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Day 1
  1. #1
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Day 1

    Hello, I have spent most of the day reading on here and have found it really helpful.
    I have been on suboxone for 5 yrs. started on 12mg then 5 months ago was reduced to 4mg really slowly. I was put on a detox proramme 5 weeks ago, reducing every week. Yesterday was the last day on 0.4mg.
    I have 2 children but have been able to take time off work to get through this. I'm not feeling too bad so far, apart from feeling fluey (is that a word)? and no energy. Am trying to drink Indian tonic water as I've struggled with rls with the reducing.
    Anyway, I just wanted to write this as I don't really have anyone else to tell how scared I am. I'm going to a group tonight really don't want to go but think I need to as have thoughts of using painkillers which got me into this mess in the first place.

    Thanks for reading if you did it's nice to know I'm not alone x

  2. #2
    Nightingaler is offline Member
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    Hi there, congrats on making the jump. I am day 16 off subs. Just went back to work. If you are still involved with the Dr who prescribed them , then ask for something to help with RLS. Requip, gabapentin, clonidine were very helpful for me. I jumped at 4 mg so you may not need all that.
    Keep hydrated. Cannot say that enough.
    There are lots of folks here to talk to. I got lucky and found a buddy who quit at the same time. Really helps to chat with like minded people. talk soon.
    NG
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  3. #3
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for your reply, i don't think the doctor I'm seeing at the centre likes to give anything out to be honest. All she has suggested is drinking lots and lots of Indian tonic water which has quinine in. Only managed a litre today, it's 11.30pm here and I can't get to sleep as my arms and legs are driving me nuts. Luckily no work tomorrow so will just suck it up and sleep when I can. Nearly 1 day under my belt. Will post daily to help me and anyone else who is going through the same thing.

    Nearly 10 years ago this all started with taking pain killers for a knee injury after giving birth to my second son. Realised they made me feel better, honestly didn't realise what codeine was. Long story short, a year later I was buying up to 80 ibruprofen/codeine tablets a day, being sick daily. Doctor put me on just codeine tablets on a taper plan when I broke down one day but I abused them and still brought more. Finally referred to a drug treatment centre where I was put on methadone, ending up on 70 MLS a day. Still using on top. We emigrated to try and get me well and I went cold turkey from 5mls of methadone and all the codeine I was still taking on the flight which was 26 hours of pure hell with 2 small children. Still ended up driving round all the chemists I could find in the place we moved to, sometimes driving up to 2 hours away as I was getting banned from them. We finally came back to UK when we realised it was worse and I had no support. Went back to drug centre and they put me on 12 mg suboxone which was 5 years ago.

    So here I am. Ready for a new life. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Sorry I have poured my story out but I have found reading other stories have resonated with me and if I help one person then that's good.

    Thanks for listening/reading x
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  4. #4
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Freeme...

    Being that you are in the UK, might be easier to find a doctor to prescribe something for your RLS. I've no experience with suboxone withdrawal, but from opiates, the RLS was a real bugaboo for me. One of our members had a real problem with that also, but the doc gave him something that worked like a charm for him.

    If you read on the suboxone thread you might find some really good info, also.

    Lots of people have done this, so don't worry, you will find your way. But, check out that thread.

  5. #5
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Ok I'm on day 2 and it's 1.30pm. Had an awful night last night, just couldn't sleep. Finally went back to bed at 5am until the alarm went off at 7am. Had to get kids off to school but one of my kids is really ill so had to get him doc appt. I felt like the doctor was looking at me as if to say "you don't look so hot yourself"! Man that was so hard just taking him there, waiting in surgery then having to go to chemist to get his antibiotics with pills all around me but I didn't succumb.

    I've got to go and get some food for our dinner in a while before I pick my other child up from school. Luckily nothing on tonight just sleep hopefully. Am really trying to drink as much tonic water as I can and eat lots of bananas but I just feel so sick.

    Roll on tomm. Day 3. I keep saying to myself, this will pass, this will pass and really trying not to snap at my kids poor things.

  6. #6
    Nightingaler is offline Member
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    Loperamide is over the counter. I know it's for diarrhea but it helps with all GI stuff during withdrawal. Sorry I didn't post till now. I went back to work this weekend for the first time since I quit subs.
    I have children. Single mom. I sooooo know what your feeling. You are gonna need some help with kids for short time. I felt terrible that I couldn't take care of my little one but as some have pointed out here, we have to be selfish one more time to save ourselves.
    I would seriously consider finding another dr who will take care of you properly. I had a couple of non-narcotic meds to help with the worst of symptoms. I'm telling you from recent experience if you allow yourself to get dehydrated, then things get worse fast. Please take care of yourself. Your saving your children's mother.
    NG
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  7. #7
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you NG your words have helped a lot. My 9 year old got upset this morning and asked why I'm so sick. Anyway ....... it's the morning of day 3 and I had 5 hours sleep last night. I had a really hot bath before bed and put Epsom salts and lavender in it. My god it felt good. Anyway just crashed on the bed and wasn't expecting sleep but imagined I was somewhere hot like the Maldives where I want to go one day and I drifted off. The sweat that came out of me while I slep was ridiculous. So I've just stripped my bed and having another hot bath.

    Today is another step closer to my new life.
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  8. #8
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Morning everyone, it's the morning of day 4 and last night was a bit rough, didn't get to sleep until 4am and up at 7. I'm not feeling awful just tired and bit run down but that's just from lack of sleep. I did snap at my son this morning but apologised, my other son is still off school sick. I've just got to get through today and hopefully sleep tonight. I'm not back at work until Monday so still have 5 days so things aren't all bad. I don't have any desires to take any pills, that's what got me into this mess and each day I get further and further away from it. It does help to keep busy so I will try and just get on with it today. I was in the army and I do think I still have that suck it up mentality. I'm going to be the fittest and healthiest I can be and I so look forward to that. Reading everyone's posts really helps on here especially the positive ones so I hope I'm not being too negative. Onwards and upwards!
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  9. #9
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Ok It's now dark outside (Hallelujah). I've kept myself busy today having to rest every hour or so as feeling so drained but my body wants to do a workout, weird feeling. I'm just about to start kids dinner, car broke down today and it's gonna cost far too much to fix. Life doesn't stop coz I'm not feeling too good that's for sure. I'm desperate for sleep, going to have another Epsom salt and lavender bath and go to bed about 9pm. Just thought I'd check in, it will be good to read back on these posts and know how far I've come. Have a good day/night everyone.

  10. #10
    Jsw024 is offline New Member
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    Freeme47 I completely feel your pain I'm on day 9 and let me tell you it wasn't an easy road to get here, but today is the first day I have felt good. so you just hang in there you can do this.
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  11. #11
    LisaRee is offline New Member
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    Hey freeme how are you feeling today? Still going on with the not taking anything? Just checking in on you, hoping that you're doing ok?

  12. #12
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey, oh my god just reading your replies made me cry? Just having people reading what I'm feeling is a good feeling.

    So, I went to bed last night and drifted offf then my son started crying and after that I couldn't get back to sleep, I admit I broke down, was on the floor praying to god to help me sleep, angry at myself for doing this to myself. Came downstair, kids settled, had a milky drink went back to bed believing I'd get any sleep but I did! 6 whole hours. I was actually singing this morning. So it's day 5 and I'm still drained and finding it hard to get moving but it's not the worse thing ever, I know this will get better one day and a time. Just want to get a week tucked under my belt. I can't seem to read at the moment and believe me I love to read, cannot take anything in.

    So here's to another day free. Thanks again for your messages xx

  13. #13
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Day 6. Nearly a week woo hoo!

    Went to bed last night and did get minor rls tossed and turned, kept getting out of bed, eventually drifted off at 2am and have just woke to the alarm at 6.30am so it's getting better. Hoping today is a good day. Have nothing on today so I shall ignore the housework for another day does it really matter. My energy levels are still not 100% but I know I'll get there, still having sneezing fits but apart from that i think I've ridden over the crest of the wave, hopefully.

    Have a good day all
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  14. #14
    Albacorey is offline Junior Member
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    Congrats on day 6!!! That's awesome!!
    I'm curious.. did you skip days at all before jumping from .4?
    I jumped from .125, following the sticky taper.. skip one day, dose, skip 2, dose and finally skip 3 and take final dose.
    Today is my official jump day after all of that.
    Everyone is so different so it's impossible to know exactly what to expect. Today hasn't been the worst but it hasn't been the greatest.
    Keep going!! Your close to the finish line.. I'm right behind!

  15. #15
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi, no I didn't have any skip days every week the doctor would drop us down 4mg, 2mg, 1.6, 1.2, 0.8, 0.4. I trusted they knew what they were doing. I asked to jump from 2mg but she said it was too high.

    Today is day 7 and although I slept last night for 6 hours I'm finding the lack of energy hard. I think I just want to feel great again although I can't remeber when that was without pills. I suppose it will come eventually I've just got to be patient. I'm drinking a litre of tonic water a day but my eating is all that healthy as haven't had the energy to go and do a big food shop which I'll do tomm.

    Let me know how you get on it would be nice to have someone going through it at the same time.
    Good luck T.
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  16. #16
    Albacorey is offline Junior Member
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    The lethargy is so annoying!!
    I have been drinking protein shakes instead of breakfast and dinner due to lack of appetite.i did get that calm support..
    Not sure if it's helping but I think so... my symptoms have been fairly mild and I am sleeping 6 hours so far.. mostly my whole taper..ltryisine and vitamin b for energy.
    Can't wait to see what normal feels like again myself!!! We are almost there!!! Thanks for the reply!!!
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  17. #17
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Ok. Here I am still alive and it's day 8!!! Going into to second week. I slept last night from 9 til 5. Woo hoo. Had a really hot shower as I'm still sweating in the night, washed bedding (again) put my headphones in and have cleaned. I'm exhausted now but at least I've done something rather than shuffling around like I have been.

    Now yesterday was a test. My mum, who is in a lot of pain but I think well I know is dependent on painkillers, asked me if I could pick her codeine up from chemist. I sat and thought about if I could and I'll be honest I did think, I could take 2 out and she wouldn't really know but then what? I would start the vicious cycle again and after everything I've been through. No way am I doing that to myself. Ok so I don't feel too good at the moment, but I will do. One day at a time.

    So I'm off to NA tonight for my second time (clean) used to go but was using the whole time. It will feel good to say I'm on day 8. Just hope I can get some energy to go. The better I feel the more I can pay it forward and I will by helping others on this site. It has really helped me. Thank you.
    Albacorey likes this.

  18. #18
    Albacorey is offline Junior Member
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    Totally not worth going backwards! Glad you stayed strong. Today is day 3 off subs for me. Other then missing a couple of family functions due to lack of energy and having to pee every 5 minutes.. so far the symptoms haven't gotten worse for me... yet...
    enjoy your Sunday!!
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  19. #19
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Absolutely. Well done for getting to day 3. It does pass quicker after day 5. Well it has for me. I'm back at work tomm but I only work part time so I should be ok. Hope tomm is a good day for you. T

  20. #20
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Sigh. Not a good night, think it was because I didn't drink enough water yesterday but couldn't sleep again last night and had a horrible creepy feeling back. Even though I did taper I was on 12mg for 5 years so I'm thinking it's still in my system. Could have done without it this morning as I'm back to work. Here's hoping for a good day.

  21. #21
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    I've been watching your thread, and trust me you've been an inspiration to me with all you've been doing while going through this. I'm just a few days ahead of you from a heavy oxy cold turkey quit (day 11 for me), and hopefully you just have to hang in there a little longer. Day 9 was my hardest, but yesterday and waking up this morning I have a different mind frame and energy that I haven't had in years and years. Just wanted to share with you, and hoping you find that energy soon!

  22. #22
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Ahhh a Dominic Draven fan? Thank you for your words of encouragement I needed that. Well I manage my shift and I'm now home. Going to have a hot, hot hot bath with salts, kids dinner then early night I hope. I do need to help myself more, yesterday I was full of hope and energy for my future, did loads went to a meeting and didn't eat very well or drink enough. So going to make sure I do from now on.

    Well done for getting to day 11! How do you feel now? What were you on and did you taper? I'll check to see if you have a thread and read. Thanks again and let's keep going, there is no turning back!
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  23. #23
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeme47 View Post
    Ahhh a Dominic Draven fan? Thank you for your words of encouragement I needed that. Well I manage my shift and I'm now home. Going to have a hot, hot hot bath with salts, kids dinner then early night I hope. I do need to help myself more, yesterday I was full of hope and energy for my future, did loads went to a meeting and didn't eat very well or drink enough. So going to make sure I do from now on.

    Well done for getting to day 11! How do you feel now? What were you on and did you taper? I'll check to see if you have a thread and read. Thanks again and let's keep going, there is no turning back!
    I have been a fan, has helped to keep me going I'm still struggling a bit, sure it will be a constant struggle, but overall much, much better than day 1. Going to my first meeting here in a hour (which I'm super nervous about, but know I have to do it). I do have a thread, but quick story started on 800-100mg of oxy and tapered all under a doctors supervision over a decade to 140-170mg which was very painful, and thanks to others stories on here finally made the decision to just end it all. Physically I'm not as bad as I thought I would be, just now it's working up the nerve to leave and start working on the mental rebuilding. Luckily have an amazingly supportive gf. Either way, you have helped me a lot and it's good to know we're not going through this alone!
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  24. #24
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Morning all, just woken up after a good night sleep. Now on day10. So it seems the sleep and low energy is what is left. I seem to be sleeping one night but not the next and it's throwing my body out. I have come out in cold sores and dry skin so today I am going to eat so healthy and drink, drink, drink. I'm joining a gym tomorrow with a friend who knows nothing about this, I've just told her I've been really ill with flu. I will get there I just have to put the work in and not expect to sit around and wait to feel better. My mood is ok, I have so much to do so can't sit around anymore. Everything has gone by the wayside, need to start xmas shopping ughhh hate shopping, unusual for a woman I know. Just finished my cup of tea and now have to wake the house up and get them moving for school. T

  25. #25
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Thank you for your kinds words on the other thread, and it's so great how you're doing as well, it really has helped me to see your story. I'm having a sleepless night myself, so just started my day a few hours early, but eh, energy is ok at least Meeting went well, wasn't what I expected, and was exactly what I needed, so went back last night and will try go get there again today or tomorrow depending on how work goes. You're right, we need to be here for each other when we can. Keep up the good work!!!
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  26. #26
    Albacorey is offline Junior Member
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    Default Great Idea

    Hey Freeme,
    Getting in the gym will help you so much.. I promise!!
    You dont have to try and win the marathon either...Treadmill for 45 mins does wonders! If you can walk fast on an incline even better. Just get some sweat glands going
    It seems to have helped me immensely!!

    Congratulations!!
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  27. #27
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey, finally had some time and wanted to see how you're doing. Hope things are still going well for you! Two weeks tomorrow for me and my life is already changing in so many ways, hope yours is too. Please be well, and know that I'm thinking about you and wishing you nothing but the best!!
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  28. #28
    freeme47 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi draven, well done you for getting to 2 weeks. Hope each day gets better and better for you. Well today is day 12 for me, wow, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster the last few days to be honest, it's just catching up with life as I couldn't get a lot done the first week so need to catch up, xmas shopping, cleaning, work, kids etc etc. My sleep has got better, I've slept every night from about 10 til 6 when alarm goes off, only had one sleepless night on Sunday night which threw me. I have got some herbal nytol which I take if I'm tossing and turning, it just has valerian in it but to be honest trying not to rely on anything. Joined the gym yesterday, have an induction on Monday morning. It will be hard fitting the time in to go but I have to, its part of my recovery.

    Was tested yesterday when I had to pick my mums prescription up of codeine (she's housebound) there was no one else able to do it she then left them lying around while she went to the bathroom but I just walked into the garden and took some deep breathes. I don't want them it's just I don't want to put temptation in my way this early on.

    For me it's still one day at a time. It's still weird waking up and getting on with the day without putting a pill under my tongue, but it gets easier day by day. Hope we have helped others on here to take the jump because it really is ok and I really don't feel so numb anymore, have real feelings now and letting your body and mind get back to how it should be and have natural highs and lows is really a revelation. I'm not depressed but if I have a low moment I do something nice for myself. Going to get on with my day now, thanks for checking up on me, still come on here but have been so busy. Have a great day!
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  29. #29
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeme47 View Post
    Hi draven, well done you for getting to 2 weeks. Hope each day gets better and better for you. Well today is day 12 for me, wow, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster the last few days to be honest, it's just catching up with life as I couldn't get a lot done the first week so need to catch up, xmas shopping, cleaning, work, kids etc etc. My sleep has got better, I've slept every night from about 10 til 6 when alarm goes off, only had one sleepless night on Sunday night which threw me. I have got some herbal nytol which I take if I'm tossing and turning, it just has valerian in it but to be honest trying not to rely on anything. Joined the gym yesterday, have an induction on Monday morning. It will be hard fitting the time in to go but I have to, its part of my recovery.

    Was tested yesterday when I had to pick my mums prescription up of codeine (she's housebound) there was no one else able to do it she then left them lying around while she went to the bathroom but I just walked into the garden and took some deep breathes. I don't want them it's just I don't want to put temptation in my way this early on.

    For me it's still one day at a time. It's still weird waking up and getting on with the day without putting a pill under my tongue, but it gets easier day by day. Hope we have helped others on here to take the jump because it really is ok and I really don't feel so numb anymore, have real feelings now and letting your body and mind get back to how it should be and have natural highs and lows is really a revelation. I'm not depressed but if I have a low moment I do something nice for myself. Going to get on with my day now, thanks for checking up on me, still come on here but have been so busy. Have a great day!
    That's awesome, so glad you are staying strong!! I know that I'll have to fight every day of my life, and couldn't have done it without my gf, this place, and the people I now found here, but feeling so much better now. I finally got some sleep, and the past couple days were the roughest so far for me, but made it here! Hopefully things start calming down for you too!! Renewed hopes and strength do so much for somebody! Be well, and stay strong!
    freeme47 likes this.

  30. #30
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey, just wanted to see how things were with you. Hopefully all is well!!

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