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My Story and Suboxone Home Detox
  1. #1
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Default My Story and Suboxone Home Detox

    Hi everyone!

    I have been lurking the forums here for a while and it has been a HUGE help reading stories from people just like me. I am 35, 170lbs and have been an opiate addict for 6 years. 3 years of lorcets, 2 years of 8mg Suboxone, 1 year of taking 2mg of Suboxone.

    My Story

    My addiction began when I got my tonsils removed 6 years ago. I had taken lorcets before getting my tonsils out to get high but it was more of a weekend/special occasion type thing...I could take it or leave it. But once I got my pain meds for my tonsils...woo hoo!! It all began when I got my script refilled even though I was no longer in pain from my surgery.

    I am the typical white collar business man/salesman type who has never been addicted to anything (besides sex). About a month after I began my addiction I realized I had a problem but I couldn't stop because I simply could not afford to take off of work and go into withdrawals. I actually didn't want to stop. I could afford the 4 or 6 lorcets I was taking per day and I was (seemingly) still in control. I took pride that my habit was only a small handful of lorcets a day. What was I thinking?? Well, as you guys all know...it didn't take long before my 4-6 pills per day turned into 12-20 or more a day.

    I dealt with this for a few years until I was so broke I could not afford to buy pills anymore and still be able to afford rent, electricity, etc etc. Forget food, my pills gave me plenty of energy.

    A friend of mine turned me onto Suboxone after buying pills off the street for 3 years. I purchased my Suboxone from him until it also began to get too expensive (although cheaper than buying pills). I had insurance through my job so I went into withdrawals purposefully so I could go to a Suboxone clinic and get a script.

    After I got my Suboxone script life was grand. I no longer went through the emotional peaks and valleys that come from taking pills. I was in a constant state of being numb from taking Suboxone and was perfectly content. I was taking 8mg a day. I should have tapered off after a while but didn't. (My doc never suggested to taper but I knew I needed to, just kept putting it off).

    After about 6 months after starting Suboxone, I began to make stupid life decisions and began withdrawing from anyone who was close to me. I avoided family events, get-togethers, and after a while stopped talking to anyone who knew me prior to my addiction. The reason why is because they could tell I wasn't "normal" and it ticked me off then they would tell me about it...which also made me paranoid and insecure.

    To make a long story not as long, I will just say that I lost my job, my girlfriend, my son, my family, and my friends that I had before my addiction began. To make things worse, since I lost my job I also lost my insurance and had to get a >>>>>> job so I could afford to once again buy Suboxone from the person who turned me on to it.

    Another year passed. When my addiction began I was living in a nice 2 bedroom apartment, had a good job, great friends, I was a great father to my son. When I realized my addiction had to end I was living in a >>>>>> 1 bedroom apartment sleeping on a mattress. No furniture, no pots, no pans, no guitar (I've played guitar since I was 12), no TV. Just my computer and internet to pass the time. No credit, behind on bills, deep in debt and about 3 months from living under a bridge.

    I had always been aware of my problem but never cared to stop. But one night I was lying in bed and began crying. I knew that I could not keep this up. That's when I went to my family and admitted I had a problem.

    I thought my family would kill me, but I didn't care. Hell, if they told me to get lost I would just go buy more Suboxone with my rent money....but they actually understood. I never knew my family would be so understanding. It was a HUGE relief. I thought to myself, no more lying. No more of the numbness from addiction. No more hiding. No more dodging people I knew at Wal-Mart.

    My father agreed to take me in. Thus began my detox.


    Detox

    I spent the first week at my Father's getting ready for detox. I quit my job. I threw away my cheap cell phone. Deactivated my Facebook, Twitter, and any other things I could use to communicate to any dealers with. I had been taking about 2mg of Suboxone daily for the past year or so until this week. I stretched my last 2mg out for a week, then stopped cold turkey.

    Day 1 and 2 was quite manageable. I had chills and fatigue but that was about it. I didn't do much during this time expect eat a bit and watched "Dexter" on my PC to take my mind off of things a bit. (Watching Dexter and Breaking Bad helped me immensely the following 2 weeks. I really recommend doing something like this to take your mind off things.)

    Day 3-7 was total hell. Cold Chills, Full body RLS, only 1-3 hours of sleep which was prob the worst thing...hell the gov't uses sleep deprivation as an interrogation technique. My heart was pounding, low appetite and minor depression. I knew at this time I really messed up...I should have tapered a lot more but I was already in the middle of it and there was nothing I could do. I began to even plan escape but I had no money and I gave my keys to my Father so I couldn't go anywhere. I knew I had to continue to ride this out. After day 5, things began to get a bit better each day, but I still felt like total crud. I also realized during this time that benadryl made my RLS much worse!! Also, caffeine is the devil!! After I found that out, things began to get easier. I began taking Melatonin to help me sleep a bit.

    Day 8-10 was MUCH better. I began sleeping at least 6 hours and no more RLS or heart pounding out of my chest. My appetite came back and I began day dreaming about sex for the first time in quite a while. I felt like I weighed 500 lbs but still managed to force myself to get outside and walk around the block a time or 2.

    I am on day 12 now and I feel like I am almost back to my old self. I am still a bit fatigued but compared to what last week was like...hell, I'm quite ok. I am very proud of myself. I expected to be severely depressed but I haven't been for some reason. I know I am not out of the woods yet. I am quite nervous about looking for a job and working sober. I found out that my sis-in-law went through opiate detox last year so she is going to introduce me to going to meetings and a sponsor perhaps which I am a little nervous about as well.

    Looking back on things, it is amazing how much pills and Suboxone numbed my senses. I was walking earlier today and I was noticing how beautiful everything was, how the air smelled, how the music on my MP3 player sounded better than ever, etc etc. I even cried while watching a movie for the first time in years.

    Wow, I just realized how much I typed. I also realize how great I feel typing this. I just wanted to share my story and hope that someone will read it and make better decisions than I have. I am now back to getting my life in order. I am looking forward to being a good father to my son, a good son to my father...and an all around good, productive person...for me.

    Thanks!!!

    LesPaulJeff
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-10-2014 at 08:15 PM.

  2. #2
    lovingmy3 is offline Junior Member
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    Wow what a wonderful story! I have been a long time lurker here and have always enjoyed reading everyone's story, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.

    I just started my taper off 11.4mg (twice a day) total daily. I am using Roberts taper schedule. I'm only on day 3 of my taper but am feeling good and your story gives me hope!

    I really hope I can make it like you have and be completely off of this medicine. I hate that my whole life has revolved around pills! I have wasted 3 years that I should gave devoted fully to my hubby and 3 kids. We can't change the past though, only look forward to a better future.

    I think it's wonderful that you're clean! Keep up the good work!

    LM3

  3. #3
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you! I am glad you are beginning to taper. I regret not tapering off much more than I did. I tapered from 8mg a day to 2mg a day just so I could afford to buy Suboxone off the street...lol. When you finally get to 2mg, keep tapering!!

    I am a wimp. If I can do it, you can too!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-11-2014 at 12:25 PM.

  4. #4
    lovingmy3 is offline Junior Member
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    I guarantee you I'm a bigger wimp lol! One of my biggest reasons for not quitting sooner at times was my fear of withdrawaling, isn't that awful? Of course I loved taking my pills too though. I hope I can taper down to crumbs and than skip days.

    Your story is so familiar. With not telling family, being isolated from others, and just letting things get out of hand. Since I've been on suboxone I'm seeing all the >>>> I've let go. Bills, responsibilities, the house, just a mess. It's almost depressing seeing the mess that was made, but it's ok because I can fix that. That's all that matters.

    Keep up your good work. Keep posting here so we all can follow your progress.
    kittylover84 likes this.

  5. #5
    JohnLFunk is offline New Member
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    I just read your story and it sounds pretty familiar to me too. It's crazy how numb this pill can make you to EVERYTHING and how much you "awaken" once you are off. It's almost like a completely distorted reality while you're on. Even if you are aware of certain things you really don't care, you are content with being numb and self medicating. It's tough losing people you care deeply about...I know the feeling but you have to get better first and foremost before you can even attempt to repair any broken relationships. And yeah, music sounds great now huh? I haven't stopped listening since I jumped off. The sun seems to shine brighter and for once I actually appreciate a sunny day now instead of just being "meh" about it.

    Great story though, stay clean and good luck with everything. All the best.
    Iwantoff2013 and LesPaulJeff like this.

  6. #6
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks again lovingmy3 and JohnLFunk! It is so comforting to hear others that can at least somewhat identify with me. Makes me feel like I am on a "team" instead of flying solo! And John, thanks for the advice. Yes, I plan to be totally clean and feeling better before I attempt to right any wrongs.

    Today is day 13 and I am feeling a bit better every day. Each day I get a little bit more energy. I am still have a bit of trouble sleeping. For as long as I can remember I have been sleeping about 8-10 hours a night and now I am having to get by with anywhere from 4-6 hours. Falling asleep at midnight and waking up at 4:30am bright eyed is no fun. I do realize that it could be worse and I am happy I am not feeling like I did from days 3-7.

    I regret not tapering but I am kind of glad I went through heck last week. It makes me never want to deal with that again. To anyone reading this, I am probably making it sound worse than it was just b/c I am a cry baby opiate addict, but as I said in a previous post...I am a wimp, and if I can do this you can too! I will look forward but I will also never forget.

    I have noticed on days that I get out and exercise I sleep better, so tomorrow I plan to wear myself out and see what happens. I have read much online about the lack of sleep and like everything else...it will come with time. I just hope it hurries the heck up.

    ;-)

  7. #7
    JohnLFunk is offline New Member
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    Sure thing man, no problem. Going through withdrawals are no fun and anything positive you can "latch" onto definitely helps...especially words of encouragement.

    Today is day 19 for me and although most of the effects of withdrawal have subsided to a significant degree there are still a few lingering things but nothing that is unbearable like days 3-7. I also was used to getting 8 hours every night but I'm barely getting 7 now. Today I really felt like >>>> because I probably only got about 4 1/2 to 5 hours last night but I'll just crash early tonight to make up for it.

    I also did not taper like you and even though it was hell it was worth it to me. I didn't want to prolong the process and to be honest my body seemed to be rejecting them anyways so it's all for the better. It's no small feat to jump off without tapering though, everything I read recommends to gradually slow down so it's definitely not a wimpish thing to do.

    Oh yeah, I'm not sure if you are having any back pain or not but mine was unbearable for the first 10 days and it still gets kinda bad on days where I'm not active or I sit around alot. I have noticed on days where I'm active and move around/do stuff it almost disappears completely so I highly recommend being active if you can muster up the energy to do so. I know it's rough but it pays off when you go to sleep which can make the next day that much better. Like you said it's a rough process that doesn't come quick enough but you just gotta keep fighting through. Time = Healing, especially when it comes to addiction.

    Keep us posted on how you're doing.
    LesPaulJeff likes this.

  8. #8
    lifeandlove is offline New Member
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    Nice to know this is doable. My husband and i have been addicted to dones anyways I went to a sub dr a little over 2 weeks ago got a 14 day supply and we half way split it but considering it's so expensive for the appt and the script we really cant afford it and we don't wanna go back to the dones either so we've stopped c/t. his last dose was last friday and mine was sunday! we're making do as best as we can but nice to see we're not alone!

  9. #9
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnLFunk View Post
    Oh yeah, I'm not sure if you are having any back pain or not but mine was unbearable for the first 10 days and it still gets kinda bad on days where I'm not active or I sit around alot. I have noticed on days where I'm active and move around/do stuff it almost disappears completely so I highly recommend being active if you can muster up the energy to do so. I know it's rough but it pays off when you go to sleep which can make the next day that much better. Like you said it's a rough process that doesn't come quick enough but you just gotta keep fighting through. Time = Healing, especially when it comes to addiction.

    Keep us posted on how you're doing.
    Yes John. I have been having minor back pain. More of the pain resides in my shoulders though. I feel it when I am sitting up in the middle of the day and when I wake up as well. I am taking Advil and Aleve but I might as well be taking a sugar pill b/c it doesn't phase me. I, like you, think it comes from inactivity. I too feel better when I am up and around...but I have been doing what my body is telling me to do. Like all other symptoms, I am sure it will leave us both shortly.

  10. #10
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Lifeandlove, Hang in there!! Its good that you have a partner with you. I couldn't have done this without the support of my Father. I am glad you have your hubby there with you...hopefully this experience will bring you even closer than you already are and your family will be even stronger once this has passed....and it will pass.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-11-2014 at 10:52 PM. Reason: Grammar

  11. #11
    lovingmy3 is offline Junior Member
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    You all are doing great and it inspires me! I am on day 4 of my first taper.......I am tapering again starting tomorrow. I am moving along. It feels good.

    I have had insomnia for so long now that an 8 hour block of sleep would be the BEST christmas present I could get this year! Have you tried melatonin? My youngest son has trouble sleeping and they recommend melaton

    I also hooked up our Wii game system because it has some pilates, yoga, and other exercise programs that I used to use. Exercise helps get those endorphins up which helps you sleep and feel better. I am starting that today.

    My back has been KILLING me.....I am taking aleve and using bengay like crazy, it smells like my grandmas house in here, lol........Keep posting and updating your progress. Its inspiring...

    Michelle

  12. #12
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks lovingmy3! I hope your tapering goes well. And yes, I am currently taking Melatonin but I think my body just laughs at it. I am still afraid to take any benedryl b/c like I said in my 1st post...it made my RLS much worse.

    Today is day 14 for me...Suboxone free. I got out today and walked 2 miles and sprinted about 1/8 of a mile or so. I didn't feel like I could do it, but once I got going it was fine. I wanted to get out today and exercise so I would hopefully be tired tonight at bedtime. I actually wanted to get out more because I am really getting cabin fever. Also went to the Dollar Store today to get a couple of things. Talked to the cashier there that knows me and it was nice.

    I know I made a good decision. I am soooo glad that the first week is over more than anything. Every time I feel lazy or kind of bad I tell myself that I got through that first week so I can do anything...and it helps.

    That walk made my legs feel like jello but hopefully it will pay dividends very soon. I plan to go walk/jog again tomorrow if I am not sore. My back is not hurting anymore so that is a plus as well. Like everything else...I guess things improve with time. Time heals all wounds IMO.

  13. #13
    lovingmy3 is offline Junior Member
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    That's awesome that you're getting out and around. For SO long I've felt that I've been secluded because I could sit home and eat pills. Ugh, what a life right?!

    I'm so glad I'm seeing clearer now but its a daily struggle. It's worth it though.

    You made it through hell week! If you can do that, you got this! You'll be fine, it sounds like you're doing great. Keep it up! I'm trailing behind ya, slowly, but I'm moving forward and that feels good.

  14. #14
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Hi all. Just wanted to check back in and throw out a few thoughts. I am on day 24 now and feeling pretty darn good. I am still a bit lethargic at times and have to force myself to get moving but I'm quite alright. My sleep is starting to come back a bit...I slept 8 hours last night which was a big win for me. I had to force myself not to take naps and that helped a lot. I have no other w/d symptoms right now except for a lack of sleep, slight motivation issues, and not being 100% comfy in my own skin, but it gets better every day.

    I just wanted to share the good and bad of what has helped me and what has hurt me during my time in Suboxone withdrawal so far. Your mileage may vary depending on your prior use, physical condition, mental state, etc etc. If anything I have listed is counter productive, then I apologize...but as I said, it has been what has worked for me so far.

    Good

    -Don't go into withdrawal alone. Have someone (Friend, family member, etc etc) on call to help you in case you need it.

    -Time off work. I realize that a lot of people still continue to work during this ordeal and thats awesome!! But personally I couldn't.

    -No cell phone or get a new cell phone number unless you have someone who can stay with you. Delete all old contacts. Also, no Twitter, no Facebook or anything else you can use to communicate to dealers or hook-ups for the first couple of weeks.

    -Exercise.

    -Good TV/Movies. I would be miserable if I just sat around all day thinking about my w/d's. TV and Movies are a great distraction.

    -Melatonin. I don't know actually how much it has helped physically but it certainly helps mentally when trying to go to sleep.

    -Pepto. For obv reasons.

    -Vitamins and bananas.

    -Clean clothes and bed sheets. The sweats you get can make your bed feel nasty. I think its very important to always have on clean clothes and have nice clean sheets.

    -Message boards. For support of course. I would just advise someone in w/d to not read TOO much. Too much message board reading could be bad mentally IMO. I was careful which threads I chose to read.

    -Have something to look forward to/keep a schedule. Either cook or have someone cook you meals (if you can eat) at the same time everyday. Exercise at same time daily. Have a friend or family member to come by on certain days or times. Take a shower at same time every day if you can, etc etc. IMO this helps a LOT!! It keeps things from getting too mundane and gave me something to look forward to and a small goal to accomplish at regular intervals. Also helped me by just making it through the day without going nuts.


    Bad

    -Caffeine. Caffeine put me on edge and really raised my anxiety levels. When I realized this and stopped drinking caffeinated drinks I began to feel much better.

    -Benadryl. YMMV but this made my RLS tons worse. As with caffeine, once I realized this and stopped taking it I felt much better.

    -Greasy/Spicy food. Ughh...I hate some pizza one night and regretted it.

    -Apples and Apple juice. I thought, Ill get some fruit juice that I actually like, yay!! Bad move. Tore my stomach up.


    I'm no expert. This is just what helped me get to where I am now. As I stated in a previous post, I am hoping maybe someone will run upon this and not make some of the same mistakes I made. Thanks!
    Iluv2smile and kicknthehabit like this.

  15. #15
    rennie86 is offline Member
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    Hey LesPaul! I just wanted to do in and say congratulations! It sound like you are doing well and you've accomplished so much! Today would be day 26 right!?? That is amazing! Great job! I am currently at the end of a very long taper! Today will be my second attempt at dropping down from 1mg to .75mg but I'm feeling pretty good about it! Have you been able to get out to any meetings with your sis-in-law? That could be extremely helpful! Keep up the good work and happy holidays!

  16. #16
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Rennie! Yea, I am on day 26 and feeling pretty decent. I haven't been able to get out and excerise in a few days b/c its been rainy and cold...so I'm feeling a tad lethargic but not too bad. Mentally I am in a good place. Sleeping on average of 6 hours a night but I am napping more than I did the past few weeks so I'm not complaining. I need to stop napping but I like it.

    I haven't been to any meetings yet. I'm really afraid to go to be honest. I'm always very social with friends and family but I'm not really comfy in a crowd so I personally want more time under my belt before I go....at least that's my excuse for now.

    Congrats on your taper!! I get overjoyed to hear about anyone who wants to stop taking Suboxone. Keep going!! I've never done a scheduled taper but I used to taper for months by necessity when Suboxone wasn't as readily available to me. This may be counter-productive and I'm not doctor but when I knew I had to take a lower dose for a while I would just stop taking Suboxone for a few days (like for an entire weekend) or anytime I had off work. So basically I would go into very early withdrawals, then when I started taking Suboxone again on the 4th day, I would take a lower dose than before. It always worked very very well for me doing that...even with extremely small doses. When I was on day 4 I would be so mentally and physically ready to continue using Suboxone, the smaller (tapered) dose would pick me back up like never before and make me feel good as new. The only thing was I wasn't ready to stop, and when more Suboxone was available to me I would increase my dose which was a mistake b/c I really didn't need it. I hope all that makes sense. This may be a very bad idea though.

    Anyways, thanks for asking about me. I'm doing much better than I thought I would. Continuing to use was and is not an option for me. I hate how it made me feel and think so I'm so glad that I'm getting back to feeling normal again.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-24-2014 at 08:32 PM. Reason: Grammar
    Iluv2smile and Iwantoff2013 like this.

  17. #17
    LesPaulJeff is offline Junior Member
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    In one hour I'll be a month Suboxone free!! I'm feeling great. No cravings to speak of. Eating good, sleeping better (slept 9 hours last night, courtesy of benadryl which is now safe for me to take again without any side effects....yay!)

    My next action of plan is to lay low until the 1st then begin looking for a job. I'll be checking in from time to time and posting in this thread and others as well. I feel I need to pay it forward a bit. You guys have been a big help to me. Thanks for listening to me while I went through this ordeal.

    Cheers! An early Happy New Year to everyone
    Lincolnecho and Iluv2smile like this.

  18. #18
    rennie86 is offline Member
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    Congratulations!
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