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  1. #61
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    WOW that is so scary! Just goes to show you never think it could happen...until it happens to you. That is traumatizing, thats not being a Debbie Downer thats being brutally honest and you could save someone's life with that story. You definitely had a guardian angel over your shoulder that night Rose. God bless you. Wow. Your bf too I couldn't imagine finding my husband blue in a bathtub. Glad you made it ok. A friend of mine stopped breathing before from a drug overdose..and he is still relearning how to do just daily tasks we all take for granted. You got a second chance on life with that one. I really think though that some of us are just SO lost that sometimes it takes that wake up call to bring you back to reality.

    I agree with Rose, Jay. The moment you choose to flush em, you'll feel better for it. If you really really think about it.....whats the point of even having them laying around. You wont need them doing this, I promise. Your mind plays some crazy tricks telling you what you might "need". Not trying to gang up on you also I promise just voicing some concerns esp with reading what Rose said above now. To me...benzos could easily flush down the toilet just a pill to me.... NOW Suboxone on the other hand I know for myself would be much tougher to do. Maybe ask yourself why they're so hard to flush for you. Your a smart guy, you know what you want and there is only one way to get you there. Taking back control, doing what you gotta do even if it means not trusting yourself, treating yourself like a child. Whenever there is something that needs done that I can't bear to do...I make my husband do . Maybe you could have your wife do it for you? If you choose to of course. No pressure. Shove shove push push push. LOL. Kidding. Glad your taper is going well though. Your making your way! I always felt the worst day 3...4 a little better then 5 much better! So this should be the worse of your drop. Which your not lying in bed dying...so your doing it! "One day at a time".

    Do you have kids also? I thought you mentioned kids? Seems like a lot of us are parents.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-08-2014 at 06:16 PM.
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  2. #62
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Thank you to both of you for your replies...i know they are heart felt and you two are correct...of course i can reply with a long antithesis justifying ther remained location in the safe, but I'm afraid it wouldn't sound like anything more then a list of excuses...
    i will say this, we all obviously do have some self control tapering subs... and ther for me will always be an easy way to get a pill or a drink...always has been easy...i think it always will....

    Idammit you too are taking all the good benifits away and making me think of the bad! Lol thanks tho
    anyways didn't make it to the NA meeting, My sorta sponser never showed up so what did i do? Well i didn't drink or use... i been looking into AA alternatives such as smart recovery... i think people need to find what works for them and ther are more then one path that lead to sobriety .. i just really will consider all the help and support that's out there
    Rose your story really is a good warning and i really do not want to find out first hand what long term benzo use is all about..ill take your word on that for sure

    so anyway I'm day four at .66 mg... its doable for sure....slept good again last night...actually fell asleep quickly just minor rls...this morning drag ass to get outta bed had some withdrawal sneezes but dosed upon awakening and any icky feelings are about 75 percent gone

    gonna see how i feel saturday if it good then sunday will drop to .50

    I have some adrenal plus and dlpa i been saving for when i jump...took one of each yesterday...

    haven't touched any clonidine or sleeping pills...haven't felt i needed them...i guess the benzos i have i justify as last resort...
    i have been thru BRUTAL h e r o i n withdrawal and an scared to death of it.... i would drink monky piss excuse mylanguage if i thought that would help...
    anyways i do need to hear benzos are bad i forget sometimes...i honestly do NOT plan on getting anymore... i scared myself with my behavoiur initially enouf on them that i have a certain respect for there evil ways....
    i dunno what else to say....lemme grab a cup of coffee and ill read some other posts and what not...ill reread yours too maybe i need too....which i often to cause I'm so thickheaded and stubborn...neways i hope you both have a great sober blessed day!!! JAY

  3. #63
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    Good Morning! Oh I'm sure we all can come up with a million and one excuses...lol. One thing this lifestyle turns you into is a good liar. Not only to others but to yourself also. With the Benzos I can say....I promise promise promise you, you won't need them through this. Your thinking off some much harder withdrawals. Trust me when I say you WON'T have those anxiety attacks. I know what your afraid of. I understand your reasoning for keeping them around I really do. Same reason my husband had one "just incase". You won't feel like that this time if you trust us all and do this right you have my word. I have already skipped a day in my taper and no anxiety. Maybe a little antsy like I needed to be doing something physically. Then I kept busy and felt better. No anxiety attacks I promise. Just do this right and stick with it. My sleeping has been good as well also! I really am kind of a whiner when I really think of how much worse off I could be lol. You'll be fine though you will see. Your making awesome progress! AND guess what! You should be feeling much better tomorrow. Mornings def were the worst of my drops but once I forced myself to get going I felt better. I think Saturday is a good goal for you also, you'll give yourself plenty of time to adjust to that dose, the only time I felt the worst was just dropping too soon. So I'm sure Friday you'll wake up feeling minimal if no symptoms and you'll know when its time to drop. Your doing this, whether happily, sadly or pissed off lol your doing it thats the important part! Stay positive!
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  4. #64
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    BTW...what is Adrenal plus and dlpa? What do they do? You seem to have the scoop on all the good OTC remedies lol. Were gonna have to nickname you Dr Jay.

  5. #65
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Adrenal plus is said to support adrenal function...apparently your adrenal axis is all messed up when doing opiates...your adrenal gland secretes stress horomones such as cortisol and adrennaline especially when in opiate withdrawal or so i read in some study somewhere...in theory adrenal plus should minimize some withdrawal by supporting adrenal function...

    dpla is a little harder for me to explain....it is an otc supplement said to support the bodys endorphin system it has something to do with the breakdown or reuptake of the bodys natural endorphins...it is used in pain managment and in theory could help lessen ir shorten opiate/suboxone withdrawals....

    i don't know that much about what will make me/us feel better...been some trial and error on my part........for instance a month ago i tried megadosing pure kava root/cocanut milk...and got soooo. sick i doubled my suboxone intake for three days just so i can.function and go to work....

    I'm learning like everyone and ther no magic cure...(some say ibogaine) but i hate with a passion psychedelic. drugs...

    anyways I'm open for suggestion like anyone else.... and have not found a magic formula yet nor plan too....just wanting a softer landing..and i think that is a valid and legitimate want...anyways just my two cents...jay
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  6. #66
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Oh..i just realize i missed your first post and ya lying to myself and others and being selfish is a HUGE part of being a drug addict o know first hand...ya can't BS a BSer so to speak...

    ya i think I'm terrified of withdrawal....last summer i jumped subs for 16 DAYS at 2 Mg and i know the benzos would have greatly helped i barely slept for two weeks...on the other hand THIS time i am going to a much lower dose first and trying to get some of my issues under control before i jump so its not overwelming.... i think its just past withdrawal experiences i am expecting similar this time...GOD that would be nice if it wasn't bad this time


    this time I'm ready...this time i prepared..this time i have motivation..and so on...

    I'm not gonna try to BS you.... just damn i gotta learn to trust you guys and the process i guess.... faith is not my best attribute...neways ill work on that...thanks again for all.your encouragment..maybe that's what i needed more then anything..

    its just so NORMAL for me to reach for a pill.or a drink or drug...gotta work on that...well thankd again...Jay

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    Oh..i just realize i missed your first post and ya lying to myself and others and being selfish is a HUGE part of being a drug addict o know first hand...ya can't BS a BSer so to speak...

    ya i think I'm terrified of withdrawal....last summer i jumped subs for 16 DAYS at 2 Mg and i know the benzos would have greatly helped i barely slept for two weeks...on the other hand THIS time i am going to a much lower dose first and trying to get some of my issues under control before i jump so its not overwelming.... i think its just past withdrawal experiences i am expecting similar this time...GOD that would be nice if it wasn't bad this time


    this time I'm ready...this time i prepared..this time i have motivation..and so on...

    I'm not gonna try to BS you.... just damn i gotta learn to trust you guys and the process i guess.... faith is not my best attribute...neways ill work on that...thanks again for all.your encouragment..maybe that's what i needed more then anything..

    its just so NORMAL for me to reach for a pill.or a drink or drug...gotta work on that...well thankd again...Jay


    If you don't have faith, what else do we have? Can't base everything off proof. We haven't all seen enough in life to be able to live just off proof of everything. Just sometimes gotta take someones word from their experience. There are still some good people out there, even though your a stranger we would hate to send you into panic attacks etc.

    I also dropped back in Dec from 2 mgs. For some reason that was before I really believed in suboxone withdrawal. Funny what you can tell yourself when you want to believe something. Everyone else in my house had the flu so I just went with that also. I probably really did have some sort of virus on top of withdrawing. It was bad. I ended up taking oxy to sleep (thinking I could just wean off those if I needed..) and then ended right back at 2 mgs suboxone. You live and learn. The adrenal gland and dlpa stuff is really interesting. I'm going to school for nursing so I know how the adrenal gland works...it actually produces hormones and helps regulate kidney function. They're on top of the kidneys. So maybe just maybe it also increases filtration, helping get the drugs out of your system faster. Makes sense to me.

    I have spent so much money on OTC remedies so far. Got 3 more today lol. Immodium-enough said. No need to get into detail there but you know the drill LOL. Just a heads up. Extra strength heartburn meds, and some "odor free" aspercreme for achy joints. I haven't taken anything so far today and yesterday I only took .0612 (half of .125 mg) I'm honestly good! I feel ok. Not great but not bad. Just some stomach probs creepin up and pain in my ankle that I've been whining about since I started the taper lol. But if you made it 16 days off 2 mg...this time weaning even lower and dropping should be (compared to that) a cake walk. Just don't rush it. If your feeling the same in 4-5 days as the day you dropped don't drop again yet. Hold out there a couple more days you'll know. Also I dropped from .25 to .125 50%...stupidly. Don't know how I did that math or didn't realize it at the time. Anyways your doing good! If the benzos locked away make you feel more secure knowing they are there. Or if you absolutely absolutely cannot sleep and have your gf dole out a tiny crumb for sleeping only then do what you gotta do. Just take extra precaution.

    If you make it through not needing them, flush those >>>>ers! lol

  8. #68
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    Hey Jay...just wanted to say I found that site you were talking about! About the chemical processes our bodies go through during withdrawal. Elevated cortisol levels etc making us feel extra stressed out. Also something kinda crazy. It mentions many with addictive personalities have ADHD (Which I do...I was diagnosed years ago). This also says make sure you increase your B vitamins because low levels increase cortisol also. It says the B vitamins deplete faster during withdrawal so you may have to up the dosage. This is a good site though thanks!

    If anyone else wants to read:
    opiatewithdrawaltips.com/comfort-issues/

  9. #69
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Jay: you're doing really, really good. Listen to your body. Make sure you feel stable before you drop and these lower doses will go much better.

    In need to talk, look for Ask Ruth's thread. That's ARTIST658 and she's the wisest person I know in the cybersphere. She speaks about the difference between the twelve steps and SMART recovery. There was a poster in "need to talk" Wingedeagle, and she is a great writer and wrote about kicking H: very surreal. I never experienced anything like that myself, but I hear it's REAL HARD w/d. It's a miracle anyone gets past that, so I guess, you're a miracle . LOL. No, really. As the sub leaves your body, and if you make a point to be stable before you drop, your symptoms should be manageable.

    Hope you're having a great day! Stay positive and focused. You've got this.

    Rose (no more downer stuff)
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  10. #70
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Gettinitoverwith, ya i know all about lopermide..it actually works on the perephial opiate receptors and is great tool for kicking.... that's one of my number one withdrawal meds...my second is doxylamine succinate...its an antihistimine that also causes drowsines...so a sleep aid altho someone here said not to take it with clonidine which is another good comfort med so i hear.... hot baths ir showers help immensly....everything else is preference i suppose...and can be hit or miss...i take a daily multi vitamin b complex milk thistle and a few others....

    i am planning on doin the same as you...taper to .25 then .125 then half that...i simply can't work with anything smaller...ya it will be 50 percent reduction...but at that point I'm just gonna go for it ya know




    @rose.... ya ill have to check that thread out sounds great...and yai can write a whole post about AA and why I'mlooking into alternatives but i won't tonight... a hare krishna once said: if your a christian then be a good christian... if your a bhuddist then be a good bhuddist... ill leave it at that for now


    lastly tomorro i may have a urine drug test that i do not want anything showing up....I'm not taking my morning dose which is making me nervouse cause i haven't left my house in almost a year withougt taking anything...will be sorta a test run for when i start skipping days...everything will be ok.

    today was a hard day...no energy..no 'zooted' feeling subs used to give me...aches and pains seemed enhanced... i can still tell this low dose holding the withdrawals at bay..but not my emotions if that makes sense....ill have to ponder that more....


    well thanks for listening to me yap....hope yall are doing well......ill talk to ya tomorro ...learning to have faith ...Jay

  11. #71
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Oh snap it slilpped my mind we were talking about the stress ones body goes under during withdrawal...yasome have sworn by that adrenal plus..i dunno ill find out when i jump...i also have some magnolia bark extract...(not the little bottle with alchohol...but a real deal 100 grams or so of it supposed to also help the body with inflimation is antioxidant and also perhaps helps the body in times of stress....you can find almost any herb or supplement online and i have a few places i can order and have it shipped within days... valerian root i haven't tried yet....anyways sorry...i bore my girlfriend to death with this stuff but I'm highly interested in holistic alternative med....it all started when i quit drinking alchohol and was buying herbal teas...then i started making my own herbal teas....my favorite is the easiest. simple green tea...fresh lemon and ginger great on the kidneys liver and stomach...has antioxidant properties l theanine...and still a bit of caffeinel...love it lol...can't wait to wake up and get a cup of it...well i gotta hop in the shower...peace jay

  12. #72
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Sorry...I'm posting so much...just thinking about stuff..this for sure is my online journal.... you had mentioned perhaps adhd? I don't think i have that but am looking into the idea that addiction can perhaps be a manifistation of another problem...as you have said perhaps adhd? Withought writing a book here illa just focus on one apect of my addition ... I've been toying around with the idea i may be hypoglocemic....i did an online survey and have like every single damn symptom......they say many with mood disorders, criminal.records and addictions.indeed are hypoglycemic...soo after reading that.. been kinda half assed following a diet that supposed to help that while avoiding sugars including alchohol...haven't been avoiding caffeine and nicotine but i can't very well.quit everything at once now can i lol....anyways you said your a nursing student that's good you have a curiosity about you as nurses have more time with the patient...i have physilogical anisicoria that was acting up real bad and freeking me the hell.out a few years ago it was a nurse that figured out what gave me crazy eyes even after the doctors did cat scans and all kinds of eye tests and such the nurse was the one who nailed the problem and fugured out wtf ya know...anyway...made a cup of ginger tea gonna drink.it and attempt sleep.....


    i really want off suboxone...getting closer!! Sweet! Jay
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-09-2014 at 10:42 PM.

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    Hey Jay!

    Omg you sound like my brothers. LOL. They get so into something and will research everything about it. My nephew came over to stay the night a week ago..he's 6 (my brothers son) and spent the night explaining to me why Mcdonalds food is bad and not to chew gum because of Aspertine (spell check). So just to show you HOW much my brother talks about that lol his 6 year old is into it now. Then my baby brother he called me a week ago to tell me just how bad Moth balls are for your health 30 min conversation that took haha....Its a good thing though comes in handy! My oldest brother is also into that "survivalist" mode, but I know where I'm running if anything ever happens lol..his house. You'd love nursing school, or any kind of medical degree. Thats all I do is read all about the human body and how different chemicals affect things, then take exams on it. Interesting stuff...good field to get into also the money is nice. Maybe this is your destiny..you never know? I'm not surprised a nurse diagnosed you...a lot of people brush them off and wait to hear from the Dr. But you should see the schooling that goes into my degree. Psychology, Communications, Pharmacology, and a ton of learning the human body and symptoms. You can become a Nurse Practioner by simply getting a masters degree in Nursing. You'd like it though, you sound like the type that would be into that field.

    I don't know what triggers addiction, I think a lot of it is problems coping, not being taught a healthier way to cope with life problems. Putting up a wall and not talking out problems...that sort of thing. I don't know what it is but I do know there is no cure. I definitely believe that. Just a lot of coping and learning boundaries and choosing to protect ourselves from bad influences. I really believe there comes the point where we have to CHOOSE ourselves and be "selfish" in the sense that were willing to hurt feelings of the people who really don't have your best interest at heart. I've been pretty good about that lately and its helped. I don't need SO many friends and we can't please everyone. The people who really really love you and care for you want to see you clean and happy, no one else matters. We will get there though. You've seem to have come a long way. You have a LOT to be proud of with that. Just look at it this way, if life was easy on you...and you didn't make those mistakes you wouldn't be 1/2 as strong as you are today. Proud of you! We got this!!! Glad you stuck around!
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  14. #74
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Hey everyone...i only have few minutes...just got out of counseling got myself out. taking a drug test by chatting up the counseler and running out of time...i know I'm bad...the good news she on vacation next week so got two weeks till next bupe test....i should be under .5 mg

    by then ain't no way that sh
    owing up

    skipping my morning dose was HARD but i did it....finally took my .67 a half hour ago......took some clonidine and a handful of supplements...i couldn't take lopermide cause that can trigger a false positive for opiates which sucked cause was getting moderate stomach cramps... i made it....almost said screw it and jump now. but no patience...stick to the plan ...everything will be ok...

  15. #75
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Gettin it over with
    .i gotta go to my oldest sons school for a musical...ill respond to your post when i get done and check out your thread peace jay

  16. #76
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    I hear you about nurses. I ALWAYS as the nurse after the doc leaves. My mom has problems with her lungs and was in the hospital last summer while they tried to figure out what was wrong. Man, it's a good thing my mom worked as an admitting clerk and transcriptionist. They had her on prednisone and other stuff, her sugar was slightly, I mean slightly elevated, as can happen with high prednisone (tell me if I'm wrong, LOL, i never remember med. stuff). Anyhow, one evening a nurse comes in with a syringe: she was going to give her INSULIN!!! The nurse knew what was up, but the doc ordered it, told my mom what it was and did a kinda wink/wink, needless to say my mom REFUSED, good lord, the docs (some 4 year old they just made a doc) could have killed her! GOOD nurses KNOW WHAT'S UP.
    Gettin' you should read ARTIST658's thread, she writes a ton about addiction, theories of what causes it. One interesting one is a chemical called "THIQ" that addicts seem to have an abundance of once it's triggered by a mood altering substance. I love your post, YOU NAILED IT.

    Rose

  17. #77
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Jay: I'm hoping your day is going well and by that i mean that ALL IS WELL. It's a nice sunny spring day here, at least for today and it's supposed to be 70 on Saturday. Can't wait to here the peepers in the woods across the street. Think I'm going to try to learn how to make your ginger tea, sounds good!!!

    Rose

  18. #78
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @ Rose...how ya been? Ya this spring weather is great...70 sounds awesome...the birds have been coming back so i notice...think i even heard a Bee buzz by.... figured spring being a time of renewal...perfect time to quit suboxone and replace with walks outside...sitting in the sun or under a shade tree drinking ice tea or lemon aid. Speaking of lemonaide just got home from my oldest son he had a play at school called lemonaide....the moral of the story is when life hands you lemons you make lemonaide....i know sounds cheezy but seeing my son up there with all the other second graders really reminded me what is important in life and reiteratte why I'm quitting drugs


    just to think a few years ago i was homeless and hopelessly strung out on dope...today I'm clean and sober and in my sons (both of em) lives.....


    anyway they are blessings from god who has given me yet another chance........

    I'M really. reaaly lucky man.


    so ya I'm doing well...gonna drop to .5 on sunday...I'm ready...then .4 a week from sunday and so forth...slow and low....steady as she goes......

  19. #79
    auburn girl is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    @ Rose...how ya been? Ya this spring weather is great...70 sounds awesome...the birds have been coming back so i notice...think i even heard a Bee buzz by.... figured spring being a time of renewal...perfect time to quit suboxone and replace with walks outside...sitting in the sun or under a shade tree drinking ice tea or lemon aid. Speaking of lemonaide just got home from my oldest son he had a play at school called lemonaide....the moral of the story is when life hands you lemons you make lemonaide....i know sounds cheezy but seeing my son up there with all the other second graders really reminded me what is important in life and reiteratte why I'm quitting drugs


    just to think a few years ago i was homeless and hopelessly strung out on dope...today I'm clean and sober and in my sons (both of em) lives.....


    anyway they are blessings from god who has given me yet another chance........

    I'M really. reaaly lucky man.


    so ya I'm doing well...gonna drop to .5 on sunday...I'm ready...then .4 a week from sunday and so forth...slow and low....steady as she goes......
    Hey Jay! Glad you are doing well. I have a question, since you seem to be so knowledgeable on drug tests...lol. Do you or anyone know if bupe shows up on just a regular test? We have random drug tests at work. I have never been called, but I know my day will come. I'm scared ****-less. If I had a script for my sub it wouldn't be a big deal, but I don't. My husband is the one with it, and we share. Because why spend so much money on the both of us when we can just share the stuff. Going to the dr. is expensive. Anyway just thought I would ask.

    Hope your son's musical went well! I have a 2nd grader also.

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    Ps ya ginger tea you can either get fresh ginger root and put it in boiling or hot water or i get this product from walmart its frozen.ginger cubes its a tray with a serving of ginger in each cube its super convenient and goes well with a slice or two of fresh lemon as well....

    @gettin it over with.... ya your brother sounds awesome...great minds think.alike they say *poke* (in jest)
    But ya i was/am on that survival tip....i live out in the country these days we have constant power outages so pretty use to livin off the grid at least a day or two at a time...also two summers back i lived in a homeless encampment called tent city here in ann arbor....only power source we had was a generator we had a couple wood stoves....collected our own water etc....was quite an eye opening experience but learned a lot.... i stockpile food and water and am confident me and my family will survive when the SHTF and everyone is running to the gas station buying gas and milk ill be strait chillin......


    as far as me being a nurse i never thought about it i dunno if I'm as caring as one would have to be..... hell i get griped at for not feeding my own kids the right food or putting on the right clothes by my kids mother and mother in law....i guess i dunno if I'm nurturing enouf i guess..... thanks for the vote of confidence tho! You have a really positive attitude that i aspire to have...self doubt guilt negative thoughts are. Problem area for me


    anyways as far as reasons behind addiction I'm gonna google what rose said and research it some more...both of you hint at the other reasons a person might use drugs and they is probably something to it...i just don't know....and its hard to find out personally when.I'm in active addiction but.if i am.to stay clean i need to address the physical and phsychological reasons that drove me to use and keep using in the first place


    FORGIVNESS.. I/we need to learn how to forgive ourselves as well as others...Gods mercy is infinate.... i have resentment against people who have wronged me in the past...i must forgive them.so i can heal

    i have guilt. Over my past actions i have wronged others...i must learn to forgive myself...

    anyways...I'm starting to think quitting this sub will be just as much a mental struggle as a physical struggle...if not more......this is the reason i post and ask for support and guidence here....

    i need to get things off my chest...clean out my closet so to speak
    .

    put my ducks in a row....I'm fortianate to have you all to be there and who know.what I'm going thru....i don't feel.so alone in this anymore....

    been looking into smart recovery...ran into a neighbor of mine who i go to AA meetings with sometimes...ran into him at my sons school...glad he saw me and that I'm doing well even tho haven't been to meetings....they been so concerned lately...they have this idea that if I'm not going to meetings regurlarly i must be out messing up....suprise AA is great for some but not the final only way.... sorry just don't need that mess of other peoples judgement right now...this is MY recovery And I'm taking responsability for it and not leaving it up to just AA...Ill still go...but i don't need to go just to make them happy...if i find what works for me then let me be ya know...what I eat don't make you >>>> ya know....sorry I do think AA and NA is a great program.if that's what works for you.... just myself personally I'm not into it full time sorry..


    anyways that's my only gripe...ill stop yappin....gonna eat dinner with my family then make some iced tea i think...that sounds goosd....i may be back to see how.everyone is doing after the family goes to sleep...peace Jay

  21. #81
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Auburn girl:

    Bupe (suboxone) does not show up as an opiate on regular testss...it has to be specifically tested for...even my probation doesn't test for bupe and its a nine panel test....my counseling to get my drivers license back does however.test for bupe its a 12 panel test which online says bupe..so I'm 99 percent sure I'm being tested for it...

    that being said i been staying pretty hydrated...eating lots of steak ( for the creatine) to help counteract dillution
    .and keeping my bupe under 1mg a day and skipping morning dose day of test......

    so i haven't failed any drug tests on bupe (yet)...
    i don't think workplaces commonly test for bupe at this point in time but that may change in the future....my advice would be stick to your taper and get under one mg you should be fine..... i have hardcore drug and alchohol testing and i haven't failed you should be fine

    btw is your second grader a boy or a girl?

  22. #82
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Rose....btw i was looking for your thread so i can see how your doing i get so self.involved with my own.problems and yall are a great help support...but sometimes it helps me.to see how others are doing then it struck me...
    i can't recall.where your at in your taper....was just curious anyways i really do hope all.is well wit you too..and curious as to what you up to seeing as your a fellow michigander! Lol...anyways made some iced tea...it turned out sooo good...had to make some more Ice cubes so i can make another pot...i know the caffeine gonna mess wit my sleep but oh well... i found my summer drink at least..well peace..jay

  23. #83
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    jay you asked me on my thread about insomnia when I jumped. I have been prescribed trazadone for insomnia for several years so when I jumped I did not have to deal with insomnia which a lot of people do when they jump. Trazadone isn't a narcotic but you have to have a prescription to get it. You mentioned about working with 8 mg strips and how difficult it will be to go below .25. I went to .25 then decided to do 1 more drop before I jumped so I just took a little snip off of .25 pieces and dosed there for 5 or 6 days then started skipping days. I had the 8 mg strips also and it was a pain cutting them that small but I managed it somehow. I noticed you asked Rose about where she was in her taper and I just thought I would let you know she is not tapering as she has been clean for a good while now. glad to see all went well for you with your councilor earlier today and keep up the good job with your taper. talk to you later

    Alex

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    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Rose omg congrads on being off! I dunno.why that didn't dawn on me before...i feel kinda dumb ...guess that makes sense i couldn't find your taper thread..

    @alex..i gotta go do comunity service at eleven...so makin this quick.... hope you don't mind but i look up to you and trying to do it the way you did in essence

    you said your not a spring chicken anymore i can't even imagine as i feel the same way yet have no room to complain to you.....

    um you ever have a hernia? I think that's what's goin on in my hip/stomach area....i thought it was a pulled muscle last year but never really went away and I'm feeling it again....i gotta ride my bike 6 miles here in a minute then unload a box truck..then i got another job after that stocking beer off semistoo....it kicks my ass by the end of day


    i have moltrin and epsom salt. for pain and achey joints muscles etc..... does a hernia heal itself or does it take a docter

    just thinking your pretty wise man you might know.... thanks for all your input and advice...well i gotta go...thanks again jay

  25. #85
    auburn girl is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    @Auburn girl:

    Bupe (suboxone) does not show up as an opiate on regular testss...it has to be specifically tested for...even my probation doesn't test for bupe and its a nine panel test....my counseling to get my drivers license back does however.test for bupe its a 12 panel test which online says bupe..so I'm 99 percent sure I'm being tested for it...

    that being said i been staying pretty hydrated...eating lots of steak ( for the creatine) to help counteract dillution
    .and keeping my bupe under 1mg a day and skipping morning dose day of test......

    so i haven't failed any drug tests on bupe (yet)...
    i don't think workplaces commonly test for bupe at this point in time but that may change in the future....my advice would be stick to your taper and get under one mg you should be fine..... i have hardcore drug and alchohol testing and i haven't failed you should be fine

    btw is your second grader a boy or a girl?
    That is good to know. Every month at the beginning of the month I cringe bc I know my name will be called. I am below 1mg now. Today I dropped to .5. I decided to just go for it and see how it goes. I can't be scared.

    I have 2 girls. :-) They are the loves of my life.

    btw Alex- that is good to know about the trazadone. I have some of that, but haven't needed to take it, yet. I'm saving it for when I really need it.

    Have a good weekend, Jay.

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    Hey Jay! Hope everything is going good today with the weaning.

    With the AA have you tried pulling aside one of the leaders there if its a certain person giving you grief? Reading through your threads I kinda got the vibe its a problem with someone a little over Religious on you correct me if I'm wrong. I'm a christian myself but one thing I don't believe in is craming beliefs down someone elses throat ugh. My Grandpa is a preacher but he is the most mellow guy you'd ever meet. Doesn't judge, doesn't push...but he will just say God bless you and go about his way lol. Used to be a professional boxer, and once was a professional alligator wrestler back in his crazy days lol. So he doesn't judge anyone. My grandma his wife also is a functioning alchoholic. Always has a few beers on her off days. So coming from where I do theres nothing I can't stand more then someone shoving beliefs down peoples throat and shunning them off. To each their own. Anyways....whatever the problem is that place is open for all and is there to help so if someone is getting a little carried away and making you uncomfortable I'd say for sure speak up. You have just as much right to be there as anyone else. Your trying to better yourself as well.

    You've come along way from tent city. Thats awesome. Sometimes gotta hit the bottom before you can learn how to climb to the top! I really believe everyone has it in them to be who they want to be, just gotta push your away around anyone who doubts you or wants to hold you down. Recognizing toxic people....cause remember misery does love company. I really believe that too...sadly. Everyone has their skeletons in the closet, and no one has the right to judge. Unless we let them. Just gotta remind yourself that only the ones who love you, opinions matter, and your own. NO one elses. Idk where you came from...and how you got to be homeless but your past will haunt you if you let it. I didn't get so far as a tent, I got lucky enough to have a good friend to stay with when I had no where else to go, but I do know the >>>>ty feeling of relying on other people to just survive and its not a good one.

    Honestly until I enrolled back in school I always had that feeling something was missing, I cannot recommend enough how much getting a degree helps your self esteem and self doubt. Just figuring out what you want to do in life and ignoring the doubt holding you back and going for it and actually doing it. It helps so much once you realize what your capable of. Its like a "good" high-accomplishing things you didn't think you could. You got a real knack for something, I can tell your a very smart guy. I can really tell you never really though about that. Just how smart you are. I was thinking about working at an addiction center maybe once I finish my degree. Idk though if I really REALLY can handle hearing everyone's problems though lol. I'm a "fixer", I can't see someone down and just let it be. Some people just don't want to change though and that gets me down.

    Anyways, just keep pushing forward and stay positive. Just think in 10 years you could be clean and picked yourself up off the ground and you'd be alive (most importantly) to tell your story. Giving people all the more reason to respect you for it.

  27. #87
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @ Gettin it over with...thanks you made mr feel better...

    as far as AA... i don't mind the program...its just some of the people there....for instance I'm.trying to cut back quit caffeine and cigarettes too and as soon as i taper quit suboxone imma work.on cigarettes next ... im knocking these down one after another...point is the guy who opens the one meeting i go to...while he means well he currently smokes a pack a day is on 8mg suboxone a day and drinks caffeine as well...kinda like he saying he has a year or so clean yet i just named three drugs he does ya know.

    .i just have this problem with clean time and since i got benzos in my safe (which are still sitting ther haven't took any ) but admited to them i did...they all just seem super focused on the medications i take even tho i am trying to get off all of them....while the guy who happily eats a 8mg pill.everyday is the leader?... I'm sorry i have a problem with that...its been bugging the daylights outta me and i don't want that mess.... i don't know who to bring it up too cause in ther eyes the benzos i took.recently was a relapse....

    as far as spirituality....i raise my kids christian as well...altho. i am more science minded i kinda let them make up they own mind but i do beleive that the universe is absolutely amazing and ther is more to it then what us silly humans can ever know........ i love that show the cosmos on sunday nights altho they do kinda bash creationists a little and i don't like that part i don't see why we can't be scientific and beleive in god too ya know? ...i guess I'm agnostic but go to church and teach my kids about the christian god....


    anyways... thanks for the concern you really are a positive soul in my life i was telling my kids mother about you and others here how lucky i felt to have soo much in my life to be thankful for right now...a place to be honest with myself and others ... i just need to be this way with the guys in AA i guess..its just tricky i feel like i gotta fit ther mold of who i am ya know


    anyways


    I'm dropping to .5 tomorro a day early..screw it I'm ready...ya know.... I'm so sick of this stupid little orange speck dictating how i feel everyday....well... i got another busy day tomorro...hope your heartburn feelin better illstop by to see and if you drop or not...have a good weekend ...jay

  28. #88
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Auburn girl...ya you should be fine with the drug test...i wouldn't sweat it....ya I'm dropping to . 5 tomorro to...kinda like screw it too ya know...I'm soo ready to just end this craziness .... definitaly keep us updated on how you feel....

    .5 seems like a great place to be... i almost want to try lower...but sticking to the plan ya know...anyways..ya definately let us know....ill go check your thread out to see how you are doing....have a good weekend ..jay

  29. #89
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    @Rose omg congrads on being off! I dunno.why that didn't dawn on me before...i feel kinda dumb ...guess that makes sense i couldn't find your taper thread..

    @alex..i gotta go do comunity service at eleven...so makin this quick.... hope you don't mind but i look up to you and trying to do it the way you did in essence

    you said your not a spring chicken anymore i can't even imagine as i feel the same way yet have no room to complain to you.....

    um you ever have a hernia? I think that's what's goin on in my hip/stomach area....i thought it was a pulled muscle last year but never really went away and I'm feeling it again....i gotta ride my bike 6 miles here in a minute then unload a box truck..then i got another job after that stocking beer off semistoo....it kicks my ass by the end of day


    i have moltrin and epsom salt. for pain and achey joints muscles etc..... does a hernia heal itself or does it take a docter

    just thinking your pretty wise man you might know.... thanks for all your input and advice...well i gotta go...thanks again jay
    Jay sorry but I cant help you out about the hernia as I have never had one myself and don't know anything about them. I see where you are dropping tomorrow to .5 so my best wishes to you on that drop. I know that I have seen people wearing some sort of special belt for hernias so maybe one of those might help you out. Might be a good idea to have a Dr check you out if it keeps bothering you though. Hope you have a good weekend and will talk to you later.

    Alex

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    jayryan is offline Member
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    Ya alex..took .5 today first day of drop.... and ya i think i been having a little anxiety about everyday aches and pains and this pulled groin/ hernia...i haven'tgot it checked out i don't have medical insurance right now

    ill get it figured out...i think i am just more trying to get in the mentality that i don't need suboxone anymore but am realizing thaylt it did mask some pain and my body aches at such low doses...just anxiety and you being a guy figured you possibly had experiencd r with that....

    i was thinking about what infact led to my drug use cause it wasn't like one day i woke up and said i want to be a her oin addict ...

    to those of you that don't know back before my oldest son was born hell has it been ten years already? Damn.... at any rate

    i was working a lot cause i had just moved my girlfrind in with me aand she was pregnant.... we were trucking along as happy as can be till BAM! I get hurt at work.... i was working at two men and a truck 80hours a week at the time making BANK.....
    doctor puts me outta work and on to vicoden....ya it started with vicoden.

    long story short i go back to work after seeing some specialist and wat not and start taking oxycontin that my buddys wife had.... they took care of the pain alrite...

    started sniffinf the oxycontins for.bigger bang for my buck

    anyways started hanging.out with that crowd some.of which are dead or in prison by now BTW ....and found H..the horse....didn't take long before i was shooting it up....


    so ya this has destroyed my life for.ten years just about....

    on a positive note i do feel I've come full circle.with this and am ready to attempt life withought opiates....I'm not in my twenties anymore and feel.old...opiateswill do that...anyways...guess i woke up thinkinh about stuff as i always.do....just these low doses i feel pain and aches again and by golly thats what got me all messed up in the first place


    I'm wondering if meditation or acupuncture may help....or maybe the pains will.go away on they.own....maybe i just need to pray to be healed....I'm concerned and have anxiety about this i didn't think of how i would cope with pain i guess..f

    anyways that's my concern for the day lol

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