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  1. #91
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Ya alex..took .5 today first day of drop.... and ya i think i been having a little anxiety about everyday aches and pains and this pulled groin/ hernia...i haven'tgot it checked out i don't have medical insurance right now

    ill get it figured out...i think i am just more trying to get in the mentality that i don't need suboxone anymore but am realizing thaylt it did mask some pain and my body aches at such low doses...just anxiety and you being a guy figured you possibly had experiencd r with that....

    i was thinking about what infact led to my drug use cause it wasn't like one day i woke up and said i want to be a her oin addict ...

    to those of you that don't know back before my oldest son was born hell has it been ten years already? Damn.... at any rate

    i was working a lot cause i had just moved my girlfrind in with me aand she was pregnant.... we were trucking along as happy as can be till BAM! I get hurt at work.... i was working at two men and a truck 80hours a week at the time making BANK.....
    doctor puts me outta work and on to vicoden....ya it started with vicoden.

    long story short i go back to work after seeing some specialist and wat not and start taking oxycontin that my buddys wife had.... they took care of the pain alrite...

    started sniffinf the oxycontins for.bigger bang for my buck

    anyways started hanging.out with that crowd some.of which are dead or in prison by now BTW ....and found H..the horse....didn't take long before i was shooting it up....


    so ya this has destroyed my life for.ten years just about....

    on a positive note i do feel I've come full circle.with this and am ready to attempt life withought opiates....I'm not in my twenties anymore and feel.old...opiateswill do that...anyways...guess i woke up thinkinh about stuff as i always.do....just these low doses i feel pain and aches again and by golly thats what got me all messed up in the first place


    I'm wondering if meditation or acupuncture may help....or maybe the pains will.go away on they.own....maybe i just need to pray to be healed....I'm concerned and have anxiety about this i didn't think of how i would cope with pain i guess..f

    anyways that's my concern for the day lol

  2. #92
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Ps

    My current pain meds are ibuprofen which i can't find by the way...i have a script for the 800s i wonder if i should get that filled....

    also soak in epsom salt
    and have dpla for when i jump


    any other suggestions for good supplements/practices for pain managment...

    not trying to sound like a wus here....but its a key trigger for my addiction as i have just attempted to explain

  3. #93
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    Hey Jay,

    It could just be because your body isn't yet producing enough endorphins and things of its own to mask that pain. I would get the ibuprofen 800's it would help a lot. I had really bad joint aches and pains weaning. It happens. There is a good chance once your body fully adjusts and starts making its own "pain blockers" you will adjust and not feel as achy. You gotta think for 10 years you were giving your body artificial pain blockers, so now its gotta do that on its own. You should adjust pretty fast. Your not that old that you'd be achy forever I felt the SAME way trust me. I was asking 70 year old women at CVS whats the best pain relieving cream...also they could've ran circles around me at the time. So just keep that in mind your body is adjusting it makes you feel old and weak and achy. That will pass! I feel way better now then I did during the wean which you'd think I'd feel worse with nothing in my system but my body just adjusted is all. You'll see. Potassium def is a must for the achy muscles...it helps. I'd def get that prescription filled for the ibuprofen and you can take it simultaneously with Tylenol. They are two different classes of drugs that can be taken together. (Just don't mix Ibuprofen with any other pain relievers...its an NSAID and you can overdose mixing other NSAID) But tylenol and Ibuprofen together are safe. You take the ibuprofen wait 2 hours and take the tylenol. (ibuprofen last 6 hours....tylenol 4 hrs) Keep doing that as needed. I took aleve religiously but any NSAID would do. Esp prescription strength that should take your pain away pretty well. Just remember it will pass! It sucks I know. Just get out of your own head your stuck like that forever, it just gets you down. Your too young for that...drug abuse or not. Just your body adjusting!

  4. #94
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Jay since your at .5 right now the taper plan says go to .375 but I see you mentioned .4 and that is what I was going to suggest. With the 8 mg strips you could cut them into four 2 mg pieces. Take one of them and try to cut 5 equal pieces with it. You could take the strip and fold it in half and just cut it a little beyond the half way mark and that would give you a .8 piece and a 1.2 piece. I know what a pain it is trying to do that and you probably wont get 5 equal pieces but over a 5 day period it would all equal out. I was glad I had a lot of extra strips stashed when I weaned off because I butchered a few up lol. Like gettingoverwith said your body is adjusting. be sure your keeping well hydrated and get extra potassium in your body. Talk with you later.

    Alex
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  5. #95
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Hey everyone

    forgive me i haven't read any responses...I'm feeling a little rouf today just a quick update

    today is day 2 .5 ... i swear these drops kick me in the ass right away...i think i metablolize this stuff on the fast side (half life 20 hrs) I'm more on that end

    anyways don't really feel like bein social.. been emotional at these lower doses ..don't know how to deal with that

    just woke up feelin rouf stomach cramps restless legs itchy crawly ya know...its all back...

    positive note: made it to .5 and i did it this time withought benzos..
    haven't even taken one not even half of one....so should be able to stableize here in a few days

    i hope you all are doing well and have a good day ill back on here when i feel a little better..jay

  6. #96
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    Hey Jay, sorry to hear its hitting you hard today. The emotional stuff is the worse I know...it def doesn't help with trying to stay positive. Your clonidine should be coming soon right? I read that helps with all the things you mention your feeling, at least taking care of the physical symptoms would alleviate some of the negative emotions right now. You will stabilize soon and feel much better when you do. Could be you just dropped a little too soon. Hope you feel better soon though, take it easy.

  7. #97
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Hey ther..gettin it over with how you doing today! Ill come check your thread out in a little bit


    ya i have my clonidine got it about a month ago but ya it takes a few weeks to get here...

    anyway ya been kinda a emotional rollercoaster ...you can probably tell by my posts...
    anyway i was able to pull myself out of the funk from this morning abd yesterday....

    its like one min I'm happy as can be and the next deep depression....guess with the suboxone wearing off these emotions I'm not used too


    anyway broke out the big guns after breakfast

    took with a banana and bowl of rasin bran the following


    2 mg lopermide
    .5 mg clonidine
    250 mg taurine
    250 mg choline
    12 Mg noopept
    100 mg adrenifil
    3 cups coffee
    hot shower


    currently sitting outside in the sun its 70 degrees out

    feel almost good actually..looking forward to my next drop... this is completely managable altho uncomfortable at times

    gonna try to enjoy the day and maybe even excersize if i can motivate myself..

    anyways.. thanks for asking at any rate...hope your having a good day and all.is well...jay

  8. #98
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Ps did NOT take the benzos altho it crossed my mind...been keeping them in safe and ther they will stay...(for now)...I'm haven't been able to flush them cause i keep thinking when i jump i won't be able to sleep.....

    But i suppose i will only take one ir half if one if I'm absolutely desperate and can't sleep for days... i know that i shouldn't just being honest about my current state of mind neway still benzo free at least. jay

  9. #99
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    Lol...its def the withdrawals talking Jay. With the emotions. My poor husband...one min I was crying, the next I was laughing. Depressed in the morning and then overly syked by noon for the taper. LOL Its def a roller coaster to say the least. I'd forewarn your wife for her own sake lol. And damn 3 cups of coffee!!!! LOL You weren't playing around today. I always forget about good old coffee. I used to be so addicted, but I loved it. With the french vanilla creamer... Delicious. Mornings were the worst during my taper. I really believe all the vitamins help though, because before they kicked in I always felt worse early in the morning. Glad to hear your feeling better though! I'm doing ok today I woke up feeling a little draggy and more tired. Day 4 since my last dose I guess its to be expected but all the other symptoms are g-o-n-e. Thank jesus. Whew, the cold/hot flashes were the worst. I'm hanging in there though. The taurine kicked in and def feel better. Anyways I'm off to get some stuff done around here, enjoy your sunday!

  10. #100
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Jay: you will find yourself laughing, crying, moody: that's a good thing!!!! It means you are getting BETTER. Good lord, I found myself a basket case at inappropriate times and then laughing my head off! Remember: life on life's terms. It's kinda scary when you've been dulling your emotions for so many years, though.
    Enjoy the day!

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  11. #101
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    Super moody Rose....lol. My mood is just finally starting to settle. My famous words to my husband is "Do you want to get punched in the face today?" LOL He would just say Wow your emotional lol...but I forewarned him so he knew why. Songs were the WORST omg. I'd have to change the song or I'd find myself crying down the highway wiping away tears before I had to drop my kids off at school LOL. I agree with Rose though it means your breaking through the fog! Getting to feel again! Which can be exciting also. I have a distinct memory of being out with the family doped up on Suboxone and just NOT laughing the entire night. I felt like a zombie. I laugh at EVERYthing. I laugh at the stupidest things usually. It is good to laugh again and not be numb. I bet you'll be happier then you've been in a long time once you get through this "funk".

  12. #102
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @gettin it over with...so you on day 4 no sub at all? You sound like your doing relatively well... that's awesome!'! Keep up the positive outlook...
    @rose...thanks for reminding me this is normal...the emotions

    Definately takes determination to do this...
    Ya i been irritable lethargic lazy etc think i just need rest...
    I am gonna try to make this 8mg film my last...been thinking all day how to cut it up

    my next drop is gonna be in a few days to .4 then .3 and so on so i can be done soon


    I'm convinced this little bit isn't doing much for me anyway...

    my leg is annoying the hell out of me its a dull aching radiating pain from my hip to my heael...hurts worse when i walk or bend over...this is by far my worst symptom and has me pretty depressed... i just hope it goes away soon or imma call.into.work t

  13. #103
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Anyway how hard is it to go from .5 to say .125?...i think imma try to do that over the next week or two..think that's a good idea...I'm just sick of the rollercoaster and ready to start healing thanks jay

    ps...as soon as i feel a bit better ill check out your threads to see how everyone doing...i haven't even left my house today except for back yard...trying to give my brain and body rest...

    I did feel better after those morning supplements....but its still no magic cure ya know...now I'm just trying to decide what to do for sleep...sharks fan suggested reading a book which i mite do after i type this

    but today a supplement day still couldn't find my ibuprofen and scared to take asprin if you can beleive that cause its toxic to liver


    thinking about taking the other half of a clonidine and a melatonine actually gonna take a few cause the 1mg each

    ill report back tomorroo and hopefully wake up on other side of bed...i really think i just need rest....

    have a good nite everyone Jay

  14. #104
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    Anyway how hard is it to go from .5 to say .125?...i think imma try to do that over the next week or two..think that's a good idea...I'm just sick of the rollercoaster and ready to start healing thanks jay

    ps...as soon as i feel a bit better ill check out your threads to see how everyone doing...i haven't even left my house today except for back yard...trying to give my brain and body rest...

    I did feel better after those morning supplements....but its still no magic cure ya know...now I'm just trying to decide what to do for sleep...sharks fan suggested reading a book which i mite do after i type this

    but today a supplement day still couldn't find my ibuprofen and scared to take asprin if you can beleive that cause its toxic to liver


    thinking about taking the other half of a clonidine and a melatonine actually gonna take a few cause the 1mg each

    ill report back tomorroo and hopefully wake up on other side of bed...i really think i just need rest....

    have a good nite everyone Jay
    Jay,

    I know you're getting restless and want the taper to be over. However, I seriously advise you not to go from .5 mg to .125 mg. That's a huge reduction and you will absolutely feel it. Now is the time to be patient and follow the taper plan. You may think that .5 mg isn't doing anything, but trust me, it is. I've seen other members here get frustrated at the end and try to speed up the process by reducing too much ...and they almost always end up going back up to the dose they were at. The plan works. You have to trust it.

    I can relate to the emotional stuff. That's part of the process too. I know it's difficult. Hang in there, follow the taper plan, and you'll do just fine.

    Kat
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  15. #105
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    Anyway how hard is it to go from .5 to say .125?...i think imma try to do that over the next week or two..think that's a good idea...I'm just sick of the rollercoaster and ready to start healing thanks jay

    ps...as soon as i feel a bit better ill check out your threads to see how everyone doing...i haven't even left my house today except for back yard...trying to give my brain and body rest...

    I did feel better after those morning supplements....but its still no magic cure ya know...now I'm just trying to decide what to do for sleep...sharks fan suggested reading a book which i mite do after i type this

    but today a supplement day still couldn't find my ibuprofen and scared to take asprin if you can beleive that cause its toxic to liver


    thinking about taking the other half of a clonidine and a melatonine actually gonna take a few cause the 1mg each

    ill report back tomorroo and hopefully wake up on other side of bed...i really think i just need rest....

    have a good nite everyone Jay
    Jay it wont hurt you to take a couple of asprin for 1 day. Its acectaminophen that is hard on the liver and even taking that for 1 day is not going to be toxic to your liver. You mentioned going from .5 to .125 and I would not try that in one drop. I know you want to get this taper over with and that is very common. I have read a lot of threads of people dropping to fast at the end of there taper or jumping to soon and it backfires on them and they end up having to go back on subs or they start using again. The object of tapering to a low amount is so that when you do jump you land as softly as possible. .I think you should consider at least going down to .25 before you start skipping days and see how it goes from there. Hope you can get some good sleep tonight and will talk with you later.

    Alex

  16. #106
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Thanks for replying alex...and i agree about not dropping too fast...

    my plan is to cut up this 8mg strip into 4 2mg strips.... then i will have 2mg strips to work with (small tho)

    First 2mg strip ill cut five times which will make .4 mg doses

    next 2mg strip cut six times making aprox .3 mg doses


    and so on.... your rite tho i really just want to quit NOW....

    anyways i woke up at four am and no sleeping after that...been going thru old threads on here that the famous robert posted on....he was advising someone who was trying to skip ther .125 dose everyother day and kept caving in...who also was taking valium for withdrawals...robert suggested that she should take a little more valium instead of the subs...

    so now I'm confused as i thought benzos were a no no.... i still haven't taken any and still respect everyone's advice here
    ..just i am on the internet afterall and you guys are my main source of support for this particular aspect of my life...i simply cannot find this type of help even from the profesionalls in my life right now
    Btw about asprin..i am an alchoholic too i don't drink like i used too but scared ever since i learned alchohol plus asprin can be toxic

    anyway i made it thru withought any painkiller or benzo or even an asprin

    what finally worked is elevating my leg...it was that simple...even tho. still the restless legs but that's minor discomfort comparably...

    Today will be day three at .5 gonna wait a few more hours tho to take it...

    Jay

  17. #107
    jayryan is offline Member
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    @Kat

    ya imma try to stick to the plan...i remeber last year when i jumped from two mg and lasted 16days... all it proved is that i do have some motivation....but it was way too high a dose

    i honestly do want to do this correctly
    been on subs four years and other opiates more then twice as long

    its hopefully just the end of a long road....so wats a few more weeks i guess of tapering...
    i just gotta trust the process i guess....

    cause the stubborn part of me actually doesn't even want to take todays dose...and just go for it lol


    anyway..Ill try to take my time...just feels like a rollercoaster
    btw how are you doing with your drop?..
    i haven't checked anyone else's thread today as i don't feel i would be of much help.
    but am wondering how everyone is... well i think i may take today off work so i may be back in later

    hope everyone has an awesome week
    ..jay

  18. #108
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Okay so i know I'm posting a lot in here but i gotta get this off my chest:
    A few posts back i was mentioning how i was having a problem with AA and what not...so i finally worked up the nerve to bring up my issues with one of the guys (my supposed sponser sorta) and tell him i had a problem when identifying actual clean time and what constitutes relapse..comfort meds and what not..hell caffeine and smoking is abundant at those meetings and are drugs as well

    long story short i have half a year clean off my drug of choice and have no plans of future relapse....i still struggle with alchohol some but not as much as you would think

    anyways i called him so i can be honest and clear up any misunderstandings and perhaps admit i was wrong....come to find out.....this guy ended up smoking some crack rocks with some chick and hes in his fifties...
    ..I'm thinking in my head what on gods earth are you even doing hanging out with someone like that? For a peice iof ass or what!?!
    Anyways i just find it astonishing the level of guilt i had about second guessing the group but come to find out my instincts were spot on....
    I'm sure some of the guys ther are ok but i personally do not want to base my recovery on the advice of currently using addicts....
    I'm just frustrated with the whole thing.....I'm gonna try to give AA and the guys up ther a clean slate and forgivness..cause i have relapsed too in my days.....
    just frustrated...i normally try to distance myself from people like that but don't want to use it as an excuse to stop attending altogether

    honestly i don't know how i feel about this situation
    just wanted to get it off my chest.... i no longer consider him my sorta sponser...and don't think i have the strength to help him ya know?
    or am i being selfish?

    i just thought i would get everything all straitened out with the guys ayt my home AA group...they haven't given up on me but i feel like I'm giving up on them?

    I dunno...i gotta give this some more thought..
    confused...Jay

  19. #109
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Just so ther no confusion about what I'm saying last week i had plans to go to a meeting with him....he never came thru...said he fell asleep or some bs....he finally admitted just last week to smoking crack cocaine rocks instead of our plans to go to a meeting.... see my point? I dunno i ll stop posting about it just need to cool off....actually a bit ticked off about it...i mean this guy is super preachy to me about what i need to do and what I'm doing wrong...the audacity ya know....arite imma take a shower..I'm floored..asorry i didn't know where to go with these feelings...jay

    Edit..god I'm so upset i can't spit it out correctly...he just admitted all this TODAY...just a bit ago...this is aall about a what happened last week....but just now finding out the truth...ok i swear I'm done ..
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-14-2014 at 09:01 AM.

  20. #110
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Ok, well that one was a doozy. Unfortunately, sometimes the people we turn to for help have slip ups. I can understand your frustration since this guy was supposed to be your sponsor. I'd feel a little discouraged, too.

    Don't give up on AA because of this guy's actions. I can only assume there are other, more responsible members there who can sponsor you. Ask around. Try to find someone with some solid clean time - at least a few years. I noticed that you posted about this on Ruth's thread. I know she'll come through with some sound advice.

    Kat

  21. #111
    auburn girl is offline Member
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    Hello, Jay. I am just on a quick break at work and wanted to check on you. I see your at day 3 .5? I hope it's getting easier? I am on day 4. It has been fine besides the lack of sleep. I didn't sleep hardly any the first 2 nights. Last night I took a trazadone and it helped. How do you feel? Did you end up going to work or calling in? I only have time to skim all the responses/threads right now so if you already mentioned it I apologize. Also, I know how you feel about wanting this to be over. That's why it's good for me to read here...we are in the same boat and I needed to hear Alex's and Kat's advice about sticking to the plan and not rushing it. Anyway, day 4 and I think I may give it another day to see if my sleep is better under control before I drop again. I haven't decided yet.

    As for your group/NA meetings....In my town there are lots of different groups. Maybe you could find a different group to attend?

    Ok back to work. I will have to catch up with everyone else later. Y'all have a good day.

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    Hey, I thought I posted yesterday but I guess it didn't go through. About your sponsor...Brutal! Thats definately gotta be a blow right now. Someone your supposed to look to for guidance to be help you stay clean. He def jumped off the deep end with that. Can you talk to someone about finding a new sponsor and maybe just keep this guy on the side burner and befriend him. Maybe you guys can encourage each other. Seems your doing better then he is right now though, he probably needs you more then you need him. I couldn't help but laugh when you said he is super "preachy". I noticed something a lot time ago....usually the super super religious. I mean eat sleep and breathe religion, and try to jam a bible down your throat "the righteous" I like to call them. (And I can say that cause my grandpa is a preacher! lol So I'm not just poking fun being a hater) But usually I can tell when they are a past addict. Addicts go hard or go home in everything they do...that includes religion sometimes too. I saw a bumper sticker that said "God asks that we eat from the fruit of the tree of religion, not turn into a religious nut." Don't give up on your program though, they are all only human. Usually volunteer also just trying to do right out of the goodness of their heart. I'm sure he was really ashamed and it probably took a lot to confess that to you. I know its only natural to kind of lose that respect as someone you look up to though. Obviously he hasn't gotten it all figured out yet himself and is still very well in active addiction. Don't let it discourage you though from seeking that support. I'm sure you'll find another sponser, voice your concerns with someone and don't let it go until you do. I know this preacher from a nearby church used to be hooked on meth for years and turned his life around, so not everyone is struggling as hard. You get out what you put in I guess. Your sponsor made a big mistake putting himself around that girl, that was his downfall. I feel you though, thats frustrating. Don't lose hope though. Look for the success stories you will find them!

    Just to clarify? What day on you on in your wean? Day 4 at .5? Just trying to keep track to help you out. I second the sticking the 25% drops. I know your getting impatient. You don't know HOW many day I was like F-u-c-k this Im' jumping!!!! Luckily I'd chicken out an hour later and think Nm...I'll just stick to the wean LOL. It gets frustrating, (that's why they say the mental part is the hardest).
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-15-2014 at 12:12 PM.
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  23. #113
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    I can't speak english today also-don't mind me lol.
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  24. #114
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    Good One-

    "Struggles comes in waves, just like the ocean. They come over us and sometimes almost smother us, they might knock us down and even though it might be rough, we are stronger. They come over us, but they eventually always pass and we still get back up."
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  25. #115
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Thanks for the quote gettin it

    i swore i wasn't even gonna post on my thread today...feel like i been a *Hot mess* as my girlfriends mother used to call me..lately

    i dunno everyone can feel free to ignore my ramblings when i go off on my emotional tangants...

    I'm supposed to be a strong man...not a crying wuss ya know

    anyway yall are more then generous with your patience...advice and encouragment and i just want to say thankyou! Jay

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    HAHA. That made me laugh. I called myself a hot mess all through this taper. Not just a mess.....but a "HOT mess." Hot heartburny chest on fire mess..lol. Were all a little nuts right now so its cool. LOL We can all be crazy together. You can always tell when the tapering is making time tick too slow when we go on posting sprees...better to post though then take another dose though. Literally check through peoples threads who weaned off, you can see the posting turn from little check ins to stories LOL. Posting helps though thats what this forum is for. If people don't want to read how you feel weaning off suboxone perhaps they clicked the wrong link . They opened a can of worms if they wanna read the prescription abuse links period so thats they're problem not ours. Just remember the emotionalness starts to get better and better. "The mental part is the hardest". Just know its not you and your not imagining things, just the suboxone weaning process. You'll start to enjoy feeling things again though real soon. You won't just be sad, depressed you will start to feel excited, happy, extactic, syked, stoked, proud, relieved, accomplished...all the GOOD emotions come with the bad too. Remember you can't pick and choose what emotions you dumb. So numbing emotions isn't always a good thing. Gotta take the bad but you also get the good. You'll start to see what I mean. "Coming out the fog"...you just feel better and better.
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  27. #117
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Lol...its like you read my mind... it is like coming out of a fog...i was just thinking about my emotions...thing is i wasn't in touch with them.for so long...they kinda overwelming...

    was just thinking in the past 24 Hours or so i been happy, sad, guilty, irritable, angry, scared, manic and now i feel content.... its something I'm not used to ya know.....and ya i post here to get it out.....

    anyways I'm realizing that a lot of this is mental....up until now i only prepared for the physical withdrawals...

    didn't realize i would tear up watching a telivision show...or get goose bumps walking in a dark room...or get excited to talk to someone....just things like that....


    anyways i just gotta be a little stronger..and when i get a certian emotion i need to just kinda say to myself..hmmm now isn't that interesting...

    the serinity prayer pops into mind too....

    at anyrate i think I'm getting a handle on them..
    i was just taken aback by how intensly they flow and cycle...it truly is something I'm not used to experiencing... suboxone nuMbs a person


    at any rate...I'm ready to drop.my dosage again soon....

    i have two .5 mg slivers left.... my next drop I'm going to .4


    figure ill take .5 tomorro. Then
    .4 Thursday
    then .5 Friday
    Then .4 for the rest of the weekend till i drop dosage again

    its kinda different strategy but wed and fri are my two busiest days and the other days not so much

    figure i started this thread almost a month ago and was at .8 then.... its been sorta a roller coaster but I am aiming to be at half the dose i started here with within that month

    i think that's a solid goal and that way my second month here maybe will be a little smother sailing

    or not lol....


    Quitting opiates ain't easy
    anyways that's my plan

    jay

  28. #118
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    Don't feel bad my husband would make me cry at the drop of a hat. LOL I'd be laughing and burst into tears. It was strange sometimes. I think not only does Suboxone numb your emotions, but Suboxone withdrawal causes a roller coaster of mood swings.. so going from no emotions to the extremes. Its kind of shocking. Anyone remember that R Kelly song? "The storm is Over Nowwww!!! I can feel heaven, somewhere behind the clouds.." I felt like that song LOL. With the mania. Just like "halleluyah free at last!" It is kind of refreshing though the lower doses you go..the more you feel awakened almost and start feeling more and more happy and less bummed about the process. Esp since you'll feel more accomplished, you'll just feel happier in general. Hopefully the negative lessens and the positives start creeping in more and more! Just keep looking for the good in the situation. "Your feeling but your healing!" Oh and the once a pickle you'll never be a cucumber again...doesn't mean you'll be sour or your changed forever in a bad way. It means once you've been through something your not gonna be the same person you were before. Some people are hoping to be who they were before addiction but we wont be. Events in life change us. BUT doesn't mean you can't be a better person. Stronger, wiser, more able person and learn from mistakes. That's all that meant. No longer niave, no longer "green" and immature. Now were pickled LOL. But in a good way.

  29. #119
    alexnt is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jayryan View Post
    Thanks for the quote gettin it

    i swore i wasn't even gonna post on my thread today...feel like i been a *Hot mess* as my girlfriends mother used to call me..lately

    i dunno everyone can feel free to ignore my ramblings when i go off on my emotional tangants...

    I'm supposed to be a strong man...not a crying wuss ya know

    anyway yall are more then generous with your patience...advice and encouragment and i just want to say thankyou! Jay
    Jay this is your thread so if you feel the need to ramble then I suggest you ramble away. When we drug and drink for years we numb our emotions somewhat. A taper often results in a mental and emotional roller coaster. A sub taper when done correctly usually takes most of or all of the physical WD so I guess the saying getting clean or sober was easy it was staying clean that is hard. That is where 12 step programs or therapy, forums, counceling etc come into play. You just started posting here a little over 3 weeks ago and you were at .8 and are close to being at .4 after over 3 years of sub use so you are doing fine taper wise. I read your post about the guy who was sort of your sponsor in AA and the situation with him but don't let that incident sour you on AA. My first AA sponsor was clean for 12 years and relapsed so it happens. I see where you posted to Ruth about it and she replied back to you so I guess I really did not need to point it out to you but just thought I would. I see where you and Auburn girl are both at the same doseage and talking with each other and that is great. When I got near the end of my taper there were a couple members here who were at about the same point I was and it was helpful to share with them. Be patient stay focused keep posting and before you know it the finish line will be right in front of you.

    Alex
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

  30. #120
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Jay...

    Just wanted to pop in and see how you're doing. You're doing really good with your taper and you should be proud for pushing through. I saw where you posted about some people you know who are still popping high doses of subs. Too bad you can't convince them to taper. Oh well, can't help everybody.

    I was walking my son today in his stroller. It was such a beatiful day here in So Cal. I was looking around at all the trees and flowers...all the pretty scenery...and I realized that not only have I been in a fog for years, but my vision has been almost blurry too. I had the feeling that I couldn't really "see" all the beautiful things around me...as if it was all just a bit out of focus. (and no, I don't need glasses!..lol) I'm probably describing it wrong, I can't really find the right words..I just felt like what I was seeing wasn't 100% clear..if that makes any sense.

    I'm so looking forward to getting my life back and not being weighed down by the chains of addiction. I often wonder what I'll accomplish in the future once I'm clean. There are so many things I've put off over the years because I was too busy popping pills and scared to pursue my dreams. I want to get my master's degree. I want to start singing again, which is something I used to do before pills. I want to possibly have another baby. I want to get in touch with spirituality. So many things...

    Now I'm rambling and probably boring you to tears. Anyway, hope you're feeling well tonight. Sleep well.
    Kat

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