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Do i need to go through this process again?
  1. #121
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    Morning Randy and I'm really so happy and proud of you....today is DAY 4!!! your doing great and going strong!
    Thanks for your help and support...today should be my last day at 2.25 but i may stay here till sat just to make sure im stable, which i am but i get nervous dropping.
    hope you have a fabulous symptom free day!
    michele
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  2. #122
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Good morning to you also, Michele. Wow - today could be your drop day? Awesome and I certainly understand you wanting to wait a bit longer before reducing. Not a thing in the world wrong with that, unless you remain there out of fear which I'm certain you understand. Reduce only when YOU are ready is what i would do myself. But never be afraid to reduce either. I just recently learned that when I came here to the forum. I was afraid to reduce from .25mg or jump either. It was suggested that i might reduce again and I was very happy I did. Gave me that extra push to get off this stuff. I'm just "gently" suggestiing to reduce when ready and not hang around unnecessarily long is all.

    In my case I hardly noticed any difference taking the higher doses of sub verses taking the lower ones. I felt about the same on 4 mg as 6mg, and on 2mg as I did on 3mg. And I really felt the same on 1mg as I did on 2mg. Hope that gives you a bit of insight and is helpful. Now that I think about it I also felt the same on .25mg as I did on .75mg too! Crazy how strong sub is. I honestly didn't notice any difference between taking 1mg as I did 8mg!! Hope that helps you make your reduction decisions in a more positive manner Michele.

    You're doing AWESOME! Remember I told you I reduced by .25mg instead of 25% as most do here? Well many of those reductions were LESS than 25% which I'm sure really help the process. I was able to reduce in 3 days many times because of that fact. Example is when I went from 2mg to 1.75mg. That is actually a 12-13% reduction. A 25% reduction would have put me at a dose of 1.5mg. There were a few other times during my taper that the reductions were LESS than 25%. I'm certain that not only allowed me to taper a little faster, but kept me from feeling that larger dose reduction hit too. It was a win-win situation for me personally. And to be fair when I reduced from .50mg to .25mg that was a 50% reduction. But I was moving along and never gave that a thought. It all worked out in the end. I have no problem with the 25% - 4 day plan either. I would recommend it to anyone. It's proven to work for many here. I just wanted to try something different.

    Oh yeah, 4 days for me today is amazing! I still can't hardly believe it!!! I having symptoms and not sleeping well, BUT I feel wonderful if that makes sense? Being free and CLEAN is the best feeling ever!!! You will find out very soon yourself!!! Have yourself one fine day!
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  3. #123
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    Randy thanks for the advice and i think i am nervous and thats why i want to stay at 2.25mg. I know i would feel any different when i take my next drop so your right, why stay at 2.25 when i can make my next jump. So tomm will be drop day! The only problem im having is getting myself to get to my sub doc, he's really not nice and i hate looking him in the face when he asks if i went to the rehab he keeps pushing me to go to. Firstly i cant pay out of pocket and i just dont feel ready to go. The exercising has been really clearing my head. Im working out hard and i love the way its making my head and body feel.

    4 days is awesome cant wait till i can say that, i was thinking that when im at the end of the sub taper ill be so nervous to make the jump.
    Randy have a great day, ill ttyl....gotta run errands while the kids are in school
    michele

  4. #124
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    ha camp....silly me!

  5. #125
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    Hey Michele! Just wanted to drop in and say that you got this! You're head is in the right spot I can tell. The subs have become your friend and you depend on them and it is never easy to let a friend go! But remember that this certain friend is a bad person backstabbing SOB and once you walk away, you will be free!

    Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.
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  6. #126
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    Thanks J!
    Today was hard i was in so much pain and advil just wouldnt help. My neck and shoulder is in crazy knots and working out didnt help the situation. Im wearing a icy hot there but not helping much and my chiropractor is away. Guess ill have to just wait it out. Other than that im doing well, no cravings or anything like that. I really want this so bad. I just want my taper over with already!
    Hope everyone is enjoying their summer.....tomm i go see my doctor, not looking forward!
    bye for now!

  7. #127
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi Michele - Sorry to hear about the pain issues. That really stinks when you're trying to taper. Have you tried some long, hot baths to help relieve the pain, and perhaps stress? You also mentioned reducing your dose today. Just wondering if you made that happen, or will you give it another day or so because today wasn't a good one for you? You do what you have to ok. If you didn't taper please don't be upset. I completely understand how it is. You'll do it when your fully ready! I have confidence in you Michele!
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  8. #128
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Michele sorry to read you are having some pain issues at the moment. Good luck tomorrow with you Dr visit as I know you don't care much for you Dr. You mentioned you want your taper to be over with and that's how most of us feel while tapering. Be patient and don't rush it and it will be over with before you know it. Easier said then done but it will be very rewarding for you. Talk with you later.

    Alex
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  9. #129
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    Hey all so i actually reduced yesterday to 2 mg instead of going t o 1.75 mg. I only have 8 mg pills left and you know how hard it is to measure those guys. So i figured next week im going on a overnight to aurora ny...every heard of it? its beautiful there and its a 6.5 hr drive so i think im gonna stay at 2 mg till i get back from there on fri and then i can go to 1.5 mg. Its not helping that my dealer has started calling my house phone. He thinks i dont know its him because he's calling on private. I know its him because last night he called 10 times. what do i do?

  10. #130
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Michele - Congrats on the dose reduction. You're moving along and that's great! I totally understand remaining on the 2mg til you get back from your trip. Makes perfect sense and keeps things stable and stress free. Your doing great!

    Sorry to hear about the dealer bugging you. Calling 10 times is over the top nuts, and very frustrating. I can tell you what I might do myself. Tell him you are are completely finished with that life of drugs. Tell him you are recording all incoming calls and will notify the police if he doesn't stop calling. That might do it. If you're speaking to someone on the phone and want them to "think" you are recording that phone call, first inform them the call is being recorded, then simply push any number on your dial. They will hear a "tone" or click on their end and might think it's a recording device being activated. If he just calls and says nothing repaeat about recording the call so the police can get thier number and hit a button on your dial. Just might make them think twice about calling again. Or you could get your number changed. It's not that much of an inconvenience to do that. Hope that might be of help. Good luck. Stay focused on your taper.
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  11. #131
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    Randy thanks so much for the advice, thats exactly what i will do if he tries to call me again. Today so far no calls, i haven't bought in over a month and a half and everytime he texts me i tell him im done with that stuff. Guess he's trying to get me to use because i was supporting him. I mean i was buying 100 every other day. Im so happy to have changed my lifestyle. This is best thing i ever could have done.
    I went to a crazy spin class today and i feel great.
    I just am worried because i accidentally took 3 magnesium vitamins today and i know thats way too much. I usually take 2 which i think is too much as it is.
    Randy im so happy your feeling better today! Your doing awesome and your gonna rock this!
    hope you have a great weekend, be in touch!

  12. #132
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Michele,

    Good to see you dropped to 2 mg. Yoire doing great! How's the neck pain?

    It's awesome that you've ignored your dealer despite his phone calls. I agree with Randy - do whatever it takes to get him to stop calling.

    I kinda went MIA this week, sorry about that. Lots going on and been feeling a bit down. Keep kicking butt and I'll talk to you soon.

    Kat
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  13. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    Hey Michele,

    Good to see you dropped to 2 mg. Yoire doing great! How's the neck pain?

    It's awesome that you've ignored your dealer despite his phone calls. I agree with Randy - do whatever it takes to get him to stop calling.

    I kinda went MIA this week, sorry about that. Lots going on and been feeling a bit down. Keep kicking butt and I'll talk to you soon.

    Kat
    Mornin Kat
    How are you? Thank gd my neck is feeling much better...i was very sore i think from exercising and i put a icy hot on it for a while and it helped.
    i went to my sub doc fri and said i was still at 4mg so i got 14 more 2mg pills that i cut in half and take one in am and 1 in pm. This is the easy measuring, gonna be hard when i get lower.
    Im going on a road trip so im gonna hold off on lowering my dose till fri when i get back.

    I hope things at home with your mother in law have gotten better. Hows your tapper going? Why you so down? you give everyone here so much strength....if you need some pick me up im here!
    have a great day!
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  14. #134
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Mornin Kat
    How are you? Thank gd my neck is feeling much better...i was very sore i think from exercising and i put a icy hot on it for a while and it helped.
    i went to my sub doc fri and said i was still at 4mg so i got 14 more 2mg pills that i cut in half and take one in am and 1 in pm. This is the easy measuring, gonna be hard when i get lower.
    Im going on a road trip so im gonna hold off on lowering my dose till fri when i get back.

    I hope things at home with your mother in law have gotten better. Hows your tapper going? Why you so down? you give everyone here so much strength....if you need some pick me up im here!
    have a great day!
    Don't worry too much about measuring lower doses. If you don't end up switching to strips, I'll help you get accurate dosing with your tablets.

    Thanks for asking about my MIL. Sadly, things have gotten worse. We're scheduled to meet with her nuerologist this Wed again. I've pretty much become her caretaker, so to speak. It's complicated. There's a bunch of other stuff that had me bogged down emotionally. It will pass.

    I'm supposed to drop to .20 tomorrow. Yikes! Baby steps from here until jump day. I just have a bad feeling about it since I've been on this stuff so long, but I assume most of it is just anxiety and over-thinking.

    How's your Sunday going?
    Kat

  15. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwantoff2013 View Post
    Don't worry too much about measuring lower doses. If you don't end up switching to strips, I'll help you get accurate dosing with your tablets.

    Thanks for asking about my MIL. Sadly, things have gotten worse. We're scheduled to meet with her nuerologist this Wed again. I've pretty much become her caretaker, so to speak. It's complicated. There's a bunch of other stuff that had me bogged down emotionally. It will pass.

    I'm supposed to drop to .20 tomorrow. Yikes! Baby steps from here until jump day. I just have a bad feeling about it since I've been on this stuff so long, but I assume most of it is just anxiety and over-thinking.

    How's your Sunday going?
    Kat
    Mornin Kat
    I'm sorry i have been MIA these days as well....lots going on and going on a small trip today till tomm night.
    I feel bad that your the caretaker now for your mil....i'm assuming your husband has no sisters or anyone else to care for her. But one thing i do know is that it says alot about you. Not many people can take the role that you are playing, so props to you! As hard as it may seem and how difficult it may be just stay strong, which i know you will.

    Thanks for calming me about the measuring....still at 2mg and when i get back fri i plan to lower to 1.5 mg which is still easy to measure. Its once we go lower than that that i'm afraid of. The sound of .125 scares me in the measurements. I should have asked pharmacist for the film...Oh well next time.

    I'm feeling pretty good other than a upset stomach, i eat too much frozen yogurt not good for me. The rls has gotten overall much better and neck pretty much also.

    Is there a way to private message you on here?
    Stay strong
    Michele
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  16. #136
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    Hi Michele,

    Not sure if I've posted to you before? My memory is still lacking since stopping the subs! I just wanted to cheer you on a bit....I did use the film and it was surprisingly easy to cut and measure the doses. Even at .125mg which was like the size of a flea. Anyways just wanted to tell you that the lower the doses the easier it got for me. The jump was easier then some points in the taper so don't let fear stop you from dropping because you might be relieved to find that each step down gets easier. You never know until you try! I think my body eventually adjusted to feeling cruddy if that makes sense? Its like when you first get an injury the pain is intense and eventually your body becomes sort of accustomed to the pain. So it got to a point that the drops...were nothing new. Same old same old. Never got worse. So relax about dropping and just go for it, its nothing your not experiencing now. Nothing new to be worried about, and could possibly be even lighter symptoms as you go on...which was my experience.

    Also I used Hylands restful legs (or leg cramps?) one of those...I did NOT have RLS! I'm so thankful for that. I highly recommend it!
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  17. #137
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Michele I see where you were delaying your drop because of a trip you were taking and I probably would have done the same. its now early Thursday morning so I guess you are on your trip now and hope that you are enjoying yourself. You mentioned that you should have asked the pharmacist for the film instead of the pills. Are you being prescribed suboxone or subutex? The reason I ask is that the film unless things have changed is available for suboxone. If its subutex your prescribed then its only available in pills. It would be nice if you could get the film in 2 mg as when you get to low doses it would be easier to measure. But if you don't get the film at least you have the 2 mg pills to work with which will be a lot easier then trying to do it with 8 mg pills. I might very well be wrong here but I am thinking that Kath has been tapering down with 8 mg pills. I am sure she will read this and probably say that I am wrong about that lol but that's what I was thinking. Talk with you later.

    Alex

  18. #138
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Michele I noticed you have not posted since you went on your over night trip and was wondering how your trip went and also was wondering if you had reduced to 1.5 and how the taper is going now. Hope that you are doing well and I will talk to you later.

    Alex
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  19. #139
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Michele - I'm with Alex and checking to see how you're doing? Been a few days so maybe you could let us know that you're ok?
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  20. #140
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    Hey All i'm doing ok down to 1.5mg since sun which makes tomm drop day!
    Kinda of had a issue my husband found my pills and was really amazing. He knew something was up when i took alot of money out of our account and when the accountant told him i sold a stock i had to get money. I cant believe how amazing he took it because not sure i would handle things like he did. He said he wants to help me with my problem and he took all my subs because he thought i was snorting it.
    He gave me enough for my next drop but he doesn't realize i need more that he has of the 8mg subs.
    I am not going back to my doctor because i have enough to tapper.
    I feel so ashamed and embarrassed....wish he didnt need to know.
    How is everyone doing?
    Randy35 hows sober life?
    Kat how are things at home?
    Alex hope your enjoying your summer and thanks all for checking in on me!

  21. #141
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey All i'm doing ok down to 1.5mg since sun which makes tomm drop day!
    Kinda of had a issue my husband found my pills and was really amazing. He knew something was up when i took alot of money out of our account and when the accountant told him i sold a stock i had to get money. I cant believe how amazing he took it because not sure i would handle things like he did. He said he wants to help me with my problem and he took all my subs because he thought i was snorting it.
    He gave me enough for my next drop but he doesn't realize i need more that he has of the 8mg subs.
    I am not going back to my doctor because i have enough to tapper.
    I feel so ashamed and embarrassed....wish he didnt need to know.
    How is everyone doing?
    Randy35 hows sober life?
    Kat how are things at home?
    Alex hope your enjoying your summer and thanks all for checking in on me!
    Hey girl,

    I think it's probably a good thing that your husband knows about your taper now. You don't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed; you're working to get your life back and get clean. There's no shame in that. Did you mention at one point that hubby takes pills? I can't quite remember. Also, why does he think you would snort Sub? That's just bizarre.

    I posted to you on Monday but it disappeared for some reason. I hate when that happens. Good to see that tomorrow is drop day! You're doing great.

    Talk soon,
    Kat

  22. #142
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey All i'm doing ok down to 1.5mg since sun which makes tomm drop day!
    Kinda of had a issue my husband found my pills and was really amazing. He knew something was up when i took alot of money out of our account and when the accountant told him i sold a stock i had to get money. I cant believe how amazing he took it because not sure i would handle things like he did. He said he wants to help me with my problem and he took all my subs because he thought i was snorting it.
    He gave me enough for my next drop but he doesn't realize i need more that he has of the 8mg subs.
    I am not going back to my doctor because i have enough to tapper.
    I feel so ashamed and embarrassed....wish he didnt need to know.
    How is everyone doing?
    Randy35 hows sober life?
    Kat how are things at home?
    Alex hope your enjoying your summer and thanks all for checking in on me!
    Good to read that you have been on 1 .5 since Sunday and plan on dropping tomorrow. Your next drop should be to 1.125 but to keep it simple I would just do what a lot of people do here and go to 1.25. Doing this will be a lot easier to measure plus it will then make your next drop to an even 1 mg. good to hear from you again and will talk to you later.

    Alex
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  23. #143
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey there

    How are ya? Just checking in with you. Hope all is well. Drop in soon!
    Kat
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  24. #144
    Rfootprints is offline Member
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    Hi there Michele!
    I just read thru your entire thread.... I hope all is going well... My hubby and I are at .625. Today is day 2 there.
    We were all the way down to .125 and ended up messing up (for 3 months)... Good news is: we made it back. Today is day 21 without pills. Thank goodness for another chance. And the people here are wonderful.

    Hope all is good Michele.
    Rose
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  25. #145
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    Hey all sorry i've been MIA...Well good news is i'm doing great!
    So i kinda dropped to 1 mg instead of the 1.25 that Alex had suggested and i felt great when i dropped and still do. I haven't dropped again...today should be drop day but i think i'll stay here for another day or 2 and then make my next drop.
    Rose thats great that you have come so far...its good that you have your husband on your side and you can do this as a team.
    Kat hope things are doing ok at home and your not stressing so much about being on such a low dose.
    I saw on johndoses thread that his friend hit rock bottom and you guys were discussing subs...bottom line is you have to want to get clean, if you dont want it enough you just wont succeed with or without subs.
    I tried to get clean before but never was really ready till now. I cant say i have no desire for my DOC but i really love the life i have now and we all can enjoy life so much more this way.
    Thanks for checking in on me.
    Hope everyone has a great day!
    Michele
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  26. #146
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    That's so awesome. Michele! You're really doing it girl! Won't be too much longer and you will be discussing your final jump into freedom! It's also great your hubby is on board with this and supporting you.

    I would just caution that you not get in a big hurry to finish up at this point. For me I wanted it over with NOW. Us addicts are always in a hurry for everything and it is very easy to move forward before you're really ready to do so. NOT saying you are by any means, just making sure you don't reduce to fast and regret a reduction at some point. I'm no expert at all, but slower is better than faster in MY opinion. But not so slow you get "stuck" on a dose like I did when I first came here. I'm just rambling and sure you know all this.

    Anyway happy you gave an update. I'm doing fine myself. Got over 3 weeks clean now and looking forward to my first month of freedom. Each day brings a new challenge, and dealing with it head-on instead of a drug induced fog is a great experience! Rock on Michele - you've got this!!!
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  27. #147
    Rfootprints is offline Member
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    Michele! Great to hear you are doing so well

    And thanks for your reply....
    Having someone on the same page is quite nice- as we've taken this ship down, together, the last 4 years!!! Every time we said "let's be done with them", the other person wasn't ready....
    Then we had one day shy of a month, and both replapsed together.... :-/
    It took us 3 months to get back here, and now on day 22!!!

    I've battled other drug addictions. Meth was very hard, and it seems like eons ago that that was a problem in my life. I've been a business owner the last two year- and having that much money on hand is both bad for the addiction and bad for business... We have quite a ways to catch up, but I'm up for the challenge.
    Keep in keeping on.... I'm very happy your husband is supportive... Not quite sure what I'd do if mine wasn't.

    Have a great Monday!
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  28. #148
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwanttobeclean View Post
    Hey all sorry i've been MIA...Well good news is i'm doing great!
    So i kinda dropped to 1 mg instead of the 1.25 that Alex had suggested and i felt great when i dropped and still do. I haven't dropped again...today should be drop day but i think i'll stay here for another day or 2 and then make my next drop.
    Rose thats great that you have come so far...its good that you have your husband on your side and you can do this as a team.
    Kat hope things are doing ok at home and your not stressing so much about being on such a low dose.
    I saw on johndoses thread that his friend hit rock bottom and you guys were discussing subs...bottom line is you have to want to get clean, if you dont want it enough you just wont succeed with or without subs.
    I tried to get clean before but never was really ready till now. I cant say i have no desire for my DOC but i really love the life i have now and we all can enjoy life so much more this way.
    Thanks for checking in on me.
    Hope everyone has a great day!
    Michele
    Michele I overlooked this post until just now. Glad that you were feeling great with the last drop and hope that all is still going well with you. Wondering what dose you are down to now. Hope to hear an update from you soon.

    Alex

  29. #149
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey lady...

    Where are ya? Hope things are well with you. Did you drop again?

    Hope you had a nice weekend. Talk to you soon.
    Kat

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    Hey all i feel so bad that i haven't been posting lately, just kind of busy with stuff but i will start checking the boards more frequently.
    My tapper is still going strong!
    I feel great and i'm mentally where i think i should be. I have no cravings for my old life.
    I am such a happier more confident person now.
    My relationship with my husband is great and i dont have any secrets to keep from him.

    Now to the negatives....my tapper is going great only problem is the measuring.
    I just cant quit get the measurements correct.
    Today i am starting .60 and i dont know really the right way to do so.
    I only have 8mg subs left so its kinda tricky.

    Rose i feel horrible i didnt reply to you and Randy as well...You guys are AMAZING and i cant believe its been that long for you guys. Its truly inspiring to see how great your both doing.

    Kath Congrats on your taper your truly a step away...thanks for thinking about me and guiding me through this. Hope things at home are getting easier i know you were caring for you MIL which defiantly is alot ffor someone to take up.

    Alex im doing great and hope your enjoying your summer and getting to see gypsy. Thanks for always looking out for me i really appreciate it!

    Have a great day everyone
    xoxoxo
    michele

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