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Day 1...here we go!
  1. #31
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today was ok.. I went to therapist at noon then got myself some more Gatorade and some lotto tickets and subway.. Hard to eat the sub though but I figured since I didn't eat in two days that would be a healthyish option. The days are just lonely and hard to get through but it was nice to get out of the house for a bit. Also on the elliptical twice today. Just goin to keep pushing... Maybe ill have a new appreciation for my job after sitting home feelin like **** for couple weeks.. (Maybe).. Lol. Thanks everyone who reads this!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-28-2014 at 05:11 PM.

  2. #32
    melindau is offline Member
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    Im sorry bj that is just sad!your gonna get better I promise! you got us here...and I hope other people in your life! remember it could be worse my sister just died she left to kids behind and they are so sad...keep posting all this sad stuff on facebook it breaks my heart and there is nothing I can do for them...sounds like your doing everything right so it is a matter of time and you will be stronger that before! I know it is hard!
    talk to you soon,Melinda

  3. #33
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I am sorry to hear about your sister I lost my best friend 8 yrs ago to drugs and its awful I have some people in my life but most don't know what I'm going through right now.. When i moved 3 years ago here it was to start over and getting off these subs was the last step. My parents and boyfriend know and that's really it because anyone from my past who know I went down this road is out of my life now and that's a good thing. It's unfortunate for us who choose this road to come out the other side and realize how much time we wasted and not many true friends around because let's face it people who use together and seem like friends usually aren't. Just my own experience tho. I think the emotional side of this is just surfacing but I will keep pushing no matter what thank you!

  4. #34
    melindau is offline Member
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    I read your whole thread! It sounds like you have had a tough time dang!!! Im glad you have made up your mind to get off all the stuff...it is hard but the outcome will be wonderful...you can deal with the emotional stuff as it comes a long...I have been clean for a few years now...it is kinda nice to not wake up and think about pills.
    wishing you the very best and keep posting and let us know how you are doing!!!
    Melinda

  5. #35
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks!! Congrats on your time clean that is awesome I can't wait until the day I can say that even though I've been off all the other stuff for years I never felt clean on suboxone it helped me get my life in order and out of that old life but i knew i didnt want to be on it forever even if at times i felt i would. I don't have kids yet but I want 2 kids one day and my goal has been to get off this and Paxil before that day comes. Things may seem rough now but I know for a fact one day they will be better! My therapist gave me a site to some meetings in my area today and I'm going to check those out and see if any will work, I could use support/friends right about now thanks again!

  6. #36
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, bg....

    It isn't easy, but you CAN do it. Everyday you will discover little things you forgot, or didn't notice. I remember, about 2 weeks into being clean, I was walking across the lawn to my friends house and the smell of fresh cut grass just invaded my being. I always loved that smell, but during my opiate addiction, I didn't appreciate, or notice.

    Everyday, try to look for something positive to keep you going.

    I am helping my friend through getting clean, and tonight she came out of the bathroom and said....'I just had the most wonderful feeling, I was scrunching my hair with gel....and I didn't think about anything other than how I looked'......

    Now, that might sound weird, but she hasn't cared about how she looks for quite some time. That made her feel good.

    She is on day 13.......she is still weak, but eating better and feeling......FEELING things.

    Keep on, keeping on!

  7. #37
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks for sharing that, silver lining! Congrats to your friend and she is lucky to have you by her side through this! Before I started this i thought for sure I would prefer to go through this alone but boy was I ever wrong! When reading I noticed how much I enjoyed that after not reading so many years ! Also I always wanted to be alone I actually really wasnt a people person and now I would like nothing more than to be around some people! So maybe these are things that are coming out for me! I really enjoy everyone's stories/advice/support right now on here I can't even explain. I get happy every time I check and there's a new message!
    silverlining1 likes this.

  8. #38
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Maybe you are just beginning to find the real 'YOU'......you are on a journey, my friend, and we appreciate you letting us all come along to cheer you on!

  9. #39
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Well today is day 5 for me, the withdrawal symptoms are still lingering and my energy is lacking but I still force myself on the elliptical twice a day for ten minutes each time and eatting alot of fruit and veggies. I think the potassium supplements help some with the restless legs. Five days without suboxone is along time for me though and I feel there's no turning back now! I've come too far to turn around!! My advice to people is to definitely taper slowly down to at least .25 mg because I really think that has helped my final jump. It still has been bad yes but I really feel it helped. Hoping to go to a park today and sit and read my book, just getting away from this apartment is what I need. I used to love being here doing nothing whenever possible and now it's something I seem to dread! I look forward to the day this is all behind me. The withdrawal effects are so worth getting my mind back and myself back! I mentioned in my first post how I felt sick on weekends for months now any time I slept in, now I sleep in and I don't feel like a zombie or sick! Well my body feels sick at the moment from withdrawal but my mind is clear!! And this keeps me so motivated!! We will see how the day progresses.. Yesterday I had a couple emotional breakdowns and crying spells but that's to be expected.

  10. #40
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today is rough energy wise I just feel like I'm logging a hundred pound Barrell behind me everywhere I go but I made it to the pet store to get my babies some toys and parked at a park and read for a bit. Just feel the aching bones and lethargy alot today and still hot cold flashes. Hoping this subsides soon. Kat, you're a little ahead of me now are your symptoms getting better??

  11. #41
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Congrats on day 5!!!! You are doing this

  12. #42
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Well today is day 6 for me. It's going ok. Today I went to a grocery store to get some more fresh fruit and drinks and stuff and I noticed my anxiety was super high. I am trying to force myself to go one place evey day and this was definitely the busiest place I went yet. It seemed like I was in slow motion while everyone else was in such a hurry. It was alot to take in and I was relieved when it was over but I hope it just gets better in time which I'm sure it will, it has to right! I also still feel very heavy and my bones and body just seem weak and worn down. But to keep eating healthy and exercising and taking my supplements I'm hoping that will help speed up the process. This is definitely a challenge but very doable as long as you really want it!
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  13. #43
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    You are doing great, bg. I think the anxiety starts to lessen pretty soon, I can't remember exactly when mine did.....but it does.

    Are you noticing anything else positive?

  14. #44
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    At the moment I just feel run down exhausted today's been a little rough. I really want to make a dinner and eat things I enjoy but I can't find the energy to do it and I haven't had Mtn dew in six days either so that's been another challenge. I think I just miss those things on top of wanting to get my energy back. I normally look forward to playing with my pets and It seems like such a task now which makes me feel sad. But it's a bump in the road and I won't give up! so that's a positive right
    melindau and Iwanttobeclean like this.

  15. #45
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    bg1007 congrats of day 7!
    I bet you will start feeling better now and the storm has passed and you got through it.
    Your a inspiration and i am going through the same, feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but i know there is, Just takes a bit of time.

    Hope you enjoy your labor day!

  16. #46
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you, iwanttobeclean, I appreciate the kind words!! Today is day 7 like you said and I wake up feeling ok but still run down and heavy feeling. Still some aches and chills but I do think I'm getting closer each day to my goal. One great thing is I can't remember the last time in 10 years that I went 7 days without meds . One thing I'm noticing though is feelings and emotions I had a decade ago that I tried to cover up all these years are swarming right back to my head.. That truly shows that that's exactly All I was doing was masking it and never dealing with it.. So now with the help of my therapist I plan to try to actually deal with these things instead of covering them anymore! What day are you on?
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  17. #47
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    Today is day 8 for you!!! awesome!
    Im still on the skipping days of subs. Im down to literally the tinniest crumb and took on sat so hoping that was my last of it.
    Sat i was feeling like hell took a tiny crumb and felt better. This drug has such a affect. i cant believe how far a tiny piece can go.
    I hate feeling the weakness and withdrawal i have 2 kids to care for and when i feel that.
    enjoy your labor day!

  18. #48
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Yes today is day 8 for me! I still woke up all sweaty but I am feeling better each day I think and am quite proud of myself for eating and drinking healthy all this time and forcing myself on that elliptical twice a day has been important too! I actually think it says alot for you who are able to skip days like that at the end of it because I wasnt able to do that ever. I didn't have the strength to skip days I either had to have it every day or slowly taper and just jump like I did and the taper was hard toward the end the withdrawal I had he last two weeks of taper was probably almost as bad as the final jump was for me if not worse which I've read others say before too. Today is day 8 and I'm still going strong and can't wait until I can say day 80! I feel for you guys who have children to care for during this hard process. It's hard enough on your own and I admire you guys!

  19. #49
    melindau is offline Member
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    Hi Bg
    so happy you found the strength to get thru this!!! life is so much better on this side!!! everyday will keep getting better!!! and way to go on the elliptical... I started exercising when I got clean it was Great!!!
    Happy day !!!
    Melinda
    Iwanttobeclean and bg1007 like this.

  20. #50
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    Hey bg glad your feeling a bit better today!
    Your doing amazing and I'm sure now some of your symptoms will lesson and hopefully not exist anymore.
    Do you have blurry vision or ringing in your ears? This is the worst of my symptoms and I literally bug out from it.
    Hope your enjoying your Labor Day and hitting the beach
    Stay strong your doing amazing!
    Tomm day 9....yay!!!!!
    bg1007 likes this.

  21. #51
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I haven't had blurry vision but I do notice I get light headed when I stand up a lot. As for the ringing in ear.. I've been dealing with pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear for almost four years now.. It has been enouhh to drive be off the wall many times constantly hearing my heart pound in my ear 24/7 so I'm praying to God that getting off suboxone and Paxil makes it go away because I had many tests and scans and dr visits wih no answers and I read others deal with this while on Paxil so I'm keeping my hopes up! I hope yours goes away soon because if anyone understands how awful and annoying it is its me! Today I felt pretty good withdrawal wise but emotionally it was rough but the arguing between my boyfriend and I was really what caused the emotions and it was rough I really just want us to move forward and get along so great again but relationships sure are hard and I'm starting to wonder if being single would just be best for me as I conquer this. It is hard though. On a positive note my mom is coming to see me tomorow until Thursday and I'm relieved because I could use some pure family love and support right now and a break from the rest! Day 9 tomorow and I will keep pushing forward no matter what I didn't get this time off work and do this for nothing and that's for sure!
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  22. #52
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    I'm sorry your dealing with stress from your boyfriend right now, I'm sure that's the last thing you need right now. I'm married and sometimes I wish I wasn't. You have to be happy and if your not then maybe think about it. Are you from ny? I'm happy your mom is coming to get your mind off all this. She I'm sure is your biggest supporter. Stay strong and congrats on day 9!
    Hope we both get these ringing ears to stop!

  23. #53
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    No I'm not from New York but I went there last year it was amazing! I'm from Michigan! And yes it is hard to deal wih relationship issues right now when all I need is him to be supportive, understanding and have some compassion. He was my best friend for years before we dated the last two years and I thought for sure he was perfect for me because he was such an amazing best friend but I'm not so sure anymore that we belong together and it's hard because we live together and aren't gettin along and our lease doesn't end until march! I don't want my first six months off suboxone to be this environment but losing him would be like losing my best friend and boyfriend at same time but really it already feels like I have. Sorry enough about that! Yes my mom is my biggest supporter and I'm happy she will be here even though I might not be the most entertaining person ever right now
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  24. #54
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    As for how I feel on day 9 I feel pretty good my anxiety and emotions are still up there and I can't seem to shake the feeling freezing cold all the time and then waking up all sweaty so I'm hoping that goes away soon! At least I know it's my body ridding the toxins! Most of the other symptoms are gone though except still sneezing daily too. I am even thinking of going back to work a week earlier than planned!
    Iwanttobeclean likes this.

  25. #55
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    bg so today is day 3 for me.....i am pretty ok except for the blurry vision and ringing ears and today is boiling hot out so im sweating alot.
    I am happy to hear symptoms for you are not as bad as they were. Thats def smart to head back to work and keep yourself busy.
    Maybe we are super emotional right now bc i am having issues with the hubby now as well. He's so sensitive and it drives me insane. But when i think about how much i have hurt him this past yr i totally get it.
    I took so much money out of savings to support my addiction that he has every right to have left me long ago and he didn't. We forget how much they stood by us for.
    So try to work on the relationship and im sure it will get better.
    Your doing awsome....enjoy the time with your mom!
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  26. #56
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Congrats on day 3!! I hope you get through the worst of it quickly and that it's not too bad for you alot of it is mental and I had to flush my entire script down the toilet otherwise I knew I might give in. We are strong people to over come this battle in life!! I hope things get better for you and your hubby too! It's hard for them to understand what this really is like for us I think. It's not just going through some days of not feeling well, it's completely changing our lives and ways of thinking and routines and so much more!
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  27. #57
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    Exactly its more about changing out routines and so much a mental game. Thank gd im feeling pretty good.
    But i got to get used to this sober free life which i am loving more than anything!
    You just have to want it, which we do.
    So proud of you bg congrats on day 10!!!!
    Have a great day!
    ttyl

  28. #58
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks! Today is day 10 and havin my mom here has been great for my mental/emotional well being! She's helping with getting me out of the house and just feeling better in general. I spent 9 days in yoga pants and no make up and I feel human again almost now lol I'm just glad things are getting better I do have a lot of anxiety about going back to work though people don't know why I was gone they just knew I was on a medical leave and I know ill get asked by coworkers about what was work or why I was gone and I don't know what to say because I'm just not comfortable sharing this with people. Anyway I feel pretty good today and I know I have work to do still and I plan to keep pushing how is your day 4 going, iwanttobeclean?
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  29. #59
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    hey bg glad your getting dressed and out of the house.
    I know its not easy but best for us to do....im feeling pretty good i cant complain.
    the kids are keeping me busy they start school tomm thank gd.
    have fun with mom and check in later.
    Michele

  30. #60
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    Today is day 11 and regarding suboxone withdrawal I feel pretty good. I am extremely emotional and sad right now though as my mom just left. It was so nice to have her here for two days and now I just feel empty.. I dropped my paxil two days ago and I can feel the emotions of that wearing on me but my goal was to go back to work suboxone free and down to half of my paxil so that is where I'm at now and it's better to do that all when I'm not working. It just makes me sad to live far away from my family.. Sometimes I wonder why I moved but then I remember all the reasons. I think once I get back to work and over this bump I will feel better I hope. I always get sad when my mom leaves but this time it really hit me hard. Yesterday we went for a long walk at a park and it was nice but I could tell I just was struggling compared to my usual self so I know the energy is still not back to normal but I will keep pushing hope day five is going well for you, iwanttobeclean!
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