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Do i need to go through this process again?
  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    Hi Michele,

    Good to hear you're making another drop. A 25% drop from 6 mg is 4.5 mg (not 4 mg). It definitely makes a difference. Dropping more than 25% at a time will likely bring on symptoms. Don't rush it.

    Hope you have a nice sat!
    Kat
    Kat don't know what I would do without you....clearly math ain't my thing!
    Have a great day!
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  2. #62
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    Happy fathers day to all!

    Kat you prob would know is.....so I feel great other than my stomach....since my last drop I've been having stomach issues and constantly in the bathroom... Can it be because of the drop?

    Also how many times a day do you take your vitamins?

    Hope your enjoying your weekend

  3. #63
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    last night was a rough one which is giving me thoughts of the evil Percocet....but i just quickly this am took my 2 mg dose and another 1/4 of one. I'm thinking i may need to up my dose to 5 mg. Because i am not stable on the 4.5 mg. i was sweating all night and have the runs. not sure if that means that I'm not stable at my dose but i never felt that when i dropped before. like now i am cold but all night i was sweating. Let me know your thoughts on this.
    thanks
    michele

  4. #64
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    last night was a rough one which is giving me thoughts of the evil Percocet....but i just quickly this am took my 2 mg dose and another 1/4 of one. I'm thinking i may need to up my dose to 5 mg. Because i am not stable on the 4.5 mg. i was sweating all night and have the runs. not sure if that means that I'm not stable at my dose but i never felt that when i dropped before. like now i am cold but all night i was sweating. Let me know your thoughts on this.
    thanks
    michele
    Hey Michele,

    Today is day 3 at 4.5 mg, right? Sub has up to a 72-hour half-life, so sometimes minor symptoms may crop up on days 3 & 4 of a taper. Unless it persists and becomes a problem, you should probably stay at 4.5 mg. Having said that, this is your taper. If you feel that you really need to be at 5 mg instead, that's ok.

    I've been having lots of cravings lately, too. Ugh. I find myself romanticizing the pills sometimes. Gotta stop that. There's a 7 pm meeting tonight that I hope to make if hubby gets home in time.

    How was your weekend? Ours was nice. We had a BBQ at my parent's new house. The weather was absolutely gorgeous yesterday!

    Kat

  5. #65
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    Hey Kat
    So nice to hear from you....i feel like its been a while.
    today i'm a bit better and in the am i took the 2.5 mg and figured at pm i would see your reply and take just 2 mg or if i really need 2.5 again.
    Its almost 3 pm so my next dose is in a hour. I have been feeling good but defiantly jittery and anxious.
    This am i was starting to read your journey....its amazing really how far you've come and how helpful you are to others. It's really amazing that your here to help people you don't even know.
    Its funny bc everytime i crave those stupid things i remember towards the end how nervous and crazy they made me. I would obsess over these stupid small pills and they ran my life. Honestly they really didnt make me feel good at the end. i was so addicted and used to it that my body had no reaction.
    I know i can do this bc i want to so badly i think abt taking one and its honestly just not worth it.
    why waste this past month how i have come so far....i cant throw it away and i am happy with who i am now.
    Thanks kat for your help
    michele
    oh and just let me know abt the vitamins

  6. #66
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    Hey hope you get to make it to the meeting tonite.
    Just wanted to know how often do you go?
    i need to start going more and maybe that will help as well.

  7. #67
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    Hi! Idk if I've talked to you on here before or not? I recently weaned off and your symptoms sound exactly like mine. I know I was constantly on edge for the first couple of drops worrying about if the taper is going properly or not. You will come to see that you almost adjust to feeling sweaty, and chilly here and there and just like with anything else with your body you kind of get used to it and you'll notice you forget more and more about the symptoms. At the beginning your just so focused on how you feel I know . Just waiting for the "bomb to drop" so to speak. For anxiety I hear good things about passion flower. I ordered some on amazon to try it out. I will keep you posted when it gets here.

    Congrats for putting yourself through this in general...if you makes you feel any better my symptoms were strongest at the beginning of the taper, but once I jumped I realized it was easier then when I was tapering. That's the beauty of the taper, your body does adjust at some point so by the time your finished and you jump off, your almost like wow really? That's it? Because for the past few weeks you've been there done that. So the jump for me was less painless then my taper at times. So it does get better One peice of advice that helped me out, was try not to focus so much on tomorrow. Just focus on making it through today because tomorrow you might wake up and realize you were worried about nothing and just wasted today stressing. So try to stay in the moment and occupy yourself min by min if need be. Your doing awesome so far! Hang in there!
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  8. #68
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    Hey Gettinitoverwith
    Wow congrats to you!!! That's awesome that you made the jump successfully, I love getting advice from ya'll so nice to have people to turn to while going through this.
    I am not as much worried about Tom as today... I do think of the future but I had so much anxiety when I was abusing that I honestly don't even want to go back there, but I do remember the beginning when I started using and how great I felt.
    My anxiety level is so much less now when I'm on the sub that I am so much happier. Yes I defiantly have my moments but I just keep thinking how much better off I am and my family.
    How long we're you on subs for?
    I love hearing everyone's stories..I'm gonna go and read your previous posts to get a idea.
    Have a good night
    Michele

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey Kat
    So nice to hear from you....i feel like its been a while.
    today i'm a bit better and in the am i took the 2.5 mg and figured at pm i would see your reply and take just 2 mg or if i really need 2.5 again.
    Its almost 3 pm so my next dose is in a hour. I have been feeling good but defiantly jittery and anxious.
    This am i was starting to read your journey....its amazing really how far you've come and how helpful you are to others. It's really amazing that your here to help people you don't even know.
    Its funny bc everytime i crave those stupid things i remember towards the end how nervous and crazy they made me. I would obsess over these stupid small pills and they ran my life. Honestly they really didnt make me feel good at the end. i was so addicted and used to it that my body had no reaction.
    I know i can do this bc i want to so badly i think abt taking one and its honestly just not worth it.
    why waste this past month how i have come so far....i cant throw it away and i am happy with who i am now.
    Thanks kat for your help
    michele
    oh and just let me know abt the vitamins
    That was sweet, thanks for saying that. I like to try to help as much as I can because I remember how lost and scared I was when I first came here. I was lucky to have so many supportive people come to my aid, so I try to do the same.

    About the vitamins: Once a day I take my multivitamin, B-100 Complex, magnesium, potassium, and zinc. I also take fish oil and phosphatidylserine 2-3 times a day.

    I usually make 3 meetings a week. I would go more if I had the time. I can honestly say that getting involved with a 12-step program has made a huge difference for me. The common bond and support system is priceless. I've made some really good friends, too. I think I said this before -- women's meetings are my favorite. You should really get involved. Ya never know, it could end up being just what you need! What area are you located in, if you don't mind me asking?

    It's so awesome to hear that you're feeling better about yourself now. I hear ya, me too. One relapse would change all that and we'd be right back at square one. It's strange because one day I'll have minimal cravings, and the next day it will consume my every thought. Sometimes I get so tired of actively "fighting" this beast, but the alternative is way worse. I know what you mean about not even getting the euphoria in the end. I used to have to swallow at least 6-7 pills at a time to even get a slight buzz. Ugh, how awful.

    Anyway, I better run. Got some work to finish before my son wakes up from his nap. Talk soon.
    Kat

    PS - I noticed you said you started to read through my thread. You're probably wondering why in the hell my taper is taking so long..lol. I had a few "detours" along the way...story for another time...
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-16-2014 at 06:20 PM.

  10. #70
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    Hey Kat I'm from ny and defiantly can go to way more meetings than I have been going to. I know they would be helpful to me but I am just scared to go because none of my family or friends know abt my addiction. My husband doesn't even know which is defiantly hard because he is the one who started me on those damn things.
    I used to steal from his stash till I got my own.
    Now he hides it from me and I don't even care to look or make my life abt that.

    It liberates you when divorce those damn things!
    I'm feeling much better today than past few days wondering if its ok to split my doses to 2.5mg in am and 2 in pm.

    As far as the vitamins I was taking the magnesium and potassium twice a day is that too much?
    I don't take zinc I gotta start and is the phosphatidylserine the ltrysione?

  11. #71
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey Kat I'm from ny and defiantly can go to way more meetings than I have been going to. I know they would be helpful to me but I am just scared to go because none of my family or friends know abt my addiction. My husband doesn't even know which is defiantly hard because he is the one who started me on those damn things.
    I used to steal from his stash till I got my own.
    Now he hides it from me and I don't even care to look or make my life abt that.

    It liberates you when divorce those damn things!
    I'm feeling much better today than past few days wondering if its ok to split my doses to 2.5mg in am and 2 in pm.

    As far as the vitamins I was taking the magnesium and potassium twice a day is that too much?
    I don't take zinc I gotta start and is the phosphatidylserine the ltrysione?
    Does hubby have a problem with opiates, too? Are you afraid to tell him because you fear he'll be angry? I know how hard it is to come clean with family and friends. I don't think it's necessary to shout about our addiction from the rooftops - lol - but being honest with those closest to us is liberating. It keeps us accountable. I had my addiction hidden from everyone except my husband. I told my best friend (we met at 8 yrs old) and two older sisters. My friend always knew something was up, but my sisters had no idea. All of them, including hubby, are totally supportive. Even though hubby has moments of frustration, he stands by me. What's holding you back from telling your husband?

    I take 500 mg magnesium (2 capsules) and 300 mg potassium (3 capsules). Of course, they're both in my multivitamin, too. But since potassium is only available in 99 mg tablets - which is only 3% recommended daily value - I try to drink pure coconut water every day. I get it at Trader Joes or Fresh & Easy .. it's a big bottle.. about 42 oz I think. It has a boatload of potassium in it and tastes great. Phosphatidylserine is for brain health, cortisol levels and focus...not the same as L-Tyrosine.

    Glad to hear you're feeling better. Sleep well. :-)
    Kat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-17-2014 at 12:00 AM.

  12. #72
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    Good morning!!
    So telling my husband would just cause many complications...no he doesnt have a problem at all with them. As he always says to me is i have very addictive behavior. He on the other hand can take one or a half on the weekend and really not take anymore for the week. He has boundaries and decipline. That i am 100 percent positive about.

    gotta go on a class trip with my daughters class and then ill go get some of the phoshatidylserine you mentioned. i cant find a gnc anywhere these days. does trader joes have any of those vitmamins.
    love that place!

    i have also been keeping busy with this new skincare line i started using and became a consultant so trying to give that a shot.

    have a great day!
    michele

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    Kat
    sorry it was very early before and now just finished my workout and showered, kids still sleeping so i have a min.
    Its awesome you have such a strong support system in this. I guess thats what you need, but you i assume were perscribed this medication as to where i wasn't most of it.
    meetings im sure would help me just really hard to find time.
    have a great day!

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    Michele I had not been online recently and see where you were having some symptoms at 4.5 but it looks like from your recent post that you were feeling a bit better today. I think I already mentioned to you that I never felt any of my drops but in the last 18 months I have spent many many hours reading threads on this site. I have noticed a lot of people sometimes say that they don't feel a drop until day 3 of the drop. So it is not that uncommon of a thing. Here is another thing to try to remember while you are tapering. People that don't use any sort of drugs at all don't feel 100% 365 days a year. I have been clean 18 months now yesterday and there are days where I don't feel fine. So while we are tapering we tend to think everything is related to our taper. Also when we are tapering we sometimes hit what I call little roadblocks along the way. Sometimes when tapering a person may need an extra day or 2 at a dose to be completely stable. While I was tapering and it was time to do a drop of 25% and it was in between a weird % drop I always took the higher number on my drop. I made sure I never dropped more then 25% on my drop. So some of my drops might have been less then 25% but they were close to it. I noticed you wondered if it was ok to split your dose 2.5 and 2.That should be fine to do just try to dose at the same time or close to it every day. You are doing well with your taper Michele seeing how you just stated subs 4 weeks ago and have gone from 22 mg a day to 4.5 a day. Also the fact that your Dr I believe put you into PWD and you had a rocky start. Best wishes to you and I will talk to you later.

    Alex

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexnt View Post
    Michele I had not been online recently and see where you were having some symptoms at 4.5 but it looks like from your recent post that you were feeling a bit better today. I think I already mentioned to you that I never felt any of my drops but in the last 18 months I have spent many many hours reading threads on this site. I have noticed a lot of people sometimes say that they don't feel a drop until day 3 of the drop. So it is not that uncommon of a thing. Here is another thing to try to remember while you are tapering. People that don't use any sort of drugs at all don't feel 100% 365 days a year. I have been clean 18 months now yesterday and there are days where I don't feel fine. So while we are tapering we tend to think everything is related to our taper. Also when we are tapering we sometimes hit what I call little roadblocks along the way. Sometimes when tapering a person may need an extra day or 2 at a dose to be completely stable. While I was tapering and it was time to do a drop of 25% and it was in between a weird % drop I always took the higher number on my drop. I made sure I never dropped more then 25% on my drop. So some of my drops might have been less then 25% but they were close to it. I noticed you wondered if it was ok to split your dose 2.5 and 2.That should be fine to do just try to dose at the same time or close to it every day. You are doing well with your taper Michele seeing how you just stated subs 4 weeks ago and have gone from 22 mg a day to 4.5 a day. Also the fact that your Dr I believe put you into PWD and you had a rocky start. Best wishes to you and I will talk to you later.

    Alex
    Good morning Alex,
    Hope you've been well and had a great fathers day!
    I cant get over how much better i am feeling now than when i was using. Yes sub is very strong and i know i am not out of the woods yet but i am much happier and feeling much better on it than on my DOC.
    Cant believe that i started this crazy journey only almost a month ago. When i get the urges and desires for my DOC i remind myself how bad and nervous and crazy it made me feel.
    Thanks for your input on the drops and i am terrible with math so not sure my next drop but i am gonna stay here for few more days.
    Congrats on 18 months Alex! do you ever have urges and desires anymore?
    michele

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    Michele if you are currently taking 4.5 mg a day then your next drop of 25% would be to 3.375. To make it easier I would just round it up to 3.5. That would be a drop of 22% which would be fine to drop to. You asked if I ever have urges or desires to use and I do have thoughts of using come up now and then. This past winter I had 2 months of hardly working many hours and I was really bored a lot of the time. Boredom has never sat well with me so I would have little daydreams about using. Insane thoughts of I could use just 1 or 2 days then stop again. But i always come back to reality and know if i take 1 pill then its off to the races. Might not happen right away but eventually it will come back and bite me in the rear end. I am an addict and will be till the day i die. But i am ok with that fact. As long as i am a recovering addict and not an active one i am fine. If you tell me i can never use any kind of substance for the rest of my life i do not like the thought of that. If you tell me i cant use today i am fine with that. I know theres a pill and a drink out there with my name on it and it wants me to pick it up. But today i am leaving it out there to sit and wait for me. Might sound sort of stupid but its what works for me. Keep up the good job you are doing right now and i will talk to you later.

    Alex
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    Alex thanks for your help with the math on the drop im not very good at that. I think i will stay at 4.5 for 2 more days and then on sat make my jump to 3.5. I dont think what your saying sounds silly at all actually it sounds like a great way of thinking. Just like you said boredom has you start thinking abt using and that the same for me. I dont have a job right now and both my kids are in school all day. so i really dont have much do to during the day and thats why i was focused on using. It occupied so much of my time, and honestly now i am happy to have the spare time to take care of things i ignored. Sitting here now i have a urge to pop a few.. but i realize how much happier i have been this month than in the past 1.5 yr of using.
    i hope i can stay with the sub tapper and not do myself any harm because i want this so bad.
    thanks
    michele

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    Kat
    Just checking in i havent heard from you in few days . Hope your feeling good!
    ttyl
    michele

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Kat
    Just checking in i havent heard from you in few days . Hope your feeling good!
    ttyl
    michele
    Hey hun...
    Sorry for not posting on your thread the last couple days. Things have been really busy with work and everything else. Today was awful. Our sweet kitty, that we had for 11 years, died today. She's the second kitty we lost within 1 year. Hubby and I are big time animal lovers so, needless to say, we're extremely sad. It happened late this afternoon. I was gonna vent about it on my thread. I'll probably post about it tomorrow instead because I don't wanna start crying again.

    I know that lots of people don't really understand how the loss of a pet could bring such sorrow. But she was part of our family, just like our precious Sophia that died last June.

    Anyway, sorry for the downer post. I hope you're well. Talk soon...
    Kat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    Hey hun...
    Sorry for not posting on your thread the last couple days. Things have been really busy with work and everything else. Today was awful. Our sweet kitty, that we had for 11 years, died today. She's the second kitty we lost within 1 year. Hubby and I are big time animal lovers so, needless to say, we're extremely sad. It happened late this afternoon. I was gonna vent about it on my thread. I'll probably post about it tomorrow instead because I don't wanna start crying again.

    I know that lots of people don't really understand how the loss of a pet could bring such sorrow. But she was part of our family, just like our precious Sophia that died last June.

    Anyway, sorry for the downer post. I hope you're well. Talk soon...
    Kat
    I am so sorry for your loss....that is terrible!
    I am sure losing a animal is very hard and emotional...hope your son isn't too attached to her.
    Hope your feeling a bit better today and just think of how amazing and far you have come.
    i feel bad i cant give you much advice since i never had a animal or went thru anything like this.

    Hope your doing a little better today and thanks for helping john doses.
    have a good day and stay strong!
    michele
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    hey all i haven't posted since thurs... everything is great im feel amazing. i ran out of 2 mg subs so back to the 8mg ones and trying to cut them, which isnt easy. i was taking 4.5 mg for past week but yesterday i took 4mg is that a prob if i stay there for a few days? i think i want to ask my doc for the strips this way measuring wont be such a issue. kids home today...school over for summer break and camp doesnt start till mon.
    kat how are you doing?
    alex hope you had a nice weekend.
    ttyl
    michele

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Michele,

    Good to hear that you're doing well! If you were stable at 4.5 mg, the next drop would technically be to 3.375 mg. However, most people round up and go to 3.5 mg because it's easier to cut/crush. If you'd rather go to 4 mg for the sake of easy measuring, just keep in mind that it's less than a 10% drop. Definitely see if you can get the strips since you don't seem to be a big fan of crushing..lol.

    It's late, gotta get my butt to bed. Talk soon.
    Kat
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    Hey so I know my drop to 4 mg wasn't a big one but I can't stand cutting these pills. I've been out of the 2mg since fir and I'm cutting the 8mg ones now. My sub doc actually called today bc haven't been there in 2 weeks. It's been hectic here and my kids are off this week. I'll go fir and ask for strips. Lately been having terrible RLS, does it ever go away? Other than that I'm pretty good, having cravings here and there but in my head there are no options of using. This past month has been so awakening for me. I have been productive and the happiest I have been in a long time.
    Good night

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    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey so I know my drop to 4 mg wasn't a big one but I can't stand cutting these pills. I've been out of the 2mg since fir and I'm cutting the 8mg ones now. My sub doc actually called today bc haven't been there in 2 weeks. It's been hectic here and my kids are off this week. I'll go fir and ask for strips. Lately been having terrible RLS, does it ever go away? Other than that I'm pretty good, having cravings here and there but in my head there are no options of using. This past month has been so awakening for me. I have been productive and the happiest I have been in a long time.
    Good night
    Good luck to you on getting the strips to help you out with your reductions Michele. Either that or getting 2 mg pills to work with. I was lucky I guess and never had RLS myself but I know there is something that I have seen a lot of people recommend for RLS and I think its called Hylands Restful Legs or something close to that. Also getting extra potassium is supposed to be helpful with RLS. Best wishes to you in getting some relief from your RLS and I will talk to you later.

    Alex

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexnt View Post
    Good luck to you on getting the strips to help you out with your reductions Michele. Either that or getting 2 mg pills to work with. I was lucky I guess and never had RLS myself but I know there is something that I have seen a lot of people recommend for RLS and I think its called Hylands Restful Legs or something close to that. Also getting extra potassium is supposed to be helpful with RLS. Best wishes to you in getting some relief from your RLS and I will talk to you later.

    Alex
    Alex i will try to find some of that hylands restful leg stuff today. I dont get how abusing oxy causes RLS.
    Things are going really well, but i was wondering since i only made a 10% drop this time will that affect my sub tapper? Do the drops have to be 25%? Hope i don't have a harder time getting off subs because i didnt drop enough.
    Hope all is well with you.....enjoying your summer?
    ttyl
    michele

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    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Alex i will try to find some of that hylands restful leg stuff today. I dont get how abusing oxy causes RLS.
    Things are going really well, but i was wondering since i only made a 10% drop this time will that affect my sub tapper? Do the drops have to be 25%? Hope i don't have a harder time getting off subs because i didnt drop enough.
    Hope all is well with you.....enjoying your summer?
    ttyl
    michele
    Michele you do not have to drop 25% but I would try to drop close to that amount. The reason being is the less amount of time spent on subs the easier it is to jump off of it. dropping only 10% this time should not affect your taper at all. You asked if I was enjoying my summer. Yes and no because it means in my line of work I have to work 6 days a week and work extra hours. But I hate cold weather so I am enjoying the warm weather. Talk with you later.

    Alex

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    Hey all wanted to stop in and say im doing ok. Yesterday i went to see my sub doc and boy is he a tough man. I had my 2 kids with me and he was mad that he hasn't seen me in 2 weeks. I had to pay 200 for this month and he only wrote me 14 2mg subs. He's really not a nice guy, he was badgering me for not going to therapy and its very difficult for me to go when i have my kids all day. Camp starts mon so i will defiantly make a effort to start going. Other than me feeling my heart beat and my pulse at all times i feel good. Its wierd i feel in my head my pulse and its causing me blurry vision, i think i gotta go to a neurologist for this one. Hope everyone is doing well... Kat hope everyone is feeling better.
    ttyl

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey all wanted to stop in and say im doing ok. Yesterday i went to see my sub doc and boy is he a tough man. I had my 2 kids with me and he was mad that he hasn't seen me in 2 weeks. I had to pay 200 for this month and he only wrote me 14 2mg subs. He's really not a nice guy, he was badgering me for not going to therapy and its very difficult for me to go when i have my kids all day. Camp starts mon so i will defiantly make a effort to start going. Other than me feeling my heart beat and my pulse at all times i feel good. Its wierd i feel in my head my pulse and its causing me blurry vision, i think i gotta go to a neurologist for this one. Hope everyone is doing well... Kat hope everyone is feeling better.
    ttyl
    How often does your doc require you to see him? Do you pay every time? If he's anything like the majority of sub docs, he's just in it for the money. If it were me, I wouldn't mention tapering any lower. As soon as you have enough sub to finish your taper, there's no need to go back. My sub doc would have gladly kept me on sub until the day I died.

    Sorry to hear about the pulse issue and blurry vision. Get that checked out!

    No, things aren't any better health-wise with my parents and in law's. It's a difficult situation. Well, I'm beat. Headed off to bed. Hope you're having a nice weekend.

    Kat

  29. #89
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    230

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    How often does your doc require you to see him? Do you pay every time? If he's anything like the majority of sub docs, he's just in it for the money. If it were me, I wouldn't mention tapering any lower. As soon as you have enough sub to finish your taper, there's no need to go back. My sub doc would have gladly kept me on sub until the day I died.

    Sorry to hear about the pulse issue and blurry vision. Get that checked out!

    No, things aren't any better health-wise with my parents and in law's. It's a difficult situation. Well, I'm beat. Headed off to bed. Hope you're having a nice weekend.

    Kat
    Kat now i know why your not around here as much these days, praying for your family. its not easy growing up and being in the real world dealing with real life. But look on the bright side your doing amazing with your taper..your almost at .25, wow thats amazing!

    My sub doc i pay monthly, so at least that makes me feel a little better, your right i wont tell him about my tapper and try to get enough. The only thing i am afraid of is that he will get upset that im done with him and maybe i put my husband on the contact info and he will call him and rat on me.

    Kat do you ever have cravings? My dealer was legit stalking me...yesterday i finally texted him, im done with those...he wrote back ok. Im sure he's majorly bummed out and i couldnt be more thrilled.
    i cant believe how i can finally sleep through the night. Kat when you were on 4 mg were you much more tired than you are now. Because i know you take melatonin to fall asleep, i'm nervous as i get my dose down ill have difficulty sleeping.
    Gotta start my workout....busy day with the kiddies and tomm first day of camp...kids out from 8:15 till 4:45..yay!!!

    Have a great day all

  30. #90
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Jan 2010
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    Hi There,

    I read your posts all over the place and you have so much to add here and I'm so glad you continue to be so active. I'm not sure if I have posted directly to you so if I have not, I apologize but I have read your thread and do know your story, or what you've shared. You, my friend are doing amazingly well!!

    I also wanted to make mention of Dami, her circumstance and where she may be right now and how that is affecting you. When I first joined this Forum, I, just like most of us, had those we closely followed. They were in our corner and I counted on them and hoped they counted on me. I was on this Forum continuously in my earlier clean days...on and off all day, all night (Marianne! lol--just talking about that song at work on Friday). When someone would appear and post and sounded so desperate my heart would hurt. I'd post to them and some of them would never appear again. Others would be here for a few days, a week, a few weeks and disappear into the cyber world. I quite literally would lose sleep over thinking about where they were and if they were OK. So, I get how you feel about Dami.

    Iwantto, my heart too hurts for Dami and I so wish her well but folks come and go. While they are here, there are those of you who unselfishly provide your time, support and heart to them. You begin to personally care about them and worry about them. For Dami, and so many others disappearing, perhaps relapsing--it's all a part of recovery. What we pray for Dami now is that she is hanging on in one way or another. Either way, we all hope she comes back here regardless of what is happening right now in her life and we will be there again.

    Dami is in a really tough spot. It is going to Herculean effort to get out of things. I don't know what the answer is for her. I can't imagine having to deal with her life AND get clean and stay that way at the moment. Where does she start to reassemble her life? I don't know and I don't think she does either. I have followed her thread and may have posted once early on but I'm not sure. Of course, I have absolutely no way of knowing what's going on with Dami, I do recognize the defeat in her posts. I have been there many, many times. That overwhelming feeling of my life being so messed up resulted in a quick relapse. Newly clean, it's difficult to deal with the small problems in our lives, let alone what she's got going on. That's where we need face time for support. Someone or some place to check on her if she's MIA. Unfortunately, we here can't do that.

    Once we get some clean time (easier said than done) we begin to be all growed up again. The pile of >>>> we created while abusing is still there waiting for us. We can't rent a bull dozer to clean it up so we begin with a shovel and begin to pick away at the things we are strong enough to handle. It takes time but eventually we begin to see a dent in the pile.

    With Dami, there were/are so many flags. She has been given so much good advice but each and every time has a reason why she can't follow it. I don't recall that she ever said "I'll try". I am not judging or criticizing her, mind you. I just know that place because I've been there so often. I MADE myself such the victim that it was hopeless and never having been that way pre-addiction I hated it but found it so much easier at the same time.

    I, too hope that Dami finds strength and gets on track. My prayer for today. You are a good person, Iwantto.

    Peace,

    Cat

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