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Day 1...here we go!
  1. #1
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Exclamation Day 1...here we go!

    Hello everyone, I will just briefly share a little of my story. I have been on subs for around 5 years with a 1.5 yr lapse in there where i took methadone. Before all of this I had about 4 years of using many other things. I have been just on subs for about 3 years now and have not wanted anything else for the most part. I moved from my home town 3 years ago to get away from everyone and thing I knew that tempted me to use. I was the victim of DV which had something to do with my lapse of 1.5 years in the middle there. I now finally feel ready to get off these subs and today is day 1 where I won't take any. I spent the last year getting down from 8 to 2 mg and the last month or so getting down to .25 mg. During the last couple weeks I have already been withdrawing from the final taper but it's been manageable. Many times throughout the years I thought I would be stuck on this forever or would never feel strong enough to try to get off it and that I would be stuck in that chapter of my life forever. Then one day i just finally had enough. While on subs still the last several months I've been dealing with depression, lack of motivation, laziness, no desire to spend time with people, and just basically going to work and that's about it. I felt especially bad on the weekends,, like I felt sick every single weekend for months. I'm not sure if it's because I slept in later and taking my dose at a different time gave side effects or if these were suboxone hangovers but I finally have had enough. I just want to feel again and want to have the desire to do things that once made me happy. Before all that though I know I have a rough road to get through after many years of this. I am almost 27 and I have not been completely clean since I was still in high school. I have never felt so ready though. Although I am scared to death of getting through the next several days and weeks and possibly months, but I have the desire and will to do whatever it takes. I have 3 weeks off work. I also have many supplements like clonodine, L-Tyrosine, Vit B complex, daily vit, EmergenC, magnesium, immodium, fish oil, potassium, etcetera! I also have a fridge full of fruits, vegetables and healthy juices and vitamin waters. I don't have many people I can talk to as I go through this, especially people who actually understand what I'm going through. I've read so many inspiring stories on here and thought maybe I could make a diary too as I go through this and maybe it will help me and someone else one day! The last 2 weeks I've been dealing with the restless limbs, yawning, sneezing, diarrhea, lack of energy and inability to sleep much and that was all during going from .75 to .25 mg. I am sure this is all going to intensify much more now that I've gone to 0 mg today Here we go... thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this or help me. I appreciate it so much.
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  2. #2
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi there. Welcome to the forum.

    You've made the most important decision of your life. I was on Sub for almost 8 years, so I understand what it's like to come off this junk after such a long time. I am 5 days clean now. Took me a long time to taper off. It's been rough, but absolutely worth it!

    Sounds like you've got a positive attitude, which is half the battle. You may experience some rough road ahead. Just keep pushing through it.

    I have to run out but will check in with you soon.

    All the best,
    Kat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-25-2014 at 11:21 AM.
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  3. #3
    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks for responding today started out not so bad but seems to be getting worse.. I just can't get comfortable no matter how I lay on my bed or couch! Last night I flushed an entire script of subs down the toilet before starting today and it was so hard after I did that I just wanted to cry I had all these emotions as crazy as it sounds it was like flushing the one thing you've had for years away! I plan for some rough days ahead but have to get through this so I begin a new chapter finally! Thanks again!! What's been the worst symptom for you? How do you get through?

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi bg....

    You definitely came to the right place. There are several people that are overcoming the battle....and everyone on here is so helpful....hang tight you will get some good advice. Just know you aren't alone.

    Restless legs seem to be the biggest bug-a-boo to anyone withdrawing off opiates. I am helping a friend, and today I went to the health food store and got some Hyland's Leg Cramps pills. They are taken under the tongue every 4 hours, or as needed. They also have a PM version that promotes sleep, but I didn't see that until I was reading the box when I got home.

    I will let you know tomorrow, if this helped my friend.

    Seems from checking around, quinine (like in tonic water) helps with restless legs. The Hyland's has a homeopathic version of quinine......it might just do the trick......or at least, lessen the irritating RLS.

    Talk to you tomorrow, and God bless.

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you! I have clonodine too which they say helps but I don't know when the heck I should take it! I get nervous taking things ive never taken before too which is crazy for all the stuff i used to take knowing it was bad for me! It's 86 degrees where I am and I'm inside in a sweatshirt and leggings but still cold! I've been through this many times years ago but not from suboxone and not by choice! I know I need to eat healthy but I really want a Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza right now even tho I feel sick I guess I still have an appetite at this moment! Lol.. Been up since 7 and feels like the longest day ever and it's only after 3... Wow. Going to be a long week!

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    I say order that pizza.....just put some veggies on also...lol

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    oh, and music helps. I stopped listening to music during my stint in the opiate world.....don't know why, because I have always done everything to music. I had music I cleaned by, music to relax, and on and on.....sooo, crank it up

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bg1007 View Post
    Thank you! I have clonodine too which they say helps but I don't know when the heck I should take it! I get nervous taking things ive never taken before too which is crazy for all the stuff i used to take knowing it was bad for me! It's 86 degrees where I am and I'm inside in a sweatshirt and leggings but still cold! I've been through this many times years ago but not from suboxone and not by choice! I know I need to eat healthy but I really want a Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza right now even tho I feel sick I guess I still have an appetite at this moment! Lol.. Been up since 7 and feels like the longest day ever and it's only after 3... Wow. Going to be a long week!
    Lol...stuffed crust pizza. Hey, whatever works! Yeah, it's best to eat healthy, but that can be difficult when going through detox. Eat whatever you can for now. You can focus on eating healthy soon enough. Just make sure to drink a lot of water and take your supplements. Exercise will make a huge difference in how you feel.

    I have Clonodine, too. It makes me horribly tired, so I don't take it during the day. My doctor prescribed 0.2 mg tablets, up to 4 times a day. There's no way I could take that amount and keep my eyes open! Last night I took a half tablet before bed. It's supposed to help with chills/sweats and anxiety.

    You asked about my worst symptoms after I jumped. For me, it's sweating, whole body aches, trouble sleeping, anxiety, etc. I've been taking 800 mg ibuprofen and hot baths for the aches. Drinking a ton of water to flush out my system. Walking every day to help endorphin production. Melatonin for sleep. Serene Theanine supplement for anxiety. Aside from that, I'm keeping busy with work and family so I don't have much time to dwell on everything. The biggest motivator is that I'm finally free. I will handle anything that comes my way because there's one way in hell I'm going back.

    You'll get through. It gets better slowly. Just keep the goal in sight: to live life free from the chains of active addiction. Post daily. We're here for ya!

    Kat

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you so much! I forced myself on my elliptical for ten minutes and it was nice to move my legs because they're so restless but it was hard. I feel emotional and like this day will never end. Something as simple as getting the wrong supplement in the mail (I got L-Lysine instead of L-tyrosine sent to me) made me want to cry! Ugh.. I would say here's to hoping tomorow is better but I already know that's a long shot .. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger right

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Awww, bless your heart. Just remember....there is always a storm before the sun......getting on the elliptical was great......actually, the L-Tyrosine made me jittery....I used it sparingly.....so maybe you'll be okay until you find it......and maybe you won't even need it.......Keep positive, my friend.

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you I hope everything is going well for you too I will have to find your thread

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    rocksolidihope is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    Lol...stuffed crust pizza. Hey, whatever works! Yeah, it's best to eat healthy, but that can be difficult when going through detox. Eat whatever you can for now. You can focus on eating healthy soon enough. Just make sure to drink a lot of water and take your supplements. Exercise will make a huge difference in how you feel.

    I have Clonodine, too. It makes me horribly tired, so I don't take it during the day. My doctor prescribed 0.2 mg tablets, up to 4 times a day. There's no way I could take that amount and keep my eyes open! Last night I took a half tablet before bed. It's supposed to help with chills/sweats and anxiety.

    You asked about my worst symptoms after I jumped. For me, it's sweating, whole body aches, trouble sleeping, anxiety, etc. I've been taking 800 mg ibuprofen and hot baths for the aches. Drinking a ton of water to flush out my system. Walking every day to help endorphin production. Melatonin for sleep. Serene Theanine supplement for anxiety. Aside from that, I'm keeping busy with work and family so I don't have much time to dwell on everything. The biggest motivator is that I'm finally free. I will handle anything that comes my way because there's one way in hell I'm going back.

    You'll get through. It gets better slowly. Just keep the goal in sight: to live life free from the chains of active addiction. Post daily. We're here for ya!

    Kat
    Hey Kat was this a Freudian slip. If so, better watch out.

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    rocksolidihope is offline New Member
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    Hey bg1007, IMHO the best thing for restless legs is exercise. Walking or using those legs, especially just before bed, helps the energy to dissipate. Also, some yoga poses that really stress those particular muscles in the legs [eg the Vajra position in Tibetan Yantra] when done to muscle exhaustion or close to it are really useful too.

    I have had to deal with RLS for decades off and on. Being low in iron causes it for a lot of people as does opiate wd. Coming off oxy's gave me the worst RLS and RArmsS I have ever had.

    As you are in the fortunate position to have 3 weeks off work make sure you hang tough and endure -- it might take a while to get another 3 weeks off. Good luck and best wishes -- one day/hour at a time my friend.

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you! I know I don't plan on taking much time off for a while once I go back... I may go back after two weeks but got three just in case.. I'm hoping I don't go crazy during this time,.. I am hopin once I get through the worst of the physical that I can really spend the remainder of what time is left (if any) to focus on my emotional health and just going back to work without my crutches ..(subs) this is all so scary and after a decade of not bein completely substance free its like learning how to live again almost! I too am trying to slowly taper off Paxil (antidepressant) as I don't want to be on any meds I'm dependent on any more.. I'm tired of being the one who doesn't feel good with out her meds or geeze even with them half the time! One day ill look back and say "wow I did it" at least that's the plan!

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rocksolidihope View Post
    Hey Kat was this a Freudian slip. If so, better watch out.
    Lol...I didn't even see that typo. Freudian slip? Nope, just typing too fast...

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    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Welcome to the forums bg1007 and congrats to you on ending your long run of sub use. I used subs myself as a tool 2 years ago to end a long run of opiate use. I was only on subs a total of 4 months and tapered down to around .18 a day then skipped days and had a fairly smooth jump. I know from spending time here on the forums for almost 2 years that its a bit harder for someone that has been on subs for long periods to jump but have seen people succeed. Hang in there as it will get better as the days pass by. Best wishes to you.

    Alex

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    rocksolidihope is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bg1007 View Post
    Thank you! I know I don't plan on taking much time off for a while once I go back... I may go back after two weeks but got three just in case.. I'm hoping I don't go crazy during this time,.. I am hopin once I get through the worst of the physical that I can really spend the remainder of what time is left (if any) to focus on my emotional health and just going back to work without my crutches ..(subs) this is all so scary and after a decade of not bein completely substance free its like learning how to live again almost! I too am trying to slowly taper off Paxil (antidepressant) as I don't want to be on any meds I'm dependent on any more.. I'm tired of being the one who doesn't feel good with out her meds or geeze even with them half the time! One day ill look back and say "wow I did it" at least that's the plan!
    Again, INHO it's better to stop or taper one drug at a time. Why not keep the Paxil dose at what it is now until you are over the worst of the subs wd? or even wait a few months for things to stabilise and then continue the Paxil taper.

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    That is what I'm planning is to keep paxil where it's at while I go through this. Today is day 2. I did get some sleep last night, about 7 hours, which I'm happy for but I do feel freezing cold and sweaty at same time with the restlessness still there .. I will see what happens as day progresses. Thanks!

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Forced myself back on the elliptical and hope to again later! Even if its not for very long it's better than nothin right!? Can't even count how many times I've sneezed since wakin up! Got some music in now while writing this hoping to push myself to go for a short walk later since its nice out again. Even tho it's only day 2, the peices I took the last two days I took any were so tiny I'm not sure how much they count but I do plan the next few days to be the worst either way as I'm counting by days I took 0. My boyfriend works crazy hours right now and my parents are hours away so I gota push myself!

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Feeling progressively worse as the day goes by.. Tried a hot back but couldn't get comfortable or stay in there long.. No energy but can't get comfortable so laying around is awful! Can't wait til the physical stuff ends.. One day. Minutes feel like hours

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey bg....

    That Hyland's Leg Cramps stuff worked pretty good. My friend said it seemed to ease that restlessness. Also, was talking to a co-worker and she said she uses Propel powder mixed in water......replaces the electrolytes, and got rid of her restless legs. Now, mind you, hers was not caused by opiate withdrawal....I don't think....lol....who knows.

    Thinking of you, and just passing along information.

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thanks for the info! I've been drinking lots of water and Gatorade and juices and eating apples and bananas.. Not sure I feel up to going to the store to get that stuff but maybe I can talk my boyfriend into it! Lol.. Been taking magnesium and potassium and stuff too. Got up and forced myself to clean a little and I did feel a little better once I got moving but that didnt last long. Now I'm goin to watch walk the line and hope that makes couple hours go by quicker!

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    It's true when everyone says day 3 starts the worst ... I slept horribly las night, woke up every hour too. The aches and pains in my body are hurting worse and I'm freezing cold also still sneezing and feel like I have a cold among other things. I hope not too many days are like this but I'm ready to get through it no matter what! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference! Anybody know what helps best if anything to stop feeling so cold?

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bg1007 View Post
    It's true when everyone says day 3 starts the worst ... I slept horribly las night, woke up every hour too. The aches and pains in my body are hurting worse and I'm freezing cold also still sneezing and feel like I have a cold among other things. I hope not too many days are like this but I'm ready to get through it no matter what! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference! Anybody know what helps best if anything to stop feeling so cold?
    I'm sorry you're feeling like ****. My jump has been rough, too. All the same symptoms plus major anxiety. Try to keep in mind that this shall pass. I know that doesn't help in the moment. This is the price we pay for abusing our body and mind for so long. There's not really anything that will alleviate the cold chills for good. The only thing I know of that helps temporarily is hot baths. Don't know if you've been doing that, but it actually works really well. A lot of people say that they spend almost their entire detox in a hot bath! It also helps with the aches.

    I hope you start to feel better soon.
    Kat

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Hey kat! I'm sorry your jump has been rough too! I did try the bath twice but I can't seem to get comfortable in there or stay in there long because of it and with just my luck our complex pool and hot tub are down until Saturday! I even walked over there earlier to find this out.. At least I walked right ? I also sat on my balcony and read half a book because I was feeling so trapped inside my apartment.. I have some emotions coming and going and reading the book outside just helped alot I can't even remember the last time I took time to read a book and I used to love reading. So that was nice. So far I've managed to force myself on the elliptical ten min a day and its a struggle to make it through the ten min I am so glad when it's over lol. I felt weird while walking like I was in a different world! Hard to explain that. I read alot of your thread and wish I would have joined during my long taper too like you did, you're inspiring! . As horrible as this has been it is up and down and I believe the taper helped alot. Cant wait until Saturday I have a therapist appointment and I could use one about now! Me and my boyfriend aren't getting along the greatest last few weeks which isn't helping my emotional state through this because I need him now more than ever. I understand its hard for non addicts to really understand this but I just need some compassion and understanding right no more than ever!y Withdrawal is a lonely feeling and I understand the need they talk about to have support. Do you do the na meetings ? I worry I will meet someone there who will know how to get stuff and one thing I love about living here is not knowing anyone and I would like to keep it that way!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-27-2014 at 06:02 PM.

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    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    bg....

    I just wanna point out......you 'walked' to the pool area. You made the effort. You sat outside and 'read' a book......you said you don't remember the last time you did that. Honey, that is progress!!!!!!! You are making your way back.....I know it's hard, but you are doing great! Okay, just wanted to say that.
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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bg1007 View Post
    Hey kat! I'm sorry your jump has been rough too! I did try the bath twice but I can't seem to get comfortable in there or stay in there long because of it and with just my luck our complex pool and hot tub are down until Saturday! I even walked over there earlier to find this out.. At least I walked right ? I also sat on my balcony and read half a book because I was feeling so trapped inside my apartment.. I have some emotions coming and going and reading the book outside just helped alot I can't even remember the last time I took time to read a book and I used to love reading. So that was nice. So far I've managed to force myself on the elliptical ten min a day and its a struggle to make it through the ten min I am so glad when it's over lol. I felt weird while walking like I was in a different world! Hard to explain that. I read alot of your thread and wish I would have joined during my long taper too like you did, you're inspiring! . As horrible as this has been it is up and down and I believe the taper helped alot. Cant wait until Saturday I have a therapist appointment and I could use one about now! Me and my boyfriend aren't getting along the greatest last few weeks which isn't helping my emotional state through this because I need him now more than ever. I understand its hard for non addicts to really understand this but I just need some compassion and understanding right no more than ever!y Withdrawal is a lonely feeling and I understand the need they talk about to have support. Do you do the na meetings ? I worry I will meet someone there who will know how to get stuff and one thing I love about living here is not knowing anyone and I would like to keep it that way!
    So glad that you were able to find a little peace while outside reading. Being outdoors when we feel awful during a detox is one of the best things we can do! Being cooped up in the house makes everything worse. There's something about being outside in the fresh air when it's nice and sunny. It tends to change our mood and perspective. Sometimes it's hard to drag ourselves out when we're feeling icky, but it always pays off.

    Thanks for the kinds words, I appreciate that a lot. I'm sorry you and your boyfriend are having problems. Yep, it's really hard for non-addicts to understand and have empathy. Tell him that you know that it's hard for him to understand and that you will be forever grateful for his support right now.

    Yes, I go to meetings. I prefer AA meetings over NA. There seems to be a lot more people at AA with longer sobriety. Plus, NA tends to have many more young people in their early 20s who aren't necessarily serious about recovery or don't want to be there at all but are court ordered to go. AA tends to have older folks (30s, 40s, 50s, etc) who are dedicated to recovery and have heaps of wisdom and guidance. I can't tell you how comforting it is to be around people who "get it" and can help me find my path to long term recovery. There's no difference between AA and NA as far as the core aspects of the program. Both follow the exact same 12 step format and structure. Also, my favorite meetings are women's meetings. They're awesome! Don't worry about possibly running into someone at a meeting who "might" have access to pills. It's less likely to happen at an AA meeting. Plus, if that were to happen (which I doubt it would), just tell them to get lost!! You have to put effort into your recovery. Turning down an offer of pills would not only be liberating, but would also reflect how dedicated you are.

    Talk to you soon. Have a good Wed.
    Kat
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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    Thank you I think I will see if I can find any women's meetings in my area as that sounds like something I might feel more comfortable with! I got my therapist appt moved to tomorow instead of Saturday because I need some interaction! Hopeful I wake up feeling half way decent to drag myself there. Luckily it's only couple blocks away. I figured it would do me some good. Helps when you like your therapist too. And yes getting out in the sun really does help. Proud I pushed myself today a few times and it really does help. Here's hoping tomorow is not worse as I hear some people say their withdrawal didnt peak until day 4 or 5. Tomorow is day 4 for me and I'm ready to do whatever it takes. You guys are helpful right now thanks so much!!

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    bg1007 is offline Member
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    I slept ok last night still woke up few times throughout the night but today I've reached the stage where it feels like hard work to do anything.. Took everything I had to get up and shower. Feels like my body weighs a million pounds right now! Everything feels like such a big task.. Still restless limbs and hot/cold flashes, sneezes etcetera but right now the pure drained out feeling is outweighing that. Just gotta keep pushing though! Today before showering I went to grab my sub automatically without thinking then remembered oh yeah.. That's not part of my routine anymore. It was weird. Been part of my routine so long will def take time to readjust.

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