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Longtime Sub abuser, Gettin' my taper on...rapidly..
  1. #91
    Buckeye13 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by EgoPunch View Post
    motivation...where do you buy that??
    I was buying it on the streets, in 8mg strips, but that is no longer an option....

    Well, it's an option, but it aint gonna happen...

    As a matter of fact, I've got about 800-900mgs of motivation right here beside me in my desk, but it's not getting touched until I flush it down the drain in a week or so...

    I should go ahead and do that actually...

    Just thinking out load here...


    -Buck
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  2. #92
    HarrySmooth is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Buckeroo....Ego....
    Buck, I feel your pain Brother...Man oh Man, if youve gone back and read some of my posts, the Fatigue was literally KILLING me!!!! UGH...I mean, I was on the Oxys for 5+ years, and everything ELSE under the Sun before that....and you KNOW what Im saying when I say I felt like SUPERMAN for the past 5 +years! LOL....Man, there was NOTHING I couldnt do!!! I get up at 4:30-5am, Pop 3 Blues, (30 mg Oxy) and Hit the Hooks Baby!!! Work like a DOG on my Property, or at the Hunt Camp and NEVER slow down til 10-11pm!! I would take upwards of 10-15 of em a DAY!!! (300-450mgs)
    But WOW, when I got on the Subs....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh MAN, the Fatigue!!! It was ConSTANT...Every Day, Day in and day out...I was thinking to myself "Man, maybe this is just the way I am Supposed to feel at 57 yrs old!!!"
    And Believe me, I was getting to think it really WAS going to be with me for the rest of my Liife! But ya know what? ....THATS WHAT!!!! (LOL....Sorry, couldnt resist...) Im feeling MUCH better now since my Jump! Its coming back slowly, I still have days where I dont feel 100%, but they are getting few and far between now...Even that Gul-derned RLS is beginning to Subside....THAT was a Horror story in itself!

    The Moral of my Long-Winded story is...."This too shall Pass" my Brother...I PROMISE! Your a Young man, and for some reason those Subs just "Take it out of us" man...But is our Body repairing itself...from YEARS of abuse....
    Try to eat a Well Balanced Diet Bro...Lots of Fruits and Veggies, Try not to over eat, and try, as hard as it may be...(it is for ME anyway) to stay away from the Red Meats, and Burgers....Heavy Meals...and Eating Late and stuff like that! Take your Vitamins, and Supplements, and Drink LOTS of water, every little bit helps with the Fatigue Bro...
    Your doing Great man....Stick with it, and trust me...you'll be back to your old self soon!!!!

    Your ol Pal Harry
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-10-2013 at 05:12 PM. Reason: spelling
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  3. #93
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    800-900mgs?! Good God, man! What I wouldn't give for one hundredth of that to do a proper taper...lol.

    My situation is what it is tho. I deserve what's coming I suppose. The day after tomorrow will be the last day I ever put sub in my system. I've been waking up with a headache every morning, and snee...ehh. I'll finish that post on my thread. I don't want to hi-jack your thread, bro. lol.

    The motivation tho...I dunno, man. Maybe if you try listening to some music, and going for a short walk or something? Inspirational, or funny films? I don't know. Sometimes i'll watch military documentaries, like surviving the cut, when they train to be airborne, or for spec ops. It reminds me of the stuff I went through as a soldier, and helps to give me an attitude like nothing can hurt me, nothing can stop me...I am a machine. lol. That may not work for everyone. It only helps me a little bit. Maybe if you try and get angry...RAAAARRRRGGH!!!! I KILL YOU SUBOXONE! I KILL YOUR FACE OFF IN ZE TOILET!!! Ahem. Sorry. I wonder if some form of artistic expression would help, ie: drawing, sculpting...LEGOS! Duuuude, lego's...

    Ok, i'm getting off track here (legos do rock tho). Maybe try and look at each symptom as a new way that your body is repairing itself. Somebody said that somewhere recently, or something like it. I forgot where I saw that. Anyway, like when you have to shut off the breaker, and kill the lights in your house to do electrical work...down for maintenance. lol. When the power gets turned back on tho, everything is going to be better and brighter than before. Harry said some things up there that I need to start doing myself...like taking vitamins, and supplements. Harry boot-to-butt Smooth...lol.

    Aight, homie. I gotta run (so far from literally). I'll catch up with ya later. Keep that chin up, dude...like you are THE man...unstoppable...superhuman...like, what you're going thru right now would KILL anyone else, any normal human being...but not you. It's just going to make YOU feel like ze doodoo for awhile, because you're unbreakable. Word? Word.

    Peace, bro.
    ep
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-10-2013 at 08:14 PM.
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  4. #94
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    Ok..

    This is it...

    I was going to wait untill later in the day, or tomorrow to announce this just in case I failed (not an option, but I'm just being honest)...

    I'M JUMPING TODAY!!!

    After reading Harry and Swayze's posts, it pushed me over the top. I was already planning on jumping today. I didn't realize it until I woke up this morning. I immediatley thought to myself "Today is the day"

    Yesterday was the last time I'll take Subs in my life, unless I decide to skip days, but to me, once I've set my mind to this, it's gotta get done...

    My last dose was .125mgs yesterday afternoon at about 3:00...

    From everything that I've read, the worst days are days 3 and 4...

    Today is Friday obviosly. I work a short 5 hour shift (will feel like 10 hours) tomorrow and then I'm off work Sunday and Monday which is day 3 and 4...

    One day at a time..

    Wish me luck guys and girls. You guys really are a big part of me even getting to this point to even attempt as jump....

    Ok, now it's time for --- "I KILL YOU SUBOXONE! I KILL YOUR FACE OFF IN ZE TOILET!!!"



    -Buck
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  5. #95
    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    WOW....good for u Buck! i wish u all the best and hope any symptoms are entirely tolerable. and with ur extremely positive attitude, there should be no problems that cause u any concern.

    Woo~Hoooo! U DID IT! first day clean with many more to follow!
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  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikker View Post
    WOW....good for u Buck! i wish u all the best and hope any symptoms are entirely tolerable. and with ur extremely positive attitude, there should be no problems that cause u any concern.

    Woo~Hoooo! U DID IT! first day clean with many more to follow!
    Thanks for posting that Kikk Dawg...

    For every person that responds, each one gives me more motivation because that is another person that I'm going to let down if I fail...

    I'm sure this is one of the main reasons that people that go through this have support groups...

    I would ultimetly only be letting myself down, but it would feel like I'm letting every one of you down too that have helped me get to this point. That's how much you guys all mean to me...

    I can never give you guys back what you've given me but I will do my best to carry on the deed by helping out the next addict in line that's trying to get clean..

    Each and every one of you could've left this site when you got clean but you didn't. You've all given back to the site what you got out of it and much more. I would love to be able to pay it forward as you all have, and I fully intend to. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for being there when I needed it..

    Special thanks to you Kikker. I' know I've told you this before, but you were the one person that always told me exactly what I needed to hear, instead of what I wanted to hear. Much appreciatted..

    -Buck
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  7. #97
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    Also, I just re-read your post Kikk...

    It says "first day clean with many more to follow!"

    I know this probably sounds really stupid, but I didn't even think of it like that until I said it out loud...

    I'm in survival mode right now and it didn't even don on me like that..

    -Buck
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  8. #98
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    24 hours in the books!!!
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  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye13 View Post
    24 hours in the books!!!
    Woooo Hooooooo.....it only gets better and better! welcome to ur new life Buck!
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  10. #100
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    Good luck, my friend...and congrats! You've just jumped from ze plane. However you tapered down will determine how hard you hit the ground...and when you do, you're gonna get up, and start marching up that hill. Whatever you tapered down to may have made that hill a little less steep, but you already know, it isn't going to be easy. Keep marching on, bro. You'll have friends bringing you water, and food for your soul.
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  11. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikker View Post
    Woooo Hooooooo.....it only gets better and better! welcome to ur new life Buck!
    Thanks Kikk..

    Gotta be honest...hope it gets better soon...

    I've gotta pay the price for what I did to myself though...

    So far, it's not too bad but we'll see how tonight goes when I try to sleep..

    I have to put on a strong front tonight when I get home from work so I don't use up any of my "I'm sick" time at home yet...

    Wifey is about to think that I came down with the flu...

    I hate to continue on with the lies and secrets but it's almost all over with...

    I hope to sit down some day in the future and tell her everything, but I'm going to wait until I climb us out of the financial hole that I put us in. Nothing major financial wise, not in danger of losing the house, cars, etc, but sometimes when it comes time to buy diapers or anything that takes some extra cash, it hasn't been there because I was blowing it on Subs...

    I get a decent chunk of my pay under the table at work so that's how I was able to afford the Subs without her knowing. I also sold some weed in the early years of my use to make a couple hundred bones a week to support my stupid habit...Talk about hiding a lot of things from a spouse. Geesh!


    Anyways, that's for another day...

    Positive vibes...

    -Buck

  12. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by EgoPunch View Post
    Good luck, my friend...and congrats! You've just jumped from ze plane. However you tapered down will determine how hard you hit the ground...and when you do, you're gonna get up, and start marching up that hill. Whatever you tapered down to may have made that hill a little less steep, but you already know, it isn't going to be easy. Keep marching on, bro. You'll have friends bringing you water, and food for your soul.
    Thanks man..

    I know it sounds weird but I'm ready to get hit upside the head with WDs...

    I feel like I deserve it...

    But if they don't come on hard, I wont be disappointed obviously...


    I'm going at this full speed ahead like a train bolting down the track that can't stop even if it wanted to...

    Yoyoyo Sub, try to stop me now sucka...

    -Buck
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  13. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye13 View Post
    Thanks man..

    I know it sounds weird but I'm ready to get hit upside the head with WDs...

    I feel like I deserve it...

    But if they don't come on hard, I wont be disappointed obviously...


    I'm going at this full speed ahead like a train bolting down the track that can't stop even if it wanted to...

    Yoyoyo Sub, try to stop me now sucka...

    -Buck

    Dude, I know exactly what you mean. I just want the wd's to come and kick my butt already. It's been almost 26 hours since my last dose, and i'm wondering if I should jump, or just go ahead and take what I have left...yeah. I'll do that actually. Today is your day, my friend. I'll take what I have left today, and make tomorrow my first day sub free (that answers your question from earlier). I'll be a day behind you. Besides, if we jumped together, wouldn't that be gay or something...like, showing up at a party together wearing the same shirt...? lol. Good luck, homie. Sincerely. Don't forget about the Thomas recipe, and keep posting!
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  14. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by EgoPunch View Post
    Dude, I know exactly what you mean. I just want the wd's to come and kick my butt already. It's been almost 26 hours since my last dose, and i'm wondering if I should jump, or just go ahead and take what I have left..!
    Well, if you didn't already take your dose, you could jump if your comfortable because it sounds like we both had our last dose at about 3:00 yesterday...

    It would be interesting to see the difference in the detox with my stlye of taper and yours since we are both male and we're pretty much the same age, (I'm 30, u r 33) and we have zero support from our women at home...

    If not, tomorrow you'll be READY....

    I can tell you are READY for this too...

    -Buck

  15. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by EgoPunch View Post
    Besides, if we jumped together, wouldn't that be gay or something...like, showing up at a party together wearing the same shirt...? lol. Good luck, homie. Sincerely. Don't forget about the Thomas recipe, and keep posting!
    I just read this part of your post because I was in a rush to respond to you in case you hadn't taken your dose yet...


    Please Swayze, dis-regard my previous post...

    I would love to be "partners" with you in this, but not like that lol


    -Buck

  16. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye13 View Post
    I just read this part of your post because I was in a rush to respond to you in case you hadn't taken your dose yet...


    Please Swayze, dis-regard my previous post...

    I would love to be "partners" with you in this, but not like that lol


    -Buck
    LOL...dude, you know what... :/ ... I already took my dose. I took it right after I typed that to you. I can guarantee you however, if I had read your reply before I dosed...I wouldn't have dosed. I just wasn't thinking of it like that...like an experiment, or a study...two different style kicks to compare at the same time. Geez, man. Now, i'm irritated that I dosed so hastily. Now that I think about it, it woulda been pretty cool. *sighs* Oh, well. I'm only a day behind you. It shouldn't make that much of a difference. I'll tell ya something tho...I messed up. Yesterday, I took .75mg...I was going to take .5 today, and .5 tomorrow, then I would have been out. No...what did I do? I took both of my .5mg pieces earlier, because I wanted to get this thing started. Some of the symptoms I had earlier are gone, but I still don't feel very well. I'm out, bro. I can't dose again even if my life depended on it. So, i'm in it now, buck! You can't make a left turn on me! I'm coming up on ya, buddy, and i'm coming fast! We're in the s**t pot now! LOL! WOOOO!!

    It's going to be really hard, bro. We can do it though. We HAVE to. Failure isn't even an option...we don't have that option. Period. It's not a matter of IF we're going to be able to make it up that hill, but HOW LONG it will take us to climb to the top of it. BAM! BUCK BUCK BOOOM!!

    This is just a suggestion...if you aren't going to get rid of your stash, then you should ATLEAST put it ALL somewhere that's hard to get to...like keep it in a storage facility, or at a friends house, or a secret location somewhere that is NOT work, and NOT home. You can put it in something, and disguise it...hide it. That way, if you get tempted, the drive and the effort you have to go thru to get it in your hands might be enough to make you think twice, or give you time to build your mental strength back up before you can get to it. Just a suggestion.

    I gotta take a call. I'll be making a post on my own thread in a bit. Again...CONGRATS on the jump, bro! I'll catch up with ya in a bit.
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  17. #107
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye13 View Post
    24 hours in the books!!!
    Hadnt been on much last few days Buck was out of town a couple days and just read this. Congrads to you my friend. Your positive attitude thru all of this was great. Hope your symptoms are minimal and my best wishes to you
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  18. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by EgoPunch View Post
    This is just a suggestion...if you aren't going to get rid of your stash, then you should ATLEAST put it ALL somewhere that's hard to get to...like keep it in a storage facility, or at a friends house, or a secret location somewhere that is NOT work, and NOT home. You can put it in something, and disguise it...hide it. That way, if you get tempted, the drive and the effort you have to go thru to get it in your hands might be enough to make you think twice, or give you time to build your mental strength back up before you can get to it. Just a suggestion.
    I already did something like that last night...

    I put it in a locked drawar in a tool box out in my de-tatched garage...

    On top of the Subs, I covered them up completely with an envelope (that's all I had out there) that says "Don't do it bro"

    That way, if I'm ever tempted to grab some, and I know I won't be, I will see that note to myself and it will remind me of what I went through during these first days clean, and how it's not even worth it anyways...

    I'm going to get rid of ALL of it next week. I called one of my old friends from HS that I don't talk to much but I knew he takes Subs because he hooked me up a few times when I was hurting, and I told him he can have them all for $7 each...

    I thought I had about 800-900mgs left, but it was actually closer to 450mgs..

    Still alot I know, but that would only get me through about 11 days a few months ago..

    I gotta customer. Gotta run..

    Be back in a few...

    -Buck
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-12-2013 at 09:51 AM.
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  19. #109
    HarrySmooth is offline Advanced Member
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    Hiding them in the Ol "Shed" ey? LOL.....Good one Buck! I have a "Shed" of my own out back, next to my Barn, all padlocked up, and I shudder to think what I have stashed in there LOL.....God I havent gone "Rootin Around" in that shed for YEARS! LOL.....
    Sorry I havent been posting like I usually do Bro....just been really busy at my Shop...its been unusually Busy after the Holidays for some reason....I noticed you said "Gotta go, have a Customer" you in Retail sales as well??? If so, aint it a ??????? LOL....Ive had my Cigar shop for going on 10 years now after retiring from Civil Engineering, and I sure thought "WOW, this is GREAT" ....well, my tune has SURE changed after 10 years! I HATE it now....mostly due to the People....My GOD man, seems like 75% of my Customers are IDIOTS...LOL....Its ALWAYS something ya know....Guess Im just burnt out Dude....ready for a change...

    Anyway.....Im really glad your doing good man! You hang in there....you, Ego, Big Al, and a few others are a Team! We gotta stick together Bro!!!!!
    Hang Tough and have a GREAT day!!!
    Your Ol Pal Harry
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  20. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by HarrySmooth View Post
    Sorry I havent been posting like I usually do Bro....just been really busy at my Shop...its been unusually Busy after the Holidays for some reason....I noticed you said "Gotta go, have a Customer" you in Retail sales as well??? If so, aint it a ??????? LOL....Ive had my Cigar shop for going on 10 years now after retiring from Civil Engineering, and I sure thought "WOW, this is GREAT" ....well, my tune has SURE changed after 10 years! I HATE it now....mostly due to the People....My GOD man, seems like 75% of my Customers are IDIOTS...LOL....Its ALWAYS something ya know....Guess Im just burnt out Dude....ready for a change...
    Customers are idiots! That's why we are the "professionals" hah..

    Yeah I run a outdoor power equip business. My dad owns it but he's very hands-off after the 39 years he's put in this place. Talk about being burnt out!

    We are the biggest Stihl dealer in Ohio and all of BigTen country (Mid-West) and we also sell Toro Zero-Turns and tractors...

    This is a slow time of year in the winter so it's perfect for detoxing...

    When I feel myself getting frustrated at a worker or customer I've just been keeping my mouth shut throughout this whole process. I've actually felt like I've been a nicer person to be around throughout this so far except for in the beginning when I dropped to 4mgs way too soon and got most of my detox out of the way...

    Anyways, after 1:30 this afternoon I'll be off work until 8:30 Tuesday morning. That will be DAY 5!

    It's 65* here in Ohio so when I get out of here I'm going to go do something outside because after tomorrow, it's back to the 30*s for the rest of January....

    Stay thirsty my friends...

    -Buckinclean

  21. #111
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    You doing alright, bro? I've been reading your posts, and the symptoms you outlined on my thread. It sux, but it's no severed leg, right? lol. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Stay with it, man. peace
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  22. #112
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    Hey, Buck!
    Hope you're doing well. I especially hope that the majority of symptoms will come on less strongly thanks to the taper you did. I firmly believe jumping off a lower dose shaves plenty off recovery time, so hang tight and know that once you cross the peak it only gets better and better.
    Time to get back to who you really are, Buck :-)
    Good on ya.
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  23. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by winged eagle View Post
    Hey, Buck!
    Hope you're doing well. I especially hope that the majority of symptoms will come on less strongly thanks to the taper you did. I firmly believe jumping off a lower dose shaves plenty off recovery time, so hang tight and know that once you cross the peak it only gets better and better.
    Time to get back to who you really are, Buck :-)
    Good on ya.
    Yoyoyo Yoyo...

    Day 5 and feeling friggin great...

    I'll hop back on here in a minute and elaborate...

    -Buck
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  24. #114
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    Day 5 and feeling great im glad to read that Buck. Ive been wondering the last couple days about you and it made me really feel happy for you to read your good. Your determination and positive attitude has been great thru your journey and its paying big dividends now. Catch you later Buck.
    Alex
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  25. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexnt View Post
    Day 5 and feeling great im glad to read that Buck. Ive been wondering the last couple days about you and it made me really feel happy for you to read your good. Your determination and positive attitude has been great thru your journey and its paying big dividends now. Catch you later Buck.
    Alex
    Thanks al...

    I was on here a lot yesterday but I had trouble finding motivation to post...

    DAY 6 TODAY and all is well...

    I can't believe how true it is about how the love of music comes back when you get clean. The best part of my days now are driving around on my lunch break jamming to some of my CDs from about 5-10 years ago. It brings back so many memories and it's also so good to hear the ol' tunes that I used to love so much. I listen to everything from country, to rap, to my man Johnny Cash...

    Grew up a country boy, but I've always loved most genres of music...

    It feels so good to be back...

    -Buck

  26. #116
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    Buck,
    does that make 3 kids?
    You're getting outnumbered!
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  27. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowwally View Post
    Buck,
    does that make 3 kids?
    You're getting outnumbered!
    Oh yeah...Outnumbered...Can't wait!

    I had to talk my wife into having the 3rd one...

    The best part of my life is being a father. I literally spend every non-work and sleep moment either playing with them, reading to them, feeding them, or watching Disney with them. When one wakes up in the middle of the night, it's daddy going in and getting them (in fairness to my wife, she has basically been pregnant for 3 years) and I put them back to sleep. I'm also the best diaper changer this side of the Mississippi. They. Are. My. Life.

    Am I crazy for wanting a 3rd before my 1st turns 3? Or was it the drugs?

    I kid. I kid.

    -Buck
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  28. #118
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    congrats!
    you are outnumbered but what fun!
    and a great dad to boot
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  29. #119
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    So, Valedictorian of Class of 2013 :-)
    I see you're doing well. Actually, it appears you're doing incredibly well, and I can't tell you how good it feels to read that. Another success story. And it wasn't an easy one, either. Six years on sub, fast taper with huge drops... You did awesome :-D
    Congrats on your new life, congrats on the soon-to-arrive baby, and congrats on triumphing over your addiction and reclaiming yourself.
    And it only gets better :-D
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  30. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by winged eagle View Post
    So, Valedictorian of Class of 2013 :-)
    I see you're doing well. Actually, it appears you're doing incredibly well, and I can't tell you how good it feels to read that. Another success story. And it wasn't an easy one, either. Six years on sub, fast taper with huge drops... You did awesome :-D
    Congrats on your new life, congrats on the soon-to-arrive baby, and congrats on triumphing over your addiction and reclaiming yourself.
    And it only gets better :-D

    Thanks so much for the kind words....

    One word of mine...Determination...Nothing was going to stop me from this. Nothing.

    I had my worst WDs at the beginning of the taper when I went from 32mgs/day to 4mgs/day. I wouldn't change that for anything because I prepared my body quickly for what was to come. Discomfort isn't agony. Cronic Sub use is agony..

    As I've stated before, I did have a few things working in my favor...

    I have no body pain
    I had never snorted anything or used a needle
    I had never taken any substance more hardcore than Oxy's, and that was only on a rare occasion
    I'm 30, and healthy
    And most importantly, I was READY this time


    I know those things aren't a huge deal, but it could've been worse for me, and I realize that...
    _______________________________


    Another quick tidbit that I'm proud to share...

    I met with an old buddy of mine that is a Sub user. He has quit a few times before but has went back to the dark side (I never will)...

    Anyways, I gave him EVERYTHING that I had. Instead of flushing it down the toilet, I gave it to him. About 20 mins later he called me and couldn't believe how organized the stuff I gave him was. There were little 1" bags (Like zip-lock crack bags) that were labeled at incriments of .75mgs, .50mgs, .25mgs, .125mgs...

    Each bag still had atleast 5, and up to 12 or so pieces in each of them from when I made a drop and moved on to the next dose....Plus there was about 30-40 8mg strips, and a couple 2mg strips...

    He told me that he's amazed at how an addict could muscle up the mental and physical strength to do what I did and stick to it to the end. I said to him "Drugs.com dawg. Click on the Forums and get yourself clean"

    He told me he's going to log on when he gets back to work and start a taper plan. If you're reading this John, you are a man of your word. If not, enjoy my former Subs...


    -Buck
    HarrySmooth likes this.

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