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trying to get my life back free from prescription pain day 1
  1. #61
    Helena77 is offline Banned
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    I've read most of your posts and you guy's are giving me so much hope and peace of mind!! I have my own cleaning business as well, and about 30 clients a month. And 5 kiddos. No family here, just my husband who has no idea I'm about to w/d from suboxone bc he thought I was done 6mos ago. So I'm very inspired by both of you!!! I hope I find a connection like this when I finally jump next week. I didn't read every single post, so not sure if you guys tried yet or not, but lots of people suggest a hot bath/shower? When I initailly began reading, Wantmy, I wanted to jump in my car and bring you some of the supplements from the list and some WATER and a veggie/fruit smoothie!! My heart goes out to you, Mama!!! We're strong! We have to be!!! I have teens, but little ones also. I was soooo scared a week ago until I found this site. I cannot afford to reschedule any of my clients, no days off in sight and no one to care for my children so I've been tapering down as low as I can. You poor girl, all of the things you've suffered and so young! So happy to see BOTH of you pulling through. I am stocked on immodium, as I've had mild w/d with each drop, and I do find the liquid works faster, but so glad you each have what you need now to get you through. When I was already planning to do this taper last week, I threw my back out while on a big job and, due to the support of this site, I was able to avoid going to urgent care and begging for a morphine drop. I've been hitting the vitamins hard and I'm amazed at how well Ibuprofen and Tylenol have helped with the pain, as I was immune to them while on pills (and I was on A LOT of pills as well). Also, I still had to work each day after that and the therma care packs you can stick on really made a difference. Do you have a heating pad? That might help with your pain as well. I also have advanced carpal tunnel In both hands and osteoarthritis from some sort of undetermined auto-immune disorder? (Was diagnosed in my late 20's) I'm 38, btw. Not near what you've been thru, but you're being soooo strong!!! So are you, frog! (Don't want to call ya crazy, but don't really want to call ya frog either! LoL)
    Anyway, I'm really rooting for you two! Keep posting and giving updates when you can. It helps you and others more than you probably even know!! Hope you have peaceful sleep tonight!
    xoxoxo, Helena

  2. #62
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    I've read most of your posts and you guy's are giving me so much hope and peace of mind!! I have my own cleaning business as well, and about 30 clients a month. And 5 kiddos. No family here, just my husband who has no idea I'm about to w/d from suboxone bc he thought I was done 6mos ago. So I'm very inspired by both of you!!! I hope I find a connection like this when I finally jump next week. I didn't read every single post, so not sure if you guys tried yet or not, but lots of people suggest a hot bath/shower? When I initailly began reading, Wantmy, I wanted to jump in my car and bring you some of the supplements from the list and some WATER and a veggie/fruit smoothie!! My heart goes out to you, Mama!!! We're strong! We have to be!!! I have teens, but little ones also. I was soooo scared a week ago until I found this site. I cannot afford to reschedule any of my clients, no days off in sight and no one to care for my children so I've been tapering down as low as I can. You poor girl, all of the things you've suffered and so young! So happy to see BOTH of you pulling through. I am stocked on immodium, as I've had mild w/d with each drop, and I do find the liquid works faster, but so glad you each have what you need now to get you through. When I was already planning to do this taper last week, I threw my back out while on a big job and, due to the support of this site, I was able to avoid going to urgent care and begging for a morphine drop. I've been hitting the vitamins hard and I'm amazed at how well Ibuprofen and Tylenol have helped with the pain, as I was immune to them while on pills (and I was on A LOT of pills as well). Also, I still had to work each day after that and the therma care packs you can stick on really made a difference. Do you have a heating pad? That might help with your pain as well. I also have advanced carpal tunnel In both hands and osteoarthritis from some sort of undetermined auto-immune disorder? (Was diagnosed in my late 20's) I'm 38, btw. Not near what you've been thru, but you're being soooo strong!!! So are you, frog! (Don't want to call ya crazy, but don't really want to call ya frog either! LoL)
    Anyway, I'm really rooting for you two! Keep posting and giving updates when you can. It helps you and others more than you probably even know!! Hope you have peaceful sleep tonight!
    xoxoxo, Helena
    Thanks for the kind words. Crazyfrog is something very random i thought of. Trying to stay very anonymous. Hopefully when next week comes you are ready to finally put this chapter away. You have to commit. There's no "maybe one more or just one more time in a few days". You just have to want it. It's been said the ones that succeed in quiting are the ones that are mentally convinced in quiting. The ones that don't want to quit but are being forced to quit find a way to fall back on the pills. Sometimes it takes the patient to be demanding to doctors for pain pills and that's what gets them to get cut off and even flagged in the system. That is a blessing in disguised imo. When you have no more sources, then your mind tends to be more committed. It's a opportunity that some take advantage of and works. As for otc meds or herbal supplements, what ONLY works for my body chemistry is high anti diahrrea lopetamide. I took my second dose of 28mg at noon yesterday and by 4pm i was actually doing rather good. I slept from 11pm to 6:30 comfy. Had the usually strange vivid dreams but not bad. This isn't my first rodeo, until recently i found out about loperamide. Prior attempts were torturing, the first 3 to 4 days used to drive me so mad.So deep depressed. Now that i dose with about 28mg of loperamide, I don't suffer that extreme. I'm actually very contempt. I took 20mg of loperamide this morning at 7am to keep me level. Otherwise i notice the loperamide wears off withing 30 hours and I start feeling depressed and very gloomy. I'll wait for you when you enter your first day of being clean, taking to people on boards here helps a lot. Good luck and keep your kids in mind!

  3. #63
    Helena77 is offline Banned
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    Yes, I've done this many times before, but my mindset was never like this. It was always forced or bc I'd run out, or my husband gave me an ultimatum. I could probably go CT right now if I didn't have to work full time and manage this house in the meantime, and not let my husband know I extended the sub use by 6mos, but I was on 24mgs of suboxone at that time, prescribed by an out-patient clinic. I also didn't understand how the immodium worked at the time and I hadn't physically/mentally prepared as I've done this time. This was MY choice. I even called my doc's office when I threw my back out last week, and told them to flag my chart as an opiate addict, in case I broke down and went in for a morphine drip. I also told my last and only contact that if he heard from me again, it meant I was undercover and working with police and to ignore me. Seems silly, but he's a paranoid freak and I've known him for years and he's never not responded back to me and I haven't heard a word since then! He was recently caught selling his subs so I know what I said will cut that tie completely. I'm stocked on immodium and have been doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible and I'm coming off of a speck of sub, that I've been able to easily taper down to over last few weeks from 1mg as the starting point. I'm very confident that this time will prove successful bc I want it so badly. And you're absolutely right, my children ARE my inspiration.

  4. #64
    Helena77 is offline Banned
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    Oops! 24mgs of subutex, not suboxone. I've been on 1mg of suboxone for almost 6mos and tapered down to .06 with ease so I have faith this time will be different. You guys are champs! Keep it up!!!

  5. #65
    wantmylifeback5409 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi guys, I have not posted today because I had no email saying that anyone commented, turns out I had just logged out hahaha. I hope that you are hanging in there crazy frog. I got out of the house today to run very small errends and I managed to do a load of laundry and clean my living room floors but that knocked me back down to bed. I have to work tmrw and I'm a little bit worried about getting through a 6 hour day of physical work plus 1 hour+ drive time. However I haven't given in, I thought about it because today would be my anniversary with the love of my life but also That's partly why I didn't give in, we broke up over his drug use, now he's been clean for years and made something of himself despite chronic pain and mental health problems so if he can do it so can I. Anyway when I went out to the post office today I stepped outside and it was so nice out, just about to rain such a nice cool breeze and I thought wow this is great to feel this breeze on my face, it didn't last super long but for a few minutes I remembered what it feels like to be free of my addiction and to truly feel happy. I hope that you both had an awesome day. So far so good I will be entering my birthday a sober person tmrw and that feels good

  6. #66
    Helena77 is offline Banned
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    You can do it!! Cleaning houses is my "me time"...well, when they're not home, which most of them aren't. I have a huge one tomorrow. And they have a giant white huskey that must shed every second of two weeks, dark wood floors and all black kitchen!! Takes me hours just to dust and vac.

    I'm taking one tiny speck of sub a day now, it's probably the size of a grain of sea salt. I've felt w/d's since last week. I just get angry at them and tell them to go away or laugh at them. If I'm cleaning alone, I've resorted to talking to myself, reminding myself of why I'm doing this. Or I put my music on, that helps A LOT. Blast it in your car all the way there and back. I started crying the other day when Bittersweet Symphony came thru my playlist while at the gym. I guess I never really paid close attention to every word before, just liked the song and robotically sang along. Music can be so powerful thru this!! You're doing awesome and good to hear you're on the path!

  7. #67
    wantmylifeback5409 is offline Junior Member
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    Yes seriously music is my salvation. My clients tmrw are home but I will be bringing my headphones to listen to Pandora on my phone. Their house is not dirty per say but they have 6 dogs and 15 cats so tons of hair and dust every week which is why it takes me so long.

  8. #68
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    Yes, I've done this many times before, but my mindset was never like this. It was always forced or bc I'd run out, or my husband gave me an ultimatum. I could probably go CT right now if I didn't have to work full time and manage this house in the meantime, and not let my husband know I extended the sub use by 6mos, but I was on 24mgs of suboxone at that time, prescribed by an out-patient clinic. I also didn't understand how the immodium worked at the time and I hadn't physically/mentally prepared as I've done this time. This was MY choice. I even called my doc's office when I threw my back out last week, and told them to flag my chart as an opiate addict, in case I broke down and went in for a morphine drip. I also told my last and only contact that if he heard from me again, it meant I was undercover and working with police and to ignore me. Seems silly, but he's a paranoid freak and I've known him for years and he's never not responded back to me and I haven't heard a word since then! He was recently caught selling his subs so I know justwhat I said will cut that tie completely. I'm stocked on immodium and have been doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible and I'm coming off of a speck of sub, that I've been able to easily taper down to over last few weeks from 1mg as the starting point. I'm very confident that this time will prove successful bc I want it so badly. And you're absolutely right, my children ARE my inspiration.
    hehe, yeah. . Doing all those preventative steps are very good. You have a good husband, he wants you off these pills. Be happy you have someone pushing you towards being clean. Flagging yourself to your doctor is the best thing to do if you know you can't stop. Then you eliminate the source. Just like you got your friend all paranoid, lol. If you are mentally there and exhausted, i firmly believe you can go clean. That's where i am, just tired. I won't lie. ... every so and then the pills come in mind and it reminds me of the warm happy feeling it gives me. Then my mind races to come up with a plan to convince my doctor to give me more. I get all excited and come up with a plan and think it will work, then it his me. ... even if i do i know the doctor won't give me more after another refill. Then the suffering will be reset. Nope! Don't want to go through this! I'm exactly 72 hours into it. No loperamide this morning, i want to see where my body is. I'm excited to see and feel the first burst of tiny endorphins you get when you go clean. Helena, just be happy you are entering this stage now and not later when you are in your 40s with your life in shambles.

  9. #69
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantmylifeback5409 View Post
    Hi guys, I have not posted today because I had no email saying that anyone commented, turns out I had just logged out hahaha. I hope that you are hanging in there crazy frog. I got out of the house today to run very small errends and I managed to do a load of laundry and clean my living room floors but that knocked me back down to bed. I have to work tmrw and I'm a little bit worried about getting through a 6 hour day of physical work plus 1 hour+ drive time. However I haven't given in, I thought about it because today would be my anniversary with the love of my life but also That's partly why I didn't give in, we broke up over his drug use, now he's been clean for years and made something of himself despite chronic pain and mental health problems so if he can do it so can I. Anyway when I went out to the post office today I stepped outside and it was so nice out, just about to rain such a nice cool breeze and I thought wow this is great to feel this breeze on my face, it didn't last super long but for a few minutes I remembered what it feels like to be free of my addiction and to truly feel happy. I hope that you both had an awesome day. So far so good I will be entering my birthday a sober person tmrw and that feels good
    Hey you! Good to hear from you! Yup... 72 his into it still! I almost cracked yesterday. Lol. I was contempt all day but got big craving around lunch. That's when i usually dose. I started thinking of ways to convince the doctor and almost sent him a request. But got scared >> be flagged. I just carried on with the day and it went well. Loperamide worked extremely good. Didn't have no symptoms at all besides the usual thoughts of the good feeling i would get off I dosed. Slept well and woke up normally. Skipped the loperamide this morning. Want to see where I am and do far I'm ok. Physically im 100%. Mentally im 70%. The 30% is just the thoughts that come in that remind me of how good the pills make me feel. That should go away once my brain produces the endorphins im lacking. And anxious waiting for the first burst of it! What about you? Did you stay away from them? And don't worry, even if you slip and take some. .. let us know. Then we can count the days again. We are not prefect, we will slip sometimes. If you ate so holding on, that's great! You should be at 76 hours.

  10. #70
    wantmylifeback5409 is offline Junior Member
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    I hope that everyone has a good day. Today is my first day back to work I woke up at 4 and couldn't get back to sleep I had a rough night of sleep but I still feel pretty good today. I forgot to take the kava kava before bed and I only took the melatonin. It's apparent that I have only been getting good sleep because of the kava kava lol it's a natural muscle relaxant and sleep aid and natural calming remedy I highly suggest it to anyone in withdrawal along with the other things in Thomas recipe I got lucky that my mom picked up the kava kava at the 99cent store because it wasn't listed in the list. Anyway have a good day, as much as we can anyway lol. Its my birthday and I'm going to make the best of it

  11. #71
    wantmylifeback5409 is offline Junior Member
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    Crazy frog are you doing ok still? I haven't seen you post since this message yesterday morning but I know that you said it's a busy week for you. I just wanted to check on you and see how u did yesterday on a busy day

  12. #72
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Happy Birthday!! Hopefully you will get thru work with ease and keep your mind off things. Glad your got the kava kava will need to remember that one. Good luck on getting back to work today

  13. #73
    wantmylifeback5409 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Happy Birthday!! Hopefully you will get thru work with ease and keep your mind off things. Glad your got the kava kava will need to remember that one. Good luck on getting back to work today
    Thanks yes I had no idea what it was or that it would help but the box said promotes relaxation and sleep and is a natural muscle relaxant so I tried it and I know after not taking it last night that is what helped me sleep taken with everything else.

  14. #74
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantmylifeback5409 View Post
    Hi guys, I have not posted today because I had no email saying that anyone commented, turns out I had just logged out hahaha. I hope that you are hanging in there crazy frog. I got out of the house today to run very small errends and I managed to do a load of laundry and clean my living room floors but that knocked me back down to bed. I have to work tmrw and I'm a little bit worried about getting through a 6 hour day of physical work plus 1 hour+ drive time. However I haven't given in, I thought about it because today would be my anniversary with the love of my life but also That's partly why I didn't give in, we broke up over his drug use, now he's been clean for years and made something of himself despite chronic pain and mental health problems so if he can do it so can I. Anyway when I went out to the post office today I stepped outside and it was so nice out, just about to rain such a nice cool breeze and I thought wow this is great to feel this breeze on my face, it didn't last super long but for a few minutes I remembered what it feels like to be free of my addiction and to truly feel happy. I hope that you both had an awesome day. So far so good I will be entering my birthday a sober person tmrw and that feels good
    Happy birthday btw! Cheers on your life! That's some good insight in your life. Splitting up due to drug use is very common! That on itself should give you will to stop. This is a common side effect from pills. For tend to enjoy the pills more than your relationship. And when there's problems, taking a few pills nautralizes the mental stress leaving you worth the issues lingering in the background. Eventually it catches up and you loose everything. Im my case ,my marriage has suffered aswell. I have not been a good husband but i have been a great father. Don't know how I'm still married so I'm guessing the wife has a lot of patience! One of the stages you go through is apathy, it makes you kick yourself when you see all the problems you caused inside the family. I managed to control the marriage problems by isolating myself away from everything so I'm alone and not fighting. Lonely marriage really. I just have priority towards my partner in all events and maintained everything so she has her life in good standing. Paying bills and maintaining the cars so she had a somewhat stable day to day living. I was never like this, always been caring and happy. Opiates dull the personality and it makes you into a self isolated moody person. Not much stability. You 2 girls though, are still young. In your early 30s. So look at it this way, is better to wake up not than layer as a old human! It's not to late to rebuild. Also once you girls get totally clean, you will see a transformation in your looks. You turn beautiful again. No more tired eyes. No more slight dark eye circles. You gain a little weight and look healthy. You never know. ... even find a nice guy to get that new relationship feeling. Yep... its doable. Just have to do it now before the cycle starts again and do this for another decade.

  15. #75
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Wantmylifeback, i perfectly know what you meant by that nice feeling you got from the breeze in your face! You got a nice tiny burst of endorphins! Isn't that the best feeling ever! ? Man that feels good when you are cleaning up! They come in waves in the very start of being clean. They are spaced in between very far at first but they get closer and closer with more hours put it. I haven't gotten one at all but that's my chemistry. I usually get my first one after 5 days. That's when i notice my brain is getting rebooted naturally. That's why i don't do tapering. When i tried that i remember it took me like 2 weeks to feel naturally happy. It was forever! Then i cracked and feel back to the pills. Imo going cold turkey is the fastest way to get normal. Plus i tend to gooble up the pills for the feeling and have no self control to take less than 10mg of hydro.

  16. #76
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    You can do it!! Cleaning houses is my "me time"...well, when they're not home, which most of them aren't. I have a huge one tomorrow. And they have a giant white huskey that must shed every second of two weeks, dark wood floors and all black kitchen!! Takes me hours just to dust and vac.

    I'm taking one tiny speck of sub a day now, it's probably the size of a grain of sea salt. I've felt w/d's since last week. I just get angry at them and tell them to go away oandyesr laugh at them. If I'm cleaning alone, I've resorted to talking to myself, reminding myself of why I'm doing this. Or I put my music on, that helps A LOT. Blast it in your car all the way there and back. I started crying the other day when Bittersweet Symphony came thru my playlist while at the gym. I guess I never really paid close attention to every word before, just liked the song and robotically sang along. Music can be so powerful thru this!! You're doing awesome and good to hear you're on the path!
    Helena.... too funny! Yup, i do the same. When im alone i pretend I'm entering a NA meeting and ask myself questions. I'll have a serious conversation and ask myself questions and bring up pros and cons. And verbally discipline myself. I tell myself the reason why im gloomy is simple, chemical imbalance. And convince myself there's no option but to continue forward clean. This self chats work. Just don't do it when there's people in the house! They will think you are nuts!lol. And yes! Music for some reason helps! I found out when i was looking at ayoutube video of a guy getting clean from >>>>>>. He said music helped him when he was very hopeless. Personally music does nothing for me on the first 3 days. Im depressed, angry, sad and scared. But after 3 days i can actualy enjoy music.

  17. #77
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantmylifeback5409 View Post
    Yes seriously music is my salvation. My clients tmrw are home but I will be bringing my headphones to listen to Pandora on my phone. Their house is not dirty per say but they have 6 dogs and 15 cats so tons of hair and dust every week which is why it takes me so long.
    pandora, never heard of them. I do like iron maiden. I think pandora is similar. But my favorites are 80s music! Love love love them.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantmylifeback5409 View Post
    Crazy frog are you doing ok still? I haven't seen you post since this message yesterday morning but I know that you said it's a busy week for you. I just wanted to check on you and see how u did yesterday on a busy day
    Im doing good. Just responding to everything as you might see. Hehe. I worked all day and grabbed my daughter and stayed mentally busy all afternoon. Watched some shows last night and started to read on mysteries of the world . Hehe.. that took me all the way to 11pm. Fell asleep. But still holding on! 73 hours. Like i said earlier, mentally i cracked yesteryear at lunch but I have no access to meds at all. And i have never bought from the streets. I'm not that type. I have a nice car and dress very casual with dress shirts all the time. Don't have tshirts.lol. So ill stand out like a very odd drug buyer if i hit the streets! Hehe. Plug im in a Big city, and I've seen people in the shady areas of town being arrested for doing that and if you get arrested. . You loose your car. That would devastate my every day travels from work and school for my little one. So that's absolutely or if the question. No way in this life time! So im glad my sources are depleted. Just no way too get any and soo done with it. On a good note, I'm saving tons a month. Enough to have another car payment really. That's another pro from quiting. More money. So many things need to be upgraded around my place. Tv is old, coffee maker is funny, carpet needs professional cleaning, my smart phone is on its last leg, need new pants.lolol. all my extra money was going towards refills and junk food like crazy. Oh yes... done with this.

  19. #79
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    You know, here's something that his me hard all the time. I do I.T work here in the west coast and everytime I go through these wd stages, I always end up sitting down at a coffee shop and look at people walk by. And I see them happy and smiling and interacting normally with co workers or just friends. But I always end up envying them. They look healthy and happy. When im on the meds, only way for me to be in that happy state of mind is to take a nice 10mg to 15mg of hydro. Otherwise I'm not happy, im just anxious for time to pass so i can take another dose. So my happiness is always fake in between the dosages. Once I dose, then I'm happy but it would only last 20 minutes. Eventually the dosages just level me out with no happiness. But seeing regular sober people carrying their lives normally always hit a note with me. You girls might relate to this. I don't know, but being 73 hours clean seems to have a good effect. I'm more hungry in staying clean.

  20. #80
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    Any who, its a new day again. Helena, good luck getting clean. Keep posting if you need encouragement. Even though we are total strangers , this is the closest thing to NA meetings. Lol. And wantmylifeback , happy birthday again! Keep holding on. You are only about 4 to 5 hours ahead of me being clean, don't loose that lead! I'm so jealous you have that over me! Hehe

  21. #81
    Helena77 is offline Banned
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    I'm doing great, just working. I was just going to say, no one would ever look at me and know that I bought anything illegal either. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to find sources in the suburbs and they're usually people no one would ever suspect. That's why they get so paranoid...too much to lose. You wouldnt ever see me going to a city to buy drugs! Heck no!! My source was a long time friend and he got caught by his doctor. It just made him all paranoid bc of his job and kids. But the docs don't care. They just want to keep you coming back. They just suspend his take-homes and he has to report everyday for his dose. But I'm sure there are still ways, im just not interested in finding out. I really don't even feel like I'm even on anything anymore. All of my old pains are back, but they don't bother me like they used to. I highly doubt this tiny speck once a day does anything for me and I feel like I went thru my more moderate w/d last week. I'm feeling human again. I'm sure I'll still have some symptoms, but they're all physical and totally manageable. Throwing my back out is the only thing really bringing me down at the moment, mainly in the mornings when I wake up after laying on it all night. Takes me a little longer to get moving. I don't know if it has to do with my metabolism or what. It's always been very high and I've been extremely healthy lately. I'm really hoping to not feel much of anything at all from here on out. I've had all of the symptoms that used to bug me, they're just not bothering me this time. Skip days begin tomorrow and should be done by Saturday for good. Have a spiritual sweat scheduled with some friends. Supposed to be very cleansing for body, mind and soul and the woman who runs them used to be an addict and uses this as treatment for recovering addicts and she's had people do it the day after going CT and they never feel any symptoms at all. Plus my attitude is completely positive. I refuse to let any negativity come my way and that's helped A LOT. Will check back later. Have to get back to work!! Do some more talking to myself!! ;p

  22. #82
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Crazy and wantmylife you both are doing great!!! Congrats!!! Love how you are both keeping each other up. Stay close to each other it helps. I am so proud of you both. I know you both have this. I have two things that help me. Stay strong just for today...in the beginning days sometimes I would get in bed by 7:30 just so I could try and get the day over quicker. The other is being grateful. Not a cure but that mental positive game helped so much. So happy for you both. I am cheering for you!!!

  23. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    I'm doing great, just working. I was just going to say, no one would ever look at me and know that I bought anything illegal either. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to find sources in the suburbs and they're usually people no one would ever sushow the pect. That's why they get so paranoid...too much to lose. You wouldnt ever see me going to a city to buy drugs! Heck no!! My source was a long time friend and he got caught by his doctor. It just made him all paranoid bc of his job and kids. But the docs don't care. They just want to keep you coming back. They just suspend his take-homes and he has to report everyday for his dose. But I'm sure there are still ways, im just not interested in finding out. I really don't even feel like I'm even on anything anymore. All of my old pains are back, but they don't bother me like they used to. I highly doubt this tiny speck once a day does anything for me and I feel like I went thru my more moderate w/d last week. I'm feeling human again. I'm sure I'll still have some symptoms, but they're all physical and totally manageable. Throwing my back out is the only thing really bringing me down at the moment, mainly in the mornings when I wake up after laying on it all night. Takes me a little longer to get moving. I don't know if it has to do with my metabolism or what. It's always been very high and I've been extremely healthy lately. I'm really hoping to not feel much of anything at all from here on out. I've had all of the symptoms that used to bug me, they're just not bothering me this time. Skip days begin tomorrow and should be done by Saturday for good. Have a spiritual sweat scheduled with some friends. Supposed to be very cleansing for body, mind and soul and the woman who runs them used to be an addict and uses this as treatment for recovering addicts and she's had people do it the day after going CT and they never feel any symptoms at all. Plus my attitude is completely positive. I refuse to let any negativity come my way and that's helped A LOT. Will check back later. Have to get back to work!! Do some more talking to myself!! ;p
    I see. Best to cut all sources.same with me about the ache. It really isnt that bad. Pills for some reason make you think you need them. Since you are taking almost nothing with your taper, maybe consider just cut it out completely. But you know your body more. See how the spiritual sweating goes, just don't ramble in the to your yourself. Lol.

  24. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    I'm doing great, just working. I was just going to say, no one would ever look at me and know that I bought anything illegal either. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to find sources in the suburbs and they're usually people no one would ever suspect. That's why they get so paranoid...too much to lose. You wouldnt ever see me going to a city to buy drugs! Heck no!! My source was a long time friend and he got caught by his doctor. It just made him all paranoid bc of his job and kids. But the docs don't care. They just want to keep you coming back. They just suspend his take-homes and he has to report everyday for his dose. But I'm sure there are still ways, im just not interested in finding out. I really don't even feel like I'm even on anything anymore. All of my old pains are back, but they don't bother me like they used to. I highly doubt this tiny speck once a day does anything for me and I feel like I went thru my more moderate w/d last week. I'm feeling human again. I'm sure I'll still have some symptoms, but they're all physical and totally manageable. Throwing my back out is the only thing really bringing me down at the moment, mainly in the mornings when I wake up after laying on it all night. Takes me a little longer to get moving. I don't know if it has to do with my metabolism or what. It's always been very high and I've been extremely healthy lately. I'm really hoping to not feel much of anything at all from here on out. I've had all of the symptoms that used to bug me, they're just not bothering me this time. Skip days begin tomorrow and should be done by Saturday for good. Have a spiritual sweat scheduled with some friends. Supposed to be very cleansing for body, mind and soul and the woman who runs them used to be an addict and uses this as treatment for recovering addicts and she's had people do it the day after going CT and they never feel any symptoms at all. Plus my attitude is completely positive. I refuse to let any negativity come my way and that's helped A LOT. Will check back later. Have to get back to work!! Do some more talking to myself!! ;p
    I see! Yeah i think of you somehow keep everyone away from you that has the meds, then it will be beneficial. See how that works, the spiritual sweating. Never heard of it but sounds like a sauna. Try exercising aswell , that's something i got to do. But my mind isn't there yet.

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    I sit in the sauna almost daily and try to hit the gym 3 or 4 days a week. It can be challenging with 5 kids and work, but I stay pretty active most of the time!! It helps!!!

    It's called a sweat room. Ancient Navajo ritual. It's in a tee pee with three rounds of hot stones, getting hotter each time. It's pitch black and by the end, you're so delirious and everyone starts calling out all of the things they'd like to release. The first round of stones is hotter than any sauna I've ever been in. My friend is a social worker who works with drug addicts and they built one on their property. At the very end, the tee pee flies open and you're overwhelmed with relief. Supposedly good for aches and pains as well, but you're supposed to do it once a month. It's a totally different type of sweat. No one knows who's saying what bc of delirium and darkness. I hang out with a lot of hippies!

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    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    I sit in the sauna almost daily and try to hit the gym 3 or 4 days a week. It can be challenging with 5 kids and work, but I stay pretty active most of the time!! It helps!!!

    It's called a sweat room. Ancient Navajo ritual. It's in a tee pee with three rounds of hot stones, getting hotter each time. It's pitch black and by the end, you're so delirious and everyone starts calling out all of the things they'd like to release. The first round of stones is hotter than any sauna I've ever been in. My friend is a social worker who works with drug addicts and they built one on their property. At the very end, the tee pee flies open and you're overwhelmed with relief. Supposedly good for aches and pains as well, but you're supposed to do it once a month. It's a totally different type of sweat. No one knows who's saying what bc of delirium and darkness. I hang out with a lot of hippies!
    Well that's interesting! Well you are ahead of this since you are working out! That's excellent! Carry on. ... let me know when you go full clean. Curious to see how you react to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Helena77 View Post
    Ha! I typed that earlier and never posted it. I'm actually I'm the sauna right now as we speak lol
    hehe... sounds like its relaxing! Hopefully it does the job well! No sauna in my city that i know off. Just going to do it the old fashion way, hot showers.

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    I used to work in health clubs...sadly. So I knew what I needed to do. I think fear had ahold of me for far too long. When I told my friend several weeks ago about my habit, she had NO idea that I had this 7yr history and she works with drug addicted parents for a living. Apparently I hid it very well. My own husband doesn't even know I'm still on subs and he can usually sniff out stuff pretty good. I've been tapering for 6 months. I had my jump set to be the day of this sweat. I have every confidence it's going to be fine.

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    Ha! I typed that earlier and never posted it. I'm actually I'm the sauna right now as we speak lol

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    Lucky you helena! Must feel good! I got to do the hot shower! No sauna in my city.

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