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8mg Jump, Day 12...
  1. #1
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Default 8mg Jump, Day 12...

    Im sure you can guess this has been miserable. Not the worst detox Ive ever done but very close to it. I had enough, I can't taper and I can't use with out going completely off the deep end. Time for a new way of life. Emotional bottom like no other. For me, the only thing that ever gets me clean is pure emotional pain and suffering. So thats where Im at. I have forced myself to eat nearly 3000 calories a day since the beginning and that has been a monumental task. Especially when you just puke most of it up. I gained 4 pounds, lol. Who the hell does that during withdrawal? Lots of vitamins and all the other amino acids everyone raves about. I'm sure they help more in the long run then the short term. I can't believe how numb subs made me. Ive been so far from reality and so out of touch with everything. I am never going back to that poison. Prolly another 2 weeks of death and that is ok. I will be ok. Im just not that ok right now. Coming off 20mg of done and close to 300mg of opana was life crushing. Couldn't say a word for like a month. And compared to that, this has been a walk in the park, It hurts no doubt, but at some point in our lives we just have enough. My doc never wanted me off it, I have great insurance and haven't had to pay for anything for a few years. Back in may I tried to start shooting through the subs and that was the beginning of the emotional roller coaster. Going back to na has helped and getting a big support group has worked well. I've only ever made it 60 days clean once in nearly 15 years. Geese what a waste of a life. Good career, 2 beautiful kids thats I can't even remember being babies, and now a woman who completely despises me for what I have put us through the last 7 years. Time to pay the consequences in full. Thank God life is not fair. If it was, I'd be dead. Just ranting and sitting in this pile of _____ I have created.

    Hoot

  2. #2
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by xxHooTxx View Post
    It hurts no doubt, but at some point in our lives we just have enough.

    Hoot

    Hay there Hoot. Welcome to the forum!

    Truer words were never spoken than those above in the fight against addiction. Sooner or later (hopefully) we get to the point where we understand that it just isn't worth it. The consequences of using becomes so great we have to make a change. If we/you've attempted to get clean as many times as I have and failed, we need to understand that OUR way just wasn't working and we need to pull out all the stops and try something else, and/or listen to those that have actually made it to the other side and claim some substantial clean time.

    I need to tell you that jumping from 8mg of sub is not the way to do it. I get it that you have had enough and want out the quickest way possible. And I wish you every bit of success as the days go by. I have little doubt that you can make it because you seem to really want it bad enough. And that's EXACTLY what it's gonna take to be successful.

    But it would have been far better, and produced much smaller wd symptoms if you had tapered at the rate of 25% every 4 or so days until you were down to around .25mg or lower per day. There have been thousands of us here that have used this taper plan and are now clean. I was on the subs about 9 months by choice, tapered off slow and steady, and now have over 2 years clean.

    Twelve days is an awesome start to your detox. Hang on as best you can. Drinking LOTS of fluids, especially water will help immensely. Exercise as much as possible to keep your energy up and to help pass the time. Sitting around watching the clock is not what you want to be doing. Get up and out of the house. Busy, busy, busy will make a huge difference.

    Some do find they just can't handle the symptoms and get back on the subs and taper lower. In the event you do have those thoughts at some point please don't look at it as being defeated. Knowing what I know if it were me that's what I would do. But if you do make that decision please don't get back on 8mg per day as you will not require that much sub. You would be stable on around 3-4mg per day because of the 12 days you've been off. Just providing some info here.

    Good luck Hoot. I wish you the very best!

    Randy
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  3. #3
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Thanks Randy,

    Yea, I've failed at least 1,000 times. And each of those 1,000 times takes another piece of me I'll never get back. After my last kick 4 years ago I got to 60 days and really started feeling good. Then, my lady and I were reckless again and she got pregnant again and life on life's terms has never been my thing so I went back out. Had 2 years of that, then though maybe subs were the answer. NOPE. More numb then ever. Right now, Ill never go back on those even for a taper. As I said, I am no person that can taper. I can justify myself into absolutely anything. Ive really had enough. I can't go back. The mountain of _____ will only be able to be dealt with after I climb out of the hole I dug. Right now the best gift I can give my self is not putting that poison in my body.

    I'm selfish. Very selfish and willful. I'm going to give selfless and willingness a shot this time.

    Hoot

  4. #4
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Another night down and a new day begins. Man, I need some sunshine. 5 hours of sleep unassisted ain't to bad. I'll tell you my skin has been on fire from the beginning. Days 1-3 were blah, 4-9 were the definition of pain, 10 through now is getting better in degrees. Can't ask for more then that. Have a long day ahead of me at work but it keeps my mind out of my mind and keeps me focused on everything else but my self. I alway forget how fast I can soak a shirt in sweat during detox. Always the last thing to go away. 13 days into this is mind numbing. When your walking through hell just keep walking.

    Hoot

  5. #5
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Wow!
    I would say if anyone can do this
    It sounds like you. Can..

    We just have to be done!
    Like they say..

    It takes what it takes..
    I never grew up hoping to make it to meetings one dY..
    That was not my dream!

    But they have certainly saved my a$$
    This time around!

    With 27 months off methadone
    19 months off sub ..

    It is worth every ounce of pain I have gone through
    Life sux sometimes..

    But being chemically dependant just makes it worse!

    Now we can feel the pain!
    And
    Now we can grow from it!

    That is amazing!

    Finally we put our
    Big people panties on
    And walk the walk!

    Or we just act as if!
    Then be day we just are ok!

    Rockin it
    Clean
    In
    2016
    Bette
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  6. #6
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Day 14. Man, never thought I'd make it 2 weeks. Woke up dazed and confused. I'm in the part of the country that is getting nailed with weather down in Florida so no sun again. O well. Made it through a crazy day of work I don't know how. I need some freaking relief. Time to go sit in boiling water theN TAKE THE HOTTEST shower known to man. Still sneezing 300 times a day and pretty tired. Skin is still on fire. Small price to pay in the long run.

    Hoot.

  7. #7
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Hoot
    Down here in FL with you! Storm was kind to us. Hope ur ok!
    Hang in there--you can do it!
    It's one year today for me off methadone and 8 mos off subs.
    Woohoo
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  8. #8
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-03-2016 at 04:20 PM.

  9. #9
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    You're a champ jumping from 8 mg. Damn. You're doing great. I hope you start to feel some relief soon.

    Kat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-03-2016 at 04:29 PM.
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  10. #10
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Hoot
    How'd you do with the storm? Post status if you can. I hear Tallahassee's got power back now.

  11. #11
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Hey, storm wasn't super bad in my area. Never lost power. Think I'm on day 16. What a ride. Slept ok last night. Crazy dreams still but those are kinda fun once I'm lucid. Working another 14 hour day so my legs feel like jello so I'm just kinda dragging. It's getting better.

    Hoot
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  12. #12
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Good morning from Atlanta Hoot. We're in this together, I jumped at a similar dose 20 days ago. I can tell you that the ride continues but gets better between 15 and 20 days, my biggest issue is sleep. I'm getting a few hours but it seems like a pin drop slams me from my crazy dreams back into restlessness. My days are getting progressively better and my energy is returning, my wants and hobbies are flooding back. Be proud of what your doing because it's not easy, jumping at the dose we did is what I call warrior style which isn't for everyone but just how I like it. If it doesn't hurt, I don't learn the lesson.

    We'll do this together. I feel your pain.

  13. #13
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Alex, My bro. This has not been a fun ride. It gets a litter better in degrees. That is the only thing giving me relief. My skin feels a lot better and if I try and sleep I don't wake up in 30 sec feeling like I'm in an oven. Day 3-9 I felt like death but I have felt like that many times. I look back at my journaling and as sad as this is I've detoxes for 10 days or more 27 times. That is a little more then 6 months of my life in withdrawal not including the 2 and 3 days I couldn't score sometimes. Gross. Truely disgusting. I can completly relate about if it's not painful I don't learn a lesson. This time around I have been on subs a little over 2 years. And now that I'm waking up out of my fog it's like I've just been going through the motions and have been a robot. I'm in a Bad position as far as my family but it's part of it I suppose. Worked another 14 hours on an hour of sleep and it was tuff. Just kept moving though.

    How are you today my friend?

    Hoot
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-07-2016 at 07:32 AM.
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  14. #14
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Good morning Hoot. I relate to everything your going through, our experience is very similar in both withdraw and family guilt. Suboxone is poison, it's sad that it took all this pain to realize what we were doing to ourselves.

    Today is day 21 since I took my last Sub and I'm happy to report that things are getting better. I still feel crazy but overall so much better. What I find most therapeutic is putting on my headphone after the sun goes down and walk till I can't walk any more, this does a few things for me; allows me to think about life and also wears me out. What I found to cause the most trouble is lieing in bed, makes everything worse. Force yourself to do something, anything.

    Another thing I found to help, is admitting guilt and apologizing to those hurt by self isolating. You may feel they haven't noticed but what you'll quickly find out is they have but didn't want to say anything.

    Hoot, we can do this. Let's keep talking until both of us are in the clear, I have found it so helpful to share my feeling every morning and it's so nice to know other people care.

    Alex

  15. #15
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Well, pretty sure today is day 19. I could not be any more lazy. Though 3, 14 hour days in a row will do that too. Leg pain is subsiding and I'm not running to the bathroom anymore. I see some light but it's still dim. To be expected after what I've done to myself the past 4 years strait. I used to go a couple months then try and take a month off. Dumb. Who was I kidding.

    Alex,

    Not really ready to make any amends. Just focusing on staying clean and not causing wreckage in the present. Building a foundation and then I'll deal with my deamons. This time around I'm taking advice and doing the recommendations. It's a lot easier this time around since I've just had enough. Read your thread today. I like your attitude. Your lucky your wife still likes you, mine hates me. Lol. Not funny but you know. I figure another 2 weeks and I'll be feeling fine physically. 4 years ago when I got clean I jumped off 20mg of done and easily 300mg of opana. Holy, holy. How I even made it 60 days was beyond me. It took all of 45 to sleep more then a few hours a night. My bedroom walls judged me insane a few times during that episode. This has been a walk in the park compared to that. And for that I am grateful. I'm grateful I'm still alive, have my kids, great career, plenty of money and my home. But, when I think about it giving those things away never got me to change. Nothing has actually got me to change except drastic insane emotional pain. And I have never felt anything like I did a few months ago. So, again, I've had enough.

    How are you doing today?

    Hoot
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  16. #16
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey Hoot,

    Still struggling brother, the only time I feel normal is working out or walking. I'm getting really tired of day after day of the same thing, I keep hoping to wake up and this mess will be over.

    My wife hasn't been 100% understanding, she says we are getting distant. I keep telling her this isn't about her but she doesn't understand, it's hard to explain how something can ruin 30+ days of your life. She and I had to take my daughter on day 8 to college at FSU and my wife wanted to go to Walmart, get groceries than hang out and visit the campus. I was dieing and she couldn't comprehend, it was brutal. At this point I'm with you, this has to be about getting clean. I'll repair the damage later.

    Every day is getting a little better but the whole Chinese water torture thing is adding up, I easily made it through 10,000 drips but can I make it to 20,000. I like to believe I can, I don't think I have any other choice. Failure isn't an option for me, I have too much to lose and way to much to live for.

    We should be proud because this isn't easy.
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  17. #17
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    21 days out. I think it's better or maybe I'm just used to it by this point. I def don't recommend jumping from 8 but it can be done.

    I must have walked a little under 8 miles yesterday. Felt normal for all of 10 min afterwards. It's the constant sweating through my clothes that reminds me I'm still in it and it's hot in Florida.

    Heading down to the beach today to walk in the sand until my legs give in.

    Alex,

    I see your hanging in there. Your last post made me misty eyed. And I liked your analogy about the water torture. Unfortunately I believe guys like you and I have a extremely high pain tolerance. I always that it was a strong point, but I realize now it's a weakness. Hope your good today bro.

    Hoot.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-10-2016 at 08:28 AM.

  18. #18
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Hoot, I hope your day 22 is better than 21. Your right about our pain threshold, pain has never bothered me much. Actually I've always welcomed a little pain, the old saying always rang true for me. " If it doesn't hurt, it's not worth doing"

    As per it being a weakness, I'd say my approach to this mess was more ignorance. I thought it wouldn't be that bad and that I'd surely skate out the other end in 10-15 days. What a miscalculation, here I am at day 25 still felling wacked out and honestly not much better than day 15. I am amazed at the longevity of these symptoms, the thought of them lasting another 30 days is daunting.

    I don't envy you being down in Florida, the heat here in Georgia has had me scrambling for cover. The sun is not my friend, it makes my skin turn to lava and just burns. I should have waited till winter if given the choice but as usual, why not do this in the worst possible time.

    I'm with you brother, hopefully as my Mother always said "This too shall pass"

  19. #19
    Thisdelirium is offline New Member
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    Hoot I'm almost your path to the tee! I have doctors saying oh be on the Sub forever . Great Insurance 30 copay for month .. 3 kids . And look at all the photos I was red eyes retarded. I flew in plane stopping in cities to start my withdrawal and suffer . Day 12-13 I could go insane .. And 100% find a meeting . 90/90 if u can .. I was 16 years with always opiates or sub Xanax in my system . My first meeting was last night that I blasted out of the devil grip and attended and chaired it. Took a white ring and went home .. Stayed up 6 hours running in circles and woke up another day . NA is the only way IMO. B good

  20. #20
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Hoot, hope your feeling better today. I'm on day 28 and feeling great, I know your right behind me so I'm hoping the same for you. It all the sudden just broke and everything but sleep is almost back to normal.

  21. #21
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Hey Alex.

    Day 25. It's getting better. Motivation is none existent but I do my best to just keep moving. Work is easier and sleep is ok. Coming near the end I presume. In a wierd way I feel safe detoxing still only because I don't have to deal with the mess I'm in right now but it's eventually going to have to be faced.


    Hoot

  22. #22
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    How are you doing Hoot?

  23. #23
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Hey Alex,

    Doing ok. Still tired and sweating but ok over all. Just worked 3, 18 hour days and finishing the fourth day around midnight. So, I'm exhausted from work. Tomorrow is 30 days for me. I have the next couple days off so I'll see how I hold up.

    Everything good on your end?


    Hoot

  24. #24
    Alex13 is offline Junior Member
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    Hoot, I have been doing great. When I started back at the gym and my normal supplements, everything started to feel better. Went to my doctor to have my testosterone tested and it was low, Doc said opiates destroy testosterone production. He gave me some short term supplements to fire up my natural production, everything really changed that day. I highly advise you having the same conversation with your Doctor.

    Wish you the best!

    Alex
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  25. #25
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Just checking in. Today is 53 days and I feel 90% human. It has been a long road, and jumping from that much is doable but I wouldn't recommend it.

    No cravings to speak of and I hit up meetings and Na as much as possible. The home front is getting a little better and I've gained 23 pounds. So glad to be off that poison.

    Hoot.
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  26. #26
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hoot
    I hear that! Gained 10 lbs myself!
    Proud of you for your determination and now you reap the rewards of all that effort!
    It is worth the struggle!

  27. #27
    xxHooTxx is offline New Member
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    Hello all. Been a min. 107 days today. Still clean and moving forward. It's been a hell of a mountain. Hoping things get easier soon. Physically I'm good. Mentally it's ruff.

    Hoot.

  28. #28
    Carrie be strong is offline New Member
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    Man I've got to say reading your thread was great motivation . You and Alex both have a great attitude about quitting . I jumped from around 8mg having taken them for 2 years . Reading threads like this has given me the motivation to stick with it even though it's hell on earth . I'm doing it in the winter and it sucks hot or cold . It's freezing here in Michigan and I couldn't walk in it or I'd die right now . I'm a single mom of 4 and have to keep pushing through with every day stuff and it sucks . Somehow made it through Christmas . How are you guys doing ?

  29. #29
    Hardnightslongdays is offline New Member
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    Will say a prayer for u. Hard to imagine taking care of others while going thru WDs. On day 5-6 and reading this has helped soon much. Looking for a life free of chasing the pill or subs. Worn out.
    HDLN

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