescription or someone hands you a pill? I will come to this forum and my list on paper of everything I went through- suicidal thoughts were scarier than anything and I now don't believe 2 hours of euphoria is worth a day of wanting to die. But I had to write it down because I might not be thinking right when a pill is right in front of me. Wether I take it or not I won't until I've read through my lists and journals.
    Write it all down...keep a journal or write on here, when the hell of withdrawal passes it's easy to minimize it and talk yourself into thinking taking another pill is worth the pain or "flu". Write out all the things you loved to do pre addiction, do those things wether your in the mood to or not and even if u find little enjoyment don't cross it off your list try again in a few days. Basically don't trust your mind for a few days/weeks....use a journal or a list or the forum so that you have something to refer to during darker moments. I copied and pasted some of the most inspiring stories off here and I get a huge boost of confidence going back and reading them- having them all in one place helps remind me why im doing this, so easy to forget when your in pain and want to give in. This helped me a lot through my 3rd withdrawal, something I didn't do the last 2 times. As soon as you feel some energy spend it doing something you love or used to love- don't go workout if you hate working out, don't pressure yourself to move too fast, maybe use that energy to meet up with friends, cook your favorite meal or whatever is on your "used to love sober list".

  17. #17
    Anonymous Guest

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    Thank you Ricky! I will check that out! I'm getting all my armor out for this battle because while I feel good now I know that doesn't mean I'm in the clear.

  18. #18
    Anonymous Guest

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    Wow! Ricky I think that the 3rd post down explaining dopamine and the gates is the best explaination I've ever read on how opiates affect the brain and why it's so hard. Knowledge is power and that won't be the only time I read that. Thank you so much- I hope others read that because that explaination can be a very helpful tool when the urge to just take one inevitably comes over you!

  19. #19
    dontwait is offline Junior Member
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    Congratulations!!! Today might be a tough day, but you will feel considerably better by tomorrow! For me day 3 was the toughest. Day 4 was a million times better, then day 5 I actually felt like normal. Key is I drank over 3 litres of water each day and took a good multi-vitamin. Walking and hot baths arnt recommended for no reason-- they really do help! Stay strong you're doing amazing and almost in the clear!

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