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Boyfriend relapsed - complicated issue, please read
  1. #1
    Pineapple75 is offline New Member
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    Default Boyfriend relapsed - complicated issue, please read

    My boyfriend of about a yr was adicted to pain pills. He had an accident at work where part of his face was shattered and he had to have some reconstructive surgery done, he lost his job and he became addicted to the opiates he was prescribed for the pain after his surgeries and the pills were easily given to him by dr's.
    He's been clean for about 2 yrs, roughly. He's been on suboxone the whole time.
    He was doing a therapy program where he got the suboxone but it got way too expensive and he couldn't afford it so he had to get his suboxone from people elsewhere.
    Recently, he found a therapy program that's slightly cheaper. He's drug tested once a week, there's meetings 3x a week and he is able to get his suboxone through the program.
    Now his problem is that he recently lost his job where he had good insurance, so now his suboxone is pretty expensive. He's working on getting Medicaid but he's struggling right now.

    I've always told him that I don't judge him in any way and if he's honest with me, I'll support him and help him through anything. We're usually very close and honest with each other.
    The problem is that I didn't know he relapsed.
    He asked me for my last $8 yesterday so he could get his 'suboxone' before work. When I saw him later that night, he was very agitated and weird acting. He kept saying he couldn't sleep.
    When I went to go to sleep, he asked to see my phone, I handed it to him and he started going through it (not like him AT ALL). I asked him if he was okay and if there was something that made him uncomfortable & I noticed he was shaking. He wouldn't speak.
    He started saying he could see what I was doing (I was just looking at a health group on Facebook) but he had this whole story that I was on snapchat and I had deleted stuff and when I asked what I had deleted he wouldn't say and when I asked what he saw on snapchat he wouldn't say. It was like he imagined it or made it up like crazy. It was the oddest thing! I've never seen him do that.

    So I started casually looking at his phone and in his history, he had researched how long it would take for tramadol to get out of his system for a drug test.
    Also something about adderall in his system.

    I take adderall. I always have. He has never ever liked it, so it's never been an issue but throughout our relationship, he's been very strong and has never even attempted. I've unknowingly dropped a pill and he's texted me, telling me about it and telling me where he's placed it for me.
    Anyhow, so I go over to my adderall bottle, 22 pills are missing!
    I am just so shocked. Like blown away.
    I know it's a money issue because he can't afford the suboxone. He tried to get it the other day and could only afford one strip and had a major anxiety attack and had to leave the store.

    I just feel horrible.
    But he freaked out on me.
    Freaked out on his mom (she was there when this happened)
    He's saying I did stuff and I'm lying about stuff that I'm POSITIVE never happened.
    He told me that he hates me and I'm such a liar.
    I don't know how to even talk to him because what he's saying is not even reality!
    I just don't know how to help him. I don't have the money either. I'm chronically sick and am unable to work. So I don't have cash to give. I'd give him any money to buy suboxone.


    Any advice is helpful. I've never dealt with this before. I'm so worried for him. I care so much for him and I love him so much. I just want him to be okay.
    Thank you so much.
    Ming23 likes this.

  2. #2
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Pineapple
    You prob don't want to hear this but you should get out now!
    Things like this get worse before they ever get better.
    First of all, less is more w subs. People feel better on lower doses. He could have made one 8 mg strip last for days.
    Unless he wants to quit, nothing will stop him. This is the nature of addiction.
    Your choice but it's only been a year that you're w him so...
    Cut your losses and save yourself (and kids?).
    Imho, that's the best choice--hey, it's up to you of course!

  3. #3
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pineapple75 View Post
    My boyfriend of about a yr was adicted to pain pills. He had an accident at work where part of his face was shattered and he had to have some reconstructive surgery done, he lost his job and he became addicted to the opiates he was prescribed for the pain after his surgeries and the pills were easily given to him by dr's.
    He's been clean for about 2 yrs, roughly. He's been on suboxone the whole time.
    He was doing a therapy program where he got the suboxone but it got way too expensive and he couldn't afford it so he had to get his suboxone from people elsewhere.
    Recently, he found a therapy program that's slightly cheaper. He's drug tested once a week, there's meetings 3x a week and he is able to get his suboxone through the program.
    Now his problem is that he recently lost his job where he had good insurance, so now his suboxone is pretty expensive. He's working on getting Medicaid but he's struggling right now.

    I've always told him that I don't judge him in any way and if he's honest with me, I'll support him and help him through anything. We're usually very close and honest with each other.
    The problem is that I didn't know he relapsed.
    He asked me for my last $8 yesterday so he could get his 'suboxone' before work. When I saw him later that night, he was very agitated and weird acting. He kept saying he couldn't sleep.
    When I went to go to sleep, he asked to see my phone, I handed it to him and he started going through it (not like him AT ALL). I asked him if he was okay and if there was something that made him uncomfortable & I noticed he was shaking. He wouldn't speak.
    He started saying he could see what I was doing (I was just looking at a health group on Facebook) but he had this whole story that I was on snapchat and I had deleted stuff and when I asked what I had deleted he wouldn't say and when I asked what he saw on snapchat he wouldn't say. It was like he imagined it or made it up like crazy. It was the oddest thing! I've never seen him do that.

    So I started casually looking at his phone and in his history, he had researched how long it would take for tramadol to get out of his system for a drug test.
    Also something about adderall in his system.

    I take adderall. I always have. He has never ever liked it, so it's never been an issue but throughout our relationship, he's been very strong and has never even attempted. I've unknowingly dropped a pill and he's texted me, telling me about it and telling me where he's placed it for me.
    Anyhow, so I go over to my adderall bottle, 22 pills are missing!
    I am just so shocked. Like blown away.
    I know it's a money issue because he can't afford the suboxone. He tried to get it the other day and could only afford one strip and had a major anxiety attack and had to leave the store.

    I just feel horrible.
    But he freaked out on me.
    Freaked out on his mom (she was there when this happened)
    He's saying I did stuff and I'm lying about stuff that I'm POSITIVE never happened.
    He told me that he hates me and I'm such a liar.
    I don't know how to even talk to him because what he's saying is not even reality!
    I just don't know how to help him. I don't have the money either. I'm chronically sick and am unable to work. So I don't have cash to give. I'd give him any money to buy suboxone.


    Any advice is helpful. I've never dealt with this before. I'm so worried for him. I care so much for him and I love him so much. I just want him to be okay.
    Thank you so much.
    Hi there. Welcome.

    I'm sorry you're in the position of loving an opiate addict. The hard truth is that nothing will make him quit until he's ready. No amount of support, pleading, money or love will make him quit. Opiate addiction is probably the hardest addiction to overcome because the psychological and emotional affect is so severe.

    You probably don't like what Ming23 said about leaving him and moving on with your life. That's totally understandable. But I cannot tell you the amount of posts I've read here over the last 4 years of women in your exact position. They chose to stay, things got increasingly worse, they still stayed...and eventually had to leave because the misery was unbearable. This disease is cunning and very powerful. An addict only quits when the fear of continuing to use far outweighs the fear of quitting. And even then it's a long, difficult road to recovery. If an addict doesn't do whatever it takes to stay clean, they usually relapse.

    The fact that he's stealing your Tramadol clearly shows he's not ready. You'd better lock them up. I realize he may have taken them since he can't afford enough Sub, but he must find a way to either taper off Sub with his current doc or find another affordable program if possible. We have an excellent taper plan here that countless addicts have used to get off Sub. If he can get enough Sub to taper, we can help. How much does he take per day?

    There's more I want to say but I have to get back to work.
    I'll check back with you soon...

    Kat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-10-2016 at 01:23 PM.

  4. #4
    Pineapple75 is offline New Member
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    I'm not exactly sure how much sub he uses per day. He's new-ish to this program and before this, he was self medicating with suboxone bought from anybody he could get it from. So I do know this is less than what he had at the last program and also less than what he was self medicating with. He had a lot of withdrawals when he first started this program. Nothing too major but definitely noticeable for him. A strip probably lasts 2 days for him? But that's an estimate because I don't know. I know it lasts longer than one.

    The reason why I feel bad is because he is working. He's not staying home and doing nothing. He works basically to pay for these visits and his prescriptions and obviously not every penny goes to that but most of it does. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for him, but this new job he got after losing his last, he's making a few cents above minimum wage. He was making like $16 before that and had such good insurance. Now he has neither of that and not full time hrs.
    I feel guilty for not being physically able to work because I know that I'm an added stress to him. He's always very nice and says he doesn't think I should work, that it's not healthy and he doesn't mind it and would rather me not because he worries about my health, but I feel bad that he's struggling so much with finances that it's come to this.
    He honestly was doing so good.

    The look on his face at the pharmacy when they tried to sell him all of the suboxone and he could only afford one strip, I've never seen him look like that. He honestly had the most anxious look and had to go outside. He had to get in the car and drive somewhere else. I just felt horrible.

    The people that are in his program that have Medicaid get it for free. He's been trying to sign up but it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight. He has to pay in the meantime.
    We live in a very small town. These are the only two programs near us.

  5. #5
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    Sorry Pineapple, that sounds really really hard for you both. Did you guys ever talk about him getting off the suboxone? Like has he ever shown any interest? Maybe this could be the push for him if he's not really into this job and is going to struggle to even do a job if he's gonna be in and out of withdrawal?

    Is there any of his family around that can maybe put you guys up for a little while - if he did want to taper off the sub? Not quite sure where you guys are at with the communication at this point. But he does need to be honest with you or everyone's right. We've just seen it too many times around here. Hope you guys can have a good heart to heart.

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