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Trying again.
  1. #1
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Trying again.

    I'm at square one again for the (to many to count) time. I just want to get through the 72 hours. I plan on taking it hour by hour. I just drew 72 boxes on a paper and plan on marking them. I'm at 8 hours since my last 40mg of oxy dose. I deleted my fb and cut my phone off so I won't be able to see anybody who has them. I had only 10mg earlier in the week and my usual dose is around 30-50mg a day. I became very agitated anytime somebody said anything to me. Pills make life more tolerable. I have A LOT to deal with when I get out of this addiction. Everytime I don't take a pill something just feels empty. But it has already ruined my life. Ive been at rock bottom for a while and I'm getting used to being here. Something inside of me wants to see what's on the other side of being numb. I have a court date at the end of the month and there's somewhat of a chance I may serve a few days. And This addiction has made that seem as if I may need that. Somebody pray for me! I've tried everything else in my power a few times and here I am trying again. My post usually don't get a lot of responses but I probably just be typing in my thread for the next few days as a venting process or something. Idk. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Sounds crazy but I highly recommend call of duty zombies. it takes me about 52 minutes to get to level 22. That's 52 minutes of intensity. And your mind will be no where else. Lol seriously. It kills time during withdrawal. Reading doesn't work. It's to easy for me to get detracted and my mind is off thinking about opiates. Movies. They have to be good.
    If I'm at 30-50mg daily. 50 being the highest maybe once a week. Sometimes I only take 20mg. I know everyone is different but in general how will it be after hour 48?

  3. #3
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hi Mike,

    It's been slower here than usual lately and the weekends are especially slow. How long have you been back out? If your timeline is anything like mine, my symptoms peaked around 36 hrs and remained pretty consistent for the next couple of days. Day 5 was my magic number when some of my symptoms resolved rather abruptly (RLS and aches). I felt tired and weak but was finally able to rest. My attention span was much, much better leaving me just feeling like I had just had a bad flu. It took another good week before I didn't need Immodium once or twice a day and sleep was the last thing to return but it did, gradually.

    You did the right thing by disconnecting. There are always weak moments that threaten our resolve and it's too easy to cave. Once you're through detox, do you have any plans to help you through after that? I don't know what's right for you but we have to be proactive in working our recovery. Therapy, meetings...something. I totally understand why folks resist that suggestion but when we just keep going through this only to end in relapse, it does become time to figure out a new way to handle our recovery. Support is probably the most important thing. It's priceless to be able to pick up the phone when you're ready to go off the reservation and call a sponsor instead of calling your guy. Oftentimes that's all it takes is to talk to someone who knows exactly how you're feeling and talk you off the ledge. Believe it or not (at least for me) those cravings and the desire to throw the towel in get less frequent and less intense. Usually if you can just talk to someone or get busy for a short time they will pass. You just have to give it a chance. Challenging indeed at the beginning.

    I recognized your name right away this morning. I'm so sorry you're in this spot again but I am most definitely glad that you posted and reached out for help. Be patient especially today and tomorrow. It is REALLY slow around here. Post often. That helps!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  4. #4
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey Cat. I appreciate your response.
    But I'm sad to say I relapsed. AGAIN. I went to a friends house and just so happens today out of all of the days, he gets a load of percs. and comes to me to make sure they are legit. And he gave me a deal. I easily caved... I'm honestly starting to think I can't do this. I looked into suboxone. But I don't like the fact that I would have to be on them for so long. And if not done properly the withdrawal coming off of those are worse than coming off percs. This sucks. I'm starting to not see the light in the tunnel. I feel like I don't want it bad enough. I don't have much. No kids, no girlfriend, I still haven't dealt with my mothers passing yet. One of the main reasons I began this downward spiral. She left me 50k insurance money and that was gone in 5 months. I am still so disappointed in myself because of it. I only have my brother and grandmother. And I am burning my brideges with them both from doing addict things. Idk anymore. The furthest I made into withdrawal was I believe 42 or 43 hours. What throws me off so much is its a daily habit. I wake up and go out to find money to get high. I don't know what else to do with money. I don't know what else to do with my day. I'm a Tattoo artist and I love what I do and this addiction has robbed me of great opportunities concerning my career, and everything. I went to a concert with my brother and I couldn't even enjoy it with him because I was to high to stay in the concert and had to go in the car and go to sleep, I felt so bad. I can be so much further in my life if this weren't an issue. But it is and I'm lost. I am tired but it seems as if I'm not tired enough. It hurtd because my friends know I take pills and joke about it. It hurts when they jokingly call me a junkie but they dont know that thats what I am. I feel like I'm a burden now to everyone. I'm depressed. I feel like a failure. I just don't want to do this anymore.

  5. #5
    offandclean is offline New Member
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    Hi Mike!

    The daily ritual of no pills is what makes many of us fall back into old habits. What I really see around here is it only will work if you cut off the contacts. My advice is tell someone you trust who can offer you support. It helps to hold yourself accountable.

    I took Suboxone and only took a few doses while in detox. It helped a whole lot. I knew I definitely didn't want to take it long-term so did a couple of days then a quick taper. But after those first few days of withdrawal is when the mind starts to mess with you. But try your hardest to distract yourself. Exercise and get out of the house. You'll need a new routine. You can do this! Believe me it's really great on this side but takes a lot of work. Depending on your usage and length of time, it may be a while before you're feeling good but it does happen and when it does, you'll be so proud of yourself. Keep posting. We are here for you.

  6. #6
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeski91 View Post
    Hey Cat. I appreciate your response.
    But I'm sad to say I relapsed. AGAIN. I went to a friends house and just so happens today out of all of the days, he gets a load of percs. and comes to me to make sure they are legit. And he gave me a deal. I easily caved... I'm honestly starting to think I can't do this. I looked into suboxone. But I don't like the fact that I would have to be on them for so long. And if not done properly the withdrawal coming off of those are worse than coming off percs. This sucks. I'm starting to not see the light in the tunnel. I feel like I don't want it bad enough. I don't have much. No kids, no girlfriend, I still haven't dealt with my mothers passing yet. One of the main reasons I began this downward spiral. She left me 50k insurance money and that was gone in 5 months. I am still so disappointed in myself because of it. I only have my brother and grandmother. And I am burning my brideges with them both from doing addict things. Idk anymore. The furthest I made into withdrawal was I believe 42 or 43 hours. What throws me off so much is its a daily habit. I wake up and go out to find money to get high. I don't know what else to do with money. I don't know what else to do with my day. I'm a Tattoo artist and I love what I do and this addiction has robbed me of great opportunities concerning my career, and everything. I went to a concert with my brother and I couldn't even enjoy it with him because I was to high to stay in the concert and had to go in the car and go to sleep, I felt so bad. I can be so much further in my life if this weren't an issue. But it is and I'm lost. I am tired but it seems as if I'm not tired enough. It hurtd because my friends know I take pills and joke about it. It hurts when they jokingly call me a junkie but they dont know that thats what I am. I feel like I'm a burden now to everyone. I'm depressed. I feel like a failure. I just don't want to do this anymore.

    Hey Mike - because of your many unsuccessful attempts going cold turkey suboxone therapy just might be a good option for you? The suboxone plan that a lot of members here use has a great success rate! With Robert's sub therapy/taper plan you are only on subs for a few months. Take a look at the plan and let us know what you think, here's a link - https://www.drugs.com/forum/suboxone...apy-66109.html

    Like I said, there are many members here that have used Robert's plan and have had great success! If you decide that this is something that you want to do, let us know? There are a lot of great and knowledgeable people here that can help you through the process! You CAN get clean and STAY clean! Be well... God bless us all!

  7. #7
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for your reply ricky71!
    Subs are an option now. At first I wasn't considering because I was scared of getting addicted. But ilI'll do anything at this point. I do not have Insurance. How do I go about getting it? I'll post more info In a lil while.

  8. #8
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeski91 View Post
    Thanks for your reply ricky71!
    Subs are an option now. At first I wasn't considering because I was scared of getting addicted. But ilI'll do anything at this point. I do not have Insurance. How do I go about getting it? I'll post more info In a lil while.
    Do you have a primary doctor? If so he/she may be able to prescribe it, if not then they should be able to refer you to someone that does? If you can get the suboxone film rather then the tabs it would be better for cutting your doses! You'll want to get your script and then follow Robert's sub taper plan here, mention nothing to the prescribing doctor about your intentions to use the suboxone the way Robert recommends. The doctor will most likely want you to take too much and for too long! Just get the script and follow Robert's plan exactly as outlined! What state do you live in Mike?

  9. #9
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    No I don't have a primary doctor. I wish I did. But I live in the state of virginia. I'm very hesitant about this all together. I don't want to leave one drug and start another and one and cant get off of it. But I'm willing to try this in order to beat this.. And as far as cost. It doesnt cost as much as I am paying for these percs on the streets is it? Thats a major issue with this addiction. The money!

  10. #10
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeski91 View Post
    No I don't have a primary doctor. I wish I did. But I live in the state of virginia. I'm very hesitant about this all together. I don't want to leave one drug and start another and one and cant get off of it. But I'm willing to try this in order to beat this.. And as far as cost. It doesnt cost as much as I am paying for these percs on the streets is it? Thats a major issue with this addiction. The money!
    Mike - if you can't taper the percs or quit them cold turkey then what are your other options?

    Have you read Robert's plan yet?

    Google search suboxone doctors in your area, call around, get info?

    Even if you had to pay 100% out of pocket for the subs it would be less than what you spend on percs!

  11. #11
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    I plan on going to a doctor later on today! But I have another question? What is the difference between suboxone and methadone?

  12. #12
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    I know I could google these questions but would rather hear from people with experience on a personal level!

  13. #13
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    After research I decided not to get on subs. I am in a position where I am pretty much forced into CT. And to be honest I am really nervous. I am doing this alone. And I'm a lil scared. Please I come here for support. I would truly appreciate any support I can get from yall. Thanks

  14. #14
    ReadytoBHappy is offline Banned
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    Default How are you doing today?

    Hi,
    I am new here, but definitely not new to trying to quit taking opiates. I am prescribed them by a pain management doctor; however, I want off of them.
    I think my experiences are a lot like yours. I try to taper; I try to quit; but I fail every time. I live alone, and I do think my loneliness exacerbates my using of opiates to numb my feelings. But, I think they also add to the depression I feel almost every day now.

    I think if I am depressed and homebound, due to my drug use, then I might as well quit. But, I cannot put together any length of clean time. I did go cold turkey in 2013, and stayed off pills for over 14 months. I think because I know how horrible cold turkey feels that I take a pill as soon as the w/d's start. And I get anxious and panicky when I get RLS.... that is one of the worst symptoms.

    I currently take 20 mg oxymorphone ER a day, by sniffing. And 1-3 oxycodone, 15mg every day, orally. I was totally off the oxycodone for a few weeks, but am slipping back into using them. Hence I started an account here yesterday.

    I know how you feel... I am offering my support and encouragement. You can do this! Please let us know your progress, either way. Just do not give up... I will keep working at this... I hope you do too!
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  15. #15
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    I appreciate your support and I really hope you over come this thing we all dread. I relapsed again. I took only 10mg last night to help me with sleep. I slept very little. And the morning my stomach was messed up. Then oddly throughout the day I gained a lot of energy. But the daily habit broke me. Tomorrow is thanksgiving. I hope I can get through the day but at this point I careless. About wds. I am scared of them a bit but I'm getting stronger and stronger everytime I try. My tolerance has been consistent at 40mg MAX. For about a week now. I was wondering if I could jump from here?
    Again. I give all my support. My advice to you is stay busy. Boredom is not good for us.
    I'm so ready for this to be Over. I will keep trying. Happy holidays

  16. #16
    YoungMistakes is offline New Member
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    Hey Mike what's up brother. I was taking up to 320mg of Oxy a day for 2 years. So thats about 32 perc10mgs a day if you're comparing it to percs. My habit was off the chain. I sold my xbox and everything else valuable i owned. I am 25 years old now and am in the same boat as you because for the past 6 months i have been trying to quit but cannot get past day 1. Withdrawals were just to harsh. I have a bit if good news for you but its only if you have access to klonopin(clonazepam) or any other benzodiazepine (xanax,Ativan etc). Just last week i attempted quitting once again but this time i got clonazepam prescribed by a doctor to use to get past the first dreadful 3-5 days of withdrawal. Well the clonazepam worked like a miracle. I took 2mgs on the first day and all my symptoms of withdrawal faded. I used the clonazepam up until day 4 and stopped to see how i felt without it (you dont want to use clonazepam or any other benzo for more than a week because some argue the withdrawal from that is worse) but anyways in my opinion its a better way than taking subs. Subs you gotta withdrawal off of anyways. This way you get past the initial withdrawal and the benzos (in safe prescribed dosese) allow you to sleep through it aswell. You're lucky you still got a system to play zombies through withdrawal lol Cod was my shizz but i sold everyyyything. Which is why im on the way to getting better now and im jusy sharing what is working for me. And maybe it'll help you get through this hell too

  17. #17
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Please Im on like 60 hours since my last pill and I have a LOT energy, felt the need to work out type energy. What does this mean? Is it over? Last few days only real withdrawal I felt was the agitation. Stomach was messed up but only for like 30 minutes. I'm not low on energy, I can get up and go about my day accordingly, sleep was good the first night, probably because i took a ativan. Wnd night, i slept for like 3 hours. Kind of restless but nothing uncontrollable. Only real issue is that I miss them pills. The craving. But I have no access whatsoever to pills. If I did. I wouldnt be this far lol. Tomorrow morning is 72 hours. Am I in for a rude awakening somewhere or what? This wasnt SO FAR as bad as I put it out to be. But I also managed to drop my dose to like 35 to 40 on average before I jumped. My last dose 60 hours ago was only 15mg. Had none since? Can somebody tell me whats going on? I prayed about this!

  18. #18
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    RLS and Insomnia kicked inn -__-

  19. #19
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Mike, glad you're sharing your story!! For the RLS, Hyland's makes a couple products that seem to really help me. They're called "Restful Legs" and "Leg Cramps PM". Also, during my last taper withdrawals, and now that I've made the jump I've incorporated a lot of aspects of the Thomas Recipe Thread (link included) into my routines also, it seems to be helping a lot. Especially staying hydrated, drinking as much water/gatoraide as you can, taking some extra potassium supplements and even just eating a banana.

    While a lot of the symptoms are very common, we all metabolize things differently, and have to take everything at our own pace. What you're feeling in completely normal, and will pass. Just have to give it time to get everything out of your system and let your body and mind "re-boot" to being off the meds. You're doing GREAT, and hope you continue to share what you're going through and continue hanging in there! Be well!!

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...wal-35169.html
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  20. #20
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for your response. I ended up getting some sleep last night. I'm at 89 hours now. I think I'm almost out the woods if not already out. Its just really a mental thing now. I see what everybody says about getting clean is the easy part. Staying clean is the hard part. I will be around them pills on Christmas. I hope that the next few days the mental gets easier. So i can resist when I get there. Definitely tuff tho. Boredom is serious right now!
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  21. #21
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hi Mike,

    I'm glad that you have a few days behind you now. I think that jumping from around 40mg/day, the worst of the physical is over. The mental really is the tough part. Have you looked for meetings in your area? Being alone in recovery is really difficult. Imagine having someone (a sponsor) who you could call when you're having a tough time. I promise that it can make all the difference in the world just to have someone to talk to who knows what you're going through. Meetings can have the same effects as a pep rally. It refuels your commitment. That's why it's recommended to do at least a meeting a day. I know some people who go to more than one a day as their schedule permits. It's just so important not to isolate. That allows us to stay in our our head for too long.

    Find things to stay busy and set short goals. I'd tell myself that I could manage to get through say, until noon. Then until dinner. Then until morning. Rinse and repeat. Before long, I was able to promise that I just wouldn't use for today. No matter how rough it got, I'd give myself a good talking to and would just wait to see how I'd feel in the morning. It was quite impossible for me to commit to anything longer than today.

    I know the last few days weren't easy but compared to what it might have been, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. If you relapse, you probably won't be as lucky the next time so I wouldn't tempt fate.

    Keep reading and posting. This place saved my life.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  22. #22
    Carrie be strong is offline New Member
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    Congrats on making it this far I'm on day 5 of sub withdrawal . Your post is encouraging to me . Dread of withdrawals was my main thing too . Keep posting and let me know how you are doing .. I'm doing this alone too and it's rough alone .
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  23. #23
    grandma -bk is offline Member
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    How are you??....update .....

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