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Withdrawing from hydrocodone/trying to quit and scared
  1. #1
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Default Withdrawing from hydrocodone/trying to quit and scared

    Hi everyone. I posted in another forum, but I think this is where I need to be. I've had a relationship with hydro for six years (vicodin and norco), but it's gotten really bad the last 2 years. I'm at that point now where no amount of pills is ever enough and I always run out -- sometimes 2-3 times a month. And the only thing that gets me through the WD is thinking I only have X number of days until I can get more. I'm now on day 2 of no pills and I'm restless and anxious (I just ransacked my bedroom hoping I'd find a pill I'd forgotten about -- no luck). But worse yet, one of the people I get them from is filling a script probably Friday. By then I should be feeling better, but I'm worried I'll give in because it's so close.

    The pills have permeated my entire life, so that I feel like I can't do anything without them. I can't go to work, I can't be a parent, I can't get groceries or do laundry without taking pills. I don't know how to function without them anymore and I'm worried I'll always feel depressed, like I can't function, which will lead to me giving in.

    The worst thing is, my career is creative driven, and I worked hard to break into the field (over a decade!) and now I can feel it all slipping away. I haven't produced anything of substance in the two years I've been on the pills. You'd think that would help me stay clean, but I feel like I can't work without the pills, even though WITH the pills, everything I produce is >>>>.

    I haven't told anyone I'm an addict. And I'm scared and I feel alone and I can't stop thinking about what my life was like before the pills. If only I'd never taken that first one.

    Just tell me it gets better? Tell me it'll be worth it. Tell me I can say no on Friday when the script comes in, even though I'll really want to say yes.

  2. #2
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley it gets better ask anyone who has been clean for awhile. Not going to sugar coat anything it is a fight and you will need to find every ounce of strength you have. If I can do it so can you I used for 11 years. You will be able to function with out them. You will be happier and things will get better. I promise it may nkt be today or tomorrow or even a month from now but your brain will start to heal and learn how to function again. Your brain only know life on pills but you can retrain it and be a happier and more productive person. You need patience but I promise you this will be the best decision you can make.

    Here are a few suggestions

    I did not think I could have ever done it without this board so stay close and post often. Perhaps find someone that is jumping off and keep psoting back and forth. You can alway post in my thread anytime and I will help support you as well.

    Excercise
    Vitamins and good food.
    Most importantly call your person today and let them know you are stopping and not to give them to you. Delete/block there number stay away you do not need that temptation this earky in the game
    Make a list of all the things you don't like about your addiction and what the pills are soing to you. Keep that list lose and read it especially on Fri.

    I hope you make the best decision and not go back. Stay strong.

  3. #3
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you SO MUCH for replying Sunshine! How long have you been sober? I've been dealing with depression for the last few years, and I can't figure out which came first, the depression or the addiction. I think at this point they're feeding into each other. I keep telling myself that if I quit, the depression will likely (eventually) go away and I will be happy again. Another thing --- I don't do the things I used to do before pills. I don't hike, I don't bike, I don't even like taking vacations anymore because I'm worried that once the vacation comes around, I won't have enough pills to get me through. In fact, I went to New Orleans last year for a business trip and I ran out of pills two days in and I was miserable. If I wasn't taking pills, I could have actually enjoyed being there! Somehow I've convinced myself that I can't function without the pills, but I don't really do anything while on the pills either. I just sit at home all day and watch TV and get high. That's a terrible way to live your life.

    I'm definitely going to make a pros/cons list and read it regularly. Thanks for that suggestion! I know the pros list will be miniscule. :-)

    Also, as soon as I feel better, I'm going to start exercising, as everyone seems to recommend it for getting back to normal faster.

    I'm now on day three and feel a little better. I actually got some restful sleep last night, which obviously helps! But I hate having to fake being sick, and making my husband do all the work. He works full-time, is going to school, and regularly does a lot of the day-to-day stuff with our daughter. I feel like a worthless wife and parent.

    Thanks again. This board makes me feel less alone.
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  4. #4
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I am 6 weeks in now. Don't feel bad about what you are not doing we are all entitled to take a few sick days. All of us moms feel bad over what we are not doing and for making our hubbies do more. This is so very normal however you need to let it go. You will be a better person for it later. I promise you that. You have freedom now.

    There is a hope and a hopeful and a few others who just started posting and in the same time frame start posting back and forth. Having someone going thru this and making support friends has been invaluable to me. You can do this. You need to start excercising I can not stress that enough! Give your brain what it needs in a healthy way. I am glad you do not have access to pills until Friday then you have time to get your strenght up to resist the temptation. You need to speak with your dealer and let them know you don't want them anymore. Now is the time when there is no access and not when he has them. Make this the last time and take your freedom back!!
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  5. #5
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Six weeks! Congrats on that! That's longer then I've ever gone.

    I took your advice and posted on a few other threads. I definitely think I'll be hanging around here a lot in the coming weeks. Knowing that a ton of other people are going through or have been through the same thing helps.

    I think I read on one of your posts that you used the Thomas recipe? I was thinking about going to the health food store tomorrow (if I feel up to it) to see if I could find L-tyrosine. The lack of energy is probably the worst thing about withdrawing for me. I can take the sweating, the body aches, the bathroom breaks! But that feeling in your legs, like you're walking through mud---that I hate. Did you use L-tyrosine/B6? And did it help?

  6. #6
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley no I did not do wds. I did a long taper and went off at less than a half of pill so I skiooed all that. Many use the thomas recipe and helps. There was another sunshine on here so maybe that was it. I stay home so I can help you get thru Friday but for now let's take it one day at a time. I saw you post and hope1211 post often as well and really wants it so I know she will be good supoort. Stay strong.

  7. #7
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    I am on my way to health food store. l-theanine and l-tyrosine... Is there a difference? I will ask once I get there. Sunshine1112 - you are an inspiration!

  8. #8
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Ashley no I did not do wds. I did a long taper and went off at less than a half of pill so I skiooed all that.
    I never could have tapered. Never in a million years. I always took more than I said I would when I woke up in the morning. "Today I will only have three pills, that way I'll have enough to make it through the week." YEAH RIGHT. By the end of the day, I'd taken 6-7 and was out within days. I hate that feeling, and I hate the anxiety that comes with realizing I'm going to run out before I can get more.

  9. #9
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley now you don't have to worry anymore. I was always very controlled with my meds they were all legally perscribed so I always had to make them last until my refill. So tapering and not taking them was easy. Wanting to take them was a very very different thing.

  10. #10
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi there..
    Your story sounds like mine years ago..
    But I went to methadone from hydrocodone and then Suboxone to get off the methadone..
    That took 10+ years to do.

    Now 10 days clean...
    So if I were you I would stp now..
    It is getting harder to get pills legally and it is only going to get harder..

    You don't need to keep taking them and expecting different results..
    It ALWAYS ends the same...

    Clean you can have , do, want ANYTHING!

    The thomas Receipe minus the benzos will help restore your body physically...
    But it takes work and desire....
    Please drink water too..
    You have to stay hydrated...

    The only way around this is ........through it..

    You don't ever have to go through this AGAIN....
    Take care and keep posting ..
    This is the best place on earth to get clean...
    Iluv2

  11. #11
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for replying Iluv2. It is definitely getting harder to get pills. That's why I've been running out more and more in the last year. That and my use has increased, obviously! It's also one of the reasons why I feel like now is the time to get off of them. It's harder to get them, so the temptation isn't there as much as it would have been a year ago.

    Why do you recommend not taking benzos with the Thomas recipe? It's the only thing I have and Xanax has helped me sleep at night. I have no addiction issues with them --- in fact the ones I'm using now I've had for nearly six months. I don't like them, but I'm willing to try anything to sleep better at night. I'm thinking I'll only need them (I take one before bed) for another day or two.

    Also, I plan on signing up for lap swimming this week to start getting in some low-impact exercise! I really do think exercising will be good for me both mentally and physically.

    Thanks again and I will definitely keep positing. The temptation to get more pills this coming weekend is going to be a huge hurdle, but as I said before, they'll never be enough and I'll be back to square one if I take them. I'm trying to remind myself of that.

  12. #12
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley benzo can be just as addictive and you don't want to replace one drug for the other. Just take them for wds to sleep at night and then stop after a few days and you will be fine. You will get thru the big hurdle I have faith in you.

  13. #13
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Ahhh, gotcha. Thanks Sunshine. I see how that could be an issue, but like I said, I don't fear becoming addicted to Xanax only because I absolutely hate them. :-) They make me super tired! It's the same reason I hate marijuana and probably gravitated more toward hydro -- I like being functional and energetic! :-)

    Quick update: Tonight was really, really good. My daughter stayed at my mom's last night and I was thankful to have the break from having to be a mommy considering I have zero energy. But I was dreading her coming home, if only because I worried about something-anything triggering a craving because let's face it, being a parent is stressful at times. But when my daughter came home, the first thing she did was hug me and tell me how much she missed me and it reminded me why it was all worth it. Then my husband made popcorn and we watched an episode of House Hunters, which my daughter loves just as much as I do! It was all very, very good, and the depression that I feared, well it was completely non-existent. I know it'll come into effect again soon. Daughter has Valentines Day cards to fill out and a craft project due to school, and in the past, I always did that stuff with her high. I can't do that anymore. I can't do it for her, and for me.

    Looking forward to tomorrow and hopefully feeling even better than today! Thanks again to everyone here. This board will be my new home.
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  14. #14
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley I feel the same way about Xanax don't get it puts me to sleep. Only time I would need them would be in an emergency shock moment. Dont feel bad about taking then right now you need your sleep to be mentally strong. Glad you are doing so well. Your daughter needs a healthy mommy and they make it all worth it in the end. I hope we both have great days tomorrow. Stay strong you have this. It does not have to be all about being depressed and roller coaster of emotions. Some don't have that. I never got depression instead I got anxiety to make up for it. I was also on a very long time and took tramadols which have an opiate and an SSRI so you get double the fun along with hydros. Honestly if I could get rid of the anxiety I would have been great a long time ago. I had huge lack of motivation as well but it's getting better.

    Glad you are swimming for excercise it will help so much just don't over do it. You dont want to wear your self out or be to sore you don't want to go back the next day. If you can do a mild workout each day it will help so much!!! Getting those endorphines going will also help you to say no on Friday. Feeding the brain what it wants will make this easier. I walk 2.5 miles 5 x a week. Xoxox

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    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Ashley
    If you can take the Xanex for a couple of night go for it..
    If you have been taking them already for 2 weeks or more don't stop them abruptly..

    It can be dangerous in fact deadly..
    Just like alcohol benzos detox can kill you if not supervised.

    If you are not taking them regularly and just use them to sleep during these detox days I understand I hate them too..

    By the time the prescription is available to you
    You will have gone through the worst..

    If you decide to get them at that point it will be a conscious decision not based on a habit or fear of withdrawals..
    Everything you have through will be for nothing..

    This is not a type of practice that gets easier..
    It only gets worst .

    I wrote my Norcos a good bye letter..
    I actually grieved..
    They had become the answer to everything..
    There was a sense of loss after I stopped taking them..

    It really helped because I feel like I had some closer.
    When I could see the relationship I had with a pill on paper..
    It convinced me of how sick I was..

    Just a suggestion that I have had to do with a few losses in my life..
    Off course the exercise was for me the items or people were already gone..
    Gave me a sense of responsibility for how I felt and then how I continued to deal with the loss..

    I glad you are going through this now..
    Many people said they would never do heron but have started doing it to avoid being sick..
    With that being said the future looks very predictable and bleed for folks addicted to opiates..

    Thank God it is no longer us!
    Enjoy your freedom..
    You have earned it..
    Iluv2
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  16. #16
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Iluv2 and Sunshine! Today I woke up with a terrible back ache (still aching, in fact), but I also woke up happier than I have been in a long time without using pills to get there. I'm only on day four, but somehow, this time is different. I guess because I feel more serious about it now then I ever have before, and that seems to make a world of difference. Also, I have this board! I've lurked in the past. In fact, I've visited here a few times in the last few months, whenever I got close to saying THIS TIME IS THE LAST TIME. Stupidly enough, I was two weeks clean in November. TWO WEEKS. But as soon as I returned from a business trip, my script came due the next day and I filled it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Because now I'm right back where I started. This time, though, the access to the pills isn't as easy as it was in November. 1) Because one of my biggest sources got cut off in December. So no more pills from them. And 2) I texted my other source (the Friday source!) and said, Don't give 'em to me when you get them. Don't even tell me you have them. And then I apologized for ever being a pain in the ass calling or texting him when I was getting low. He hasn't responded yet. I think he'll be supportive because he's a close friend, but we shall see. I'm already making plans for Friday to keep myself busy. Thinking I'll see a movie!

    ALSO (I swear, you guys will be sick of hearing my updates soon enough!) --- I asked my husband today if we could set some money aside for March/April to take a trip, just the two of us because it gave me something to look forward to, and to work toward. In the past, I never would have done this because I would have been afraid I wouldn't have enough pills to enjoy the vacation. Either that, or I would have planned it around my access dates. Anyway, husband said yes, and he seemed really excited about the prospect. Though he knows I've taken Norcos in the past, he has NO IDEA how bad it's gotten. The only thing he knows is that at least once, sometimes twice a month, I don't "feel good" and fall into a deep depression. And that's because I'm out!

    Another thing that's helped in the last day for dealing with the depression, for feeling like I've lost something, like you said Iluv, is getting on Instagram and looking through pics from families/photographers/people who seem to lead happy, healthy lives. I know not everything is as it seems --- probably some of these people deal with issues just like I am --- but I don't care. For right now, their happy healthy lives is inspiring and gives me a goal: to live my own happy healthy life.

    As for the Xanax, I've only taken four in the last four days just to help me sleep. I might try to sleep without it tonight. I don't want to take it longer than that anyway!

    Thanks again you guys!
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  17. #17
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley you are doing so well!! I love that you are already making plans for the trip and also on Friday. It sounds like you really want it and that will help make this journey this time a success. Keep posting it is so good to hear how amaing you are doing. You have now been thru the worst and coming stronger out for it.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-09-2015 at 01:42 PM. Reason: Typo
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  18. #18
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Sunshine! I really don't think I could do this without this board. I should have joined in November instead of just lurking. :-)

    I'm going to keep updating if only to talk to something/someone and get all the >>>> out of my head that might lead to me taking a pill or filling the script. My script is due next week (Thursday the 19th) so that will be the last big hurdle. Considering calling the doc or making an appt to make sure it's known that I don't want anymore. I think he's been on to me for a while anyway --- in Sept. he cut me down from 60 10/325 to 60 5/325 (which only ever lasted me 6 days, tops.)

    Anyway, I think the hardest thing to deal with right now will be life in general. Paying the bills, answering emails, making business phone calls, etc. Because my head keeps telling me I can't do that stuff without pills. But, in actuality, a lot of that stuff has fallen by the wayside anyway, even when I was taking pills. Mostly because I didn't care anymore and also because my money went to buying more pills. Just added up what I spent on pills in the last three months --- nearly $700! That figure makes me ill.

  19. #19
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Ashley.....Thanks for the Nice and Kind words on My thread!! I thought I would Pop on Yours and say Congrats on your 4 DAYS!! That's a HUGE start to this fight for Freedom!! I don't have much time right now.....But would like to say.....I'm reading a lot of FEAR on your posts.....about how it's going to be....about Friday....and the Doctor....Try not to worry about anything but this Moment....Today.....Get through this One....and we'll Tackle tomorrow when it comes!! I know that sounds easy.....and sometimes is Hard....But just try....Ok??...I hope that You can sit down and talk to your Husband sometime soon....So he knows why your being different.....I would hope he'd understand....well....somewhat.....as non addicts have a tough time getting it!! But....I still think telling Him the truth about why you go into those short bouts of depresson.....Would be a Good thing....for Both of You!! The truth Will Set You Free!! I will be watching and Rooting for You....Praying as well!! You are on Your way to freedom!! Stay Strong Ashley!!Contentment...When we feel content, we go through the day experiencing peacefulness and harmony, no longer fretting about the past or stressing about the future!!..xo
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    Ashley - you are doing great. Please keep up the good work. Your posts are positive and honest. That's a good thing. You have many people pulling for you, including me. The depression part is brutal, I know, but we must believe, from all the other success stories on here, that this is doable no matter what.

  21. #21
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by davepeerson View Post
    Hey Ashley.....Thanks for the Nice and Kind words on My thread!! I thought I would Pop on Yours and say Congrats on your 4 DAYS!! That's a HUGE start to this fight for Freedom!! I don't have much time right now.....But would like to say.....I'm reading a lot of FEAR on your posts.....about how it's going to be....about Friday....and the Doctor....Try not to worry about anything but this Moment....Today.....Get through this One....and we'll Tackle tomorrow when it comes!! I know that sounds easy.....and sometimes is Hard....But just try....Ok??...I hope that You can sit down and talk to your Husband sometime soon....So he knows why your being different.....I would hope he'd understand....well....somewhat.....as non addicts have a tough time getting it!! But....I still think telling Him the truth about why you go into those short bouts of depresson.....Would be a Good thing....for Both of You!! The truth Will Set You Free!! I will be watching and Rooting for You....Praying as well!! You are on Your way to freedom!! Stay Strong Ashley!!Contentment...When we feel content, we go through the day experiencing peacefulness and harmony, no longer fretting about the past or stressing about the future!!..xo
    Dave, you really do write the most uplifting responses! No wonder so many people who come here love you. :-) I'm definitely feeling a lot of fear. I'm worried there will come a day when life just gets hectic/stressful, etc and I'll have a craving so bad that I'll do anything to get a pill. Hoping I can make it through it without tearing my hair out.

    Thanks again for replying! And you're right, take it one day at a time. Live in the Now, as they say!
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  22. #22
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hope1211 View Post
    Ashley - you are doing great. Please keep up the good work. Your posts are positive and honest. That's a good thing. You have many people pulling for you, including me. The depression part is brutal, I know, but we must believe, from all the other success stories on here, that this is doable no matter what.
    Thanks you SO MUCH Hope!! The other success stories here definitely help keep me on track. It makes sobriety real, tangible, and not some fairytale. I'm so glad I joined up here!

  23. #23
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    So, update on day 5! I had a terrible, terrible dream last night that definitely affected me upon waking. I dreamt I was on my way to get pills. Oddly enough, I was buying them from a pirate. Dreams are so weird. Maybe he was a pirate because my subconscious wanted to remind me buying pills is pretty much like being robbed? I don't know. What I do know is that in the dream I was SO EXCITED. But my truest self was massively disappointed and some part of me said, What will the people in the forum think?! When I woke up I was both relieved and disappointed it was a dream and I definitely think it set me back a little bit.

    But, I did sleep last night without Xanax! However, it took 2 hours to fall asleep, then I woke up 1.5 hours later only to lie awake for another hour+. I'll take it though. I have to wonder if taking xanax leaves me feeling like a zombie upon waking.

    I also made some more long-term goals last night that I'm excited about and that I think will help keep me clean and on the right track. Goals that I never would have made while on pills because I'd be afraid of not having enough to function/enjoy whatever it was I was doing.

    I'll definitely be checking back in tonight, I think. Husband is working late today, which means it's just Daughter and me from 4-8:30 and I think --- no, I KNOW --- it'll be hard work to stay energetic, and patient for her.

  24. #24
    dishongh85 is offline New Member
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    I told my family Friday and I was terrified. I'm a mom of three. You got this tell your family they will be your biggest support system.

  25. #25
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashleywestlock View Post
    Dave, you really do write the most uplifting responses! No wonder so many people who come here love you. :-) I'm definitely feeling a lot of fear. I'm worried there will come a day when life just gets hectic/stressful, etc and I'll have a craving so bad that I'll do anything to get a pill. Hoping I can make it through it without tearing my hair out.

    Thanks again for replying! And you're right, take it one day at a time. Live in the Now, as they say!
    Ashley you are not alone in the fear that life may give you that curve ball and you are going to fall apart and run to the pill. I have it all the time. Yes that is why they say one day at a time because thinking beyond today is too hard and really sets us up for failure. I know that.....you know that but regardless it's still hard and is always in the back of my mind. It's normal. Dave or mommy will tell me to be strong or give me a hallmark post when I am down and I can honestly say to them I am not falling today it won't be today that I give in. I can always say with confidence as I wake up that I am not taking a pill today. As I write this and think about not taking a pill tomorrow or next month anxiety is hitting this very moment. But I can tell you with no anxiety it won't be today!!! I guess it just gets easier. We just need to train the brain. I am fragile and new in this and as each day goes by I know even if I don't feel it I am getting stronger and it is my true hope that I will be strong enough to handle those not so good moments of life that we all have. I dont know the future and my life and family is good so I don't worry. Will take on that fight when I need to but for now I am gaining my strength in hopes to fight against the pull in a bad situation.

    You are doing great!!! Enjoy the time with your daughter tonight. Maybe do something sitting... painting nails or braiding hair, cards.. Xoxoxo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-10-2015 at 02:14 PM. Reason: Thpo
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  26. #26
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dishongh85 View Post
    I told my family Friday and I was terrified. I'm a mom of three. You got this tell your family they will be your biggest support system.
    Hi dishongh! How are you feeling today? That's awesome that you have a great support system! I'm not ready to tell anyone yet. I've really only told my best friend and she's supportive, obviously! But I can't tell my husband --- not yet anyway. He's the kind of person that doesn't believe addiction is actually a thing. He has a lot of willpower, I guess. He's being supportive right now without realizing it, of course, since I'm playing "sick". He's taken on a lot of the household/childcare duties. For right now, I'll take what I can get!

  27. #27
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks again --- SO MUCH THANKS --- Sunshine! When I have those moments where I think about never taking a pill again and the anxiety and depression sinks in, I'm trying really hard to replace those thoughts with thinking about what I'll be able to do WITHOUT pills. Positive thinking and all that!

    But it'll be hard, I know it will. But as they say, This too shall pass. :-)
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  28. #28
    ashleywestlock is offline Junior Member
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    Hi everyone! Day 6 here! Yesterday was a TERRIBLE day. No energy. Daughter had multiple emotional breakdowns over tiny things (a ripped sticker was one). It was life doing what life does and I had a hard time dealing with it all sober.

    But today is a new day and husband has fun family stuff planned for us, so I'm trying to stay positive and engaged for it all. I think it'll be good to stay busy and be surrounded by the people I love.

    As for the physical WD --- still little energy, still a lot of aches and pains, and still sweating like a geyser at night. Haven't taken Xanax in two nights, and getting a bit more sleep, so I'm glad for that.

    I think my biggest issue is the energy. I'm probably not doing what I should be doing to get some energy back? Haven't really exercised except for household chores (minimal, tho). I just can't seem to muster the motivation. Doesn't help that it's been cold and gray here lately. Any advice for getting some of that energy back? Or am I rushing it?

  29. #29
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ashley if you read any of mommys post she is the queen of trying to get the energy back. She is queen of trying to make the energy come back now!! All you can do is try the vitamins, excercise, and give it time. I did not think the motivation or energy where ever going to return but it is. Not 100% but it is slowly coming back. The motivation is a killer. It's hard for me to judge how much I am getting back because all I knew was pill energy. I have given up on the house being as clean as it was when I was on pills biut that is ok I can live with those things for a better me and health for me and my family.

  30. #30
    Anonymous Guest

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    Ashley - Day 6? Good for you! I know it's been tough going. I am looking forward to getting to your point--6 days free from the beast. To leave it behind, even with the ups and downs of the day, you are doing it! Having a young one, I know, has to be hard, but on the other hand, such a blessing too, meaning when that zipper was stuck, you were trying to figure out how to get it unstuck, not thinking I want a pill, yes (?) The love those little ones can give is the best. It has to be nice to know you can "fix" something, even though we struggle to fix ourselves. Keep up the good work Ashley. From the posts I have read, energy comes back, and so does a life we want and need.

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