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Day 1...here we go!
  1. #61
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today is day 12 suboxone free for me I was really emotional yesterday after my mom left but I went to a therapist appointment, then to the gym for 30 min and then to the pool to read in the sun and I felt much better after all that! I hope when I go back to work that I still find time for the work outs most days! I wish I was one of those people who could wake up early to work out first thing but I am usually more apt to sleep a little longer over anything! One thing I'm still dealing with is the temperature fluctuations with my body and that seems to be lingering on forever but it could be much worse! I see my dr Monday to get the papers signed to go back to work Tuesday most likely! So I am nervous for that but I think it will work out and before I know it it will be like I was never gone! It will be my first time working not on suboxone or methadone or some other junk for the first time pretty much ever so I'm anxious to see if I'm just as motivated and just as hard of a worker as before! Thanks everyone who has been here through this rocky road!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-05-2014 at 09:25 AM.
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  2. #62
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    bg DAY 12....thats so AMAZING!!!
    I's so proud of you...Work is going to be so much better without worrying about all those stupid drugs that distracted our minds.
    Today is day 6 for me and i feel great. I honestly feel like i am much more relaxed now.
    When i am in public and run into friends i feel so much less anxiety and much more my old self coming back.
    I love sober life and i know it will just get better and better. bg same for you....this is the beginning of our road to happiness.
    How are things with the boyfriend?
    I'm sorry you had a rough time when your mom left...do you visit your hometown often?
    ttyl kiddies home

  3. #63
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I don't make it back home as often as I would like because it is 4 hours each way and when I'm working full time and costs are short it makes it hard but I probably get home around 6 times a year give or take depending on the year. So not nearly enough.. My dad just called me though and informed me hospice is goin to stay with my grandpa and that he will probably not make it to the holidays.. This is hard to hear and I feel like I wish I could be home to spend more time with him. I am hoping to head there tomorow morning then come back Monday morning and back to work Tuesday but it all sounds so overwhelming I never went through these types of things sober before and I know it's time to learn how and I will push through no matter what!
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  4. #64
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today is day 13 for me and I woke up at 5 am wide awake and trying to push myself to get packed and on the road back to my home town to see family but I woke up feeling worse than i did the last four days freezing cold still and run down feeling and diarrhea still.. I tried and my mind and heart were ready but my body just wasnt. I need to give myself another week or two before I start making long busy road trips before going back to work the next day is what I decided ultimately. I'm hoping today is just an off day and that tomorow is back to better! No matter what though I will get through it

  5. #65
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    I think you made a wise decision, BG.......

    Day 13!!!!! That is just so cool......I went back and read your first post......you have had a long road......but you are almost 2 weeks clean! You are doing this......I hope everyday from here on out gets better and better, but even with a few glitches....I know you will get through.

  6. #66
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks! Today has felt like a bit of a set back but I still got myself to the gym and did 2.5 miles on the elliptical and am making soup now hoping it will warm me up. I haven't had a Mtn dew in 14 days and no pizza since day 1 and I really want pizza so bad lol It's so expensive to keep up this healthy stuff I will have to find a happy medium once I get back to reality next week...
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  7. #67
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Lol......I think pizza might help your mind, more than your body. ORDER that pizza!!!!!
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  8. #68
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey there. My apologies for not posting to you in a while. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa. That's rough. You'll get through this (any many other things) clean and level- headed. There's a saying around here that goes something like "There's nothing so bad that pills won't make much, much worse". Ain't that the truth!

    Congrats on day 13! You're doing this. Soon, all the physical stuff with be a distant memory. The emotional/mental struggle is what's making me a bit nuts. But hey, we got ourselves into this mess..gotta give it time. I hope you enjoy your weekend. Talk soon.

    Hugs,
    Kat
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  9. #69
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Yes we did get ourselves into this mess and are digging ourselves out now it is hard but I am happy to say I have not even wanted suboxone the last 13 days.. I have a couple times gone to grab it out of habit and realized it wasn't there but having a clear non zombie like head has been enough to keep me motivated! I've wanted this a long time .. Too long to turn back and start over that's for sure! I really wanted to be home with family this weekend and not here but my body just didnt agree and I have to believe its for be best I didn't try to travel like this! I am just so ready to feel normal it gets frustrating when I realize I'm not quite there yet but each day was getting better and today is just a day my body needs to relax I think! I do think I will order that pizza later too lol

  10. #70
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today is day 14 suboxone free for me! That is two weeks since I've taken any suboxone and that makes me happy I feel better today than I did yesterday although I still am cold all the time and the diarrhea hasn't left either but I'm going to go to the gym and do my elliptical time and then try to go to a friends today maybe. Tomorow I go to the doctor to decide what day I will go back to work either Tuesday or Thursday do I'm nervous and unsure what to do! Either way I'm glad to go back to a shorter week instead of a full five day week to start with! Just hope I wake up and feel ok that first day back..
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  11. #71
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    Hey bg im so happy to see you are doing as well as you could be. Its day 8 for me and i feel pretty foggy headed at time. I kinda feel hollow wondering when i will feel normal again, but not sure what normal is.
    Hope your trip home went well...so sorry to hear about your grandfather.
    I'm sure your looking fwd to going back to work. Did you think of what you will tell your fellow employees at the job?
    Congrats on 2 weeks....see you can do this!!!

  12. #72
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I didn't make the trip back home it was too much for me to drive a long way and do so many things and yesterday I had a bad day. Today was better though and I went to my friends house for few hours which was nice. My body feels sore though and I feel tired out so I'm hoping I don't feel too exhausted from work. Honestly I'm not that excited to go back lol.. It's easier to deal with this stuff at home but add being stuck at work for 9 hours on top of the stresses of the people and work I just hope it all goes well! There a lot of changes goin on at my job right now so I think that's adding stress to going back. Since I'm going back almost a week earlier than planned I'm hoping they will understand if I'm not quite 100% right away! I had anxiety over going to my friends earlier but I'm glad I did it was nice to see her just made me wonder how ill feel walking into work Tuesday or Wednesday when I go back! Gota go eventually though right! I'm sorry ur day 8 isn't the best but ur doing great hang in there !! If I can do this so can you

  13. #73
    melindau is offline Member
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    Hi bg
    I can remember when I had to go back to work on my first day clean...it was very scary..I had a cleaning business I took it five minutes at a time...I would tell myself to just do one thing and when I did that I could do one more thing and before I knew it the day was over and I was so proud of myself...Im not saying it was easy but I did it.. and that is all that counts....your gonna do just fine!!! happy for you!
    Melinda

  14. #74
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks for the encouraging words about going back to work I think that is what ill have to do is take it minute by minute! I know once I'm back im back for a while because I used 70% of my vacation/sick time built up to have this time off to get through this which i hated to do but thats just a small price to pay for the large reward in the end though right ! Sick and vacation build back up each pay check so it's not like its gone forever! Hopefully the suboxone is gone forever though !! I feel pretty good about that right now
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-07-2014 at 07:38 PM.

  15. #75
    melindau is offline Member
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    I think it took me a couple days and then I told myself OMG I can do this without drugs...people even started telling me Melinda your like a new person... that was the best feeling ever!!!you got this...life is going to be good just wait your going to be very happy!!!
    Melinda
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-07-2014 at 07:58 PM. Reason: forgot somthing
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  16. #76
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Pure happiness instead of pretend "happiness" from some pills! Ahhh now that sounds nice
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-07-2014 at 09:31 PM.
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  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by bg1007 View Post
    Pure happiness instead of pretend "happiness" from some pills! Ahhh now that sounds nice
    Bg it really is true.. i see when i am around people i am much happier and not as nervous now.
    Im glad you went to your friend yesterday and had a nice time things will get better for us as time goes on.
    How are things with the boyfriend?

  18. #78
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    The boyfriend is still working crazy hours so he hasn't been around much but he did get home at 7 last night which gave us a couple hours to spend together which was good but we still have things to work on and conversations to have but right now he's trying to get through 15 hour days most days and I'm trying to get trough this so it's been rough! So we will see! Today I have my dr appt at 4 to sign off on which day I will go back to work and I'm nervous and unsure what to do! I had thought tomorow would be good but everytime I get up at 530 lately I don't feel well at all and I'm worried I won't feel well tomorow morning I can pick any day this week to go back and I'm pretty ready mentally it's physically I'm still having some symptoms linger on forever it seems! Ugh. I don't know what the best thing to do at this point is.. But today is day 15 so I'm happy about that!

  19. #79
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    Im sure once you get back to work your symptoms will subside. I think the symptoms get worse when we have lots of time on our hands and its more a mental game. I've been having terrible headaches and nothing seems to help it. Its really good that your doctor is signing off and your heading back to work, i think that will help you alot. Keeping busy is the best for me but im a stay at home and lots of times i get lazy. I think working would help me alot but wouldnt know what type of job to get.
    Let us know how the doc appt went.
    And CONGRATS on 15 days!!!!
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  20. #80
    melindau is offline Member
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    Hi BG
    I think going back to work when I got clean was the hardest thing EVER!!! LOL...but after a couple day's it got a lot easier and then it was great..no more worrying about if I had enough pills to last thru the day!and then I started kicking butt!!! it gets so much better!!!
    your going to do GREAT!!!
    so proud of you!!!
    Melinda

  21. #81
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Hey guys! I just got home from my doctor appointment and I think it went well! She was congratulating me and telling me 90 percent of people on suboxone do not get off of it successfully or voluntarily so guess what, we are pretty awesome! Also, she could tell I was all over the place about going back to work early this week. So what she did was write that I go back part time this week working 3 days then back to full time next week! She wants me to wake up tomorrow morning for work and ask myself "How do I feel and Am I ready?" and then hopefully go to work! lol this brings me great ease though because I was so stressed about HAVING to be there EVERY day all day this week unsure of how I'd handle it or feel! So I feel good knowing if I NEED to leave I can. I'm hoping to work Tuesday-Thursday then be off Friday! Doesn't sound so bad for a first week back! I am so nervous though guys as I have social anxiety in general and that on top of the added anxiety from this I am so nervous on how to respond to people and talk to people right now... I'd like to just go in and basically have no one talk to me for a couple days lol but that's not going to happen! Please pray for me and wish me luck!! We can do this guys!!!
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  22. #82
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Today is day 16 and I'm up gettin ready for work! I couldn't sleep for the life of me last night my mind wouldn't stop and nerves were going so wish me luck! Back to reality without the crutches I go!
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  23. #83
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Good for you! I think going back to work will actually help you. It will get your mind off how you feel, plus you'll see that you CAN work without being on pills/sub/etc. I'm excited for ya! You're getting your life back.

    Congrats on 16 days!
    Kat
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  24. #84
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    So my first day back to work was a little harder than I imagined to get through but just like I knew its mainly because of the stressful changes going on at my job right now that really put me to my limits. I could barely handle all of It before going through this so now it's a challenge because change is always hard but it will get better I'm sure and I hope each day gets easier too! Thank god I only back part time this week lol ..
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  25. #85
    melindau is offline Member
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    Hi bg
    WOW!!! you are a bad ass!!! happy for you making it thru your first day back to work that is a huge milestone ..you got this now...do you see what you have done!!! give yourself a BIG high five!!!
    made me smile...
    Melinda
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  26. #86
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    bg your amazing...although going back and dealing with the stresses isnt easy you survived and it will get easier everyday. GO YOU....Your doing amazing!
    16 DAYS CONGRATS!!!!

  27. #87
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you I really appreciate that because today was rough! But you're right I did it! Not only did I have to go back to a new supervisor who knows nothing about me or my struggles but were in process of getting a whole new software which changes all of our jobs and we have to go through so much training .. My old supervisor is still there we just have two now in our department and half of us who do one job have the new one and other half kept old one... Ugh! I'm sure it will be fine in time just not something I feel like dealing with right now lol.. One day at a time though!! I have Friday off and then the weekend and I found out my boyfriend has these days off too which never happens so I'm hoping we can spend some nice quality time together and I'm hoping we can talk about some things and reconnect now with a new clear head on my part! Here's to hoping for the best !!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-09-2014 at 04:08 PM.

  28. #88
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Well today is day 17 and I'm really kind of wishig I didn't come back to work early. Its a huge struggle to get here and I'm ready to leave the minute I get here .. I feel so tired and run down and like I have no idea how to get through each day.. This was easier when I was in the comfort of my own home I think the mental struggle has hit me now that I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I really hope this gets easier day by day because at this very moment I'm just feelin blah!!
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  29. #89
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Try exercise bg; it seems counter-intuitive, but I learned here to keep doing it. Once I go for a walk, or swim or anything really, I seem to have more energy for the day.

    Congratulations on Day 17!

  30. #90
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I have been exercising every day and eating healthy and taking vitamins and supplements..

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