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Day 10, jumped from 4 mg still in rough shape
  1. #1
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Default Day 10, jumped from 4 mg still in rough shape

    Please don’t lecture me about tapering. If I could have, I would have. For 7 days I couldn’t function, wanted to die. For the past 3 I’ve been out of bed and I even jogged 1 mile yesterday to feel better. However I still can’t sleep and have chills and serious leg ache. Had been on 8 mg for a year, tapered down to 4 over two weeks. Jumped 10 days ago. Has anyone jumped from this high who can tell me when my legs might feel ok, or when I might get energy, or stop sneezing and yawning?

  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Welcome to the forum! No lectures, no judgements. 4 mg is a very hefty dose of subs to jump from. I'm not saying by any means that you can't do this. Just a ball park I'd say you've got at least a week or two of feeling off. I jumped from 1mg and my rls lasted around 2 weeks, sleep and lack of energy are the last things to balance out. I still sneeze every day also. Sorry about that. The thing with subs is it is sllllloooowwwww. Some days you don't feel like you're making any progress at all. Have you looked into the Thomas Recipe for opiate withdrawal? Minus the. Benzos unless you are already taking them under doctor supervision.

    Keeping a positive mindset is very important in this process. This site is amazing and all the people on here will help you on your journey. Post as much or as often as you need to. Get it all out. We are here to listen and support you. I can tell you that clean is way better than being handcuffed by the subs. Keep your head up and know that this is only temporary. It gets better, I promise!!!

    Stay strong
    Beef

  3. #3
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
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    Everyone is different. 4mgs is pretty high to jump from, but if you're determined to do this....it is possible. Even at 10 days, you're still in the early stages as Sub has a long half life. No lecture here because I didn't taper down as much as I should have either and went through a pretty lengthy withdrawal period. Everyone is different though and some manage to do okay, while others have a more difficult time when not tapering to the lowest possible dose. If you ever do decide to do a proper taper, you should read Roberts taper plan. Many have had great success with this. Either way, keep your eye on the ball and know that it does get better. You've already taken a big step and should be proud of that.

  4. #4
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks man. When I tapered before it was so easy, but I was also only on subs for 1 month. Was kicking 300 mg oxy habit though. I think I’m too far along to go back now, even though my dealer is back. I deleted my messaging app! I’m committed now, back to meetings last night and doing Thomas recipe minus benzos. To be clear I had 20 clonidine which I used over first 5 days (blood pressure med) and I would not have made it without them.

  5. #5
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Well, just as I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, some symptoms have vanished! Within a few hours of my post the leg pain and feeling freezing lifted at Day 10! I still have severe insomnia and no energy, but I forced myself to go to an event last night and that made me feel much better. Thanks to everyone who has posted that staying in bed is the worst thing to do once acute WD is over. I am at work this morning with 11 days and aside from my leg bouncing like crazy, still sneezing and yawning all the time, I actually feel like a human being. I’ve been saying the 3rd, 7th step and serenity prayer 50 times a day, eating well, lots of water, B12, multi vitamin, L-Tyrosine. I’m so glad that I am free again!

  6. #6
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Proud of you! The sneezing will end! Lol

  7. #7
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    I still sneeze everyday. Lol. Sorry. But it's still way better than where I was. The supplements definately helped me get back to thinking clearly and motor skills. It takes a while to shed that lead suit. But it's all normal and we didn't get here in a day. So it's gonna take some time to get healthy. You're doing great. Just keep reminding yourself of why you're doing this in the first place. Hot baths/showers, Epson salt, heating pads help with rls. Just keep a positive outlook. you're doing this and killing the beast. Proud of you!!

    Beef
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  8. #8
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Damn this has been a rough journey. Have never had such a brutal detox. Day 18 now. I’m up and down. Some days are ok and others are far from it. In my mind I would be Golden by day 10 (as I always have been before) but I realize that I seriously messed up my brain’s reward functions this time. I really wish I could have done the slow taper. I’ve been exercising, eating right, going to a lot of meetings but the progress has been really slow. 1.5 steps forward, 1 step back. I’ve never felt both depressed and anxious at the same time before. Almost relapsed yesterday. Had the subs ordered and didn’t get them. Ran 2 miles instead, took a hot bath. Not sure how I’m going to hold on.
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  9. #9
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Drop, Congratulations on Day 18 clean...

    Yes brutal this journey is but I can promise you that life clean is wonderful.
    Good for you not going back to the subs as you know that's not the answer my friend. But the Mental part of this journey is formidable. Your doing all the right things hang in there as you gain clean time it will get easier and easier and one day you will just be going about your new life.... keep reading and posting as it helps..
    We are all here to support you..
    Droppinthepoppy likes this.

  10. #10
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Lvg! At 10 am I felt horrible at 2 pm I feel halfway decent. I’m just telling myself all the time: “pick up and you are back at square one, stay clean and the path will bring you to freedom...some day!” As an addict, some day is not quite concrete enough for me during some moments of mental pain.

  11. #11
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Drop, yes this addict understands. I whined and complained on this forum forever it's what got me through in the beginning of my journey. Just keep active keep moving forward. I didn't think it would ever end I felt broken I felt so defeated but I keep doing the next right thing til one day I was just Living...it takes time my friend we didn't get here in one day.. keep making meetings, keep reaching out, you are doing amazing. Keep posting it helps...

  12. #12
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey poppy. It's a rough journey for sure. And it's so gradual and slllllooooowwwww that a lot of rtimes we feel like we're spinning our wheels and not making any progress at all. But it does get better with time. For me I felt the acute w/d for about a month. With them slowly getting better each day. There were a few days in there where it felt like I went backwards and went back to day 11-12. But it is only temporary. Keep your head up and know that a major part of this journey is mental. You're not dying, I know that sometimes It feels like it but you will get there. Moving around helps dramatically!!! Sitting on the couch watching the clock will drive you insane. Wall around the house, grab the mail, do some jumping jacks, anything and everything helps. I know it feels like you're wearing a lead suit right now but it will pass.

    The slow brain thing. I know it well. I would say take an amino acid. I know it helped lift the fog and help me think more clearly, and experience joy and not ba as numb. I took dl-phenylalanine, and I know others listed l-tyrosine, and l-theanine. I know they help to repair the neurotransmitters in the brain that get damaged with years of opiate addiction. They definately helped me. Not right away, but just like everything in this process it is slow.

    You're doing great!!! 18 days is a huge accomplishment!!! Stay the course, it gets so much better!!! Looking back to where I was when I stumbled here scared and confused as to why these w/d were lasting longer than the pretty picture I found online that said I'd be fine after a week and then some depression and anxiety for another week then I'd be good. Hogwash!! It's a brutal, grueling ,rewarding rollercoaster for sure and definately the toughest thing I've ever done. But it is so worth it. Keep posting. Get it all out. So proud of you!!!

    Keep doing the next right thing
    Beef

  13. #13
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Default Hanging on!

    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Hey poppy. It's a rough journey for sure. And it's so gradual and slllllooooowwwww that a lot of rtimes we feel like we're spinning our wheels and not making any progress at all. But it does get better with time. For me I felt the acute w/d for about a month. With them slowly getting better each day. There were a few days in there where it felt like I went backwards and went back to day 11-12. But it is only temporary. Keep your head up and know that a major part of this journey is mental. You're not dying, I know that sometimes It feels like it but you will get there. Moving around helps dramatically!!! Sitting on the couch watching the clock will drive you insane. Wall around the house, grab the mail, do some jumping jacks, anything and everything helps. I know it feels like you're wearing a lead suit right now but it will pass.

    The slow brain thing. I know it well. I would say take an amino acid. I know it helped lift the fog and help me think more clearly, and experience joy and not ba as numb. I took dl-phenylalanine, and I know others listed l-tyrosine, and l-theanine. I know they help to repair the neurotransmitters in the brain that get damaged with years of opiate addiction. They definately helped me. Not right away, but just like everything in this process it is slow.

    You're doing great!!! 18 days is a huge accomplishment!!! Stay the course, it gets so much better!!! Looking back to where I was when I stumbled here scared and confused as to why these w/d were lasting longer than the pretty picture I found online that said I'd be fine after a week and then some depression and anxiety for another week then I'd be good. Hogwash!! It's a brutal, grueling ,rewarding rollercoaster for sure and definately the toughest thing I've ever done. But it is so worth it. Keep posting. Get it all out. So proud of you!!!

    Keep doing the next right thing
    Beef
    Thank you so much Lvg and Beef. I really needed to read that. It is the breakthrough of feeling better for a few hours followed by what feels like a big move backwards that is getting me down. The backslides make me immobile and that is the worst thing. I’m working 7:30 am to 4:30 Monday - Friday and barely accomplish anything. As I’m paid to think it is rough, cause I can’t! Wish I was roofing or working demolition. I’m getting through Day 18 because of you guys. Maybe tomorrow, or moments of tomorrow will be better. I read Mings entire thread at work today and that helped. Damn did she stick and stay.
    UncleLeo, Leah987, Randy35 and 1 others like this.

  14. #14
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Yup she's over two Years clean.. it works.. hang in..

    Did I say I was Proud of You..

  15. #15
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Oh yeah, all those long threads, read all of em. What else can I do at night when I couldn't sleep. Stare at a ceiling for 7 hours. No thank you!! Uncleleo is another good one, and you can't go wrong with lvg also.

    Those backpedals they happen. For me it was around 3 weeks or so. And I woke up with crushing depression and near full blown symptoms. It was horrible. I had to go into the office and I started to cry my eyes out. It was so deflating. So I got on my thread and started whining and crying. But of course they all told me it was normal and it will pass. I swear, lvg told me that so many times it has been permanently tattooed in my brain. I would not be here without this place. Of that I am 100% certain. It can be done. And you are doing it. When you need a boost look back to the start of your thread and remember how you felt when you stumbled in here. It always made me feel instantly better. Keep your head up!!! You are so close!!!

    Keep on keepin' on!!
    Beef

  16. #16
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Went to the best AA meeting last night - everyone who spoke was a recovering opiate addict. I felt a lot of hope afterwards. Am meeting someone from that meeting at an addiction meditation tomorrow night in Cambridge MA. I have to say that today is much better than yesterday. I feel 65 years old and 300 pounds rather than 100 yrs old and 500 pounds. That is progress. Just 18 years and 130 pounds until I have myself back.

  17. #17
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Droppinthepoppy View Post
    Thank you so much Lvg and Beef. I really needed to read that. It is the breakthrough of feeling better for a few hours followed by what feels like a big move backwards that is getting me down. The backslides make me immobile and that is the worst thing. I’m working 7:30 am to 4:30 Monday - Friday and barely accomplish anything. As I’m paid to think it is rough, cause I can’t! Wish I was roofing or working demolition. I’m getting through Day 18 because of you guys. Maybe tomorrow, or moments of tomorrow will be better. I read Mings entire thread at work today and that helped. Damn did she stick and stay.

    Nice work! Read all the threads you can for inspiration, especially the longer ones as they often contain the members entire journey. I have the utmost respect for Ming as she wanted it more than anything and nothing stopped her from achieving her goal. If you want to read another loooonger thread you may want to take a peek at mine. Here's the link to it below.....

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/need-tal...ump-65786.html

    I went from one scared addict to now going on 4 years clean. I went from Methadone to Suboxone and now have a life worth living. Check it out if you have the time...it's worth it in my opinion.

    Randy

  18. #18
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Randy! Will read this as soon as work slows down. Can’t wait to read the beginning of your story as I’ve seen a lot of your posts well into recovery!

  19. #19
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Things are much better today. Everyone at work has been telling me that I look better after my three week “food poisoning”. Since I lost about 16 pounds during my acute withdrawal it was a believable excuse. I’ve gained about 9 back and can honestly say I’m back to 80%. Energy is bad but better, restless leg much better, not cold all the time, still sneezing and yawning (not a big deal), still feel like my nerves are exposed a bit, less depression, less anxiety, haven’t considered using since Sunday. Day 20 is a good one! I can’t believe I almost gave in on day 17, just before relief was in sight!

  20. #20
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Droppinthepoppy View Post
    Things are much better today. Everyone at work has been telling me that I look better after my three week “food poisoning”. Since I lost about 16 pounds during my acute withdrawal it was a believable excuse. I’ve gained about 9 back and can honestly say I’m back to 80%. Energy is bad but better, restless leg much better, not cold all the time, still sneezing and yawning (not a big deal), still feel like my nerves are exposed a bit, less depression, less anxiety, haven’t considered using since Sunday. Day 20 is a good one! I can’t believe I almost gave in on day 17, just before relief was in sight!

    Awesome update!

    You want to read another long thread then Please read UncleLeo's thread. This guy went through hell and back and came out clean after some gut wrenching stuff, and displayed some willpower and determination that few of us have. Here's the link below to UncleLeo's Thread....

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/suboxone...wer-69249.html

    Randy

  21. #21
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Got to read a bunch of Randy’s thread yesterday, was amazing. I’m at about day 120 if his sobriety story! Went to my first Refuge Recovery meeting last night and really loved it. Buddhism focused method of staying clean. I plan to use it as an add-on to A.A. Meditation has been a huge part of sobriety for me in the past with my old sponsor passing on an excellent Vipassana meditation practice. I felt comfortable in my body during the whole meditation and it was amazing to hear everyone speak afterwards. I absolutely loved the Sangha and look forward to going every week. I woke up at 6 am today and did a 10 minute meditation to start the day!

    Saturday I’m going to resume my love of flying. My friend and I rented a small plane to fly to Martha’s Vineyard and I’m going to practice some landings. Haven’t been able to do that in 6 months because of the obvious reasons. Hopefully I enjoy it sober!

  22. #22
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    Poppy - the end of your post made me really laugh out loud to myself.

    Of all the crazy/funny/ridiculous things we've all done here either on the opiates or while recovering and limping through...practicing landing an airplane on Martha's Vineyard...ha. I think that's a new one!!

  23. #23
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by UncleLeo View Post
    Poppy - the end of your post made me really laugh out loud to myself.

    Of all the crazy/funny/ridiculous things we've all done here either on the opiates or while recovering and limping through...practicing landing an airplane on Martha's Vineyard...ha. I think that's a new one!!
    Man, it was the best I’ve felt in sobriety! Never landed on a grass strip before, it is really cool. Didn’t feel like I had any addiction issues from 9 am to noon! Nothing like piloting a small aircraft over water to stay in the moment. Day 23 for me today and I realize that I’ve been benchmarking my “normal” to my opiate addicted self. Relative to feeling high I don’t feel 100%, but relative to experiencing life as it actually is, I’m pretty damn close. Forgot that I struggle with anxiety in sobriety. Exercise, hot baths, listening to music, meditation, meetings, work have all been a lifesaver. If I’d known it would take over three weeks to get relief I might have stayed active. Thank god I stuck it out as 23 days is nothing when compared to my entire life. I retired from a hedge fund at 43 and with no purpose I was quickly on a path to death. Money didn’t make me happy - just another drug that we think more of will finally make us feel just right. True up to about a certain amount, but that amount is much lower than you might think. The greatest wealth is contentment.

  24. #24
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Great update!! Glad you had a good time. The drugs definately numb us to everything. It's only now we see that. Congratulations on 23 days!!! It only gets better from here!! Have a great evening poppy!!

    Beef
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  25. #25
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Day 25! Still yawning and sneezing. Anyone with longer clean time able to tell me when it went away for them? Physical anxiety is still my most annoying symptom. Also still have some low energy periods on and off throughout the day, but a lot better than a week ago.
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  26. #26
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Lol. I still yawn and sneeze multiple times a day, I'm 2.5 months in. It's all normal. It gets better. Right around a month I was sneezing a few times every hour. But just like everything in this process it will take time and get better slowly. Same thing with the lead suit. You will eventually shed it. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are doing an amazing job!!! Stay active, get out there, move around it will make you feel better and the more you move around the better you feel!! Anxiety comes and goes. I did some meditation exercises and they seem to help. Stay the course my friend, it only keeps getting better!!

    Beef
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  27. #27
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    28 days today. Honestly I’m much better. For many hours a day I forget that my body is in early recovery. The most important change is the lead suit (thanks for teaching me that term Beef). It is an aluminum foil one most of the time. Still yawning a lot, still have the Suboxone Sneezes, went from three weeks of being freezing cold all the time to now sweating through my sheets every night for the past 5. Those are pretty mild symptoms to be under a month away from the all-powerful beast. My brain is starting work again; it is producing endorphins again! I watched an old Bill Burr comedy special and was laughing and smiling and feeling good through the whole thing last night. Weekends are still tough a bit tough given the free time but going to meetings helps a lot. Getting a sponsor this weekend.
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  28. #28
    Droppinthepoppy is offline Junior Member
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    Default First Weekend I could handle

    Day 32 now, and this weekend was actually enjoyable. I had been struggling with the free time but this one was much easier. The incredible feeling of being tired (unmotivated) has pretty much disappeared. I do have short bouts of anxiety (physical feeling of being uncomfortable in my body) but it passes if I workout/go for a walk/focus on someone else. It might last two hours a day but the other hours are basically normal! I sleep from 9 pm until 6 am every night now, so any insomnia is gone now. The muscle aches (especially legs) are a distant memory. Although at the start 30+ days seemed like an impossibility, it can be done! For full disclosure this is what I'm doing to stay clean:

    4+ 12 step meetings a week
    Meditating every day now (10-20 minutes per day)
    Exercising 3-4 times per week for 20 minutes
    Praying 10 times a day (just quick serenity prayer, 3rd step prayer) as needed

    Wishing everyone an easier day today.
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  29. #29
    zebra1961 is offline Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-12-2017 at 02:26 PM.
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  30. #30
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Great update poppy. Glad things are stabilizing for you. And solid sleep too!!! Congratulations!! It only gets better!! Keep on doing what you're doing!! So proud of you!

    Beef

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