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Wish I never started
  1. #1
    beatit is offline Junior Member
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    Default Wish I never started

    So this is my first post here, I guess I should introduce myself, my name is Paul. Im 25 years old, and Im addicted to Norco. It started about 3 years ago, I had my tonsils removed, they gave me liquid codine, I didnt even know what that was, I took it, used up the bottles they prescribed me, and I was done, a few months later my buddy had a couple pills. We started taking 1-2 10/325 pills while drinking, yea, it felt really good at the time. We did that for a couple of weeks on the weekends and were done. A few months later another buddy was selling them, I took them from him, and decided to just start taking them to put me to sleep, the feeling was great, and it kept me asleep. I would take 2 10/325 a night. Then if I ran out, it wouldnt be a big deal I would be able to just stop until the offer was there for more. That went on for about a year and a half, then one day I had to move my moms car and noticed she had a prescription for them as well in center counsel. I thought nothing of it, a couple months later I decided to take some, and since then, ive been picking at her supply, one here, 5 there, 3 here, 2 there. Its been going on ever since then. At this point I still could stop whenever, it wasnt an "Addiction" to where I would feel like >>>> if I stopped, I still used them to sleep only taking them at night, then it led to me taking them in the morning as well, then 3 times a day. I used to have a job doing manual labor, I hurt my back and have had to do therapy and back injections, my first back doctor didnt help me at all so I went to see another doctor that my dad went to (hes had back issues and surgery himself). I told the DR about my back problems and he put me on muscle relaxers and Norco 5/500. I got my prescription back in July of 2013 I believe, since then its been downhill from there. Ive been taking more then what Ive been prescribed for, I really do need it for my back, when I dont take them it hurts bad. At the same time I dont want them because its ruining my life. I am now prescribed 120 pills of 5/500 for 30 days, and also buy yellows on the side, I easily take about 13-15 yellows a day, and when I run out of those I take my prescription until I can get a hold of more, its disgusting. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on the yellows they go for about eight dollars each now. Its sad. I have a beautiful girlfriend who has no idea, awesome friends who also have no idea, I put on a great front, but am always "High" when Im with all of them. I make up stories to the people I get them from telling them I get them for other people. I feel lost. I used to be incredibly fit, always going to the gym, eating a bunch of food, being healthy. Now, now all I want to do is pop pills, dont really want to go out with friends or do anything, just get pills and relax. Its completely tearing me apart, I know Im going down a road I dont want to go down, Everytime I go back to the DR for my back I try secretly tell him I need a stronger script without actually saying it. Im glad hes kept me on the 5/500 because it limits me with the tylenol that's in it. the most I take a day on my script meds is 8 of them a total of 40mg of norco and 4000 of tylenol. Plus when I get my hands on yellows I stop my script and use all the yellows until they are gone, again about 15 a day. 4 in the morning about 3 around noonish and 3 or so around 5pm and 4-5 when im settling down for bed, just thinking about them is getting me hungry for them. Yesterday I was basically out of both yellows and my script, I FINALLY took what I was supposed to 2 5/500 in the morning and 2 5/500 at night, not by choice though but because it was all I had. Today I am out until my refil tomorrow, I havent had any today and dont want any but my back is killing me, I dont want them, but its the only way I can stay functional (with my back). I now work at a desk job and sit all day, since I hurt my back at my other job doing manual labor. Now I just sit, and if i dont have them, I just think about them, like now, I just want some. Im torn right now. I know Im going down a bad path, and want to get off of them, badly, I know the recovery is terrible, there was a time about 6 weeks ago I didnt have any for 3 days and it was miserable, I was not ready for it. My problem is that I really do have back problems, my lower back is out of line, I have bulging and herniated discs, I dont know if I should go down the surgery road or not. It may be my only option to get of these. I know if i didnt have any back problems, I could pull the trigger and deal with the 2 weeks or detox. But again the pain just keeps me on them, I get a refill on my script tomorrow, I think I might get the script, and try to take my prescribed amount only, leave the pills at home, (even though I live across the street from work) and try to lean off of them, I dont think going from taking 15 yellows a day to nothing is the smartest Idea but idk its worth a shot? I just want my normal life back, the healthy, Gym going, healthy eating, fun outgoing life back. Im only 25 years old and I know im just pissing it away.

  2. #2
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by beatit View Post
    So this is my first post here, I guess I should introduce myself, my name is Paul. Im 25 years old, and Im addicted to Norco. It started about 3 years ago, I had my tonsils removed, they gave me liquid codine, I didnt even know what that was, I took it, used up the bottles they prescribed me, and I was done, a few months later my buddy had a couple pills. We started taking 1-2 10/325 pills while drinking, yea, it felt really good at the time. We did that for a couple of weeks on the weekends and were done. A few months later another buddy was selling them, I took them from him, and decided to just start taking them to put me to sleep, the feeling was great, and it kept me asleep. I would take 2 10/325 a night. Then if I ran out, it wouldnt be a big deal I would be able to just stop until the offer was there for more. That went on for about a year and a half, then one day I had to move my moms car and noticed she had a prescription for them as well in center counsel. I thought nothing of it, a couple months later I decided to take some, and since then, ive been picking at her supply, one here, 5 there, 3 here, 2 there. Its been going on ever since then. At this point I still could stop whenever, it wasnt an "Addiction" to where I would feel like >>>> if I stopped, I still used them to sleep only taking them at night, then it led to me taking them in the morning as well, then 3 times a day. I used to have a job doing manual labor, I hurt my back and have had to do therapy and back injections, my first back doctor didnt help me at all so I went to see another doctor that my dad went to (hes had back issues and surgery himself). I told the DR about my back problems and he put me on muscle relaxers and Norco 5/500. I got my prescription back in July of 2013 I believe, since then its been downhill from there. Ive been taking more then what Ive been prescribed for, I really do need it for my back, when I dont take them it hurts bad. At the same time I dont want them because its ruining my life. I am now prescribed 120 pills of 5/500 for 30 days, and also buy yellows on the side, I easily take about 13-15 yellows a day, and when I run out of those I take my prescription until I can get a hold of more, its disgusting. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on the yellows they go for about eight dollars each now. Its sad. I have a beautiful girlfriend who has no idea, awesome friends who also have no idea, I put on a great front, but am always "High" when Im with all of them. I make up stories to the people I get them from telling them I get them for other people. I feel lost. I used to be incredibly fit, always going to the gym, eating a bunch of food, being healthy. Now, now all I want to do is pop pills, dont really want to go out with friends or do anything, just get pills and relax. Its completely tearing me apart, I know Im going down a road I dont want to go down, Everytime I go back to the DR for my back I try secretly tell him I need a stronger script without actually saying it. Im glad hes kept me on the 5/500 because it limits me with the tylenol that's in it. the most I take a day on my script meds is 8 of them a total of 40mg of norco and 4000 of tylenol. Plus when I get my hands on yellows I stop my script and use all the yellows until they are gone, again about 15 a day. 4 in the morning about 3 around noonish and 3 or so around 5pm and 4-5 when im settling down for bed, just thinking about them is getting me hungry for them. Yesterday I was basically out of both yellows and my script, I FINALLY took what I was supposed to 2 5/500 in the morning and 2 5/500 at night, not by choice though but because it was all I had. Today I am out until my refil tomorrow, I havent had any today and dont want any but my back is killing me, I dont want them, but its the only way I can stay functional (with my back). I now work at a desk job and sit all day, since I hurt my back at my other job doing manual labor. Now I just sit, and if i dont have them, I just think about them, like now, I just want some. Im torn right now. I know Im going down a bad path, and want to get off of them, badly, I know the recovery is terrible, there was a time about 6 weeks ago I didnt have any for 3 days and it was miserable, I was not ready for it. My problem is that I really do have back problems, my lower back is out of line, I have bulging and herniated discs, I dont know if I should go down the surgery road or not. It may be my only option to get of these. I know if i didnt have any back problems, I could pull the trigger and deal with the 2 weeks or detox. But again the pain just keeps me on them, I get a refill on my script tomorrow, I think I might get the script, and try to take my prescribed amount only, leave the pills at home, (even though I live across the street from work) and try to lean off of them, I dont think going from taking 15 yellows a day to nothing is the smartest Idea but idk its worth a shot? I just want my normal life back, the healthy, Gym going, healthy eating, fun outgoing life back. Im only 25 years old and I know im just pissing it away.
    Hi Paul. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate 100%. I was addicted to Norco for the last 8 years. At my worst, I was taking up to 25 pills per day or more... 10/325. I was terrified and thought I would never be norma again. I have chronic pain from herniated disks, flipped hips and awful sciatic pain down both legs. I'm 38. Had surgery in 2007. It was successful, but eventually my disks re-herniated and the sciatic issue went from just my right leg to my left leg. The back of my right calf has been numb from the knee down for about 5 years now from muscle atrophy stemming from the sciatic issue.

    What are yellows?? And what dosage of that were you taking?

    So, when you are out of pills you go through withdrawal, right? Well, you have 3 options. 1) Go cold turkey, which is awful and not appealing. There are things you can do/take while WD'ing that will help to ease the pain a if you choose to go that route. Or, 2) taper off the opiates slowly and steadily, if you can. A lot of people find it hard to taper off pain killers because we always want more! Or, 3) get a script for Suboxone or Subutex and do a slow taper with those. Have you ever tried Subs? They can be a godsend for people who don't want to go through major WD and usually also help to get your mind off the pills while you're tapering. The whole taper process only takes about 6-8 weeks (or a bit longer), depending upon what dose you induct at and how many days between reductions. I'm currently tapering from Subutex and have had great success so far. Is that something you might want to do? Let me know and I can help you from here. Don't worry, it's going to be ok as long as you commit to getting clean.
    -Katherine

  3. #3
    beatit is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for the response Katherine, sorry yellows is what I refer them to, the 10/325 norco due to the yellow color of the pill, some now are often white these days though. I want to stop, I dont know what to do about the pain in my spine though, I ended up getting my prescription, Mentally, i did not want to get them, I want to stop I know I can, but the pain in my back, its all coming back to that, I cant sleep I toss and turn, I know about RLS, its not that, I wake up with pain in my back and its almost to the point where it is going down my leg. >> hate to get surgery but if thats what it is going to take for the pain to go away, ill do it. Cold turkey would be rough, I went three days without them and it was miserable. I think my best bet would be to just ignore the calls from the guy I normally get the yellows from and just take my prescription until I talk to my doctor about either more injections or surgery. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also Ive never heard about that Subutex or Suboxone, though I have been going through this forum and see that people are also trying to get off that, are people prone to getting addicted to that as well? What is it? Im open for anything at this point.

  4. #4
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by beatit View Post
    Thanks for the response Katherine, sorry yellows is what I refer them to, the 10/325 norco due to the yellow color of the pill, some now are often white these days though. I want to stop, I dont know what to do about the pain in my spine though, I ended up getting my prescription, Mentally, i did not want to get them, I want to stop I know I can, but the pain in my back, its all coming back to that, I cant sleep I toss and turn, I know about RLS, its not that, I wake up with pain in my back and its almost to the point where it is going down my leg. >> hate to get surgery but if thats what it is going to take for the pain to go away, ill do it. Cold turkey would be rough, I went three days without them and it was miserable. I think my best bet would be to just ignore the calls from the guy I normally get the yellows from and just take my prescription until I talk to my doctor about either more injections or surgery. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also Ive never heard about that Subutex or Suboxone, though I have been going through this forum and see that people are also trying to get off that, are people prone to getting addicted to that as well? What is it? Im open for anything at this point.
    You could use your prescribed Norco to wean down and stop using. Doctors, if you are honest with them, will help you with a wean-off plan. But, since you've also been taking a lot of 10/325 Norcos per day, it will be hard at first to just wean off using your prescription; which from what you told me, allows you only 4 per day right? Going from so many per day to only 4 per day at the beginning will make you feel like you're in withdrawals .. not major WD but you definitely won't feel good.

    Do you think you have the strength to wean off the Norco? If so, that's great! A lot of people find it difficult to wean off of an opiate because if they're there, you just wanna take more to feel better. But if you can do it, go that route.

    If not, I would absolutely look into finding a sub doc. Suboxone/Subutex is a partial opiate/agonist. Its main function is to stop any withdrawal from opiates. Actually, it can be a Godsend if used the RIGHT way. Yes, subs can be addictive, but only if the person uses them for longer than a taper plan. I had that problem, actually. I bounced back and forth between subs and Norco for many years. However, I was never psychologically addicted to them but I did have a physical dependency. I only took them when I was out of Norco so I wouldn't have to go through WD's. What I did was bad, and definitely NOT the way to go. I had to pay the price. But in mid-Sept I started anew and am now tapering successfully!

    This is how it works. In order to take your first dose of subs, you MUST to be in moderate withdrawal. There's something called a "COWS worksheet" which measures how far in to WD you are. Just Google it. You MUST hit a 26 on the cows worksheet before starting subs. I know that sounds awful, but I would guess you wouldn't take that long to hit a 26...you certainly wouldn't have to wait 3 days like you did recently. The first time I ever took sub in 2006 I was able to start them within 24 hours of my last opiate dose. And I was taking A LOT of opiates per day. So, with the subs, you induct at the lowest amount possible. You'd probably be able to stabilize at 2 mg .. maybe a bit more. You start off with either .5 mg or 1 mg. Then wait 90 min to give the sub plenty of time to do its job. Subs are very powerful in small amounts. Then, about every 90 minutes, you add another .5 mg until you feel better and stable. Subs take away 90% off all WD symptoms. You will taper every 4-6 days by 25%. It's totally doable.

    Please look at Robert's taper plan. It explains all of it .. from induction through the whole process. Here's the link:

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html

    Look it over and tell me if you think you'd like to do this. Subs are a TOOL to get you off opiates and get on with your life.

    As far as your pain, I completely relate. I now rely on Ibuprofen, Excedrin, exercise, yoga and hot/cold pads. I know it seems like those things won't help, but they do! People like us cannot take opiates without abusing, so we're left to use other avenues. Don't worry. Talk to your doctor about other options for pain. There are non-narcotic medications he/she can prescribe for pain.

    Talk to you soon...

  5. #5
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Oh, I forgot to mention. This is very important. If you decide to find a sub doc and do a sub taper, DO NOT listen to your doc about how much sub is necessary per day. Almost every sub doc is extremely ignorant of how to properly prescribe subs. They will most likely want to start you off at a very high dose. This is totally unnecessary and leads to more problems. Most people on here recommend not telling your sub doc about the taper. It annoys them. Most sub docs are in it for the money. It's a HUGE money maker for them so they want to keep patients on it for a long time. Generally, the office visit to see them is pricey and subs can be pricey depending on your insurance. If you have to pay cash for them without insurance, don't worry .. you won't have to do it for long. In fact, if your doc prescribes enough then you may never need to see he/she again!

    Just wanted to let you know. Talk to you soon...

  6. #6
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Are you out there? Noticed you haven't been on the site. You ok? Post what's going on. Take care.
    -Katherine

  7. #7
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    One thing: Subs are not a miracle drug and I've seen a lot of people who take norco using it. Your best bet is to fess up to your doctor, tell your dealers good bye and jump. You are going to have around 3-5 days of the very bad flu, but it's nothing you can't get through in a week or so. However, you will have to be willing to break bridges. I'm guessing you are taking around 130-150mg of norco per day. I'm not saying c/t will not cause you discomfort, it will, but it is surprising how, using the Thomas Recipe and determination you can actually get through the w/d much quicker than you can get to the other side with suboxone. I c/t'd at 50 years old, after a 10 year habit similar to yours. I was ready to do it, got the Thomas Recipe stuff and went c/t in 10 days I was really feeling like myself.

    Sub is to norco like swatting a fly with a sledge hammer. Not saying it's not something you shouldn't consider, but by the time you get into the moderate to severe w/d, you're halfway home!

    Just sayin' because I've been there and done that many times over trying to get clean, c/t w/d to a light opiate like norco is not as bad as people think. We're always way more scared than we need to be. The reality is much less than we think.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  8. #8
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    One thing: Subs are not a miracle drug and I've seen a lot of people who take norco using it. Your best bet is to fess up to your doctor, tell your dealers good bye and jump. You are going to have around 3-5 days of the very bad flu, but it's nothing you can't get through in a week or so. However, you will have to be willing to break bridges. I'm guessing you are taking around 130-150mg of norco per day. I'm not saying c/t will not cause you discomfort, it will, but it is surprising how, using the Thomas Recipe and determination you can actually get through the w/d much quicker than you can get to the other side with suboxone. I c/t'd at 50 years old, after a 10 year habit similar to yours. I was ready to do it, got the Thomas Recipe stuff and went c/t in 10 days I was really feeling like myself.

    Sub is to norco like swatting a fly with a sledge hammer. Not saying it's not something you shouldn't consider, but by the time you get into the moderate to severe w/d, you're halfway home!

    Just sayin' because I've been there and done that many times over trying to get clean, c/t w/d to a light opiate like norco is not as bad as people think. We're always way more scared than we need to be. The reality is much less than we think.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Rose is right. Subs are definitely not a miracle cure and are best utilized for a very short time to get off other opiates. Like she said, a Norco withdrawal is not as bad as withdrawal from stronger opiates, so if you can find the strength to go cold turkey using the Thomas Recipe, that is your best bet.

    I wish I had just gone cold turkey back in 2006. But I let my fear rule me. My doc suggested subutex and I was so terrified and strung out on Norco (and fentanyl for about 4 weeks) that I agreed to start subs. If he had prescribed them properly and immediately started a taper plan, it would have been a whole different story. Instead, he started me on a crazy high dose and kept me there for years. I didn't know any better at the time. I had no idea that subs was not particularly "necessary" to get off norco. As Rose put it, "it's like swatting a fly with a sledgehammer". I didn't know that back then. It wasn't until recently when I really started researching that I realized what I'd done to myself by using sub for so long.

    It's your choice, obviously. Many people have gone through Norco w/d using the Thomas Recipe and been fine. No, it won't be pleasant, but you can do it if you want it bad enough. Subs is still an option but you need to do what's best for you.

    Take care.
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  9. #9
    Jess70 is offline New Member
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    Hi guys! I am feeling very hopeful, excited and want to share my story, both for support and hopefully to encourage anyone who may be struggling with "quitting" narcotics.
    I have lupus. SLE. It attacks my entire body- joints, organs, (specifically kidneys and brain), I have MANY aches and pains. After almost four years of narcotics, everything from dialaudid to perocet, I "stabilized" taking approx 80 mg of Percocet a day. I never had any issues filling my getting or filling my Rx, as my doctors said "don't be a hero" and since I'm a healthcare executive, everyone knew me. It was easy and I was not considered a "seeker" no matter how much I needed. I was ill and in pain. Justified abuse.
    Year three. I moved to south Florida - aka pill mill of the world- or at least it was, right up until I moved here. Suddenly, my medicine was a problem/ I was a seeker- I was humiliated for the very thing I was encouraged to do- take my medicine - liberally- to remain functional- when I finally found a pain management doctor willing to write for me, the pharmacy refused to fill the rx- it became SUCH an issue, that I left my boyfriend, the one I moved to Florida to be with, because I needed to go back to my doctors where I knew I wouldn't have any issues.
    After spending a year apart, and many heartaches, I couldn't stand to be apart anymore- I knew if I was going back to Florida I would have to quit... Oh the things we do for love-
    He saved my life.
    I started to taper- and it was slow. I flew back to pa four times to fill my rx because I just wasn't ready- and I was determined to taper slowly so the WD wasn't so bad- six months later- yes, SIX MONTHS, I FINALLY feel the fruits of my labor..
    Started at 80 mg, down to 60, 50, 40, 30, 20,
    I am down to my last 15. Not ready to make the jump- I have about eight pills left (I cut them in quarters so they are 2.5 mg per dose. Even though I know I likely won't have much as far as withdrawal, I like how it's been going so slowly and I think I will continue at this pace until I am at 2.5 a day... I wait for my body to adjust to the new dose and move one step further (or closer to my goal)
    The only real withdrawal I have felt besides the urge, has been fatigue- that yawning... And muscle weakness- severe for a day- but always better on day two of the new dose. Today I went from 20 to 15 and literally felt nothing- I can't believe it and think it's close- please please stay strong everyone!!!! And wish me luck!!!!!!
    Xoxox
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  10. #10
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi Paul, hope you're well. Don't be apprehensive to post if you've been using a lot. We've all been there. There's no judgemt here.
    Hope to hear from u soon...
    Katherine

  11. #11
    mikewilson01 is offline Banned
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    Firstly, would pray to god that you get of Norco. I read the above suggestions which were given to you, and hope that you are following them in your real life. If you really want to quit Norco and live a happy life, you should make yourself self-determined on overcoming addiction. Not much to say now. Take Care of yourself.

  12. #12
    beatit is offline Junior Member
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    The ignorance I had....

    All this support and I just blew it off...

    I wanted to give an update on how my life has been lately. So after I made the post I was determined to quit, I had had enough of spending money and lying to everyone in my life. Until the withdrawals kicked in. At that point I knew I wasnt ready, I wanted it, but couldnt. Once the withdrawal kicked in I knew it wasnt time. I ended up wasting a lot of money, and taking a lot of 10/325. averaging between 20-30 a day depending on how many I had. at 7-8 dollars a piece, you can tell that my life was spiraling downward. I didnt care though, I needed to take 5-8 at a time just to feel normal. Then it hit me. Last week a realized everything I had in life just wasnt worth what I was doing. The high was great, but I replayed childhood memories, the times before I started this stuff. How happy I was, how I didnt have to worry that if I was going out of town if I would have enough for my "FIX". I burned through my last 60 that my dealer gave me last week and took my last 8 Wednesday Morning. Lately in life ive been blaming everything on god saying "if you were real why would you do this to me" Questioning if this was it for me, just some pathetic drug addict that going to blow his money and life away. Wednesday night I lied in the bath trying to relieve my back pain I was experiencing from the withdrawal. For the first time in my life I reached out to god and just asked him for help, I reached out to the missed loved ones up there. I knew it was time. This was it. Now or never. I made it through the worst. I flushed away the Tremadol the Doctor gave me, which I used to prevent withdrawal when I didnt have any Norco. I went out and bought some Imodium, some sleeping pills, and some Aleve. The flu like symptoms werent bad, it was the lower back pain that bothered me, and kept me from sleeping, but in my head I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me, telling me I really did need the Norco. So I guess im about 5 days clean. I cant thank everyone that has messaged me on here enough, because you are the only ones that know about this, I couldn't fathom telling anyone in my life about this. So I guess an update on how I feel. I still get the chills, but somewhat sweaty at the same time, I dont feel like im withdrawing though, kind of weird. Also, I feel very much like my head is cloudy. My vision is blurry, I am somewhat shaky. I guess you could say I feel "very out of it". As far as sleep, when I lay around I keep a heating pad on my lower back/butt area to ease the "pain". Come sleep time I take sleeping pills, I take some RLS pills to help with moving around as well and then an Aleve for the pain. So far it works, I dont really wake up TOO much, but I do wake up here and there throughout the night. All in all this kicking the habbit experience has not been NEARLY as bad as before when I would withdrawal. I want to thank everyone on here that has helped and commented and has given me the strength to overcome this road block. Of course I still think of taking them, and wonder if I really will be able to life the rest of my life without them, but for now I am going to take it one day at a time. A message for those wanting to kick it, me thinking of the memories I had when I was younger, believing that god could help, reaching out to my lost loved ones, really really helped me with this. Its a head game. You are only as strong as you think you can be, if you believe in yourself and really want it you can overcome anything. I have thankfully been lucky enough to say that I am now sober for 5 days and couldnt be happier, your not just helping yourself when you quit it effects everyone around you whether they know about it or not. If I can come off 30 pills a day with sometimes some oxy, cold turkey, I know you can do it. Just believe people.

    I just have a question for those that have been through this. How long will I feel out of it? I also feel really week. I am athletic and will continue doing sports and weight training, but how long does the Air Head feeling last?

  13. #13
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    WOW. the way you started sounded so much like me it's scary. HOWEVER. U can still get out in the clear.
    by that I mean.... u didn't graduate to anything stronger. If you would have, you would be in a waaaaaay deeper hole. so consider yourself lucky.

    congrats on day 5. that's good. your through the worst by far. that air head feeling is gonna last a while. u been using for a while so it's gonna take a little bit longer for that go away. maybe 2 to 3 months till your totally normal.

    just don't look back man. it only gets worse and worse and worse to such a dark place u do not want to see man. ur still not that bad off compared to a lot of people doin super high doses of stronger stuff. trust me it only gets more expensive too.

  14. #14
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    So Calif
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    Hey Paul,

    So good to see you back here! Congrats on day 5, that's great.

    I remember back when you first posted in Oct and wondered what happened to ya. Glad to hear you're getting serious about this. Are you going to get involved in NA? As they say: getting clean is easy, staying clean is hard work.

    Kat

  15. #15
    beatit is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    Thanks for the comments guys, and Kat I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, for now I'm going day by day. I don't know if I'm ready for NA yet this is all a new world for me, so far I've had plenty of my dealers ask if I wanted any and without any thought declined. Later I then realized that I declined like I had never started, it felt really good. NA could be in my future but not sure exactly when I'll step up to it. Maybe one day my story can help another at NA.

  16. #16
    beatit is offline Junior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    I dont know what it was, yesterday was terrible for me, the chills were horrible but I was sweating like crazy. I was fine all day up until about 3-4pm. A little light headed, along with the chills, sweats. It fealt like a bad bad flu was coming on. I fealt like I was going to puke, but I havent really been able to eat so there wasnt anything really to come up. I went in the bathroom and just some water and juice came up from earlier. I took some Tylenol cold and flu and it went down some, the sweats were still there but no more chills. I didnt get any sleep, for the first time I tossed and turned all night, I took sleeping pills, a 1/4 xanax, nothing helped. At this point its about 1245 at night and I feel fine no more flu symtoms, but still cannot fall asleep, I toss an turned all night, took some RLS pills to try and help from moving around. Nothing worked. I maybe slept 1.5 hours last night. I woke up not even really feeling tired, just kind of, wtf why couldnt I sleep, little bit of the chills, feeling a bit out of it, nothing crazy or anything. I just dont get what would cause something like that, I mean. So far Ive fealt great, yesterday was actually the worst of all my withdrawals, it was weird, maybe I actually am catching a flu. Anywho, Ive had slight cravings today thinking ehhh maybe 1 or 2 it wont kill me, but I feel like even these past 6 days Ive already come so far and its really not worth it. Not sure if yall are aware but I do have bulging-stressed discs so it sucks that I took advantage of situation and have to sit in pain for a while, so its a bitter sweet type of thing. ahhh i just wanna rip my hair out thinking about it, work is slow so all I can do is sit here...with back pain...knowing that I can have them here in a minute if requested...I feel trapped.

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