I need advice about stoping

[iamreadytobedone]

I have decided that I am ready to stop using suboxone. I used to use Percocet for about 2 years and then I switched to Suboxone, None of this was prescribed. I buy it off the street. I understand why I use and I know it is because I am just self medicading myself. I am about to be 32 in 2 days, I have 3 children who I love and using is a burden. I know that I cannot deal with withdrawl, I have tried it. I have decided instead on Monday to contact a pyschatist. I have reservations though. I am not very good at trusting anyone other than my SO with whats going on. I just need some advice as to how to bring this up to the doctor. I am also worried that my kids could get taken from me. I abuse drugs but I do not abuse my children and I am an active mother, I don't get high and ignore them. I really, really want to stop and I can't tapper off myself, I don't have the will power. I KNOW I need a professional to help me I am just really worried. I also am having issues with depression as well, and lately I have been preoccupied with death. By this I mean, I spend a lot of time at night thinking about what happens when we die and it scares me. And then I wonder if I think about this because I am becoming suicidal and I can't really talk to my SO about this. I am just so scared. I scared most about telling the psyciatrist all of this and then I have DCF at my door. My kids are my life and I would die without them. But I don't want to die from the drugs either. Can someone just give me some advice for when I see the doctor? I have never been to a therapist and I am not even sure what they are bound to report and what they are not. Thank you.

[Catrina]

I have decided that I am ready to stop using suboxone. I used to use Percocet for about 2 years and then I switched to Suboxone, None of this was prescribed. I buy it off the street. I understand why I use and I know it is because I am just self medicading myself. I am about to be 32 in 2 days, I have 3 children who I love and using is a burden. I know that I cannot deal with withdrawl, I have tried it. I have decided instead on Monday to contact a pyschatist. I have reservations though. I am not very good at trusting anyone other than my SO with whats going on. I just need some advice as to how to bring this up to the doctor. I am also worried that my kids could get taken from me. I abuse drugs but I do not abuse my children and I am an active mother, I don't get high and ignore them. I really, really want to stop and I can't tapper off myself, I don't have the will power. I KNOW I need a professional to help me I am just really worried. I also am having issues with depression as well, and lately I have been preoccupied with death. By this I mean, I spend a lot of time at night thinking about what happens when we die and it scares me. And then I wonder if I think about this because I am becoming suicidal and I can't really talk to my SO about this. I am just so scared. I scared most about telling the psyciatrist all of this and then I have DCF at my door. My kids are my life and I would die without them. But I don't want to die from the drugs either. Can someone just give me some advice for when I see the doctor? I have never been to a therapist and I am not even sure what they are bound to report and what they are not. Thank you.

Welcome!

How much sub are you taking per day right now and how long have you been taking them? Have you read and understand the taper plan that has been used here very successfully for years? Tapering from subs is much different than trying to taper from ordinary opiates. Have you tried to taper the subs? How did you go about it? Seeing a psychiatrist is an excellent decision but I'm sorry to say that you're still going to have to deal with getting off the subs so there has to be a plan. I'll leave it at that for now until you answer the questions I asked and maybe we can give you some suggestions to get you going.

As far as speaking with a psychiatrist, what you can expect is that he/she is going to attempt to pull you outside of yourself. They don't have the answers, or at least they usually won't share them with you. Their job is for you to identify the issues and help you find the tools to deal with them. I had so hoped that when I went into therapy that they'd just tell me what to do and all I'd have to do is follow their instructions. Nope. Doesn't work that way. But it does work if you put the time and effort into it. I know for myself that once I get talking (or even posting here) things will spill from my mind and heart that I really didn't even know were there. Of course, there's lots of things for me that are easy to identify as issues but it has always run much deeper than that. Much deeper than I could ever have imagined.

Don't be hesitant about trusting this doctor and spilling your guts. He's not obligated to report anything unless he believes that your children are in danger. In fact, he'd be in violation of HIPPA laws if he shared anything you've told him. There are plenty of addicts who manage to function and take good care of their kids. The important thing to this doctor is that you have recognized that you have a problem and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get better. He's not going to want to cause you any trouble or have you worry about losing your kids because you're seeking help from him. Trust me, there are bigger fish to fry. I would even suggest that you speak with him about your angst concerning being able to trust him to not cause you trouble with Children's Services right from the get-go to put your mind at ease making it easier for you to open up to him. It takes time. I don't know if anyone walks into a therapy appointment for the first time and will automatically trust their therapist. He/she is going to have to get to know you and you will have to get to know them. If you don't connect after a few sessions, then move on and try someone else. Just know that this will be a process. It's not like going to get an x-ray and then the doctor can fix you all up.

Post soon and answer the questions I've asked. I honestly think that we might be able to get you on the right road so that you can taper those subs. Trying to keep all of this to yourself is poison! Even sharing here, a very safe place, will help you tremendously. Just let it all out and you'll be amazed at the support you'll receive from others members.

Welcome again. Posting here was your first big step outside of yourself and reaching out for help. You're ready to get this show on the road so let's do it!

Peace,

Cat